Dean suddenly gets very quiet. After some minutes, he opens the door, steps out into the rain and goes over to the bench. There he stands, looks down at the wood, while his clothes get soaked, and shoves the ring back into his pocket. He closes his eyes, opens them again, takes another step towards the bench. And now he can see Cass, clear as day, sitting below him, looking up, crying. He's crying before him, and he didn't do something to stop it! No, he was probably the cause. 'Is that where you kissed for three hours?' Oh my God, what had he done! That must have been really unpleasant for his friend. And what if that wasn't the whole story? Three hours, goddammit, that's enough time to... do things he really shouldn't be doing with a friend! Especially Cass! He was an angel, he was pure, he shouldn't be used like...
'Oh Cass, I'm so sorry!', Dean cries, feeling his heart break. He kneels down, right into a puddle, rests his arms on the bench and buries his head inside, weeping. And praying. Confessing. Apologizing. Everything at once: 'Castiel, I know, you asked me not to call out to you, and now I know why! I'm so sorry Cass, I'm sorry I put you through these things, I'm sorry for what I've done to you, I'm sorry you had to suffer so much, and I'm sorry that I made you cry! I still don't remember what I really did, and Sam doesn't know it, but I bet it was awful, because you went away, and now I miss you so much... Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't be selfish, you probably have so much pain inside you, from what I did to you. I really don't know, I can't remember, but I want to apologize so much! Cass, if you can ever forgive me, please come back! I swear I'll never touch you again, you don't even have to come near me, but I just wanna know, you're okay! I'm sorry, please come back!'
As he is thinking this, Dean feels as though his heart is being swallowed by a dark void, chilling him to the bone. He feels so much agony, so much loss and a burning pain in his spine. Then, all of a sudden, the feeling is gone, and warmth is spreading through his body, fighting away the cold of the rain, and the hurt in his chest. The bench is no longer hard and wet, but soft like a cushion, and dry. And warm. And uneven? Dean is about to open his eyes, when he feels a hand, petting over his wet hair, and he jumps back, frightened. He looks up and there is Castiel, real Castiel, not just a memory. Sitting on the bench, getting dowsed by the rain, giving him a small smile, his hand hovering over his lap.
“Cass!”, he shouts, surprised, but happy, giving out a short laugh. But then the guilt comes back and he looks down, trying not to come close to the angel again. Still kneeling in the puddle, not looking at him, he says: “Cass, I'm so sorry for what happened, I won't do it again, I swear!” The angel's hand sinks and he quietly answers: “Yes. I know. I know you'd never do that again...” Dean's so full of remorse, he doesn't notice the sad undertone in Castiel's voice. Still looking down, he states: “I wish I could make it up to you.” But then his head jerks up, and staring into Cass' face with his own weeping eyes, pries: “Did it hurt?” When Castiel raises an eyebrow in confusion, he quickly adds: “Did I hurt you, when... we were here... those three hours? Did it hurt?” Now Castiel has to turn away, and getting up answers gloomy: “It wasn't your fault. And it's okay. Other things hurt me far worse.” “I'm so sorry Cass! I'm sorry I did this to you!”, Dean repeats, also getting up, trying his best to keep his distance although he'd love nothing more than to give his friend a hug to comfort him.
“Will you stop apologizing!? I said it's fine. Those three hours weren't the problem!”, the angel suddenly bursts out. Dean staggers back and with fear asks: “Oh God... don't say I've done worse! Did I...” “NO!”, Cass now yells through the pouring rain, finally soaked. Dean's face looks at him puzzled, his tears washed away, but the burden of guilt still wearing on him. Then Cass comes to stand close to Dean, and with a tortured expression explains: “It wasn't those three hours. It was those three and a half weeks, that hurt me. Your constant: 'Cass I love you, Cass I love you, I can't be without you, my honey, my darling, my baby, my love, my... my angel!' You looking at me, as though I was the sun and the stars, tearing up whenever you thought I was cross with you, getting jealous of Sam for heaven's sake, if he dared just talk to me for a minute! That hurt! That was horrible, all this fake affection, this fake emotion, this fake love, that hurt, because it just showed me, that, that... that that's something that would never ever happen! That it would never be real. That hurt!”
Castiel had gotten louder and louder, waving his hands, getting Dean to back up scared. Bewildered, he blurts: “But... you cried! I remember it. And Sam said, I made you kiss me...” “Yes.”, Cass shoots back, yet when the question marks above Dean's head still seem to increase, he weakly admits: “As I said, that wasn't the problem. In fact, those three hours were the only time I was even remotely happy.” He steps still closer to Dean, and this time his longing eyes are on the hunter, as he confesses: “You still don't get it, do you Dean? When... When you were stressed again, I just wanted to help, but when you kissed me like that... I stopped thinking. I stopped worrying. I suddenly just... felt. I felt... loved. I didn't care, that it was fake, I was so happy, I... I could finally understand, why it's something you mortals are willing to kill or die for. When it was over, and I came back to my senses, and was about to die of shame, you found a really good way to describe how it felt. You said: 'Wow. You really are my angel. You carried me to heaven and brought me back down safely. Thanks.' And I felt guilty, because I so wanted you to mean it! Because I really love... you.”
