"The odour of sanctity is just refined stench of existence." - Mgla, Exercises in Futility I.

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One can’t easily claim the world is wrong, oblivious to what crawls beyond.

Beneath our cynicism and egotism, we’ll always squirm as one

We're just bubbling muck in the tapestry we belong

To be consumed and then repurposed no soon we're overthrown.

Even our own body is not ours to call our own

Flesh and blood are borrowed and given back with interest when death reclaims

Our soul held prisoner inside squirming limbs in decay

Human existence bartered for a maggot's feast, a legacy cast away.

From the primordial cesspool, the foul hands of mankind come

Determined to lift an empire to the detriment of their own

All there is is for us to consume and then begone

Then take the pulp of what is left and distill it down until we're done.

Delusions of a merciful god comforts men to live on

While cold, darkened skies care not for our own

Judging too precious our heartbeats and soul

Our putrid core from the source comes, a sight to behold.

Tendrils of madness thrash with our mind

Curling and merging, the curse from the ages

Revealing the truth hidden in plain sight:

We're vile's extension, its flapping appendages.

Our life sold for parts, our humanity as souvenir

Ignoring the suffering bestowed on our peer

Claw our way through the night, drink from it with a gaping mouth

We're at the mercy of the smile in the darkness we feed from.

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Oh great, the alarm again. I wake from a roiling nightmare into another.

I open my eyes disappointed for not having died in my sleep once more. God, is it too much for a girl like me to ask for?

So many ways to die in my sleep, and God could have just picked one: aneurysm, heart attack, stroke, spontaneous combustion… Yet, I must wake up to confront our crappy reality once more. Well, at least it's Friday, so maybe not everything is terrible.

I gather my strength to sit in my bed, pushing down my crumpled sheets. Slept on my clothes again, didn't even bother removing my shoes. What time did I arrive home yesterday? I don't even know. Lol. Mom will be all over my ass. If only I gave a fuck.

I sighed and sat down just a bit longer. Who knows, maybe I can still die, and avoid going to school altogether. But alas, it doesn't happen. Guess my exceptional physique nurtured by marijuana and alcohol isn't making it easy on death. Guess I'll go to the bathroom first.

I dodge my messy dimly lit room to the next one, trampling my scattered clothes, rock band posters, and pencils as I run my hands through my long clumped black, sweaty hair. I stare at the mirror. Forgot to put out my makeup as well, what a dummy.

I give it a deep sniff. Ah yes. Whore, my favorite.

Between my slutty goth clothes, choker, and makeup covering my pale skin and panda-gray eyes, I try hard to remember the happy little girl I once was. Must be down below all this emotional mud that covers the girl I see now. I'll take a bath to try shaking it off and brush my teeth while I'm at it.

The water washes away my makeup, but not the dirt in my soul. No amount of cleaning can do that anymore, I think. Nothing can fill up the hollowness I have inside of me…

… Well, maybe a fat cock would do, but I haven't got any yet, not for lack of trying. Still, I doubt it.

As I get ready for another day, I leave my room just in time to catch Father leaving for work, Mom by his side.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

He gives me a sad stare as our eyes catch up. I hold the stare and blast him with my sight until he gives up and moves along. No use making that victim's face to me, he knows damn well what he's done.

He doesn't even try to talk to me anymore, which is good. But mom keeps giving me this heartfelt stare as I walk down to have breakfast. Gosh, I hate that so much.

This annoying bitch should just leave me alone, but there she comes to "help" again. My body already contracts in anticipation.

- Sarah, dear? - she says, a bit insecure.

I nod, without raising my head, as I take a slice of bread.

- I was- me and your dad were thinking, maybe you should go to college next year?

I freeze in disbelief that she brought that up once again, but I play along for now:

- Really? - I say, sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

- We are really worried, dear. - she says as she sits beside me, in her most patronizing tone that I hate so much - you're already 17 and almost finishing high school, and you don't have any plans for the future. We talked about this, just choose anything sweetie, me and dad will pay for whatever you want to do.

Support me she says, what a load of crap. They didn't do anything as I delved into depression, even as I spent days on end in my room, by the bed. Even as I repeatedly failed to find and maintain friends. They still think I'm the cute, little happy girl daughter of my childhood, and fail to see how things changed.

I can hardly pay she notices, as the most bizarre news ever starts rolling in the TV. Is it that old grafting hoax again? Can't believe the kind of crap people fall for these days.

- Yeah, yeah, I know, mom. - I say, angrily - don't worry, okay? I am giving it thought, I'm just… considering my options.

I wasn't. The future was crap, I really couldn't picture myself in it, but the bitch needed to keep asking.

