Now that I had a chance to appreciate it, the carnage we’d wrought was unbelievable. The massive bodies of the giant hogs were surrounded by dozens of mosquitoes, most of them blown apart by rifle fire. More clumps of mosquitoes were dotted all over the area, often intermixed with termites. The giant skunk was almost as big as a boar, but Jason’s lightning bolt had fried it quite effectively. Then there were three owls the size of dogs, each with its head blown apart by one of Sheryl’s impossibly precise shots, and a mound of dead insects surrounding her original position.

Just how many monsters had we killed? At least fifty or sixty mosquitoes, and well over a hundred termites. No wonder we were all on our last dregs of ammo. Even so, I couldn’t help but think we’d done a lot better than we should have.

The monsters had been clumsy and disorganized, attacking in separate groups instead of all together. Counting the initial termite attack, this had all been four or five partially overlapping ambushes instead of one big one. But even so, I had to wonder how we were still alive. Surely the System wasn’t balanced to let newbie adventuring parties carve their way through monster hordes like this? It made leveling up too easy.

As I gathered mist balls from another clump of mosquitoes, I decided that was a question worth looking into.

“System, is information about intended game balance available to me?”

It might be, if System’s makers had been competent enough at game design to engineer a stable meta. But such queries are irrelevant in any event, as human culture is resulting in unprecedented outcomes.

“Really? I wouldn’t have expected us to be that special. I’m sure the Army is mowing down monsters like it’s easy, but that doesn’t help the rest of us.

Within four hours of Adventure Zone initialization sixty percent of all humans on this continent were armed with weapons capable of killing all but the most durable monsters. This is unprecedented. In System’s experience any species with such a widespread desire for personal weapons should be too fractious to develop beyond the bronze age.

“Heh. That’s humans for you. A bunch of bloodthirsty killer apes, but somehow we manage to cooperate most of the time. So I guess we’re way ahead of the power curve.”

System has some hope of avoiding genocide. Although monitoring of your leaders remains a constant source of pessimism. A normal species would take weeks to think of farming their own members for enhancement resources.

“That’s the problem with zealots. They can justify anything to themselves. Well, thanks for the info, but I’d better get moving before something comes looking for us.”

Amazingly enough, no one was dead. Bob and Jason both turned up while we were harvesting mist balls, and by the time we’d finished a quick sweep of the battlefield everyone could move under their own power again. Hooray for post-battle level ups.

We gathered under a big tree that didn’t do nearly enough to break up the ongoing downpour.

“This is our chance to break contact,” I announced, raising my voice to be heard over the rain. “If we leave the road here the monsters won’t be able to follow our trail, and nothing is going to be flying until the rain stops. But we need someplace to hole up and rest until the weather clears. Anyone have a suggestion?”

The locals all looked at each other.

“I don’t even know where we are,” Hana complained.

“I’m not taking my phone out in this weather,” Sheryl said. “It’s supposed to be waterproof, but as much as I’ve been banged around today I’m not trusting that.”

I glanced at my System map, but it wasn’t much help. All it showed was the territory we’d covered on foot over the last few hours, surrounded by a hazy fog of war effect. Well, it did warn us that losing access to our online mapping apps would reduce the quality of the System service to match. I suppose I was looking at the version low-tech civilizations would get.

“What about the shaking shack?” Anthony suggested.

“Wasn’t that further down, near town?” Dale asked.

“No, we passed the Parson place just a little while ago. I reckon the shack’s off that way, maybe a half mile or so. If we bear right just a little we should hit the track that leads out there from the road, and then we can follow it in.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s the shaking shack?” Jenny asked. “Some abandoned cabin where the local kids go to make out?”

“Pretty much,” Jason said. “Not that I’ve ever been there.”

“It’s not actually abandoned,” Dale said. “The story is the bank foreclosed on the place years ago, but they couldn’t find a buyer and the realtor eventually gave up on it. It’s off the grid, but there’s some old furniture and the roof doesn’t leak. Much.”