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Dean stares at Cass, and Cass stares at Dean. There is rumble in the distance from thunder heading their way, and it's getting darker, but the two gaze at each other, overwhelmed, unsure what to do. Then Castiel decides, that he shouldn't have said, what he said and wants to disappear, but in that second Dean grabs his arm and shouts: “No!” Castiel's eyes get big and Dean lets go again, but urges him: “Please, don't leave again angel!” And when Cass doesn't move, Dean reaches for his shoulder, presses it, letting some of the water run through his fingers, to plead: “Don't go. Please. Cass, I need you. Please come with me.” There is another silence. “Okay.”, the angel then replies hushed.
And he doesn't even flinch, when Dean takes his hand, and gently pulls him with him towards the car. He keeps quiet, as he opens the door to let Cass sit in the back, and still says nothing, when instead of letting go, he climbs in after, to sit next to him. Sam, who didn't disturb them while they were talking in the rain, is now perplexed by the sight and has to ask: “Everything alright again between you two?” “Hmm. Could you please drive, Sam?”, Dean answers without letting go of Cass, neither with his hand nor his eyes. Cass seems unable to take his eyes off the hunter too, so Sam shrugs, scoots over into the driver seat and starts the car again. Then it's quiet for some minutes, just the rain, and the coming thunder over the humming of the Impala.
Finally Castiel notes: “Dean? I'm not gonna suddenly disappear, if you let go!” The other blinks, before giving back: “Do you want me to stop?” “Well, not really. But I think you should try drying off, before you catch a cold.”, Cass answers. “You're completely soaked too!”, Dean states, so that Sam tunes in: “Yeah, you two should ditch those wet clothes, you're not being kind to the seats you know!” Cass eyes him, gets back to Dean and, turning red, remarks: “But then we have to take them off.” He's nervous, but Dean presses his hand re-assuring and hums: “I can look the other way, if you want.”
Castiel shakes his head, and they start to remove their top clothing, like jacket, coat, shirts and tie. After that Dean immediately takes Castiel's hand again. Then he starts to undo his shoes with his free hand, kicks them off, rolls down his socks, and moves to unbuckle his belt, but stops to view Cass with worry and state: “I can keep them on, if you like.” Cass decides to try a joke and replies: “And deny me the pleasure of seeing your sexy legs? No way!” This gets everyone to freeze, and Castiel starts to feel uneasy, but then Dean begins to laugh, and giggles: “Wow, Cass, you're... you're savage, baby!” Cass had also started chuckling, but is instantly serious again, and this time it's Sam who slams on the brakes, turning to the two and yelling: “Alright, what the devil is going on between you? I knew about you, but you? Bro, what the hell?”
He skips from Cass to Dean, but both men give him a helpless look, to start talking at the same time. Cass asks: “What do you mean, you knew?” Dean states: “I just made a funny comment!” Cass exclaims: “I never told you anything!”, while Dean argues: “And anyways, what does it matter, he's my husband, isn't he?” Now both Castiel and Sam stare at Dean with concern and Cass tries to loosen his grip, but Dean looks at their joined hands and then, realizing something, pulls out the ring he had shoved into his pocket. He looks at the angel and takes a deep breath, to ask: “Cass, you dropped this in my room, when you left. Would you like to have it back? Because, if you do, it would make me very happy!”
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The other two eye him with even more worry, and Cass, starting to feel betrayed, muses: “Maybe the spell wasn't broken completely... I shouldn't have come back.” Hearing this, Dean gets scared, then angry. But he simply closes his eyes, squeezes Castiel's hand once more and calmly asks: “Sam, did I slash my wrists again, after Cass left?” “No.”, Sam states and Dean follows up: “Did I talk about missing him?” His bro tries to explain: “Not much, no. Though you did miss...”, but gets interrupted: “Did I seem weird to you, or was I able to still do, what we do: Kick some demon-ass whenever possible?!” His brother confesses: “Well... It was half of both... I mean you were still making breakfast, and cleaning up, and you couldn't sleep alone at first, and you kept the ring to ward off women, which was all really weird, but otherwise... It was like the other times Cass was gone: You do your best, but you start... missing him... right away! Whoa, wait!”
Dean opens his eyes again and gives Cass a long look, saying: “Maybe it's not the spell. Maybe I just finally realized something. I don't want you gone again! I want you here, by my side. I want to know you're okay. I want to be able to talk to you. And make you laugh. And hold you, when you're sad. I just want to be there for you. And if that's weird, then I don't wanna be normal!” Castiel looks as though he's close to tears again, Sam's eyes keep getting bigger and his jaw starts dropping as more and more puzzle pieces fall into place, and Dean holds out the ring once more, to prompt: “Waddaya say Cass! Wanna be weird with me?” And when the angel starts grimacing, giving a tiny nod, Dean slips the ring back on his finger, to hold on to him with both hands, tears forming in his eyes.
“Well, guess you may now kiss the bride!”, Sam laconically states, turning around to start up the car again. When the engine roars, he adds: “But don't get too cuddly back there, okay? I don't want highway patrol to stop us, because you guys went down on each other in the backseat!” But the two ignore him. Cass is too busy feeling his heart explode from joy overload, and Dean is occupied with ogling his friend, smiling from ear to ear. Later, the two finally strip their pants and cuddle up under a blanket, and Castiel, pressed against Dean's warm chest, feeling his heart beat for him, for the first time asks himself, if angels can die of happiness.
✝ The end ✝