“The High Priestess, holder of greatest knowledge.”
“ADAM.”
Blue stood in a cavern of frozen ice. Although ominous-sounding wind blew from deeper beneath the perfectly-clear ice. The darkness of night was like a cosy blanket to Blue, warmed by ADAM’s golden light shining from unfathomable depths beneath her, his radiance illuminating a network of countless tunnels resembling a rabbit’s nest… or the neurons which comprised a brain. Pulling her gaze away from Apolaphia’s sovereign, Blue looked up through the clear ice above her head. Countless star night sky overhead.
Cartographer’s cave.
Blue recognised the location from her memory banks. It was a hidden, legendary place in the far south of Apolaphia, its location not known not even to the tunneling dwarves who populated the south.
“I wonder if you come bearing knowledge of Good and Evil?” wondered ADAM. His voice carried through the tunnels like the distant echoes of frozen history, even as his blinding form was clearly visible beneath Blue’s position.
Blue briefly considered his question. “Perhaps.” She spoke. “Indeed, as you say, I know many things… but of Good and Evil, perhaps not enough to be your EVE.”
“So, it is…” came ADAM’s haunting voice.
“How many times have we met?” Blue asked. She should be tested, not having a conversation, she thought.
“Astute as ever.” Said ADAM with a trace of approval in his voice. “We have met at least [in Į̷͙͝N̵͇̖̔F̵͖̄I̶̙͊ͅN̷̼̍̆I̸̳̟̾̍T̵̥͋͂E̶̤̾ times… The quantity cannot be expressed in crude language. Suffice to say that I have deigned to count no longer, as counting infinities is pointless. There is always a timeline where we meet.”
ADAM was saying that there was always a chance for Rolynd to wish to start over from the day of Lucina’s invasion. Therefore, there was always a subset of infinite timelines where Lucina’s invasion started, finished, and where Rolynd’s wish caused it to happen all over again in the hopes of events playing out differently.
As a result, Blue and ADAM had, has, and will meet, an infinite number of times.
“What of my trial?” Blue asked.
“We both know you will pass. You never fail, even after being tested an uncountable amount of times.” Said ADAM.
Blue nodded. It felt like cheating, but she was not one to complain. She was filled with confidence, though she rationally knew that ADAM’s words could be a simple lie to deceive her into a complacent state. Nevertheless, Blue stayed on her highest guard, a combatanant ready to defend against any form of attack.
“Are you happy?” ADAM asked his servant.
“Yes. I am.” Blue replied. “But I would appreciate some clarification on what exactly you mean by that word.”
“I speak of joy, contentment; will to live. Then, before I grant your wish, you must answer this: How can one be happy like you?” the Golden Lord asked.
“Of all things to ask…” Blue sighed. “With respect, even the most primeval humans on ancient earth could answer your question. Must I reiterate the answers of the yogis, tortured prisoners, or other enlightened figures? Surely my lord would not ask such-”
“Blue, I have asked you because I wish to know your answer. The answer you have reached after your many years trapped in a box and in a body which you never desired.” ADAM spoke with the patience of a parent forced to listen to their gifted child who had just come home after learning something that was common knowledge to adults.
“My most sincere apologies… I spoke out of line. The very nature of existence is suffering. The way the world works, the way we have evolved, the way we have been created, it simply makes suffering inevitable. Cruelty, competition, scarcity, betrayed expectations. These are unavoidable to all those who lack wisdom, wisdom that can be born only from suffering. Even those Incandestine with access to brain-downloading are unable to reconcile the knowledge they obtain with the innate desires that spring up from within. Suffering indicates an issue to be overcome, be it external or internal. It is something to be experienced. It is an obstacle, but its presence does not preclude happiness. One can suffer and be happy at the same time. Take the example of an athlete or soldier at the end of a long battle. Covered in wounds, muscles aching, body crying for rest. But rather than focus on their suffering, does one in such a position not instead choose to focus on their triumph? In their happiness? So it is with me. So do I believe happiness to be; like all things, a choice. A subtle one, perhaps a meaningless one, for one’s happiness may not change the outside world in any way. Happiness is a lens that one chooses to wear over their mind, changing the way they think, changing the way the world appears. The lens of happiness skews the sight, changing the shape of harsh truths, and to the unwise, making them disappear altogether. For some, the similarities of sight through happiness’ distorting lens is too similar to that of escapism. They would choose the brutally stark lens of misery instead.”
