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The Royal Leech's Bucket List
Against the One-Night Castle

Against the One-Night Castle

“Welcome to Prourene, gentleman!”

“They can’t hear you, milady…” Eve commented as I threw some quotes in commemoration of the first gliding bomb of this world. “But your plan seems to be working for sure.”

We were at the small descending hills between the frontier citadel I only glanced at and the now famed one-night castle. Something like some five or so kilometers away from our base and some less than that from the fort. Just enough to keep it at the limit of the horizon and to keep us in sight of our allies.

This place was an open area covered fully in rivers, farmlands, and small hills, by the way. It was also an area enclosed by a whole wall of mountains, especially when moving closer to the citadel. If I were to describe it, then I’d say this place was almost like a bowl.

So, inside this bowl of mountains was where I set my decorated chair and started the little workshop of firework arrows. Perfect in sight, and drawing all the attention I could.

If you asked me, this place could very well be a perfect place for an open-field battle while also, with the right positioning, being a superb defensive position. Something both sides had learned in different situations considering how the citadel on my back was still standing strong, and the fact the small fort managed to fight off the garrison of said citadel.

Either way, the fort at the river's crossroads was pretty much what I was expecting.

Some tens of meters of wooden palisades with some watchtowers spread around. Looked like a huge work to make fast, but magic likely made the job easier. I could see it helping a lot when you're moving pre-built walls, even if they probably moved those through the river.

Having magic also clearly made the fort more impressive than it would otherwise. Multi-layered earthworks below and around the wooden palisades to be specific.

A real lot of fortification for something that wasn't there one day prior.

The place could likely even take a couple of cannon shots if people used these here. Mages could do the same with less, so only the people inside the fort could have some of those. But in more pressing matters for them, their fort was currently on fire, so fortifications wouldn’t help much.

“Hells, they’re on flames already… Alchemic fire is a hellish fun weapon.” Elen nodded from over the carriage where she was sitting. “And you got it right in three tries only.”

Not only a part of the wooden fort was in flames, but random patches of the hills between them and us were too. Two patches, to be exact.

Getting the aim right with my little toy was a little hard, but alas. It was more to force them outside anyway, either that or having the fires spread more than they could control. Which was why I had other arrows ready to go.

“Was easier than expected, but we're only starting,” I said while downing another bottle of the blue liquid that was almost part of my daily diet by now. “Can you keep going, Lhori?”

The little elf who came due to peer pressure nodded strongly while already holding another one of my bootleg glider bombs. She would call them the most useless arrows in existence if it wasn’t for my boots’ magic, though.

One arrow with a whole firework rocket (the kind that sizzles but won’t explode) strapped to the tip would never fire well. And with a bottle of alchemic fire roped to it with some string, the thing’s aerodynamics was horrible.

Something like this wasn't expected to do more than instantly fall to the ground. It only worked because I could 'make it float'.

The exact workings were a little too much to guess, but that didn't matter. All I had to do was hold the arrow so the boots would consider them as part of my 'equipment' and then I could make them 'feel lighter'. And since something super light would glide even if the aerodynamics were horrible…

Having this green-haired elf fire the damn thing also added a lot of range to it. She could, without any trick, shoot half a kilometer away from what I saw when I asked to see it earlier, so the gliding could add a lot to it. It was the same range as the mages with the biggest ranges around (the three movement-based ones known as air, water, and earth).

All in all, a good pairing for this situation, even if an odd one.

“Next shot! Try to get it a little further inside the fort this time.” I exclaimed as I held the arrow and focused on creating the weight reduction spell before lighting the rocket at the tip. It was getting me tired at a horribly high speed, but I passed the arrow to my archer and moved on.

Without thinking much about it, the little elf took the projectile and fired it at a high angle almost right away. Having us watch as the speeding projectile started to shine and sped up even more.

My eyes didn’t stay on it too long, though. I lacked that good of an eyesight, but it was irrelevant. I could manage another arrow before having to go for my fourth mana potion, so I wanted to fire this one and then leave.

“The next one now. They should be taking us seriously now, so we’re on a timer…”

I gave the arrow and turned to my spyglass while hearing Lhori fire it. It seemed to be working as I could see hurried figures trying to kill the spreading magical fire, but that was it.

