Elena sat in the inn that evening after dinner, soberly drinking an ale. Visions of Reginald's missing face came to mind as she recalled the healers rushing him out of the arena. The world felt like it was collapsing inward, a vortex of guilt and horror swirling in her mind. Unable to shake the image of a nearly lifeless Reginald, her brain showed her a view of the blood pooling around the body as the ground grew stained with crimson. She looked down at her clothes and saw a bloody handprint that was missing a middle finger.
Elena was nursing her third drink when Lehara sat down next to her. Lehara had a drink in her hand too, and set a second one down in front of Elena.
"Heya Luv. Ya looked like you could use one." Elena didn't feel like talking, so she just took a swig from her growing collection of mugs. She finished it and then set it down. Lehara continued talking for her. "Well, look luv. I'm just going to sit here and drink my mug. I hate drinking alone, but don't mind drinking in silence. So if you wanna tell me about your day, I'll be more than happy to listen. If not..." She took a swig and then was content in saying nothing more.
The thoughts of the day raced through Elena's head. Almost getting expelled. Using her powers to the point of exhaustion. That arrogant asshole Reggie tried to force himself on her, and so she had to fight for her life in a brutal arena battle. She got horribly injured and had to resort to some extreme violence just to survive. And what she did to that poor kid wasn't something people could easily survive. And even though she won, her classmates now viewed her as a monster. And they were right. She was a monster.
Elena heard the breaking of glass and when she opened her eyes to look at Lehara and what she did, Lehara was looking at her with a massively worried expression. She nodded to Elena's mug and Elena saw the handle had shattered in her hand, and her blood was pooling on the table.
But who cared, there were worse things and after today, Elena felt she deserved it. She closed her eyes and saw a flashback of his face. She remembered wailing on his body for a good 30 seconds. It was funny how time warped for the people experiencing it. From what she remembered it was just a few punches made in anger. From his perspective it was likely a lifetime of suffering and then nothingness. She'd be surprised if the healers could bring him back if he could even talk or eat again. Magic could only do so much, right? Elena grabbed her new mug by the glass itself and took another swig. Part of her knew she was going to sleep tonight and have horrible nightmares. Part of her hoped that if she drank enough her new body would just pass out and she would be awoken tomorrow morning.
But try as she might, Elena could barely muster the energy or emotion to bother drinking anymore. She sat there and closed her eyes, and pictured over and over the day. Being disemboweled. Beating the boy to a bloody pulp. The look on his face when he casually threatened to have his way with her and pass her off to his friends like a god damned sex toy. And after a few lucky breaks in her favor she beat the kid nearly to death. God, what if she killed him? She beat him so thoroughly, she completely decimated one hand and destroyed the other. At one point she was punching him with the bony stump that was once a hand. She had even bitten his nose off. And if he had died? She was probably wanted and would be dead by tomorrow night.
Elena felt a warm wetness down her cheek. She sniffled and wiped it away, still not opening her eyes. She kept them closed and just listened to the sound of the tavern. It felt like the whole world was getting away from her. But the sounds of her new home were something she could control. She knew it was stupid, but she figured it was something.
As Elena sat there, eyes closed, her mind raced with conflicting thoughts. What have I become? she wondered. This isn't who I was back home. I came here to be a hero, to save people, not to brutalize them. But that bastard Reginald... he would have done worse to me if I hadn't fought back. Does that justify what I did? Am I really a monster, or am I just doing what I need to survive in this harsh world? God, I wish I could talk to my family, ask them what they'd think of me now. Would they even recognize me? Elena's stomach churned with a mixture of guilt, fear, and a tiny spark of pride that she had survived against the odds. She hated that part of herself that felt satisfaction in her victory, but she couldn't deny its existence.
When Elena opened her eyes again, she noticed that most of the folks there had left and others had taken their place. But Lehara was still there. She was drinking from her second mug, the first one in front of her empty. A new one was in front of Elena, full of ale again.