She stares at me, a mix of sympathy and sadness in her gaze. She starts talking again about how much she loves me and how she will always be there for me, but I'm not listening.

When she starts talking, literally anything else becomes more interesting. But right now specifically, that messed up news caught my attention.

- … Right, Sarah? - she says, and in response, I pick up the remote and raise the TV volume.

She turns around to watch it with me.

- … as 2 more corpses were found this morning. Police are contacting scientific authorities all around the world to try to come up with an explanation. Witnesses allegedly saw the man being able to move the third arm haphazardly grafted to its tórax and deliver a knife strike into the officer. The National Guard denies any such allegation and calls it the next chapter of a hoax that's been rolling on social media ever since the start of the year. The man was sent to the local hospital, and his status is unclear. Further investigation is pending.

I scoff at the news. I'm more used to the usual petty thievery, murder for ridiculous reasons, and politicians divesting money from poor kids, but that is kind of entertaining.

- Whoa. Can you believe what the youngsters are doing these days? - I say, sarcastically - I wonder if next week's fashion will include multiple pairs of legs. I might get the enhancement myself.

I say in a joking tone, but Mom just stares at me horrified. I sigh and roll my eyes at her lack of dark humor. So much for trying to make conversation with her. I should've known better.

- Fuck me, I guess. See ya, mom.

I say, as I get up with my school bag and head out. She actually took her time to yell this:

- Mind the language, miss!

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Fucking stupid middle-of-nowhere city, hope to see it catch fire one day. By the amount of dead trees and leaves, as well as smokers, it just might.

I pull up my hoodie as I walk down the same stupid path to the same useless school from ever, through the same ugly landscape filled with gray buildings left to rot, and ugly ass houses with poorly kept neighborhoods. The graffiti could do worse though, I am actually pretty fond of it, particularly the breasty women with the cat ears right around here. Such vivid imagination, the artist has. These places are not too bad to hang around either, particularly for kids my age.

I turn on my headphones as I pass down through the same old streets, filled with the same futile people, and put on the heaviest song I can find, not as much to listen to as to completely numb my senses, ignoring the volume of safety warnings. "Oh wow, she's such a rebel!", yes. Yes, I am. Beats being a mindless sheep. I don't care if you take me for an edgy bitch. At least that makes me fit somewhere.

Makes me… fit.

Am I forgetting something? Just got this weird feeling that I forgot something important, like a sudden jolt piercing my thoughts. I was having the most surreal dream tonight, but I can't remember what it was about. Could that be it?

It's probably nothing, it always is.

Anyway, I get it, I complain a lot. Mom would say something along the lines "but the children in Africa…", as if I had anything to do with that. I get it that my life is better than most can claim, I get it that Father can provide for us with that stupid white neck job of his, but why should I feel any less miserable for that? Oh yes, so happy for having money, and an ever-so-absent father, working an ever-so-useless job by defending the very people that destroy our city, and our world as a consequence. I should be grateful for his choosing to destroy his marriage and miss every single music concert of his daughter.

Shit, got a bit too riled up, let me cool down a bit. My blood boils to think about that crap. Let's start again.

Why should I feel any better for Crazy-eye Bob, my favorite beggar - oh hey, there he is! Such a nice dude, always that goofy toothless smile on his face, despite eating from the trash bin and sleeping in the open. He still smiles and waves for me every time, giving me the deepest life advice:

- In life, good is paid with evil! - he says, as I give him the usual matinal bread.

I swear, some days he teaches me more than school does. I bask in the newfound wisdom and move on as usual. Well, where was I? Oh yes.

Do people really expect me to be happy just because my life is "good"? Fuck everyone else, I guess? Do people really live by that motto? And yet, I am the bitch? All there is is for us to consume and then begone, I guess?

Wait… Where did I hear that before?

As usual, my thoughts take away the burden of the journey, as the school is just around the corner already. You can tell for two reasons: first, there is the ungodly amount of screeching, as most kids seem to copy from chimpanzees, much like their IQ. Secondly, the agglomeration around the building premises is also very ape-like in quality. Untold rules of social norms and superiority dictate who gets to feel superior to others, like the group of the bitches that get to lash out at the group of nerds, for instance. Humankind finds an excuse to excerpt dominance at what is perceived as their lesser, a necessity of violence. There is also the group of flamboyant heterosexual males who feel like they rule the world. If only they knew.

Wait… what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Goddammit, what's wrong with me today? Did I use too many drugs last night?

The school alarm takes my thoughts from less darkened horizons, and I proceed to my class for another productive day, by that, I mean a lot of snoozing off and doodling in my notebook. Another day here comes…