Worrying, if I had to say so.

They had to leave the fort, be it to fight us or to retreat. That was the best answer, and still, I couldn’t see signs of such.

“A little of a bummer we won’t fight them.” Elen laid down on the roof of the carriage again with a sigh. “I hoped they would rush us…”

“It’s better if it stays as is, Your Highness. No reason to risk ourselves…” Eve gave me another mana potion, but I didn’t take it this time.

I was starting to feel ill by now, so it could be bad… I guess three is my limit for now, though I noticed that I was getting better at using magic.

The worry was here still.

Someone daring enough to build a castle so close to their enemy (it was less than half the distance from my world’s version) shouldn’t be this slow in reacting. I even thought they would start moving before the first shot managed to land. Guessing what I wanted to do wasn't hard after the second miss...

Only if they were underestimating us a lot until now or if they never planned to hold this fort would make sense to not react. Very weird.

“Looks like enough for today... Let’s retreat everyone.” I called out and started to get up from my chair. “Pack everything and let us…”

I stopped talking for a moment. Not because someone interrupted me or because I saw something, but only because I felt a tingling on my cheek and fell back to my chair. Only after my eyes focused away from the knife stuck in the cushions of the chair that I turned to the real surprise.

A single guy in very light armor walking outside of the closest river with a group of musketeers following him.

They swan here? No… Eve or Elen would’ve noticed it. Hell, I would’ve noticed it! Probably. And the guns... How would they…? Oh?! That’s a neat way of using water magic... Or is it air? Yes, seems to be air.

Goddammit! I should've considered magic...

My thoughts rushed in a second as I watched the moving soldiers walking closer to us than I’d like to. It even took me a moment to notice how the water around them was always some centimeters away from their bodies. Only after doing so that my thoughts focus enough to notice that they were only surrounding us for some reason.

Twenty or so soldiers with small muskets and/or swords with a single odd-one-out being their leader. His looks and equipment were way too different, almost as if he wasn't part of the same army.

An average-sized guy, not very muscular and rocking a scoundrel look with light armor similar to the others. He only seemed to have knives, though. Very tropey bandit or mercenary villain, but he was quite good-looking still. I was starting to get confused about why this world was so lacking in ugly people… Not that I would ever complain about it.

Stolen novel; please report.

He was also carrying a very cool-looking shortsword by his side. A purple and red blade with black lines that looked like veins. I could even bet it was a cursed weapon! I kinda wanted it for me…

Anyways, back to the person threatening me and to me not running in a panic right away.

“You seem to be a lucky lady, I’m not someone who misses like this.” The rough blonde guy spoke up in a voice that fits well with his rowdy mercenary outlook. “But anyway, I recommend surrendering now. Your four seem like worthwhile hostages…”

“Surrender, is it?” I spoke with my patented bad bitch tone while pretending to not feel a thing about the situation. “Why would I? You were the one who came to the obvious trap, right?”

“Hahahah! I know how you nobles are, but you’re taking it a little too far, aren’t you? Or are you delusional enough to think two guards and a maid are enough to call this a trap?” He continued while still focused only on me, though it wasn’t that much of an advantage considering he had so many people to focus on everyone else. “To be honest, I suspected it was a trap, so we scouted around beforehand. It gave you the time to attack my new castle, but I'll have your country pay a good deal for you later, so it's fine…”

I guess he’s not dumb, at least. But considering he didn’t notice that I was walking around with the princess, it seems he’s not some hyper-prepared character either.

A good chance of getting my fame up, I say.

“It seems you don’t know me, right? I mean, not surprising since I’m more of staying back and letting my big friend do the hard work, but alas.” I kept putting on airs to keep his attention outside of my shuffling on the chair and the nearby items. “Since we’re at it, though, I’ll present myself as a courtesy… The name is Illia di Supria, Duchess of Supria and hero of Prourene. Nice to meet you.”

The area got silent right after I finished my words somehow. No one, even the people on my side, reacted to it. It was a little sad even… At least they were too focused on my face to see what I was doing on the side.

