Chapter 110 – The Complicated Truth – Silver Brooks

Holly stayed over late into the night, against her earlier intentions. When her mother called about picking her up she asked to postpone the arrangement. She was the most serious tutor that I ever had, and that was saying something. My mother often tried to give me intense, joyless teachers as some form of punishment. Luckily Holly was more patient and understanding than any of them. She took her time and made sure I understood something before moving on. I actually wished that I could have her as a teacher more often.

My parents asked her to stay for dinner since we were finishing up just as dinner was ready. She agreed and gave her mother a call to let her know. I thought that it might be fun to have a friend other than Casper over for dinner. I was wrong. Holly gave my parents a thorough rundown of where I was struggling and how I could improve. Ideally this information would be utilized when it came time to hire another tutor. Knowing exactly where I needed help the most meant that I’d benefit from a more specialized set of instructors.

I understood on a logical level why she was telling them this, but that didn’t make it any less painful to hear at the dinner table. It made me the center of attention in a way that I didn’t like. My parents were far less likely to be considerate about this information and more likely to use it as a point of criticism. What’s worse is that Addison was at the dinner table too and injected her two cents whenever she could get the chance. Holly realized this about halfway through dinner and thankfully changed the topic to some of the positive changes being made to our school in the recent year. My parents were impressed with the progress that Holly’s student council has made and they both had to make stupid comments on how they wished I could be more like them.

By the time the whole thing was over Holly tried to apologize for the situation, but I asked her to forget it. My family was my problem and I expected something like this when we all sat down to eat dinner together. At least Holly had good intentions. She just didn’t know how annoying my parents would be. She was definitely beginning to know how annoying Addison could be, however. After dinner we were talking in my bedroom when Addison came in and started pestering Holly with inconsiderate questions about Holly’s life at our school. Unlike our parents, Addison was trying hard to learn why Holly was expelled from her original school. Holly was obviously uncomfortable with this line of questioning and tried to steer the conversation away from the topic. Addison steered the conversation right back every time like the little rat that she was.

Holly seemed relieved when her ride home showed up in the middle of all this. Addison was sorely disappointed that she never found out the reason that Holly was expelled and had a poor attitude about it. I told the brat to get lost while I saw Holly to the door. My mother saw only half of this activity and told me to stop picking on my little sister. She said that Addison could help see Holly off if she wanted to. Holly laughed, but I was incredibly pissed off. Holly gave me a hug when we stepped outside. Then, because she saw Holly give me a hug, Addison demanded one from her as well. I wanted to kick Addison off the porch with my full strength, but unfortunately Holly’s arms were already around her.

When Holly went home I was left feeling incredibly lonely in the wake of this new information. She asked me to keep most of these bloody details to myself, given that they were meant to be kept private in the first place. Not only that, but she insinuated that if the vice principal and Officer Morelli knew that I knew then my life might be in danger. I didn’t doubt that for a second given the fact that the two of them were involved in covering up multiple murders now! The fact that one was a police officer made this much more complicated. Who could be trusted?

I was lying in bed, staring up blankly at my bedroom ceiling. It was hard not to feel crushed and overwhelmed by everything that I learned. I knew that I had no right to complain since I went digging for more information about it. I could’ve stopped when Sam got involved but I refused. Maybe deep down I was like Perri in the sense that I wanted all of this to be a ruse. The harsh reality of the truth was a cold slap in the face.

Addison knocked on my door furiously, probably trying to ask me questions about Holly. I ignored her as I tossed and turned in bed. An hour went by and I couldn’t so much as close my eyes to get a wink of sleep. Then another hour went by and I was feeling too restless now to fall asleep. My colorful imagination was working tirelessly as I vividly recalled Holly’s entire story. Holly was a truthful person which was why I couldn’t dismiss this as just some rumor. The fact that it was her delivering it made it that much more credible.

As I was still lying in bed with my eyes closed I heard tapping at the window. The window opened and Casper started crawling her way through. She didn’t notice me in my blankets and looked around the room curiously as she pulled herself in.

“I’m over here, little miss cat burglar.” I said.

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She was halfway through the window when she tried quickly turning towards me and fell face first onto the floor. I laughed as she pulled herself up.

“That never gets old!” I said. “One of these days you’re going to get brain damage from that!”

“Pfft,” She said as she got up and wiped herself off, “One of these days you’re going to have a real cat burglar crawling through your window if you always keep it unlocked.”

“You are a real cat burglar,” I said playfully. “Who else crawls into someone’s window this late at night? That is real criminal behavior!”