"Hey luv. I don't know what you're going through but you're a strong woman and-" Lehara said softly, her voice like a whisper in the storm.
But those words - those damned words - they snapped something inside Elena. They were too gentile. Too kind. Those were words for a woman who deserved kindness, but she wasn't a woman. She was a monster.
"You don't know?" Her voice was sharp, cutting through the air like a blade. Lehara seemed a bit taken aback and placed a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. "It's ok Elena, you-"
"Don't touch me," Elena said, more coldly than Lehara deserved. Hell, her tail knew better and that asshole loved nothing more than making fun of her. It slapped Lehara's hand away and then wrapped itself against Elena again. She looked away to see Agatha there sitting at the table too. Not sure when she arrived, but this table was now more crowded than Elena wanted it to be. So she got up and went to another table.
Apparently the two women didn't get the hint and followed her. "Just leave me alone," Elena pleaded. Lehara just sat down in silence again, and Agatha joined her. Elena attempted to move again and no sooner had she sat down than they joined her. Once again in complete silence. Lehara went through the motions of drinking, but didn't actually drink any from her cup. Elena pulled her feet onto the bench and hugged her knees. She put her forehead on her knees and just sat there.
If they wanted to sit there and be annoying, fine. Lehara owned the bar and she was friends with the owner. Let them sit where they wanted. Elena closed her eyes again and felt the thuds each time her fists collided with Reginald's head. It felt like every impact reverberated in her very body.
Elena looked up and saw Marcus there. Each of his footsteps echoed in her mind, in time with the sickening thuds of her fists pounding into Reginald’s face. The brutality of it all came rushing back, the way her knuckles shattered his nose, the feel of his skull fracturing beneath her relentless assault. She had hit him again and again, her hands slick with blood—his blood—and she couldn’t stop.
The impacts reverberated through her body, even now, as if her muscles remembered the violence they had inflicted. God, even the big behemoth walking reminded her of what a terrible monster she was. Here she was, foolishly hoping to save people, but instead, she had probably killed a boy because of what? Because he annoyed her? Because he threatened her? She had fought back with everything she had, and in the process, she had become the very thing she feared—a monster. Was this who she was, or what she was becoming? Was Athena right? Would she even want her family to see who she’d become—a half-demon?
Elena heard Marcus, his deep voice cutting through the air like a hot knife through butter, interrupting her thoughts. "She doesn't look ok. Is this the first person she's killed?"
Elena felt her heart skip a beat. That did it. He confirmed she was a murderer. She made the decision to take a life and followed through. She couldn't look those people in the eye anymore. She'd let down her family, her friends back home, and she was certain these people would never be able to look at her the same way again. She'd serve the rest of her days in a small cell, but on the bright side, it wouldn't be very long. Some noble family would make her disappear.
A bell rung at the door as someone new came in. Elena looked up at Marcus, and she couldn't hold back tears anymore. She turned to Lehara. "I'm sorry. You did so much for me and I just spat in it."
Lehara came and sat down on Elena's side of the bench. She put her arms around her and pulled her in for a hug. She rubbed Elena's back with one hand and pat her with the other. "Shhhhh. It's alright luv. You don't have to say anything."
Elena couldn't hold it in anymore, and felt herself shake. Agatha excused herself and went to the counter to help the customer up front. Elena saw the guy turn around and he made eye contact with her. He turned a bit pale and then looked at Agatha. He started pointed Elena’s way and looked through the haze of tears to be warning Agatha how she was housing a murderer. He was probably telling her to play it cool and he’d go tell the police where the girl who murdered a fellow student was hiding.