“Pft! Hahahahahah! Damn… You’re for real, girl?!” The mercenary leader focused on hurting my feelings and started to laugh after digesting my words. “I mean, okay, let’s say you’re a ‘hero’ like that guy… Aren’t you a little too weak-looking? Even with this weird long-range trick of yours, is that all you can do? Were heroes always this sneaky? The last one I met was all about attacking head-on.”

Oh? Now that’s interesting. Better try and get this one alive… Would be my plan if the main plan wasn’t running away right now.

“Not trusting me, eh? Fair, I’d say. I’m more of a support type if you ask me, but that’s why I have bodyguards, you see? All I have to do is command them from afar and that’s enough… I'm not dumb enough to attract an army without being ready for it.”

“That’s… Even if that was true, it’s four against twenty.” He wearily answered me as I slowly got up from my chair, but it seemed he got what my initial plan was. “And I’m sure we can take you all before the knights from that city reach us.”

Oh? Did he notice that? I guess wasting time talking won’t work too well then. Some four minutes should be doable still… Buying time was my specialty already.

“No, no, don’t get weary now. We’re yet to start, right? We still need to… Woah!” And then I tripped down halfway through my words, falling over my ‘luggage’ and turning the tension into dead silence. It didn't stay so as the enemy leader, and even some of his soldiers, started to chuckle soon after, but it was planned this time.

Shock was much easier to cause when the other side thought you were too pathetic to do anything. Something that filled the enemy soldiers as a barrage of fireworks came from where I fell and made the startled soldiers fire randomly, worsening the situation further.

I could even bet some of the ones still in the river got half-covered in water as they lost focus in their spells. A good distraction and a good signal if you asked me, even if it cost all my supply of fireworks.

My focus was now on moving away from this position.

So, I brought one illusion to beat and started to rush to below the carriage, where I could look around in safety for a bit. It was also where I noticed the holes in the ground close to where I was a few moments ago. However, this was something I was better off ignoring right now as I tried to get the current situation sorted.

Both Elen and Eve were already engaged, managing to cross the less than a hundred meters between us and the main group of enemies almost right away. There were others around us, and they were already reloading their guns, but I hoped they could deal with them. How they already had bodies flying or straight-up bissected around seemed to hint so too.

Lhori was in a little of a different situation, though.

I could see her dodging away and firing some arrows, but no one she could aim at was down even after a few shots. The most I saw were some weapons getting thrown away from their owners. And while she didn't seem keen on fixing her aim, her eyes were always jumping to the blonde rogue hunting me, though she seemed focused on his weapon alone.

The little elf was very focused on the sword and seemed angry at it, even. Nor hard to read the situation then...

Very troublesome, everything here, but I could use it all.

I'd need to leave my hiding spot for it, though...

“Hey, little one, this won’t work!” I shouted to the shortstack as I took off from my hiding spot while making a bunch of signs. “Stay close.”

Her eyes were slitted and I could feel more anger than I expected someone this small to have, but she nodded either way. I was drawing too much attention to be sure if she got me, though. I already had a mercenary rushing towards me even...

“You damn…” The enemy leader scowled before whistling and then charging at me, disengaging from the princess in the process. “Calm down and surround them! And get that girl alive.”

Elen seemed to want to pursue, but the guy's orders called more soldiers toward her position and she was forced back. The whistle seemed to be some sort of signal too as, maybe by sheer luck, I felt some eyes on my back and jumped away right as new shots rang in the field.

From where exactly they came, I wasn't sure, but there were more musketeers around. At least the two engaged in melee seemed to be safe from the long-range attacks.

I could spy Elen jumping around throwing daggers and exchanging blows while trying to not be surrounded by the ten or so enemies around her. Close by, some others already had Eve surrounded, but their attacks, even when they hit, didn’t seem to slow down the maid at all. They both were mowing through enemies from what I saw, but they were stuck there.

Not good for me as I kept dodging in a rush as the guy almost too close for my liking started to throw knives at me. And then, right as I tried to recover from dodging these, he reached me without much effort. His movements were weirdly fast this one time too.