“Sounds like you’ve been there a lot,” Jenny teased. “Who’s the lucky girl?”

Dale rubbed the back of his neck. “She went off to college.”

“Alright, that sounds like a good way to get out of the rain,” I said. “Let’s get out of here, before something comes back. Anthony, lead the way.”

We set off into the woods.

It was still so dark my night vision barely helped, only now we had a curtain of rain making things worse. The heavy canopy overhead broke it up some, but trees don’t exactly come equipped with rain gutters. Streams of water fell from the trees everywhere, and flurries of fat droplets pelted us when the wind gusted. Here and there the canopy thinned, and a patch of heavy rain made it through to turn the ground into mud.

“This sucks,” Jenny grumbled. “It isn’t even cooling things off much. I guess the water’s too warm?”

“I just hope we don’t get attacked again,” Dale put in. “We’re in no shape for another fight.”

“How would anything find us?” Jenny asked.

She had a point. Nothing with an animal’s instincts was going to be out in this. Even if there was a demon or something, it would have to stumble on us by pure luck.

“I’m so tired,” Hana declared. “I just want to go home. Please, God, let me make it home.”

“We’ll make it, Hana,” I tried to reassure her. “Just a little further. Shasa, Mitsi, can you guys make sure we don’t stumble into another of those carnivorous plants?”

Somehow both of the animal girls had ended up next to me. Shasa nodded. “Okay, Tom. I can keep going a little longer.”

“Can’t we just put someone useless in front?” Mitsi complained. “I don’t know how you’re still moving. My feet hurt, and I’m soaking wet, and the world keeps wobbling.”

“Oh, shit. That’s not good,” Jenny said.

I thought about the differences between cats and humans. Yeah, I should have realized that could be a problem. I paused to sweep Mitsi up into my arms, winced, and renewed the pain block on my ruined hand.

“Eep! Oh. Okay,” Mitsi said, sounding dazed. She leaned into my chest, and I realized she was panting.

“She get poisoned or something?” Jenny asked.

I shook my head. “Humans are endurance hunters. So are wolves, so a dog can keep up with us. Cat’s aren’t. They’re built for short bursts of intense activity, with lots of rest in between. It feels like she was about to pass out.”

“She’s not the only one. Putting points in fitness helps, but it’s weird. It’s like it doesn’t make me any less tired, it just means I can dig deeper and make myself keep going.”

That was why I wanted to hole up and recover, instead of pushing on for the town. The simplified status screen was the only version I could work with on the move, and I didn’t see anything there that looked like it would substitute for rest. There weren’t any fatigue points, or hit points, or anything else that seemed to actively track our current physical state. It was all about permanent changes, not temporary fixes. We were all on our last legs, so the only option was to hole up and rest.

Maybe we should break out the magic apples? Vitality sounded like it might help. But no, those things were too valuable to gamble with. Besides, it was obvious that everyone in this group had sunk points into health and fitness buffs. It wouldn’t take much of a break before we were ready for action again.

Anthony navigated with a compass he’d borrowed from Earl. He seemed confident about where he was going, but Dale became increasingly skeptical as we traveled. Finally we came to an open field full of half-grown crops of some kind, and Anthony paused to scratch his head.

Dale shook his head. “Admit it, you’re lost. There weren’t any corn fields this close to the shack.”

“You haven’t been there in months, Dale. How would you know? Besides, we’re coming at it from the back side. Yeah, I think this is the place that agrobusiness bought out. It should be right over that rise.”

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

Anthony started to step forward, but Dale and Sasha both grabbed his arms.

“I smell fresh blood,” Shasa said.

“Yeah, don’t you think it’s weird the field isn’t overgrown with trees by now?” Dale pointed out. “I’d bet dollars to doughnuts, if you go out there the plants will try to eat you.”

“Anthony, how sure are you about this?” I asked.

He peered uncertainly into the darkness, and checked the compass again. “Pretty sure? The System map isn’t much use right now, but the lay of the land looks right.”

“Alright, we’ll give it a bit longer,” I decided. “Circle around the field, and everyone keep an eye out for grabby plants.”

