Chapter 86 – A Personal Dilemma – Holly Hayfield

Despite voluntarily excusing herself out of yesterday’s afterschool activity, Lilith was upset. She felt left out of something important and was jealous that she wasn’t there to see everything for herself. She was even more upset by the fact that I waited until late at night to call her rather than calling her the moment I got home. She was behaving distantly ever since our morning student council meeting. I thought she’d be over this little tantrum by lunch but it persisted into the afternoon. I was starting to get the feeling that there was more to this than feeling left out.

If it were anyone else I may have given them more time and space to think things over before I approached them about it. Lilith, however, was a unique case. Knowing her, she’d probably only get more resentful as time went on. She was hardheaded in the sense that she sometimes overlooked someone else’s perspective. That was why I wanted to talk to her immediately and set the record straight.

Sometimes I’d go and get set up in the student council room during study hall. Even if I didn’t have anyone scheduled for counseling, I’d be there for random walk-ins. The walk-ins were rare, but they happened often enough that I wanted to be ready to receive them a few times a week. When I went into the Library I found that Lilith was already in the library putting away books. As usual, she had her headphones on while she was doing this. This familiar sight inspired me to try lifting her spirits in a different way.

I sneaked up behind her and hugged her from behind. I expected that she might drop the book that she was holding in surprise. She was stoically unmoved.

“Holly, let go of me.” She said plainly.

The way she was passively resisting my hug without being outright violent was like a newly adopted cat. She was used to me doing this enough that she didn’t freak out from it, but still had mixed feelings about this type of contact. That being the case, I let go of her just like she asked. She didn’t take off her headphones or even turn to look back at me. She just carried on putting away library books from the cart like nothing happened. Feeling aggravated, I took her by the shoulders and spun her towards me.

“Come on Lilith, you can’t stay upset forever.” I said. “We were sure that you didn’t want to go with us yesterday. It wasn’t like we were intentionally leaving you behind.”

Lilith avoided looking me in the eyes as I talked to her. Somehow that hurt more than her following silence.

“The girls of the student council are your friends. We wouldn’t do something to purposely hurt you.” I said. “If you feel like something is wrong then you’ve got to speak to me. Otherwise I’ll never be able to correct it. I didn’t imagine you’d be this upset about missing out on Sofi’s occult meeting.”

Lilith finally returned my gaze and lowered her headphones down to her shoulders.

“That’s not really what I’m upset about. I mean, I did miss out on something huge, but you’re right that I chose to stay behind.”

I released my hands from her shoulders now that she was finally talking.

“Then what’s wrong? I feel like you’ve been distant all day. You hardly said a word at the morning meeting or at lunch.” I said.

Lilith sighed.

“It’s not you. It’s Zoe.” Lilith said. “Zoe called me after you finished talking to me over the phone.”

"That's a good thing... Isn't it?" I asked.

"Well..." Lilith started to say as she reached out for another book.

I put my hand on the same book to get her to stop working and talk this out. She needed my counseling more than anyone else right now.

"It's okay to have mixed feelings about this. She used to be your close friend, right?"

"Honestly, we were never really that close. Well, not the way you and I are." She said.

I beamed happily at this. Lilith finally cracked a smile and pushed me away a little.

"You know what I mean! Don't let that go to your head." She said with a laugh.

I laughed with her.

"You mean that you had a more rigid friendship with her?"

"I guess you could put it that way. Although, I don't think I'd even call it that. We argued all the time and barely got along. Despite that, we were all that we had for a long time. Then when we went our separate ways we were both pretty much alone."

I grimaced.

"That's depressing. I take it you were both working on the school website?"

"That was always more of Zoe's thing, but I helped her with it from time to time. I just needed a quiet place to read."

"Can you tell me what went wrong between you two to cause such a rift?"

Lilith looked towards the ground.

"The sad thing is that there wasn't really any defining reason for us to seperate. It was just a long buildup of different things that led to a final arguement between us. After that, we couldn't stand to be around each other anymore."