“Time to surrender, Ms. Hero!” The mercenary leader swung his weird blade (the one probably cursed), which I forced myself to parry. Even if it was a hurried parry, though, it didn't get my arm numb at all. It didn’t feel as it should, though, so I felt I had a chance at winning this one.

So, feeling my winning chances rising, I performed the best thrust I could right as the mercenary's off-hand moved away from his pocket. As I felt the impact on his arm and a little bit of misaimed sand touching my hair, I even managed to get a small smile going.

My strike did way less damage than I imagined, but I still managed to get a small hole in the guy's arm. Even though I could see it wasn't a crippling hit, it was a hit still. Not that the other side seemed to care about it as he continued to move forward and attack with his short sword.

His fast combo wasn't enough to make me not notice the growing magical circle in his free hand, though. So, I timed it with my intuition and raised a barrier right as a mass of much got flung from the ground towards me.

Some bits still got in my clothes, but it didn't affect my fighting at all. Getting us dirty wasn't an advantage to anyone, but it got me a decent opening. One I lunged at right away again, and even with my lackluster swordsmanship, managed to get a shallow cut on the charlatan's legs as he rolled away.

“Nice tricks, you have. Are they all this obvious, though?” I taunted as my confidence rose up in answer to getting two barely noticeable hits and to how he seemed to flinch at my remark. How he did not seem to be angry at all was weird, but my guess was that I could win.

I pressed the attack then.

I had to dodge and retreat whenever I felt one of the hidden soldiers aiming at me, which was very rare somehow, but I could keep up with this guy. Even with a weird feeling in the back of my head, I could see that I was somewhat in the advantage here. He wasn't that much faster than me, and I was sure he was weaker overall, so even with a weapon like mine, getting the advantage was doable. Maybe I wouldn't even need Lhori in the end.

I was getting confident, which only worsened the hit when I noticed the water on my back and how far from the carriage I was when I managed to get some distance between us both.

“Something wrong, Ms. Hero?”

“Damn…” I clicked my tongue as the noise of splashing water got to my ear and I hurried to duck and raise a barrier on my back.

Most bullets ricochetted on the magical circle but I still felt a pang on my leg and down my belly. And that was without even counting the dagger that came soon after.

That was a lot, but I could still move a little, and the smirking mercenary even gave me enough time to dash. A dash that barely got me away from him and the river before I lost balance and fell, but the panic didn't let me notice this much right away.

I messed up. My guess was that he wasn’t even trying before. It was more to bring me to a trap than anything, likely because he wanted to capture me, and I fell for it. But I could still turn this mess around…

It was hurting, though. Hurting a lot. Didn’t feel good at all. And seeing the bastard who got me smiling and walking towards me as I crouched a few meters away from the riverside only made it worse.

You'll see, you damn... Just lemme recover a little...

“I told you to surrender, didn’t I?” He mocked me as he closed in without a care. Even with the fact he was losing in most areas, it didn't seem this guy was worried, and for a good reason. “I expected a little more, though.”

If I could buy some extra time, at least... Fighting wounded is real hard, you see?

But hard is not impossible.

In a sudden motion that, although very hurtful, wasn't the most insane thing I ever did, I rushed to my feet and threw the one bottle on my belt... And even with the surprise, the dammed mercenary simply held it in the air and started to laugh.

“Really?”

“I had to try…” I lost strength in my legs and fell back to my butt with a fake smile on my face.

“Fair. I was expecting to have a real fight again, but whatever… I knew bringing my guys would've been too much for this job.” He sighed while still holding the corked bottle in his hand. “Can you surrender now?”

“Well… Not much more I can do.” I sluggishly got up with my hands up but then pointed to the bottle in his hands. “But what about ‘no’?”

And so, before either of us could react further, an arrow struck the glowing orange flask and both of our lines of sight got engulfed in flames.

It was a little too close to me, but that was fine, I had a way to cut the heat. Even though one of my arms was actually on fire, I could take it for a while. Didn't work on everything, of course, but I wasn't feeling that much by now. My consciousness was leaving too, so there was that.

The image of a flaming person running to the river while his soldiers panicked under the sound of approaching cavalry still made me smirk a little as I fainted…