Tiny as she was, Mitsi seemed to get heavier with every step. We made it around the field without incident. The ground started to rise as we ventured deeper into the jungle, and I worried about what other threats we might encounter. We were a lot closer to town than when we’d started this march, but there was another big stretch of uninhabited land ahead of us.

“I still don’t see the trail,” Dale complained, some minutes later.

“We’re almost there,” Anthony insisted. “Just a little further. This must be that patch of pine woods next to… oh.”

We’d come to another break in the jungle. A flash of lightning showed a large pond directly in front of us, blocking our path. To the left I caught a momentary glimpse of what might be the road in the distance. On our right the ground rose in a steep, rocky slope that would make further progress difficult.

“There aren’t any ponds near the shaking shack,” Dale declared.

“Um, yeah,” Anthony conceded sheepishly. “Guess I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.”

Tyler slumped against a tree, breathing heavily. “Could use a little break, guys.”

Hana checked him worriedly. “He needs rest. We all do. Come on, there’s got to be somewhere we can get out of the rain.”

Mitsi pointed. “What’s that?”

I squinted into the gloom. Was there a darker spot against the darkness of the slope?

“Could be a cave,” Earl said. “You get those in these parts, right?”

Sheryl nodded. “Yeah, a few. There’s one that’s a tourist spot, but there’s no way we drifted that far west.”

“We should check it out,” Dale suggested. “Might be a giant bear den or something, but even that would work.”

“You take my spear,” Jenny said, offering him the weapon. “If we run into something big I want to stay mobile.”

After the last fight we were down to two spears, and everyone was low on ammo. I considered our options for a moment, and nodded. “Shasa in the middle, Dale and Earl on either side with the spears. Jason, Bob and I in the second rank. If we meet something big, the front rank keeps it busy while we take it down. Jason, I assume rain is an issue for your spells?”

“Spark Missiles won’t work. Lightning Bolt will, but it might throw off my aim.”

“Okay, we’ll try to engage in the cave mouth. Front rank, don’t go standing in puddles. Hana, stay behind me with Sheryl and Anthony. Tyler, Jenny, Mitsi, watch our rear and make sure nothing sneaks up on us.”

“I’m not bear bait? Great, I like this plan,” Jenny said.

Mitsi was less optimistic. “Standing in the rain. Yuck.”

We cautiously made our way across a stretch of broken ground dotted with bushes, with the rain pounding down on us. Ahead was a steep slope strewn with boulders. In better conditions it wouldn’t be hard to climb, but right now the sheets of water cascading down it would make that impossible.

Sure enough, the dark spot resolved into a cave mouth. It was a good ten or twelve feet wide, much too big to be an animal den even if it wasn’t dug out of rock. But the way the ground sloped around the entrance should prevent much water from getting inside.

Was that strange? I didn’t know enough about caves to say. It seemed suspiciously convenient, but that might just be paranoia talking.

“I can’t see anything in there,” Dale complained. “We’ll need a light.”

“I’ve got one,” Sheryl said, pulling something out of a pocket. “Here it comes.”

She held up one arm, and I squinted as a powerful flashlight beam swept across the cave. The light revealed nothing but dirt and rock.

“Move up slowly, and check your corners,” I ordered.

“Nothing here,” Earl said as the first rank moved in out of the rain.

“Empty nook,” Dale confirmed.

“I don’t see anything, but I smell something weird,” Shasa said.

A few more steps, and the second rank was inside.

“Weird, like what?” I asked.

“I’m not sure. There’s lots of machine smells, like cars and guns and burny stuff, and maybe food too, only it’s all different from what I’m used to.”

“Machinery in a cave?” Hana asked, stepping around me to look deeper into the cave. It twisted around enough that I couldn’t tell how far back it went.

“Maybe someone is setting up a hideout?” Dale suggested.

“There aren’t any people here except us,” Shasa said.

Anthony pushed past me. “Good, then we can all get out of the rain and relax. Looks like there’s plenty of room.”