‘No, no no no no no no no.’ Elena thought Now she’s gonna to hear from some other guy how terrible I am and they’re never going to look at me again.’ Her brain worked in overdrive as visions of her being thrown in a jail and never seeing the light of day alive flashed through her brain. ‘This kid was going to ruin what little life I managed to scrape together.’ And then another horrifying realization hit her. She was just as worried he was going to ruin her life than she was about killing a boy. Elena looked up at Agatha who made eye contact with her and then she shook her head yes to let her know what she was hearing was correct. She looked at Lehara, afraid to move.
"I'm sorry. I killed a poor kid today. I don't even know why I did it," Elena said. As she spoke the words started coming faster and faster, and she barely stopped long enough to breathe. "Him and his friends were talking about me and lusting after me, and he threatened to do things to me. And when it came for us to practice on each other he... He hurt me really badly. And I was so mad and I hit him and kept hitting him. And then when that wasn't enough he threatened to use me for his own personal pleasure and have me collared. And by the time I was done with him the healers had to get to him and they didn't get there in time."
Lehara froze, her hand still resting gently on Elena's back. The word collared echoed in her mind, a cold, hard knot forming in her chest. The casual way Elena mentioned it, as if it were just another detail, made Lehara’s stomach churn with a mix of shock and fury. She bit her lip to keep from gasping, her eyes briefly widening before she forced herself to maintain her composure. The image of what could have happened to Elena flashed through her mind, filling her with a deep, protective anger. But she couldn’t let Elena see that—not now. Not when her friend was already so fragile.
Elena gasped for air, but she had so much more to say. "And I'm a terrible person because I felt good about doing it. I'm such a disgrace I don't even think I'll ever regret it. And I'm just a god damned demon. I don't deserve to be here. I know I'll go to jail and probably be killed. but... but"
Elena couldn't see straight anymore. Lehara just looked at her and rubbed her back. Elena couldn't really see Marcus. She knew that one of the other guys joined them, probably not Thomas considering he wasn't making fun of her. "But now Agatha is hearing all about it and she probably thinks I'm lower than dogshit." Elena sniffled.
Elena wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, her voice trembling with regret. "I should just get out of here... leave before I do any more damage. God, I can't believe what I did. What kind of person... what kind of monster does that to someone? I hurt him so badly, and the worst part is... I don't even know if I regret my actions or forgive myself." Her voice cracked as she stared down at the table, shame and guilt weighing heavily on her.
She swallowed hard, her voice thick with bitterness. "I came here to help people, to be a hero... and instead, I nearly killed a kid because I couldn’t control myself. I don’t belong here, not with people who trust me. Maybe if I just disappear, they’ll be better off. And maybe... maybe I won’t have the chance to mess up again. Maybe that’s the only good thing I can do now."
Lehara just pulled Elena in for a big hug again. It hurt. She was strong. Elena half expected her to call her a demon and then just crush her to death. It would have been what she deserved. But she didn't. She held Elena for a minute and when she stopped she gently wiped away the tears from Elena's face. New ones replaced them, but she wiped those away too.
"Bright eyes, sometimes I forget that this isn't your world," Lehara whispered, her voice soothing as she gently pulled Elena into another hug. She rubbed Elena's back in slow, comforting circles, her words soft but firm. "Shhhhh, it’s going to be okay. I know you’re scared, and I know you’re hurting. But trust me, luv, you’re not a monster. You’re not some demon that needs to run away to protect others. You’re a good person—one who regrets what she’s done, and that regret shows just how much you care. We can make things right together. I promise you, with everything I’ve got, that you’re not alone in this. We’re not going to leave you, and we’re not going to let you lose yourself. We’ll help you find your way back."
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
Elena looked at her, and she didn't see how that was possible. "But what if I am?" she whispered, her voice trembling. "What if I'm becoming something terrible?"
Lehara cupped Elena's face gently, her eyes filled with warmth and understanding. "Oh, luv. You're not terrible. You're a strong, brave girl who's been through more than most could handle. And you're still standing. That's something to be proud of."
