A gaudy office with way too many decorations and way too few of anything else. Staying in this place was enough to annoy me by how little this guy was pretending and by how bad his sense of aesthetics was, but I had to hold on for now.
Having the whole floor of this place light up in the eerie purple glow of a huge scary magical circle helped a lot with it, though.
“Do I have to say anything else or we can start ‘negotiating’?” I asked the obese noble sitting on the wrong side of his own desk while holding the handle of the black saber embedded in the floor. “I mean, you sure heard about your commons already, right? Or at least from the ones that didn’t want to talk with me. Three or four of them got sent to some very nice underground bedrooms by now…”
Seeing a local count cower like this was fun, but seeing everything else on his expression was funnier. How angry this guy was by my disrespect, how his mind was wandering for ways to deal with me, how he couldn't say why he was in pain, and how his eyes were stuck on the black blade. It was exhilarating.
It was a show of how well I could do this one job I got, and I wouldn't leave it for anything.
To not cause any confusion, not a single thing in this act was true. It was all for the goal of marking the bad apples in the kingdom and giving them a puppet target to be angry at. Until now, I wasn't even ready to move against the ones I had clear proof of. Most of what I did was 'order' Elen to do some fool's errands to make it seem I had influence over her actions.
But this noble I couldn't bother to remember the name didn't know that. All he knew was that some other nobles weren't reachable at the time, that I had the king's authority with me, and that I seemed able to use very powerful magic.
If he had any idea that everything from his pain, which was caused by the hallucination ring, to the magical circle, which was only an effect of my gauntlet, were fake...
Better research more on artifacts next time. Looking at the most perfect sword for me won't give you any answers, dumbass. After I play my cards and get you arrested, maybe I'll explain that the only thing this saber does is allow me to use any element at ten times the mana. Not that useful since I don't have a lot of mana, but it made it possible to use spells. Everything else I could manage with the other items.
Elen was a little surprised when she saw me using many artifacts at the same time, but I guess that's my special skill. Not the best, but good enough, I say.
“I heard of you for sure, milady, but it was hard to believe the rumors… That’s… That’s the only reason I did not answer your letter from before..." He tried to answer while still under the effects of my tricks. "Not that I was ignoring you, of course, it was only… Only that I had pressing matters to solve at the moment! I even had plans of calling you for a meeting today…”
“Now that’s lucky of me, no? I’ll even start with a 20% for the honor of giving my hunting dog her next target. Do you know where to send her already?”
“Wait, isn’t this a bit excessive?!”
“Excessive? Do you think it’s easy to keep a princess and all her assassins away from your little businesses?” I pushed my already-burning body to drop even more mana into the fake magical circle on the floor while glaring at the noble. “She’s getting bored of running empty warehouses and random gang hideouts. She wants a real fight after not getting a target from me for a whole week, you see... I hear you have some grunts, so what about giving their location? I could also let you see what my little spell over here does if I stop holding it back...”
“That wasn’t what I meant, milady! I just thought you would like to hear my proposal first…”
“Oh? So that’s how it is…” I smiled inside my head over another successful negotiation and then continued talking with all the smugness I could muster. “Then speak. Lemme see what you have of interest, count.”
One hour of negotiation later, I was out of there with another 'delivery' headed my way as I tried to not die inside the royal carriage.
My situation after the deal was, as usual, bad enough that I could barely remember how I left the duke’s castle, but it was a success again. I only needed some potions to take things back to where they should… A little bit of regeneration and some mana were enough.
These things are useful as heck, you see?
“You really should find a better way of using these, Illia.” The princess who was waiting for my hazy eyes to focus back finally spoke as I drank the reddish potion the maid by my side was holding. “Using too many potions won’t do any good to you.”
Different from what I told everyone, she never left my side. Her job was kinda of protecting me, so she would always be hidden close by. She was even wearing the same ranger clothes from the day we met, although on colors closer to grey when inside a city.
It wasn't something I didn't see coming, since that was how she first approached me, but it was even more impressive when she was serious. In theory, while Eve would always walk with me as my attendant, she would always have an eye on us. Even when I tried testing this, she would always answer my calls right away, even if not always verbally.
Makes me feel a little safer than usual.
"Don't worry about it. What bad can a health potion do?"
“It’s actually known to do less and less good the more you take them, milady,” Eve added before closing the box of potions that I got used to having her carrying around. “And that’s without considering the huge list of side effects. They’re used for emergencies only for a reason…”
“That's... Worrying, actually. But I won’t be using them forever, so it should be fine. Holding out until Mr. Hero is done with his job shouldn't take that long…”
“You’re crazy even for my standards, but I like it. Just don’t go too far or Dad will kill me… Keeping you safe is part of my job.”
They were worrying too much. Everyone knows you have to at least start coughing blood before you reach any danger from overusing magical bullshit. Until then I would be as fine as possible.
Stacking some five or more mana potions was the only way to make my hallucination ring think I was stronger than your average high-noble anyway. Keeping the other items working and even a simple spell like 'light' for a long time wasn't cheap on my body either. Even if this way was dangerous, it was the best I had. And it wasn’t as if I cared about the danger too.
