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Painful truths

So, the new 'couple' spends the next few days talking about wedding preparations and going on romantic dates, while Sam keeps browsing the internet and searches through the towns antique bookstore, hoping to find answers to their problem. On one of these dates, Cass and Dean walk through the fields, come by a small bench and sit down. Dean tells Cass about how much better he feels, being able to call him his boyfriend, fiancé, husband to be... How happy he is to spend time with him and see him every day. Cass comments how relieved he is that he's feeling better. He lies about being exited for the wedding, and says something along the lines of: “I want you to be happy. And of course you can tell me anything.”

So, without warning, Dean gets up, only to kneel over Cass' lap instead. He holds on to the back of the bench, not touching Cass, but starts to talk to him instead. How much he loves him, how he wants to please him and finally, how he wants to make love to him! Cass is overwhelmed and unsure what to do, so he just looks up into his 'lovers' eyes. Dean meanwhile continues: “I want to explore your whole body with my mouth, kissing you, licking you, tickling every inch of you! I want to make you giggle, make you laugh, make you moan, make you beg, make you scream my name! I want you so much! You are all that I think about, my first thought each morning and my last one at night. I want to... I want to become one with you, Cass, and I don't care how we do it! I'll love to take you, I'll love to feel you take me, I just want to melt together with you! Oh God, I want you so much right now! Babe, I know, I promised, but... can I at least kiss you? Touch you? Anything? I'm... I...”

Dean is panting and seems to have another fever. Cass had to really hold back, but now that he sees his friend suffer again, he decides to let it all slide: “Dean? If you really need to, then you may kiss me, okay? But you have to promise me something.” “Yes, yes, anything for you my love! Oh, I want you, I need you, I'll do anything, everything, just name it!”, Dean is eager to oblige. Cass on the other hand is close to tears as he demands: “You have to promise me, that you won't hate me! No matter what, but please, don't hate me for this! I just want you to feel better, nothing more, I'm... I...” The tears start rolling and Dean is shocked: “No love, don't cry! Of course I won't hate you, how could I ever hate you!”, he starts kissing the tears away, “I will love you forever, my dear, my darling, my angel Castiel! I love you and I always will!” He keeps kissing, but Cass keeps crying, despite all the warm words and whispers. He does however take Dean into his arms and holds him tight, rubbing over his back, his sides, his thighs, even his legs and his perfect tight bottom. Dean holds up his reassurances, but moves closer and closer to Cass' mouth with every kiss.

When their lips finally meet, Cass can't think anymore and simply surrenders into the kiss, while Dean's mouth holds him captive. The kiss deepens, Dean is the first to stick his tongue out and gently rub over Cass' soft, wet lips, making him moan, making him want more, making him completely give up. The kiss seems to last for hours, their tongues telling each other stories of desire. Dean's hands are on the back of Castiel's head, fondling through his hair, while his body is gently rocking back and forth. When they finally break apart, darkness surrounds them. The sun has set, but neither has noticed. Cass needs a while to come back to his senses. Just as he is about to realize the horrid sin he has committed, Dean whispers: “You truly are my angel! You carried me to heaven, and brought me back down safely! Thank you!”

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Cass somehow manages to get Dean of him without caving in under his emotions. They quietly make their way back through the darkness, careful with their steps. Crickets are singing and the air is warm and smells of hay. The seraph still tries to retain his composure when Dean leans in once more: “I must say, you really know how to turn me on, baby! I even came in my pants, like some naughty teenager! Twice! I'm pleasantly surprised of what a good kisser you are.” Oh boy. Cass had just started to feel more leveled too. And now this. So as they walk back to their current apartment, Castiel has to look the other way to hide the tears that are streaming down his face again. He's so weak and sad, he doesn't even react when Dean grabs his hand. He simply lets it happen.

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When they come home, Sam starts to make accusations, because they were gone so long. But when he sees Cass' face, he quiets down. The angel manages to get Dean into the bathroom, so that he can talk to the younger Winchester. “What happened, where have you been?”, he inquires. But Cass simply asks back: “Do you have something, anything we can give Dean to stop this madness? I can't take it anymore! He is just so... so...” Sam notices that Castiel is trembling and is suddenly alert: “Wait, did he... did he attack you? Did he pull some stunt to, uhm, I mean, I thought you were too strong for him, but maybe...” “What? What do you mean, Sam, you aren't making sense!”, Cass responds unnerved. “Did he try to rape you?“, Sam asks, his face suddenly dead serious and deeply worried.

Castiel is taken aback by this assumption. He hisses: “No Sam, he didn't and he would never do something like that! How can you even think that?” “Hey, he would never try to woo you either and now look where we are!”, Sam gives back. Ouch. That stung. “So, what happened?”, he continues, “I told you his desires would only grow over time. Even if 'marrying you' as a promise seems to help him pull himself together, I'm not blind! I notice how he comes to stand closer to you every day, how the pet names and the 'unintentional' touching increase, Cass! And we both know that Dean has been through too much to just assume he is human and that's it! So if the spell makes him want you to such an extend that he can't handle himself anymore, I worry! For the both of you.”

This makes sense in such a painful way, that Cass decides to just tell the truth: “I... We kissed. And it got dark without one of us noticing.” Sam stares at him, puzzled: “Say what? You two made out for three hours??? What the fuck, dude! Why?” Cass answers: “Because he was in distress again! I didn't know what to do, so I allowed him to kiss me.” “For three hours?”, Sam raises an eyebrow in skepticismscepsis. And then it suddenly dawns on him: “Wait, you wanted him to kiss...” “No! I just didn't want him in pain again. And anyway, we were walking around the fields and then we talked on a bench and THEN he started to get stressed again! So it wasn't three hours.”, Cass hurries to make clear, all the while not looking at Sam. “Yeeaaah, riiight.”, he responds, “And that is all?”

All of a sudden Castiel is feeling very lonely, isolated with his forbidden feelings. He would so like to confess to Sam, share the affection he has for his brother, tell him about all the agony of being so close to Dean and at the same time condemned to keeping his actions in check. But what good would it do? So instead he reposes the earlier question: “Did you find some cure for him, or not?” Sam shakes his head: “Sadly, still nothing. But I got an idea where Samantha might be hiding! We should check it out tomorrow.” Well, that was all Cass could hope for right now. At least Dean is content enough not to make any strong demands this night.

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