My laugh was cut short as I painfully recalled the criminal behavior Holly told me about earlier. Casper noticed my sudden change in tone.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“It’s… Nothing…”

Casper sat on the edge of the bed and kicked her shoes off. She slid into the covers beside me and slid up next to me. She poked a finger into my side and grinned

“What do you mean nothing…? I know how you behave when there’s definitely something…”

“It… Well…”

“Well…?”

I struggled to find an appropriate answer to explain the anxiety I was currently feeling. She playfully continued to poke at my side, prodding me for an answer. I laughed and fought to push her hands away with little success. She knew all of my ticklish spots by now and wasn’t afraid to exploit that information. Once I knew she had won I gave up trying to fight her. Instead of tickling more, she put her arms around me and put her face close up to mine.

“Come on. Tell me what’s wrong…” She said.

I stared at her eye-to-eye at an intimately close distance. I couldn’t lie to her like this, not to her face. I couldn’t tell her the truth, either. The truth was far more depressing and I didn’t want to unload all that onto my closest friend. Telling her a theory about what I saw was one thing. Telling her about an actual secret murder was another. I loved her dearly and didn’t want her to experience the sense of hopelessness that I was feeling.

“It’s complicated.” I said seriously. “Let’s just drop it.”

She gave me an equally serious look.

“That’s unlike you,” She noted, “Since when have you ever kept a secret from me?”

“I don’t think I have…”

“Exactly,” She said, “So maybe you should just…”

She started to close in for a kiss and I froze in place. This was another complication in my life that had been going on for a while. Ever since she joined Naomi’s group our relationship changed in an unordinary way. Our group had the habit of being close and physically free with each other, to a certain extent. This meant different things to different members as there was no written rulebook. In my experience, however, all the kisses we shared were light and mostly friendly in nature. With the exception of a couple of girls that I typically avoided, everyone knew to keep things to a limit.

Casper was nothing like that, at least not with me. With the other girls she was reserved, but when she was alone with me she became another person. The moment she learned that I was okay with kissing her she immediately took advantage of it in a way that I didn’t expect. I started to wonder if she just loved kissing or if she always harbored feelings for me. Since I knew her before joining Naomi’s group this made things difficult for me. My relationship with her was more important to me than my place in Naomi’s group. That’s why I was straight-forward about setting some boundaries between us. She didn’t like this and always resisted my pushback.

I put my hand in front of her lips to stop her.

“We talked about this…” I reminded her.

“Why not…?” She asked, “You kiss the other girls all the time.”

“I peck the other girls on the lips lightly. You… You’re on a whole different level and you know it.”

“I’ll hold myself back this time.” She said.

“I’ve heard that before.”

“You’ll never kiss me again?” She asked with puppy-dog eyes.

“I’m not falling for that, either.” I said firmly.

She sat up enough to roll me over so that I was lying flat on my back. She pinned me in place and brought her face close to mine. This more aggressive behavior didn’t mean anything to me either. This was part of a routine with her recently. The only thing that changed was that now I had a proper excuse. I put my hand over her lips again to stop her as she came close.

“I’m getting serious with Perri.” I said to her plainly.

She didn’t respond to that. She just gave me a dull look like this was something that I had come up with on the fly.

“I’m serious,” I said. “We’ve made a real connection recently and…”

Casper moved off of me and sat up on the edge of the bed.

“Forget it, I’ll just go home.” She said as she reached for her shoes.

I sat up straight to put my arms around her.

“No, wait.” I said. “I wasn’t trying to send you away… I just want to keep things simple between us. Don’t you understand? You’re more to me than the girls I’ve met in our school group. I don’t want to risk that.”

She turned back to give me a curious look.

“Really…?” She asked.

“Why else would I try to keep things the same between us? I don’t want anything to change. Ever since I moved here you’ve been important to me. Why risk that?”

She looked down at the ground for a moment like she was trying to think of something to say. She had a complicated look on her face but let it go with a sigh and a shrug of her shoulders. She lied back down and got beneath the covers before responding.

“Then how about we talk about something else?” She asked. “There’s a movie that I think we should watch together. I’ve been reading some reviews and I think you’re going to like it!”

She’d never know how happy it made me to hear her say that. I lied down beside her.

“Tell me all about it,” I said.

We ended up talking for hours and I was glad for her company. Maybe I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be but I felt like this was better than risking what we built over several years. In a group like ours the line between friend and lover was easy to overlook if one wasn’t careful. That was mostly how Perri and I came to be a pair. In regards to someone I had known since before joining Naomi’s group, however, I felt like I needed to make the line clear for myself. If not, I might actually end up falling for my best friend without even realizing it.