We’d advanced another few feet, but now everyone in the back was spilling past me to get out of the rain. The front ranks were starting to relax, and I figured we were probably good. But carelessness could become a habit all too quickly.

“Stay sharp until we finish checking the place, everyone,” I said. “Front rank, let’s advance slowly until we find the back of the cave, and make sure there’s nothing lurking there.”

“Aw, don’t be so paranoid,” Anthony objected. “If there was anything here it would have jumped out at us by now.”

“Better safe than dead,” I insisted.

“Yeah, getting eaten is bad,” Shasa said. “Here I go.”

Earl stayed professional, sticking to his place on Shasa’s left, while Dale halfheartedly tagged along to the right. Jason and Bob both looked around uncertainly, but decided to humor me. The rear ranks started falling out to lean against the walls and catch their breath, which wasn’t ideal. But they wouldn’t be able to see past us to shoot at a threat anyway, and Sheryl and Jenny were still watching the entrance. Good enough.

The cave twisted and turned, rising and falling a bit before dead-ending maybe thirty feet back from the entrance. There was a small pool of water at the back, but no sign of anything alive. I gave a silent sigh of relief.

“Looks like we finally caught a break,” Dale said. “Let’s get back to the entrance and take a load off.”

Shasa looked around, with a frown of confusion on her face. “Wait, then where’s all the stuff I can smell?”

Earl dropped to one knee, carefully examining the floor. “That’s not the only mystery here. This floor is rocky enough that it’s no surprise there aren’t any tracks. But a cave like this, with a water source in it, ought to attract some kind of life. Bats, bugs, lizards, something. This place is so bare, there isn’t even any scat from previous visitors.

Dale had walked a few steps before pausing to hear Earl out. Now he turned to look at him. “You’re saying, it’s like nothing ever visits the cave?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Bob abruptly stopped leaning on the wall, and looked around nervously. “Like, maybe it wasn’t here two days ago? Guys, how sure are we that the System doesn’t make dungeons?”

A roar from the behind us cut off my reply.

In the time it took to turn around there was a scream and several gunshots. We rushed back to the front of the cave, and I barely remembered to slow down enough to let Shasa get ahead of me. As we came around the bend Earl’s light illuminated a nightmarish sight.

A towering apparition of fur, metal and bloody teeth had emerged from a hidden door in the side of the cave, and was tearing into our rearguard. It was huge and bulky, like a giant bear, but most of its body was covered in metal plates like some kind of cyborg. Two steel tentacles tipped with long spikes loomed over its shoulders, and steam poured from a lump on its back.

We arrived just in time to see it disembowel Anthony.

“The eyes are bulletproof!” Sheryl screamed, backing away from the thing.

“So are the plates,” Jenny complained, dodging a striking tentacle.

Hana scrabbled back on all fours, trying to get away from the thing before it noticed her. She was practically at the monster’s feet.

“A monster robot?” Jason said. “I’ll save you, Hana! Lightning Bolt!”

The concussion turned the cave into an echo chamber. My ears rang, and I barely turned my head in time to avoid having a giant purple afterimage engraved on my retinas. But the bear cyborg’s roar told me the attack hadn’t disabled it.

Wait, shouldn’t that have shorted out the thing’s electronics? Unless it ran on magic instead.

“I’m coming, Jenny!”

Oh, no.

My loyal dog girl rushed ahead to engage the monster. The towering beast roared at her, and swiped with a limb that ended in a chainsaw instead of a paw. For just a moment I was terrified that she was about to be cut in half.

Instead she confidently blocked it with her shield, matching the giant monster’s strength with her own. Sparks flew as the chainsaw skidded ineffectually across unyielding metal. Shasa’s mace whistled through the air, and smashed into a knee joint.

Dale and Earl rushed up behind her, jabbing at the beast with their spears. Their efforts didn’t damage the creature, but at least they distracted it. We needed more damage on that thing, fast. Sheryl was putting rounds into spots the armor plates didn’t cover, probing for vulnerabilities, but surely everything vital would be protected. Damn it, I was going to have to risk another overpowered missile spell.

