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The First Horseman
Danger Noodle Teaches Me Magic and Pain

Danger Noodle Teaches Me Magic and Pain

This time I head down the passage opposite of the last one. That giant tunnel is way too open for my comfort, and I have the feeling that the rat wasn’t the main enemy down there. The bestiary even said that it’s uncharacteristically weak for a monster of its tier since it’s a scavenger.

Getting my class has opened a lot of doors for me and gives me the hope I might actually survive this mess. My main goal now is to build up my power and maybe learn magic if I get any clues as to how that works. It’d be dumb not to take advantage of my personal skill, giving someone a compass in a pitch black room still leaves them pretty lost.

The tunnel is about twice my height and just as wide, so thankfully it’s not too cramped. It’s just as disgusting as every other part of this hellhole though. Eventually it ends up dividing and I need pick a direction, and considering that everything looks the fucking same it’s just a coin toss. I decide to just go left, getting lost isn’t much of a problem thanks to the map, so I don’t need to be super careful of my direction.

My nerves are on edge for every step outside the safe zone. After experiencing that rat using its teeth to play tug of war with my leg, I am very apprehensive of getting caught like that again. I still find myself rubbing my leg and picturing what it looked like prior to that health potion, and wondering what would have happened if the store didn’t have one. I am very thankful that the system gave me an out with that potion, but I’d rather not need it at all.

My paranoia eventually pays off, as I narrowly spot a small clump of the filthy muck water move. It shoots out at me, and I throw myself to the side to avoid the spray of piss water. I hear a crack to my side, I look to where it hit and find a small hole in the stone where the blast hit. Ok, noted, don’t get hit. I look back to where the spray came from and see something slither through the muck.

A snake. A big snake. Not as big as the kraken or gator, they wouldn’t be able to fit in here, but its torso was as thick as mine and its jaw could fit my whole head inside it no problem. Its scales which were probably originally a light brown are more sickly and pale, and its eyes were bloodshot. And various parts of it were covered in wet moss.

I back up instinctively, because fuck snakes, and especially fuck giant sewer snakes. And I can see water gather again, and even stranger, I can feel it gather before shooting at me again as I dodge out of the way.

Magic, it was fucking magic. I couldn’t focus on it too much on account of me trying not to die, but I caught a glimpse. I focus closer on it, hoping it would try that spell again so I can get a closer look and maybe try it myself. And I did feel magic gather again towards the snake.

But it was different. It felt much more compact this time, and the… shape(?) was off. I duck as a blade of water emerges and nearly decapitates me.

And there’s that glorious moment of realization. I’m fucking fighting giant magic snakes in a massive sewer with a knife. This is not where I thought I’d end up in life. In prison maybe. In some soulless corporate job more likely. But not whatever the hell this is.

I finish pondering my extremely twisted fate as the blade of water impacts the wall behind me and I leap forward. Yes, forward, toward the massive probably venomous snake with magic. Because I really can’t let it keep attacking me so it’s all or nothing.

I hold my knife in both hands above my head, aiming between its eyes since that’s where the scales are thinnest.

AND I’M GONNA GIVE IT MY FUCKING ALL.

The snake dips to the side, but I do hit its body and penetrate its scales. Pressurized blood spurts out and onto me, I hit an artery. I try and pull the knife back out only to be met with resistance. Oh for fucks sake, what was the point of my upgraded strength if this is what I get?!

The snake snaps at me and I’m forced to let go of the knife to back away. I’m nowhere near fast enough to escape this sentient cum sock though, and it’s bites my arm when I raise it to protect my face.

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OH FUCK.

I have enough adrenaline in my system to replace a toddler’s bloodstream but holy shit it still hurts. Thankfully the giant fangs missed but the rest of its jaw latched on with enough power to break my arm. I try to pull my arm out, fighting through the pain of my bones grinding together, but this vengeful strand of expired spaghetti won’t let go. I try and punch it in the eye, but it keeps twisting its head whenever I try and it's fucking up my arm even more.

And then I feel something bind my legs together. I look down to see the snake’s tail starting to bind me. And now it’s really sinking in just how fucked I am. I have no weapon, no escape, against an opponent much stronger than me.

But there’s no way in fucking hell I’m losing so easily. I still have one option.

I have to speedrun magic.

