How I’m doing, Ojou-sama? Giving up on playing pretend?

Shut up.

That’s on me, remember?

If it was, I would’ve kept quiet for the last decade.

But it is and I know it, don’t I?

Shut up. I still have a job to do...

No, I don't. I’m not fit to be a hero… Or anything important for that matter. This is not my role.

That’s wrong! I did all this, didn’t I? I’m winning this war for them…

And losing both myself and their princess at it. Best case, I managed a draw and nothing more… Like always.

Shut up.

If I want to shut down, I already know how to do it, don’t I? Forever too.

It won’t work. It never does.

Maybe the seventh time will be the charm, no? Like a cat.

I don’t want to…

Why not? It’s on my bucket list, isn’t it? ‘To get a remarkable death’.

It’s still…

A joke? The only joke there was writing the list.

I’m not… I’m a duchess. I’m a hero. I’m…

I'm not and others said so already.

The people here believe in me, so...

Do I think some randos in a medieval fever dream would know more than my relatives?

They know me more.

Do they? Or do they know this funny mask with a fake name?

That's not…

Heh! I don’t even show them my true self and say they believe me. Maybe I’m using too many drugs…

That’s not true. They’re fine. They’re not like…

They’re like everyone else and I’m still a tool here. That IS the truth.

I'm not…

Know what? I’ll be tagging in now. Either I die here or kill someone again. Not much difference…

*****

My head was way too fuzzy, but that was the right way. Another day in another dangerous situation, that's all.

It was like the day I fought the local bullies just because I thought they were crazy enough. Or when some thugs tried lame pick-up lines on me and I noticed one of them had a knife. Or when the parents of that little criminal decided to try and get an easy mark on the useless kid of some bazillionaires.

Just another kill-or-die situation I wasn’t planning on surviving.

The only troublesome part here was the fact I wasn’t doing well. The wounds, the tiredness, the drawback of the potions, and the stress, all summed to make my head wander away. I wouldn’t be able to stay up for more than a few minutes, and all because that pompous brat wasn’t taking it seriously.

Way too many annoying memories coming to me from the dark places that overly-pompous mask didn’t want to look at too… Worthless scenes of wasting time training things I could never be good at or waiting for attention I would never get. All coupled with the first time I had too much and caused a huge incident, and then the other five times I tried and failed at doing the same. Every single one of them is marked by their own scars.

It was way too annoying and something that was only worth more fuel to my burning wish of being done with it. So, after I managed to concentrate enough to move, I sighed at the annoying nobody still monologuing there. He was at it even while I was getting up and burning the mana I didn’t have to heal whatever wounds I could.

Made me notice these clothes were a pain, so I went on solving this problem next. Removing the cape and coat while tearing some of the tattered parts of the robe and skirt, and then knotting my hair. Only the basics and as fast as I could.

The slash on my chest would need to stay there and I was almost on underwear in some parts, but I only needed a little bit of time, so whatever. This much was more effective.

“Sigh… Can you shut up? No, you can’t, right? You… You can’t. You see, you’re... losing time? Hell… If you won’t finish me…” I mumbled somewhat coherently while forcing my battered body into the nonsensical stance I was more used to. “Then you'll die with me, you know?”

I was pushing to the point I couldn’t even guess how or what exactly I was saying. Something abnormal was happening, but it wasn’t as if I could care. All I needed was enough time to get this guy down and then be remembered as someone who bested two countries and saved the princess. A perfect meaningful death as I should’ve gone for from the beginning.

Relying on a weird power-up for it wouldn't be a problem.

So, I ignored whatever taunt my unwilling suicide assistant was spouting as he moved forward and got ready to fight. My whole focus was on his dark blade right now, so I couldn’t bother with hearing or speaking. It was the final level of the tunnel vision I had such a tendency to have.

As someone once told me, it was something as dangerous as it was stupid to use. In no sport or game, focusing on a single detail or action would do more than make you lose by a hit you didn’t see.

It worked well for a limited time if the person on the other side of the field was underestimating you, though.

Not that I would be able to do so without using some 'doping'. A variant of the same spell that I used back in the other city to raise my focus and manage more complicated spells, but tuned to cut most senses instead. Basically, a very heavy-handed pain suppressor with other side-effects.

Casting while under it got troublesome and time-consuming, for one. A fair trade for the ability to keep moving without worry about damage, but a weakness still. And something that meant I was in an even harsher timer.

