It turns out that there is more to Barabar than I had initially thought.

Underneath the valley-like center area was a massive open area, pillars supporting the ceiling evenly placed a hundred feet apart in squares and tables placed around the area randomly.

[What is this?]

Baby rubs his hands as he answers, grinning widely. "This, Null, is the bar. I already know what to get you - there's actually an ant menu for the fhuma races."

Leading me over to a large circular counter, he leans on it and raps the wooden top. "I need the most powerful drink you've got - this guy needs some relaxation."

Hmmm... drinks can be imbued with power? I wonder if I would get more powerful by consuming it.

The hooded form of the Woodsman rose from the floor, spikes ridging his false cloak as he sees me, but answers politely. "Here you go."

He places a glass of thick liquid in front of me, and I take a dubious look at it.

[You're sure this will work?]

Baby's already downing a second glass and grins at me, his eyes crossing slightly. "Ohhh, yeah. This'll work all right."

Joule sounds a little concerned. [Null, I don't know about this...]

I grab the glass in my mandibles carefully and tilt the liquid into my mouth. [What's the worst that can happen? It's just a drink.]

Looking over at Baby, I realize he's starting to look a little distorted. It's hilarious.

[Hehe. Joule, look at the baby. At Baby, I mean.]

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

[How in Noah's name did you get drunk that fast?]

The ground is tilting, and I adjust my footing to make sure I don't slip. [Joule, have I ever told you how much I appreciate you?]

[Uhhh, no. But I think you should find somewhere to sit down.]

What an excellent idea! I drop to the ground with a slam, my legs splaying outwards as the bottom of my body hits the floor.

The Woodsman hilariously stands over me, arms crossed. "You have a very weak constitution."

[No, you have a weak cons-contu-constushum.]

My words are starting to feel weird in my head, so I stop trying to make them sensify.

Stumbling to my feet, antennae waving wildly, I almost tripped and starting laughing. Lungs are so funny that way.

Baby slaps a hand on my carapace, grinning. "Ya know, I really like you, buddy. You're-" he hiccuped loudly. "-you're all right."

I nudged him with a long leg, huffing air out of my mouth and talking with pheromones. [You're weak and pitiful. And your fighting is terrible. And I want to eat you most of the time.]

He chuckled. "I love you too, buddy! Let's - let's find Alice and say hi."

[Let's eat her!]

He laughed. "I can't wait to see her face!"

Stumbling across the floor, Baby and I headed upstairs, trying to find the fuzzy human that hates me.

A weird bubbly feeling pushes up from my lungs, and a thunderous hiccup escapes my mouth. It's the funniest thing I've ever heard, and Baby agrees, laughing raucously. "Null - wait, wait. We're drunk, we can't say hi."

I think about it for a moment. Since when did thinking make my brain soft around the edges?

[What if we say we're not drunk?]

He leans on my carapace, chuckling. "I don - I don't unnerstamd - whoa." He toppled over and hit the floor with a crash, his eyes closed in a blissful expression.

It looks fun, so I copy it, dropping to the ground with a satisfying thunk. [J - Joule, you gotta get in onnis.]

Joule explodes from my shell, and there's a weird expression on her face that I can't really identify. It makes me feel small and sad.

[Joule! Whazzz... what's up?]

She grabs me by the head, lifting me into the air, and black starts channeling through her hands. Almost instantly, my head clears and my thoughts crystallize.

[What was that?]

Setting me down, Joule sighs. "Null, I don't think you should ever drink liquor. Your void amplified the effects because you thought it would be an improvement. It wasn't."

[Wait, what happened? Why is Baby on the floor?]

She looks me in the eye and groans, dragging a hand across her face. "Null, you got drunk and I purged it out of your system by converting it directly to void energy. Please go find a room and get some sleep."

I don't really know what happened.

But I think I want to try it again some time.