“Ignoring this for now,” I changed the subject since talking about it wouldn’t go anywhere. “You two got something good there? It took a little longer than usual this time…”
“This guy was a little too prepared, that’s all. He had everything from fake files and magic locks to something I’m sure was some sort of relic…” Elen sighed as she took a bundle of crumbled papers from inside her cloak. “But I have the locations and some letters to pad it out, not that I get why you’re doing this whole mess… You’re even taking bribes, dammit!”
“Most of them go back to the palace, so where’s the problem? It’s a decent stopgap measure, even if a little troublesome to move.”
“That’s a weird way to go around it still... Losing so much time working on the bribes when we already have papers to prove most targets are doing something wrong.”
“Splitting and counting the gold yourself also seems like a very weird action, milady.”
“That only means you two don’t understand how much you can get from finances. This ‘loss of time’ is what will make the small forces you have good enough to take everyone down in a single hit.”
Getting as many targets at once was more important than these two seemed to think. Any move that wasn’t coordinated and wide enough to cripple the problem down wouldn’t be much more than a temporary measure. The moment I gave the order and Elen started to arrest people, the others would hide and delay the process.
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It wouldn't be a problem if we could mobilize enough forces to hit everyone in a super crackdown, of course, but we lacked these. More so, using this much force could cause trouble if they felt in danger and fought back. No more than a hundred people split between royal guards and maids under Elen's command were all we could use. It meant five of them, at most, for each target.
The best way was to gather as much information as possible and hit those who could cause the most damage first. If possible, it would be even better if we could go for people whom the others would take too long to hear of before we could get them.
Neither thing could be done without enough data on them and without knowing how big each one was. Both things I could get from analyzing their bribes, delivery method, and localization.
The margin of error was very big, but using the stolen information from their mansions would fix it.
It wouldn't be anything too fancy or perfect since I wasn't a master, but it would work.
Getting some funds funneled to the king would also add to my value and let me call for extra resources if needed. It was also very poetic to have the corrupt nobles pay for the operation to take them down, so it ended as a threefold advantage in my eyes.
All in all, a layered plan that was sure to bring the most results at the cost of taking longer to fire. That is, as long as it fired.
Anyone with a good grasp on countability would be able to notice the flux of unknown money if they had access to the castle’s finances, for example. Moving everything was also a risk. And I didn't even want to think about the possibility that someone would call my bluff.
How fast I was moving was most of the reason why I never had the time to report my full plan to anyone but Elen and Eve. That was also why I packed a massive number of potions and pretended to not feel their side effects.
As long as I could work less later, then overworking right now wouldn't be a problem. Even if it was, in many ways, somewhat of an overkill level of preparation, it was necessary to make sure I could live worry-free after this.
"Just trust the plan and everything will be alright." I tried to further reassure the princess. "We even managed to go through all targets without a problem, so there's very little to mess up now."
“I do get your plan, okay? It’s just that it’s annoying to play the incompetent enforcer for this long and then help with whatever illegal trick you’re doing in my free time... Makes the ‘inquisitor’ title sound awful.”
“In this, I feel you…”
I talked about the big plan and all, but the truth was that this whole act was a little disappointing. I kinda expected to be fighting against huge crime syndicates and underground conspiracies, but that was very far from the truth.
Other than this last count who seemed to be enslaving refugees from the areas overrun by demons and a group of barons with a drug cartel, everyone else was, at worse, an embezzler. Got some tax evaders too and a lot of illegal manufactories of not-very-reliable magical tools, but that was it.
Still, there was a lot of money going away from where it should and I could see why the king wanted some help with it. It was only that my best plan relied on getting a lot of information beforehand, even if through murky ways.
My role was swindler hero no matter how you saw it, so what you expected?
“Can I ask one thing, milady?”
“Whatever you want.”
“After we finish that list of yours, what do you plan to do?”
“Sit down and let you people do the rest. I’m playing the overpowered mindbreaker here, but I’m kinda sucky at fighting. I’m no hero, remember?” I shrugged at the idea and went on in a matter-of-fact tone. “The best I could do wouldn’t be very far from surviving if you took me to bust some criminal organization.”
I went through it already, but people with magic are hard to beat. I don’t want to mess with them, and I won’t do so if possible. Joining the knights or the black-ops maids would only make me a burden.
I’ll be their computer girl and give targets instead. Much safer.
“It may sound disrespectful, your Highness, but are you sure we should trust this plan of hers?”
“Hey! That’s mean…”
“She has a point.” The silver-haired noble nodded with a smile and then moved way too close to me for comfort. “I can’t see how Illia would be gutsy enough to trick me, though. I don’t know exactly why, but I trust her… Not that I wouldn’t throw you in a very deep cell if you ended up not worthy of this.”
I said it before and I’ll say it again, this princess is scary. And she’s scary for more than one reason too! I feel many things are in danger here by how she’s looking at me right now.
