The number led to a pay phone outside of a laundromat. Another dead end, or so I thought until I watched a cockroach-faced monster walk out of the laundromat every time the phone rang and jot down notes on a pad of paper before returning inside.

By the end of a single day, the phone must have rung a dozen times, and the cockroach diligently answered every single one but never made an outbound call. The bug never talked to anyone except customers who asked for change, and the notepad never left his pocket.

Around six in the evening, just when I thought I couldn’t look at a stupid roach anymore, an oversized lizard ambled into the laundromat. The cockroach nodded to the lizard, pulled out the notepad, and handed it over.

The lizard thanked the man and left. Finally, some action.

I turned Lily’s ignition and followed the lizard from laundromat to car dealership to donut shop around the city until it must have collected a dozen notebooks. Once the lizard was done, it wound its way back to the water, where a large yacht was moored at the end of a long pier. The lizard wasn’t the only monster to walk down the pier that evening. Three more lumbering beasts, a great ape, a slimy otter, and a Bengal tiger, all headed down to the dock as well. I counted three guards visibly stationed around the dock, with more likely below deck. If there were answers, they were inside that boat.

It was a common misconception that boats were good protection. Their defenses were easily breached with the right spell. I stripped down to my underwear and left everything except my wand in the car. Then, I dove into the water.

“Poced aer,” I said, tapping my head before dipping under the water. The air pocket that formed around me was as important for allowing me to cast spells as for breathing. It was nearly impossible to cast spells underwater otherwise. I kicked under the pier until I reached the boat.

“Turio twll.” A drill shot out of the wand and bore into the bottom of the ship until it had made a two-inch hole, big enough to fill the boat with water and give the bad guys just long enough to run out before it sank. I bored two more holes in different places in the underside of the boat, then swam back to shore.

By the time I dried off, the pier was in chaos. Monsters scrambled all over, trying to stop the leak and figure out what was going on. I had just enough time to get dressed and make it to the head of the dock before the monsters realized there was no way to save their ship.

Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

They rushed off the ship and toward me, one after another. “Evening, boys and girls.”

“Who are you?” the great ape shouted.

“Now, see, you probably don’t know how this works. I have questions, and you have answers. Understood?”

The monsters went for their guns, and I pulled my wand again. “Cwymp!” The pier under them collapsed, sending them all into the water. “Swigen ddŵr!” I spun my wand in a quick circle, and each of the dozen monsters became cocooned in their own water bubble, with only their heads rising from it. “Codi!” The bubbles rose into the air all around me as I moved backward into the street. “Now, I will ask you again—who is the boss here?”

For a moment, none of them spoke, then the weasel cleared its throat. “It’s the frigging rabbit, okay? Now let me go!”

“You rat!” the rabbit screeched. “I’m gonna kill you, traitor!” I moved forward, and the man-sized rabbit with long, furry ears growled at me.

“Is that true?” I said. “Are you the boss?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Well, if that’s true, then you’ve tried to kill me a bunch of times, and that makes me mad. You’ve already seen what I can do when I’m not mad. Care to see what I can do when I am?”

The rabbit gulped. “I ain’t scared of you.”

I pulled off my glasses, my blue and red eyes swirling independently from each other. “You should be. Now, I will ask you again. Are you the boss?”

The rabbit’s nose twitched, trying to fight my power, but it was impossible for a feeble mortal to withstand me for long. “No, I’m not.”

“Good,” I said. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Who is your boss?”

“I ain’t no rat,” the rabbit said, squeezing his eyes shut.

I reached into the water bubble and pulled him out by the throat. With my other hand, I twisted my wand, and all the bubbles fell to the ground. “You are all free to go. If you stay, you’ll suffer the same fate as this bunny here.” The rest of the cadre didn’t think twice before disappearing into the dark night. “You can’t even buy good help these days, can you?”

The bunny kicked his feet in the air. “Let me down.”

“I will,” I replied. “The minute you tell me who hired you.” I squeezed his throat tighter. “Or you die, whichever comes first. Will anyone care about your loyalty in Hell?”

“Fine, fine, fine!” the bunny said. “Aw geez, he ain’t gonna like this.”

“It’s a he? Good. Now we’re getting somewhere. What does he look like?”

“A frigging elk man. I mean, his real form is an elk. He kind of looks like a business prick without it.”

“An Elkman?” I said. “And where can I find him?” I already knew the answer, but I needed confirmation that I wasn’t leaping to the wrong conclusion.

“In Pine Street Market. Gino’s. All right? Now let me down.”

I pulled the bunny close. “If you’re lying to me, I’ll fillet you. I haven’t had rabbit stew in a long time.” I dropped him to the ground. “Now, I need proof that this elk is behind all of this.”

The bunny pointed behind him toward the dock. “Good luck. All of that stuff is in that boat, and it’s headed to the bottom of the ocean.”

I smiled. “I don’t think that will be a problem.”