My dreams are fueled with rage. Rage I didn't even know I was capable of.

When I wake up, I find myself strapped to a bed. There are objects flying around me, and the doctors are frightened. I am frightened of myself. I didn't know what I was capable of. Everything drops.

I look down at myself and unstrap myself just by thinking it. Then the soldiers came in and tried holding me down again. They fly backwards. I walk out of that room with a pissy attitude. I storm through the halls trashing anything in my way.

I am the queen of destruction, and nothing can stop me. Soldiers start storming down the hall towards me. They are thrown back easily.

I go straight to Allen's office. I break the beautifully ornate door down. He looks at me with no fear.

"Love, it would seem the emotion you have for me will keep me safe." He said with a cocky smile. I slammed him into his own desk.

The look of pain in his eyes excited me. I stretched my hand out and made a crushing movement with it. I shattered his left leg. He screamed in agony, and I enjoyed it.

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I enjoyed the screams of pain. I enjoyed hearing his cries for help. No one is going to help him. They are too scared to try to get through me.

I remembered my brother, and I stopped.

~flashback~

The wind is whirling around me. I feel power and rage. He hurt me. My baby brother hurt me deep, and I want him dead. He thought it'd be funny to start rumors about his big sister. He thought it wouldn't hurt to slut-shame someone who still has her virtue.

I killed him. I killed him, and I didn't care. I crushed with my mind making the motions with my hands, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed his screams of agony. I loved him crying for help. Then I realized what I had done, and I hated myself.

~end of flashback~

I fell to my knees, mumbling incoherently. I didn't even understand what I was saying. Most of it was apologies. Some of it was towards my brother; some towards myself.

Then I start hearing voices over mine. Some saying I am mentally and emotionally unstable, others saying I was a threat to society. Then I hear Gray, saying I am just lonely and broken.

Look at me. I am dying, and no one cares. I feel arms hug me. "I remember now, Astrid," Gray whispers into my hair. He lifts me into his arms and carries me to my room. He limps while I cry the whole way to my room.

He starts to hook up the straps, and I begin to jerk and dodge. He falls back away with fear in his eyes. Then he notices how horrified I look. "I don't want to feel like an experiment again. I don't want to feel trapped." I whisper. I plead with my eyes, tears falling down my face.

He stumbles up, struggling with his left leg. He nods and stumbles out of my door.

That was the last time I heard from him for the next week.

It was back to being watched. Stuck in a room by myself with meals delivered through a slot in a door.

I cried a lot during that week. I kept seeing my brothers face. Then seeing Grays. I couldn't escape my past or my future.

I thought about suicide quite a lot now, but I can't die. I have already tried.

I tried to get a meeting with Gray to apologize. The guards don't trust me anymore. They won't let me see him.

I miss him......