It's been hours, days, months. I don't know how long I've been locked in this room.
I asked him to lock me away and throw away the key. I asked him to forget about me. I asked him to leave me alone.
He did the first thing, but he can't forget me. He still visits and talks with me. Even though I don't want to be around him anymore, I still love him.
I will always love him. It doesn't matter what I say and what he does, I will always love him.
I just don't want to hurt him, so it is just me writing in my journal, surrounded by these padded walls.
I get three meals a day. I get one shower a day. I am surrounded by four padded cell walls all hours of every day.
My room consists of nothing but a bed. The bed is bolted in the center of the room to prevent people from throwing it around and hurting themselves.
Bright lights come from somewhere behind the padding, and I wonder if I made the right choice in being here.
I can't help but think about Gray. He visits me in my dreams sometimes. I scold him for visiting me at all when I politely asked him to leave me alone.
I find myself thinking about mom dad and my brother. I can't help but wonder what happened to my mom and dad. What have they been up to since I was sent away?
I thought about asking Gray if he could find out but decided that would only make him want to visit more. What a funny thing; nearly every thought my mind conjures up brings him back to me.
It is hard to sleep when you're alone. I thought it would be easy to get back in the routine of being locked away- eat, shower, think, sleep- but I got so used to having Gray in the same bed as me.
I sat on the bed, facing away from the door. I was meditating accompanied only by my powers. I was in a state of partial consciousness, floating upon the clouds of my mind when Gray decided it was a good day to pop into my head.
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I opened my mind's eye and saw him looking at me with surprise. "I didn't expect you to be asleep right now." I was radiating with frustration, so I corrected him, "I am meditating through my energy."
He nodded and prodded around in my mind. I felt violated, and I had to say something to get my point across, so I screamed at him, "Get out! I have asked nicely over and over again, and you haven't even tried to ignore me! Leave Me Alone!"
Then he disappeared. He evaporated into the darkness of my mind, and when I opened my eyes, I was still alone in my padded cell. I was still sitting on my bed, and I lied down and cried my anger and grief out.
I eventually went to sleep while I was crying. I was so frustrated that I pushed him away. I never wanted to make Gray go away. I just wanted to be left alone.
I slept for such a long time. I don't know how long but I woke up exhausted from oversleeping. I was still surrounded by my padded walls except now I had a desk. It was in the corner bolted to the floor. It came with a chair- a spinny chair. I was bouncing in excitement, but then I realized that it was stupid and pointless that I was excited about a desk and chair.
I have never had any luxury other than that I received from Gray's hospitality. It was so sweet to give me the things I never had, even if they were very revealing dresses.
I hated showing off my body like that, but he had me do it to show off the danger of me. That was the point. To show off my skin was to show off every inch of me that could hurt someone.
I didn't have to threaten anyone anymore. Not when I am locked away. As long as I am in this room, I am not a threat. I can't hurt anyone while I am here.
I still don't know how long I have been in this lonely cell, and the day-long nap didn't help. Of course, I am not aware of how long that nap actually was.
I started staring at the walls-just like what I used to do at the asylum. I stare and count the squares in the padding.
Gray no longer visits, and I am glad he finally respects my wishes; however, it is kinda lonely.
I constantly think about him. The way he smells. The way he looks. The way his skin feels against mine.
I needed to push those thoughts away. They make me weak, and I can't be weak. I have to be strong. I have to show that I am still strong because I am a black woman who has unnatural abilities.
I still miss him though, and no matter how hard I try, he is always on my mind.
I shouldn't have pushed him away like that, and he didn't show up again that night. Or the night after that.
I didn't see him again after that for a long while.