“You don’t have to worry about this, okay?” I explained while trying to open some space between me and Elen. “For one, I know which side is worth more. Heck, why would I side with the criminals when I can side with the guys with real power? It’s just that I was expecting something a little different, so my plan ended a little messed up…”
“Good.” She smiled and then returned to her seat as if nothing had happened. “I’ll say it again: I don’t know why, but I trust you on this.”
“As long as you say so, your Highness…” Eve also nodded at her real master’s assurance, and I ended up as the only one not feeling as if everything was right now. Maybe I should double-check what I already have on my ‘ultimate list’ when we reach the castle.
Would hate messing up and throwing myself on a stupid bad ending I did so much to avoid…
Mr. Hero was far away right now, so I was lacking in plan B too. However, it shouldn’t take too long for him to be back, even if only to resupply.
Having waystones to teleport you around was such a very convenient tool.
And, as I was thinking so, the carriage’s coach knocked on the door to signal that we too, were at the door of said convenient tool.
It was a massive obelisk made of grey stone and silver decorations with a bunch of lines coming and going from it. Elen said that they could even build more of them if needed, but it was very time-consuming, so it was rare to happen. They also needed a good number of very specific mages to work, so having a waystone was somewhat the mark of a real city.
It also made their use expensive.
Any half-decent merchant could deal with it and nobles would mostly travel with them, but it wasn't so common to everyone else. For those who needed them, though, they were a heaven's sent. And that was without mentioning logistics and trade proper.
Running the bureaucracy of this place with as few nobles as they had would be impossible too. Having them was also likely the reason why I couldn't find so many uber-corrupt nobles to bust.
Without the demons to cause problems, I'm sure this place would go to some sort of absolutism very fast.
The only way to make it more useful would be to have some portable version of the thing. Some sort of ‘return home’ item, maybe. I heard there was a single relic capable of doing so, but as expected, copying a relic was beyond anyone’s scope.
Only having one of these didn't help much then...
Still, it was a very useful tool that Elen didn’t like very much for some unknown reason. She always got a little white when we approached the damn thing, but I am always a little scared of trying to poke her for information. Would hate to be punched out of the blue for making her embarrassed.
“Looks like we’re almost done for today…” I talked out to avoid thinking too much about the princess trying to pretend to not be worried as I watched my borrowed carriage ignore the line.
I really love royalty (when I’m on the side gaining from it, of course).
“Isn’t it a little too early for being done, milady?”
“Maybe. But I’m a little tired today…” I smiled at the maid with my best ‘look, I’m lazy right now’ look. “I can do the numbers in bed anyway, so it’s not like it’ll put out schedule farther away… Or like if we had a schedule anyway.”
“If this won’t be a problem…” Eve continued before turning to the princess on the other seat. “The procedures are already starting, your Highness. It’ll be done in a moment.”
“I don’t need you to tell me that.”
The maid shrugged it off and I held myself to avoid smiling too much, but since the outside was already shining, I didn’t need to hold for long. In fact, it was all over a minute later. A bit nauseating, but nothing much.
“One day this thing will throw us into a wall…”
“Wait! That’s an option?!” I turned in surprise to the princess mumbling things that I should know already to herself while something noisy was passing on the outside. “Like, is it something that happens?!”
“It’s not common, but still… Kch!”
The explanation was cut halfway through as I was thrown forward by a sudden pull of the carriage and then slammed at the princess's chest. She moved me away very fast and Eve only moved to her liege's side due to the sudden movement, but that was beyond the point. What mattered as I tried to get up was that our carriage was speeding up for some reason.
“Ouchie… What is...” And then, as if to avoid having me make questions, and to add to my list of grievances against whatever was happening, a loud ‘crack’ sound filled the air. A sound that, I suddenly noticed, was about the back half of my vehicle turning into pieces as it was hit by a silver light.
And then, as I lost my footing as the royal carriage drifted away, a new object appeared inside the waystone: a beaten cart with no horse and five passengers.
It happened as I noticed that my momentum was still there and that this beaten cart was approaching me. Or to be more specific, that I was approaching the cart... Headfirst.
Ouch…
My head hurts… My back hurts too… And now my clothes are dusty…
“Tell every guard to open a path to the palace and summon everyone in the cathedral!” A voice I knew very well shouted out, but as I raised my head from the ground to look at it, I saw that it was the wrong sister in front of me. She had just jumped off the cart and seemed to be ordering everyone around, but what got my attention more was the fact that her clothes were quite beaten.
She was, of course, not wearing the long dress from when I saw her before. Going for plate armor as she was in an expedition until now, which only made how beaten the thing was even more worrying.
Worse even, I could see two of her companions of the hero’s party, the glasses guy and the small one, in the same state as they hurried off the cart and to the exit. Both of which were also not looking the best, the little girl seemingly bleeding as she ran even.
It looked so bad that I forced myself to ignore the moist feeling in my head and get up to ask what the hell was happening... Not that I had to ever make that question when the first thing I saw when I looked at the cart was the bloodied hero and a panicking maid using magic on him.
Maybe I should ask if any of his friends was a necromancer instead…