Elena felt a warmth spread through her chest at Lehara's words. The comfort of her friend's reassurance washed over her, easing some of the tension that had been coiled tight within her. She leaned into Lehara's touch, drawing strength from the connection.
"Luv, I can't imagine what it must be like. I take it you've never killed anyone before?" Lehara asked, her voice gentle.
Elena shook her head no, grateful for Lehara's presence and understanding.
"Trust me luv. You're fine. People die for a lot less. If you hadn't defended yourself you'd be dead, or worse you'd be alive and wishing you were dead." Lehara put her hand on Elena's cheek and gently rubbed hers with her thumb, occasionally wiping away another tear.
"You're our friend. Nobody is going to think less of you. If anyone did, they're not worth your time and I wouldn't want them near me. If anything, we all think you're incredibly strong." Elena vaguely heard murmurs of agreement from the guys. "You stood up for yourself and did what it took to stop the bad guys."
It surprised Elena to hear Thomas next to her and feel his hand on her shoulder. "Trust me, there are some terrible people out there. You did good kid."
Agatha hurried back and Lehara looked at her. Elena was still a mess. A slowly recovering mess, but a mess nonetheless. It felt good knowing that these people actually considered her a friend. And not a distant friend. But friends that would stick up for her. Lehara looked over at Agatha and gave her a look as she spoke up. "She killed someone for the first time today. It's getting to her-”
"No, she didn't," Agatha cut her off.
“-pretty badly and she’s…Wait, she didn’t?"
Lehara looked a bit confused and then looked down at Elena who looked just as confused.
Agatha sat down and also put her hand on Elena. "Elena, you didn't kill that boy." Elena was still confused. "No, I saw his face. I saw his body. There's no way-"
"Elena, listen to me. You didn't kill that boy. The healers saved him."
Elena looked at Lehara and then back at Agatha. "No, that can't be. They had to rush him away because-"
Agatha ignored Elena's refusal to disagree with reality and continued on talking to Lehara. "Elena was in an arena trial with Reginald of the Lockhart family. The family is a real piece of work, but they're wealthy and so they don't have much trouble that sticks. The kid I hear is exactly like you'd picture a Reginald to be. They're like cockroaches, the lot of 'em."
Elena chuffed out a breath remembering she thought the exact same thing. They looked at her as if she was going to add something, but when she didn't Agatha continued. "So from what that young man was saying, Reginald was being Reginald and trying to get in Elena's head. The fight started and it was going well for him. He chased her down, cornered her, and used his abilities to slow her down and cause the fight to be a brawl. His powers are well suited for that and once she got into melee range many in the arena thought it was over."
She looked at Marcus and then back at Elena. "But she didn't lose. She pulled out his leg from under him with that tail of hers and then rolled onto him and started beating him. Until he used another power and she got a blade through the abdomen. He ripped the blade out the side of her. People could see her spine. She used some powers back at him and the arena does what it does and Reginald ended up getting smashed into a different building."
She looked back at Lehara getting more excited. "When she got back up, people were still seeing her intestines and other organs which is gruesomely impressive. And then she did something to him and his powers failed. That spread rumors of the fight and it garnered quite the crowd. So she spent the next twenty minutes chasing after the guy in a foot race and then she severed his hand."
Now everyone at the table was looking at Elena a bit shocked. "The fight at that point was basically over, but instead of giving up, Reginald tried to summon his powers with his remaining good hand. So Elena here without using any powers just crawled on top of him and started beating him. She punched him in the face, in the throat, in the chest, sometimes in the groin. He tried to attack back but she just used her claws to scratch him, or bit his finger and nose off and then went back to pummeling him. Every time he'd do something she kept beating him. At one point he started to speak and she headbutted him. And that's not all she did. At one point she ripped off his groin and shoved it in his mouth while asking if he still wanted to fuck her."