"It sounds like a love-hate relationship."

"That's what it was. She's a smart person and we both enjoyed reading. It wasn't all bad times between us. It's just that those bad times defined our time together more than the good times."

I was glad to see that she wasn't holding things back from me today. She had a problem and we talked about it in a healthy manner. This was probably something she struggled with when Zoe was her closest friend. They were too much alike. It was easy to imagine them butting heads like that.

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"So you said that she called you. Do you care to talk about the details? If it's too personal then I'll understand. You don't have to tell me now."

"No," Lilith said, "I want to talk to you about this. Maybe this isn't the best place though..."

"We could talk in the student council room. That's where I usually counsel people anyways."

"Ugh, no," Lilith said. "If I'm lying down on the couch in there while talking about my feelings in a therapy session with you I'll feel like a basket-case."

I tried to force back a pained half-smile.

"That's an outdated way of thinking. There's nothing wrong with seeking help through therapy."

"Sorry, but that just wouldn't feel right with me." She said. "But, I've got another idea. Do you think you could come over to my place for a while after school?"

"On a school night...?" I asked, "Would your aunt and uncle be okay with that?"

Lilith rolled her eyes.

"They've literally been begging me to bring you back over. You've seen how they are."

I was pleasantly suprised at this.

"Alright, then it’s a date!"

"Don't go calling it that." Lilith said frankly, "I'll need your help finishing with the library clean up. Then we'll go to my place once the student council meeting is over."

"Let's get to work cleaning up right away." I said.

Tidying up didn't take long since the library wasn't all that dirty to begin with. Our student council meeting was equally brief, perhaps more brief than usual. Alison and Charlotte were present again. We couldn't afford to talk about Alyssa's situation because of their presence. Alyssa showed up after the meeting to confirm that Sofi was still absent from their club room. Valentina was the one to offer to talk to her in private.

We all felt bad for Alyssa. She was going through the type of loneliness that all of the student council had felt at one point. That's why it felt natural for Val to be the one to talk to her. This type of thing was personal to her. Alyssa probably didn't even know it because Val never showed weakness outside of our group. Rather, Val rarely showed weakness at all. That type of knowledge only came from understanding her broken up personality.

Jay joined Val in going to speak with Alyssa. Sam gave me a hug goodbye and left to join with Naomi's group. After I made a call to my mom I was ready to go to Lilith's place. Only, our plans changed somewhat. Once Lilith told her aunt that I was coming over she insisted on coming to pick us up from school herself. Lilith argued with her about it over the phone but it was clear that her aunt wasn't going to take no as an answer.

I always thought that Lilith was a bit at odds with her aunt given their night and day differences in personality. However my opinion was evolving after being in the car with them for so long as Margaret took us through a drive-thru restaurant. Although it sounded like they were arguing a lot, Margaret had a way of poking and proding Lilith out of her shell. Lilith was actually quite talkative with her aunt, enough that I truly felt a feeling of warmth between them. I had newfound respect for Margaret.

"Ugh! I thought she'd never shut up!" Lilith said as we made it into her bedroom, "Sorry you had to put up with what I put up with every day!"

I laughed.

"It sounds like you really love your aunt. You have to admit it was nice of her to buy an after school meal for us."

Lilith hopped onto her bed and kicked off her shoes.

"She does that from time to time then turns around to complain about how I put on a few pounds and need to go outside more."

"It sounds like she really loves you too."

"What she loves is having a living doll to play with." Lilith said, "But I didn't bring you here to talk about my annoying aunt. I brought you hear to talk about my annoying ex-friend."

“What did the two of you talk about when she called you?”

“That’s just the thing. We hardly even managed to talk about the whole ‘Matriarch’ thing. Zoe’s too aggressive and has a habit of bringing up the past for no reason. I can’t be blamed for defending myself but Zoe wants to put all the blame on me.”

“That’s why you were feeling down earlier?” I asked.

Lilith lied back on her bed and stretched her arms out.