So, I hurried to the last, and smallest, vial I still had. All almost at the same time that my enemy decided to attack. Then, the absurdly fast slash went downright as the person wielding the sword almost teleported to me as usual.

This time though, I put my all into moving away from the blade even at the cost of leaving myself open for a counter. One that came right away, as expected.

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

As I jumped back and moved to the side, my posture got too messy and too low, so the armored swordsman kicked me with all his might. A strong hit that made me stumble and then roll away, but a blunt one.

Getting kicked wasn’t fun, of course, but it was damage I could take, so it didn't take more than a moment to be up again. A combination of slashes and thrusts too fast for me, but as someone who had observed them enough, I managed to avoid the blade every single time. And even though I was under an onslaught of attack right after, it was as planned.

I was ‘dancing’ through the attacks, bumping my battered body around and leaving the right openings to avoid that blade while adding small illusions from time to time. Perfect moves that were frustrating my foe as he was clearly ragdolling me, and still, I always got up. No real damage, even as he kept kicking and punching me.

He was angry, and it showed.

A somewhat sloppy upward slash came and was then followed by a hurried downward one that I predicted enough to punch away, breaking his posture at the cost of getting kicked again. A kick that moved me away and forced him to rush closer once more, frustrating him even more.

But right next, my body started to finally fail me.

Another full swing came to me after a charge, but my movements got stuck and the attack passed too close. Close enough that, instead of any counter with his body, the dark armored guy managed to hit me with the pommel of the sword. A hit that made me bend forward and start to fall, getting hit by a knee on the way down, which I used to fix my footing as an emergency effort.

It was enough, but barely.

So, with my footing recovered and my body lowered, I got the perfect opportunity to a counter. Or to be more specific, I got the perfect opportunity to jab my foe's lower parts with my all.

My hand was hurting right after the hit, plate armor and all, but I was strong enough to cause damage and I could see it. Getting some use of the stupid mutation I half-inhered from my father. At least once would I use something as annoying as having too big of a muscular mass.

I could feel some weird resistance there, though. Something I only noticed after a better look, was caused by what seemed to be a small air barrier. Probably the same spell he and his soldiers used to reach us back at those fields.

Either way, I got my first hit in, and with the huge opening caused by the groin damage, I staggered myself up and crashed my little bottle on his face with a punch. Next, I followed it with a hook on his wounded shoulder, still carrying a lot of the green liquid and leaving it over the open wound. And next, I went for another one. And a third to good measure.

They were all hits that made my enemy wince and I could see in his eyes the surprise of getting damaged by someone bleeding out. Unluckily, even if I couldn’t feel much under the effects of my spell, my body was on the limit, so, as I failed to move as I wanted soon after, my foe managed to disengage.

It was at the cost of having half a bottle of something meant to poison a whole army seep into his open wound, though. Not something he seemed to notice right away as he charged once more, but it would take him down.

He pushed a sudden slash towards me almost right away, forcing a half-backed dodge at the cost of getting a cut on my arm and falling back to my butt. I then rolled away and got up in a hurry, getting ready to try the same trick again, but the guy in dark armor didn’t seem to be following up this time.

He was instead, just there.

A weak panting and a wince as he looked to his shoulder, but no attacks for a moment. The fact that I was fighting unarmed added to the pain that seemed to have finally taken him to the limit.

Very reasonable if you ask me, but he shouldn’t freeze like this.

If you have a weapon and your enemy doesn’t, you should take advantage and start attacking, you know? I’m quite sure that would be your best chance at getting me down in time to survive this. Not seeing this much meant I was overestimating this guy.

Guess you'll die as the useless fodder you are then.

So, as he lost time trying to understand the situation, the sword on my hip was already shining again. My foe noticed such, of course, and mumbled something before charging again, but I couldn’t hear him by now and it was too late anyway. In fact, when he reached me at the same absurd speed as before, all I had to do was use a literal sacrificial limb.

A perfect block that bought me enough time for a sudden air spell to propel my next attack by getting his weapon stuck halfway on my arm.

I then went with a sudden punch with way more speed than it should have right to his face. A strike fast enough that I was sure it should've broken or dislodged my last functioning arm, but one that threw the armored enemy to the ground. On the ground, right in front of my expressionless self.

And now was my time to show off some kicks, or some stomps, actually.

First, one to the shoulder before he could react. Then one on the head to add some stun. And a third somewhere else as my vision started to wander away. And a fourth one as I started to feel my body again. And a fifth as the blood coming down my nose and up my mouth started to clog my breath. And a sixth before I finally started to fall backward.