Elena looked very confused. "That's not what happened," she said. Lehara just nodded her approval. Thomas and Marcus's hands slid off the table and covered their crotches. The look they gave Elena was a mix somewhere between being sick, impressed and horrified. Elena tried to correct her again. "No really, I remember punching his face, and his chest and his crotch, but I only did it for a couple of seconds."
Agatha looked at Elena again saying the next sentence very slowly. "Elena, you were putting him into the ground for five to ten minutes." She went back to talking with Lehara. "Well Reginald kept trying to fight back and either punch her, or grab her throat. As I said, he's from the Lockhart family and those are some tough roaches. Anyways, our girl Elena was so bloodlusted, after a couple of minutes, she hit him so hard her hands broke. And then she hit him again. And again. And again." Elena had visions again of beating him and she started tearing up again.
Agatha didn't relent. "But she didn't just break her bones on him. She split her left hand down the middle." She drew a line on her hand with her fingers to show where. "And she pulverized her other one. And that still didn't stop her from beating him nearly to death. At one point he grabbed at a piece of rubble and smashed it into her foot which turned it into a pulp. Instead of stopping, she stood up and kicked his jaw until it was only hanging on by one side. By the end she was hitting the kid with stumps and the bloody remains of a hand.”
“According to that kid, she left her own finger in his eye socket. It's only when he “died” that she was stopped by the Arena master. And even after the fight she still threw a punch. When the healers came, she even tried fighting them. If anything she seemed more pissed off that the fight had stopped than she was worried about something simple like a destroyed set of hands."
Lehara grabbed Elena's hands and rubbed them, probably inspecting to see if there were any scars.
Agatha started getting more excited. "Long story short, both of them are going to be commended for showing the class the upper limits that initiates should strive for." She then beamed at Elena and casually dropped the next bit of news like it was no big deal. "Oh and her fellow students are probably going to start calling her the Butcher."
Elena groaned and started to tear up. Her only claim to fame was going to be how brutal she was? She’d never be on a team, and Lehara would probably never want a brutal monster as a healer.
Lehara snapped her head around to Agatha. "Wait, really?" Elena noticed Lehara grabbed her hand firmly and was visibly shaking it in excitement. Elena looked confused, and only managed to meekly get her words out. "Shit, now everybody thinks I'm a monster."
Lehara looked back at Elena. "Oh bright eyes, You don't know!" Her face was beaming with pride.
"I don't know what?" Elena asked, a bit more harshly than she meant to.
"The arena Master may at his discretion give out titles. There are only 3 titles he may give out. Those titles are all prestigious and are known to any who watch arena fights. But to earn the favor of an Arena Master is something that individuals will work their whole lives to do. Sure, people may have power. They may be wealthy enough to afford the best spheres, consumables and gear. But those that are Butchers? Those who are called the butcher have proven their drive to never give up. They have shown the world that when the chips are gone, and there is you and an enemy that you will do whatever it takes to walk away. That you will be willing to go all in, and never give up."
She poked Elena in the chest. "That you are the epitome of what it means to be an adventurer. When there is a civilian that needs to be protected behind you and a monster in front of you, you will Butcher your way through any and all enemies to ensure that those behind you survive. That it doesn’t matter how much stronger the enemy in front of you is. If there is something in front of you, you will put it down. The fact that you're the butcher means that prestigious teams will be falling at your feet to beg you to join."
Elena let go of her knees and put her feet on the floor. "Now hold on a second. I had one fight." She held up her finger to emphasize it. "Why am I being called a Butcher after one fight? That doesn't sound fair, or reasonable. I'm certain that there are others that deserve it. I certainly don’t."
Lehara looked at Elena like she was the dumbest person on the planet. She looked at Elena as if she was crazy for not wanting to be known as a butcher. Marcus spoke up first. "Elena. I have heard of the Lockhard family.”
Agatha corrected him. “Lockhart”
He looked at her and shrugged. “Still. They have excellent warriors. I'd be willing to bet that by all accounts, he was stronger than you. But even after he beat you, you never gave up. And more than that, you won. And from what I hear, not through luck."