“It’s not like I wanted things to descend into arguments and debates. Why the hell is she so petty? I was willing to move on… When I saw that it was her calling I thought she might feel the same way. Instead, we’re in an even deeper hole than before.” Lilith said with a sigh.

I was beginning to understand. Lilith was signaling that she was ready to pick things back up with Zoe and work towards a better friendship. Zoe was still resentful of everything that happened and brought it back up. Any chance they had at reconciliation was due to the fact that they couldn’t bury the hatchet. I was jealous of Zoe’s earlier friendship with Lilith before, but now that I understood the full details I was willing to admit that I was being petty myself. It’d be for the best if the two of them really could make up and move on.

I sat down on the bed beside Lilith.

“I want to help you.” I said frankly. “I think it’s good that you were willing to overlook everything that happened in the past.

Lilith sat back up upon hearing this.

“Well, maybe not everything,” Lilith said, “She still…”

I put a hand inches away from Lilith’s mouth to stop her.

“Ah, let’s stop that sentence right there. You had the right idea. You’ve got to stop looking back and face forward. Let bygones be bygones.” I said carefully.

Lilith sighed again and rolled her head back dramatically.

“Oh great, now I really am getting the basket-case treatment, aren’t I?” She asked.

“Instead, look at it like this. You’re getting some relationship advice to reconnect with her and pick things back up.”

“That sounds even worse!”

I laughed.

“How about you let me mediate between you two?” I asked.

“What would that entail?”

“You’ll speak to her in person while I act as a third party. Essentially, I’ll act like a referee and steer you both back on course if things start to break down.”

“There’s no way she’ll agree to that.”

“She might if Erica’s there too.”

“That sounds like it might be a pain in the ass.”

“Maybe, but this could be your chance to talk to her about how you really feel.”

“You really love sappy lines like that, don’t you? I can’t imagine Zoe taking me seriously for even a moment if I came to her like that. You don’t know her as well as I do.”

“True,” I said, “But there’s something more to all this. There’s a reason that you’ll have to offer her the olive branch. She’s the one with the video of the occult meeting.”

“You’re right about that…”

“Make that video your primary goal if it’ll help motivate you. Attempting to repair things with Zoe can just be a bonus objective.”

“Putting it like that makes it sound incredibly impersonal.”

“I figured you’d prefer that over my ‘sappy lines’, as you called them.”

“I do, actually. Where would we start with all this? Do we just march down to the newspaper clubroom tomorrow and knock on their door? How would you handle this?”

“First, I think we need to make a short courtesy call letting her know that we’ll do exactly that. That way she has time to mentally prepare herself and gather her thoughts.”

“You mean prepare her ammunition.” Lilith said cynically, “I can’t help but imagine her spending that time planning a narrative to sell the moment we arrive.”

“I’ll be the one to call her and tell her that this is all in good faith.” I said, “Maybe if she understands that we need to get along for practical reasons then she’ll be more willing to oblige.”

Lilith took her phone out, unlocked it, and then began scrolling through her contacts.

“I was hoping you’d say that. I want more time to prepare my ammunition also.”

I clicked my tongue.

“You…”

“Here you go.” Lilith said as she handed me her phone. “I already pressed dial.”

“Wait, you wha…?”

Someone was already picking up on the other side of the line.

“Lilith…?” Zoe asked.

“Zoe!” I said in surprise.

“Who is this?” Zoe asked.

“This is Holly Hayfield.” I said.

“Holly!” Zoe said, “Why are you calling from Lilith’s number?”

“I’m at her house right now and we wanted to talk about a few things.”

“Me too,” Zoe said, “Actually, you called me at a perfect time. I’ve been thinking about getting in touch with you through Erica. I guess I don’t need to go that far anymore.”

“Oh…?” I asked, “You were interested in having a meeting with Lilith too?”

Lilith raised her eyebrows in astonishment.

“What…?” Zoe asked in confusion, “No, I think I’ve figured out something serious.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve got a lead on the identity of the Matriarch. You’re going to want to see this for yourself tomorrow at school.”