I saw what the snake did, I just have to replicate that before I get crushed to death. Easy. Thankfully the snake is putting its full attention on keeping me still so it can wrap around me, so I can at least focus purely on learning this.

I focus on that feeling I got when I watched the snake cast magic. The magic felt like… well filthy muck water. Maybe that’s it? Magic that uses sewer water feels like sewer water. Maybe it’s just that simple. I focus on that and try to reach out with my mind. I feel so stupid doing this while under the threat of death, but I actually feel something. I feel the water mentally. I hold onto that mental image. The snake tightens its jaw more, making me grind my teeth and almost lose my mental grasp, but I persist. The tail has wound up to my thighs at this point and leaving no room for my legs to thrash around. I need to move faster.

I try to recall the spell. I got the best look at the sharp blade-like spell, so I’ll use that. I felt the monster compress it, flatten it, kinda like a blade. Oh gee I wonder if there’s a theme here of how magic works. I try to do the same, and as I control the water, I feel something else. My mana leaving me. I have no clue why I know it’s my mana, it’s entirely instinctual. I can even feel how much I have left, like a glass of water I’m gradually pouring out. No time for slow pouring though, I just dump all of my mana into at once and hope for the best.

A feeling of mental exhaustion comes over me, like I just actually tried on a math test without cheating. But I do my best to shake it off. There’s one more step, activating the spell itself. All I remember from the snake is the spell just sort of solidifying.

I can feel the spell being on the brink. The snake has bound me up to my ribs at this point and it’s getting difficult to breathe, I NEED this to happen now. I am NOT dying to this thing!

The spell, oddly enough, reacted to that. It’s… pushing against something. I pour all my emotions of not wanting to die into it, doing my best to force it through. And it’s very hard because the lack of oxygen is making me dizzy. I can feel myself going limp as the spell finally breaks through, I feel blood spray across me, and I drop to the ground.

I groggily open my eyes again, and quickly jump up at remembering my situation. The quick movement makes me wince in pain since my everything is hurting, I look at the mess I made. I see a solid chunk of the snake is just gory chunks, mainly the parts near the head. Guess my spell wasn’t that sharp and ended up being more of a hammer. Fuck I’m lucky the spell didn’t hit me considering how my hand was literally in it’s mouth. It just barely missed me, I can see the two separate parts of its jaw laying on the floor.

I look at my arm that was in those jaws. All of my skin is black from bruised and there’s bone fragments splintering out of the length of it. I put my arm back down and try not to vomit or think about it. I think the only reason I'm not screaming and crying is nerve damage.

You have killed a Lv12 Plagued Simbi! Bonus EXP rewarded for killing an enemy at a higher stage!

[Survivor] has reached Lv3!

[Dagger Technique] has reached Lv2!

You have learned the skill [Magic Manipulation].

You have learned the skill [Water Magic].

Fucking worth it.

I look at the snake’s desecrated corpse and move to desecrate it further. I dismantle it and see what it drops. This bastard owes me.

Health Potion (low quality)

I don’t hesitate in the slightest to slurp down that beautiful gross red syrup. I can hear an audible POP as every bone in my arm goes back to where it’s supposed to be. It feels as gross as it sounds, but when I look back down at my arm it’s healed up again, pristine as can be, so I’m not gonna complain.

Next is a very nice looking dagger.

Serrated Simbi Fang

* A dagger made out of the tooth of a diseased Simbi. When this dagger cuts something living, there is a chance to inflict a disease that will prevent blood clotting.

Oooh, nice. I’m guessing it acts as some kind of blood thinner. This is perfect for hit and run tactics. I really need to work on the ‘run’ part though. These last few fights have fucked me up pretty bad.

Also what the hell is a Simbi? I look in my bestiary.

Plagued Simbi

* An early and weak evolution of the Sambi. Bisimbi are normally quiet beings who live near sources of water and are friendly to the peaceful. This Stage 3 creature has been tainted by its waters and has grown more aggressive and less intelligent as a result.

Stage 3 huh. And here I am, presumably at Stage 1 killing it. Given, it took literally everything I had not to to die, but still. Good on me.

The only thing left is a normal looking iron ring.

Mana Storage Ring (low quality)

* This ring can store up to 200 mana to be used later.

Simple and effective. With my new magic powers, this’ll be useful.

And now to go back and sleep. I’m done with this shithole for today.

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