Candles flickered on the altar. Two monstrous figures were dimly silhouetted against the wall of the church. Their shadows rose high above the heavy wooden doors. Between them stood a witch dressed in the hide of a strange blue creature.

"Hey, where's the inn?" said the witch's familiar as it flicked its blue tongue.

Its unblinking reptilian eyes gazed through Father Isaac's soul.

He summoned up his courage and asked: "R-Raku-Tak, is that your name?"

"Yeah." It said. "Your English is really good."

Every time it spoke, the priest caught brief glimpses of its pink, fleshy mouth and its sharp, venomous fangs.

"Raku-Tak." Father Isaac mumbled as he dispelled primal terror. "I am afraid we do not have anything of the sort. We have not seen travelers for many years. But rest assured you will have lodging."

"How much for two nights?" said the one named Chou.

Father Isaac stared blankly at the witch.

"Money. How much money do we have to pay you to stay for two nights?" said Chou.

"I remember that word." said Father Isaac. "As I recall, money is a useless but uniform item that is given in exchange for useful and varied things."

"That's a funny way of putting it." said Chou. "But yeah I think you're right."

Confused, Raku-Tak reached into its pockets and gave him a slip of paper. "Here's fifty bucks. Will this do?"

He marveled at the banknote. It was intricately decorated with faces and motifs he did not understand. "What can I buy with this?"

"Five lunches at a fast food place or fifty kilos of flour." said Raku-Tak.

Fifty kilos of flour sounded good.

"Please allow me a minute to arrange for your accommodations." he said.

"Cool, thanks!" said Raku-Tak.

Father Isaac hurried back into his office. Carter was standing there, fidgeting and nervous. Yet there was a determined look in her eye.

"Are you sure?" he asked as he picked out a glass bottle from a shelf. He held it firmly in both hands.

"Yes I'm sure." said Carter.

"Then be ready." Said Father Isaac as he removed the stopper.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

He began to recite a prayer of protection as he dipped his finger in the bottle. As he chanted he daubed scented oil on Carter's forehead in the shape of an ancient sigil. The priest shut his eyes and made a series of gestures to conclude the rite. Carter did the same.

"God be with you. Now go forth."

...

Chou and Raku-Tak gawked at Carter's home like it was a museum exhibit.

"Woah this place is rustic!" chirped Chou.

"Does this place have a toilet?" babbled Raku-Tak.

The boy with the cat ears - Carter couldn't remember his name - just stood hunched over right by them, scowling. His hands were deep in his pockets.

"Thanks for letting us crash here." he deadpanned. "We have sleeping bags so do you mind if we sleep by the fireplace? You see, Raku really doesn't like the cold."

"I mean if you'd like to, of course." Carter said. "And there's a latrine two minute's walk down the road. We share it with the Mandeville family so knock before you enter."

"So does that mean there's no bathroom?" Chou asked.

"A what?"

"A room with a toilet, a sink, and a shower. And a litterbox -" Chou nudged the catboy with her shoulder.

Akai didn't say anything, but Chou saw he was a bit embarrassed. Just a little bit.

Carter had a look of utter confusion on her face. "What are you saying? I don't know what any of those words mean!"

"Toilet, sink, or shower?" Chou said.

"All of them." Carter said.

Raku-Tak leaned close to Chou. "Well that explains it!"

Both chuckled.

"C'mon, don't say that!" Chou said.

"I know what a bath is. So I take it a bathroom is a room where you take a bath." Carter said. "I don't think I've heard of anything like that, but I have this."

She went over to the other side of the living room and brought over a bathtub made from a huge wooden barrel. As she dragged it along the floor it made a terrible grinding noise. It'd been sawn in half with the rough edges sanded down. At the bottom was a bar of soap and a huge brush. Chou reached in and picked up the heavy thing. It had to be at least a kilo. It was greasy and didn't smell anything like soap. It smelled like lard.

Carter tapped the side of the bathtub. "You know what to do. Boil some water. Get in."

"Where's the tap?" Chou said.

Carter sighed. She turned around and stared at the wall.

Her eyebags had become pretty noticeable since her sister disappeared, but by now they looked as if you could flick them like the jowls of a pitbull. Which was something Chou was tempted to try. Carter sighed again. Were these the people who were going to help find Jessica?

She probably couldn't hear what they were saying, but it would have brought her little reassurance to hear Akai say "Chou - these are savages, they probably get their water from a well outside somewhere -"

"How was I supposed to know that?!"

A noise interrupted her sudden malaise. It was a crinkling sound unlike anything she had heard before. Raku-Tak was holding a shiny paper bag. It was brightly coloured on the outside and silvery and reflective on the inside.

He pointed a scaly finger into the bag. "These are chips. Wanna try some?"

Carter peered in. It was full of thin, curved wafers. She picked out a chip. It felt rough on her fingers, yet smooth at the same time. She hesitated. It could be poisonous. So she nibbled a bit off the edge. It was crunchy yet at the same time it had a smooth, greasy texture filling her mouth with more salt and umami than she'd ever tasted in her life, and a hundred spices she couldn't name.

She put the rest of the chip in her mouth and slumped down on a chair, staring off into the distance.

"Is she okay?" Chou said.

Akai wheezed with frustration. "Raku, you-"

"Relax bro! C'mon!"

"Last time you did that they thought we'd poisoned them!"

"But we didn't and they understood!"

At this point Carter didn't care for their squabbling. By now a third of the bag was gone. For a moment she realized these frivolous dandies had never known hunger or desperation in their lives. Maybe that was why they didn't seem to take anything seriously. As much as he hated to admit it, Carter wished she could be like them.