All was silent after that.

Most of my artifacts were forced to the brink, broken, or useless right now. My limbs weren’t in condition to move and my head wasn’t any better. There was way too much blood around, and that was without the cursed wound on my chest. By now, I was only waiting for my body to notice it shouldn’t be working anymore.

There were still noises in the rooms around this one corridor, of course, but my barely holding-out head wasn't in condition to hear it. The most I could do was drag my own body to the nearest wall and wait as, even after doing my best, I could see the armor twitching and getting up.

“I’ll admit… you’re better than I thought, girl.” He mumbled even if I could bother to care, going further. “Ugh… Giving up on your life… just to get a win… Few can do it, even if you failed at the end.”

“I did long ago…” I forced myself to answer while supporting my body on the wall. “Both things…”

My answer wasn’t very deep or very sensical, but it seemed to make sense to the other manic in the area. Illia would like to explain further and go into length about her view of the world, but I couldn’t be bothered. What’s the point of having a dead person talk about how she believed the craziest would always win in a fight? Not very useful and too tiresome…

More so, it wasn’t as if it would be fun to entertain someone who couldn’t shut up for a damn. Even while he was collecting vials from the back of his belt and downing them as if they were nothing, he was still talking.

“Heh. I guess I’m not… cof cof...” He coughed after drinking what I could only guess were potions, though probably not enough of them to cancel that poison. “I’m not taking you on a walk of shame… but I’ll be taking your head to a stand.”

He was wobbly and there was blood seeping through his armor, but he could move while I couldn’t. The potions seemed to be making some effect too, but from what I knew from them, that few wouldn’t be enough, and he would overdose if he took more. Still, it seemed that my poison wasn’t fast enough to take him down before he could take me.

Which wasn’t a problem at all.

Elen was too far and he was too wounded to take us both, so she was safe now. And then, the whole church was in chaos, so my terrorist act worked too. As is, all my goals were achieved just like a good deal of my bucket list.

A very productive day, so I just closed my eyes and smiled in wait for my long-postponed end…

Which didn’t come again.

Instead, I felt a huge shock on the wall with a booming sound and some small debris hitting me on the side. Something had blown up a hole in the wall, I didn’t need to be a genius to know that, and since I could feel flames close by almost right after, I had a good guess who.

“Your Highness!” I opened my eyes to see Eve rushing to her liege’s side while Cal seemed to have forced my foe to retreat with a sudden torrent of flames. Flames that left the beaten human on fire again as he slowly stepped towards me, somehow alive while burning. I could even see Cal panicking at the immortal fighter closing in, and in all honesty, he made me impressed.

If it wasn't for the sudden wall of ice the glasses mage raised in a cast much faster than anything I thought was possible, I wouldn't be surprised if he had managed to finish me. Now, though, all I could see was an immobile figure leaning on the wall of ice. Immobile and likely dead for once, finally.

“Are you still alive, milady?” Cal asked after finally letting his sight leave the immobile figure, even if only to turn back toward it as he heard footsteps approaching. “We are being followed, so we have to move fast.”

“Your Highness is stable enough, sir Vanrook. I’ll try to make lady Illia…” Eve came closer to us while carrying Elen on her back, but her words were stopped by another explosion, now on the ice wall. A group of those dark guards had arrived and were now attacking the wall, starting to crack it almost right away.

“We have to move now, milady.”

“You will have to forgive me then, milady, but I’ll need to move you without treatment.” The maid changed her tone, but I raised my hand to stop her and then painfully pulled the waystone trinket from my neck. “We don’t know how to use this…”

I then shook my head and pointed to the small bag by her side, and to the mana potion inside it. Something she understood fast enough, with an extra understanding when she tried to complain and I just waved my head again.

“Miladys!” Cal asked in a hurry again with his eyes still locked on the breaking wall and the noise of more approaching guards from the other paths.

“That’s… Understood.” Eve bit her lips and then moved to get the potion to me, but her hand was slapped away by the same person she was carrying on her back before she could feed it to me, ending with the flask broken. "Your Highness?!"

"Give me that thing." She forced out with her eyes on the little waystone, turning to me right after. "And you… You’re not allowed to die, Illia, or I'll kill you."

It was a weird phrase, but for this once, I somehow felt she could do it. Maybe it was only the bleeding out as I fainted, though…