The cave wasn’t that big. If this thing saw me casting and decided to interrupt me there was nowhere to hide. I’d be vulnerable for several seconds, and if I had another spell cook off on me prematurely I’d be lucky if I just lost an arm.

One of the tentacles tried to stab Shasa, and punched a hole in her shield when she blocked it. The long, vicious point stopped inches from her face. If one of those hit her body her armor wasn’t going to stop it. I’d just decided I had to take the chance when Bob stepped past me, leveled his rifle, and calmly put a .50 caliber round into the monster’s shoulder.

Whatever this thing was armored with was not remotely tough enough to stand up to an anti-material rifle. The front of the pauldron suddenly acquired a very large hole. The back exploded in a spray of blood and broken metal.

“Go for the head, dumbass!” Sheryl screamed.

“I can’t hit the head, it’s moving too much!”

“Then give me that thing!”

“Look out!” Jenny yelled.

Brave as she was, Shasa couldn’t actually stop the monster from moving around. It ignored another blow from her mace as it brushed Dale aside, and lumbered towards Bob. I ducked to one side, getting away from him so I wouldn’t get caught up in a melee, and started spinning up a force missile. We were going to need it.

Bob fired again, putting a hole in the cyber-bear’s belly, but that didn’t slow it down much. The spiked tentacles rose into the air, waving menacingly, as it approached and he panicked.

“Take it!” He yelled, throwing the rifle in Sheryl’s direction. Then he turned and ran, fleeing blindly towards the back of the cave.

The bear would have caught him in about three steps if Shasa hadn’t caught it from behind, slamming a blow from her mace into the back of one knee. The monster tripped, falling flat on its face, and suddenly Mitsi was standing on its back sinking her claws into its neck. In the same moment Jenny appeared next to Shasa, sawing at its leg with her knives.

The tentacles stabbed backwards at them, not seeming to care whether their host could see their targets. One of them nearly impaled Mitsi, giving the catgirl a nasty gash in her side as she barely dodged. The other one found Tyler staggering over with his rifle, and punched a hole the size of my fist clear through his chest.

Damn it. More penetration. More explosive power. I had to make this shot count.

“Get clear of it!” Sheryl screamed, as the cyborg abomination started to lurch to its feet.

Jenny and Mitsi both seemed to vanish. Shasa backed away, looking uncertainly at her mace, and I realized the head of the weapon had come off in that last swing. It was still embedded in the monster’s knee, which gave it no end of trouble as it tried to stand.

The thunder of that massive rifle filled the cave again. Sheryl confidently took out its good knee, blowing a hole in it that nearly severed the leg. Her second shot took the top of its head off, and the third should have taken out its heart if it had one.

Then the gun clicked empty.

The monster was spewing smoke and steam, but it hadn’t stopped moving. Slowly, it rose onto hands and knees. A deep growl shook the room, and the strange machine on its back split open to reveal two more tentacles tipped with spinning saw blades.

“To hell with that,” I said, and threw my force missile.

The brilliant ball of blue light caught it just below one armpit, punching through a gap between two armor plates to penetrate deep into its body. Then it detonated, with the force of a particularly large hand grenade.

The remains of the monster’s head blew off, and sailed across the room to decorate the wall with a spray of gore. A secondary explosion ripped the machine off its back, bouncing it off the ceiling in an eruption of steam. The great bulk collapsed, and a massive pool of blood and oil started to spread across the floor.

We all watched the thing warily for a long moment, waiting to see if it would move again.

Dungeon Cleared! Congratulations, you have cleared a Bronze ranked dungeon. For this achievement, all members of your group are promoted to the Bronze League. Congratulations, you have somehow endeavored to clear a dungeon before the official activation of the dungeon system. Aren’t you an overachiever? For this accomplishment, all members of your group are awarded the title Dungeon Delver.

I stared at the System announcement for a long moment.

“No matter what we do, the System always finds a new and exciting way to fuck us over,” Jenny said wearily.