Thomas continued the thought. "Elena, you got disemboweled and pushed on. I mean sure, that might not be fatal, but c'mon. I highly doubt most students would have continued to fight. The pain alone is enough to stop seasoned veterans. Hell, I know of some people who are apprentices that wouldn't have kept going. I mean I would have, but then again I'm awesome enough to not get disemboweled in the first place." Lele shot him a look, and Thomas shrugged unabashedly.
Even Agatha continued the point. "And even after you got disemboweled you kept fighting to the point where you did something to disable your enemy. And when they ran you didn’t let them go. You chased them down."
Rowan, who Elena hadn't seen, chimed in. "And then when you caught up to him you disabled him again. And you still didn't relent. You punched him. And punched him. And punched him. And when most people would stop, you continued. And even when he beat you to the point where most would die, you pushed on, and turned the fight around. You were unrelenting in your fight and refused to accept anything less than total victory."
Elena still didn’t accept the situation. “But c’mon. I can’t believe I’m the only person who did this.”
Lehara finished the point. "Bright Eyes, Agatha said you continued to beat him until you had no hands left. Even though he fought back, you kept going and did what needed to be done until there was absolutely no fight left in the enemy. And when there wasn't you kept going."
Rowan piped up again. “She also gored him in the eye and ripped it out. Still stuck on the horn”
"So why doesn't everyone have this title? Doesn't everyone keep going until they win?" Elena asked.
Lehara answered plainly. "No! Not even close. The butcher is known for four things.” She held up a finger at each point. One, never giving up or surrendering. Two, brutal efficiency. Three, incredible deadliness even when dropped in a war zone with little more than their wits and a sharp stick. Four, coming out the other end against impossible odds. I’ve been watching Arena fights for 60 years. You know how many times I've seen a person actually earn that title? None. Not once. I’ve seen plenty of good fights at higher levels, but those accolades are only given to initiates and apprentices.” She looked around the room and almost everyone shook their head in agreement.
Rowan however piped up. "I've seen it only once. The sheer visceral carnage on the face of the one who earned it was unlike anything I had seen in a fighter. Their determination to win against a more powerful opponent was harder than some people will ever have a chance to show. They should have been put down many times over, but they kept getting up. When they were beaten, they stood up and gave more. When the person should have been left for dead they spat in the metaphorical face of their enemy. And when they finally crawled back every inch of the deficit in power they had, and got the upper hand on the enemy? They kept going. When the enemy tried in vain to get back the momentum? They kept going. And when the enemy was nearly defeated they kept going. Only when the enemy was a quivering mass of flesh did she let up."
Elena looked over at him, her tears mostly gone at this point. "What happened then?"
Rowan smiled. “Then? Then you tried to fight the healers. Elena… It was one of the most brutal fights I’ve seen in an arena. And I’ve seen masters go at it. You pounded his face into next week, and ripped off and shoved his own testicles in his mouth.” Thomas and Marcus, once again paled a few shades. “And then, you forced him to chew." He shook his head. "But that wasn't my favorite part."
Elena looked at him like he was crazy. Her tears had long stopped flowing at this point. "What part was that?"
He leaned back on the bench and put his hands behind his head while closing his eyes. He looked like he was content to take a nap right then and there. "My favorite part? Probably when you took his severed hand as a trophy, gave it to his friends, and suggested they use it as a sex toy." Everyone else looked at Elena like she was a demon incarnate, or the best thing since sliced bread.
He put his hand on Elena’s shoulders. “Also, while I don’t think anywhere there knew what the Geneva convention is, telling someone you’ll braid their veins and nervous system together is quite the visceral visual.”
Thomas looked at Elena and for a moment had nothing but respect in his eyes. “Shit girl, I may have to borrow that at some point.”
Elena groaned. “God, I’m never going to lose this title.”