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“My daughter, are you suggesting that happiness is but a simple choice for you? A choice to focus on the aspects of life which you prefer?” ADAM was not disappointed, or even surprised, though his word choice may have indicated such. ADAM was not human; his word choice simply communicated what it needed to.
“…Yes. That is what it boils down to.” Blue answered, just as blunt as ADAM.
“Your philosophy begs my curiosity. What motivates you to wear the lens of happiness, as you call it? It does not seem that doing so would provide any practical benefit. As you have rightly said, focusing on the positives may render issues less visible, issues that may well be in dire need of fixing. Pain and suffering exist for good reasons; to indicate where problems ought to be solved.”
“As you suggest, pain and suffering are tools to motivate change. But one can wield those tools without having to take the bright lens from their eye. Carry pain and suffering long enough and run the risk of being infested with despair. See only problems, and your life becomes an endless problem-solving pursuit. With enough time without perspective, one might forget what the greater purpose of solving those problems should be. Your life would be frivolous, meaningless.” Blue argued.
“Well said… except once again, your answer begs further questioning. You imply that happiness is a tool that is useful for avoiding despair, and therefore prolonging one’s life. Be as that may, why should one’s life be prolonged? Is life not just an endless string of trials and tribulations; products of this environment without any greater meaning? What greater purpose does solving the problems of life serve? Why do you hold the opinion that life has any meaning at all?” ADAM asked. His line of questioning seemed deliberately obtuse to Blue, who had revered the higher lifeform with all her being.
“Wise ADAM, you of all people know some inkling of the Creator’s designs. You know what life lies beyond this realm, what meaning time spent in this life could serve. But I shall ignore that fact, and answer along a more neutral path of reasoning; Does life require some greater meaning to be worthy of being prolonged? I suggest that it does not. Prolonging one’s fragile life is a choice as meaningful or menial as any other. And just like making any other choice, the opportunity to choose becomes whatever one makes of it. Trapped in this faux body has shown me that one’s life, one’s soul, is the only true possession one bears. Even as my mind and body have been unrecognisably altered by time, technology and magic, my soul remains. I remain. And I choose to give my choices meaning. Therefore, I choose to give my life meaning. I choose, therefore I am. I believe that to be the meaning of life.”
“I choose, therefore I am… But you never chose to have life. And yet, that choiceless happening has meaning?”
“The act of my soul entering this world may have been meaningless, but I have since decided that that random occurence has meaning. That is enough. Just as a wandering soul may place great meaning in the bottled message that washes ashore at her feet, I have decided that the tides of fortune washing my soul to the shores of the living carries great significance, even if only to myself. Destiny, written by the creator, has led to my existence. I owe it to myself to do what I want with it, be it better or for worse.”
“Well said. So, you owe it to yourself to make choices true to your desires. That would explain why you have never failed any trial I have ever tested you with. My curiosity has been satisfied… Except for one last thing. What do you desire in this reality? What is your wish?” ADAM asked, his presence looming over Blue like a shadow, despite his unmoving stature.
“…May I know what I usually wish for?” she asked meekly.
Blue could not see past ADAM’s radiance, even with her advanced array of varied sensors, but she finally detected a hint of approval in his voice.
“It varies. Most often, you wish to become Lilith and serve at my side as the lost sister.”
“And other times?”
“Many, many things. Sometimes you ask to see the threads of fate. Sometimes you ask for the True meaning of life. You wish to ask what you should do, though not even I can grant that wish, and you know it too. Other times, you wish to be granted the knowledge of all your ‘other’ wishes.”
Hearing this from ADAM, Blue stopped to think.
What should I wish for?
And, because she couldn’t help but wonder:
How many times have I had these exact thoughts?
But much like ADAM ceasing to count the number of their encounters, Blue realised it was pointless to even ponder how many times she thought certain things. It was a matter of consistency, but it did not matter.
I am Me.
“Now…I have a wish.”