Chapter 74

What an exhausting day.

That single thought knocks around her head as she stares up at the ceiling. It was dark. As it tended to be in the dead of night. She could make out the vague, angular shape of the wooden structure. It was sturdy. Of course, it would be. She had built it with her own hands. Not her current ones. They were still too delicate and soft for her liking. No. It had been her better self. Sturdier. Prettier.

Her gaze blurs and loses focus and the thought drifts through her fingers.

What an exhausting day. She sinks her claws into the words. Repeats it. Over and over.

It helps.

Her mind is quiet now but still too full. Almost to the point of bursting.

Her headaches were now chronic. Another useless, weak ache. How she hated this body at times. Human and mortal. Too pliant. Too finely boned. And short.

Her lips curl up in disgust.

“Livia?” A raspy voice calls.

Livia blinks. Her dry eyes ache.

She turns her head.

Amaya’s dark, sleepy gaze meets her own blurry red ones.

“What?” Amaya rubs her eyes, letting out a tired sigh, “Why are you still up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Livia intones.

Amaya’s gaze sharpens. She glances over at the bassinet that has been set up by the right side of the bed. But the baby inside rests peacefully.

“How come?” Her tense posture slumps as she cuddles into her pillow, “This is the most comfortable I have been since we left your home.”

“It was not my home,” Livia states instantly.

Amaya gives her a strange look.

Livia returns her gaze to the ceiling.

“You should sleep,” Amaya says.

“I should,” Livia agrees easily with the sole hope it would cause the other woman to shut up. She even closes her eyes. See? She was asleep.

“But you won’t?”

She says nothing. Those who sleep don’t speak. Or at least, most don’t. Humans were annoying like that. Such uselessly complicated little things.

“Or you can’t?” Amaya presses. She was becoming too alert. Livia much preferred it when she had been silent in her unconscious state of sleep.

She was half tempted to force the issue. It wasn’t like the weak human could do anything to stop her. Her power was regained. Fragmented and incomplete as it was, she still had enough of it to easily subdue the traveling companion.

Why did she even have one? She was supposed to be working alone. She was supposed to be alone.

Hadn’t she sworn off those little mortals?

Yes.

She recalls now that she had grown bored. As she always eventually does. So, why was she surrounded by them? She could sense two of them sleeping nearby. No.

Her head tilts.

One.

The other. Female. Barely entering mortal adulthood. That one was strange. Human. For the most part. But why did it seem familiar? The aura it was giving off. It tingled; her mind prickled.

“Livia? Hello?” Her shoulder is lightly shaken, “Come on, I know you aren’t actually sleeping.”

Her thoughts once again race away. Melting into nothing, going back to the fullness in her mind that she was too weak to access.

Her eyes open. They rove over to the traveling companion.

The hand drops from her shoulder.

“Livia...?”

Annoying.

She lifts her hand.

This one should just go to sleep again. Mortals are weak and she had no patience for them now. This is why she wanted to be alone.

“Livia?” Her hand is caught. The companion holds her wrist in a tight grip, “What the hell is wrong with you? Beth was right, you have been acting so strange.”

Honestly. Why did she even hesitate? The moment the little mortal became a nuisance she should have put it to sleep.

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She starts to gather up her power to do just that.

A sharp flash of pain struck like lightning in her mind. She wrenches her grip out of the little thing's hand to grab her head, groaning in pain.

“Livia!”

The room falls away, the voice lowers and the figure sharing her bed thickens, and moves. It’s on top of her now. She struggles, screams, and rages.

How dare they! Nothing as weak as a little mortal could ever overpower her!

She reaches for her power, calling it to her will just as easily as she breathes. Her dark anger blinds her vision as she ponders what to do.

Because the options are endless.

Blood. She wants to make them pay in blood. But how? Should she boil them from the inside? Force it slowly and painfully outside their body until they choke and die on it? Or maybe offer them a knife, coerce them to draw the rich redness from their own flesh-

“Livia! Snap out of it damn it!”

Her head snaps to the side.

Livia blinks rapidly. She stares at the bassinet by the bedside in overwhelming confusion. The room was dark.

When had it gotten so dark?

“Livia? Livia? Hey, are you back? Man, what the hell was that?”

Her stinging face is carefully turned. Livia stares at Amaya, she isn’t surprised by the worry she sees on her face but the barely contained fear gives her pause.

Her thoughts race. Had she lost time? No, that wasn’t right. She was starting to remember. That’s right. After eating dinner, they all had been eager to rest properly in a bed and had retired earlier than usual. Beth, Liliana, Amaya, and her all took the bed since there was plenty of room for them too, while Sen took up residence on the slightly awkwardly large couch.

Livia had settled down to sleep like the rest of them. Only, just as it had nights before, sleep hadn’t easily greeted her. She usually drifted off after an hour or two. But it seems instead she...did what exactly?

Daydreamed until now?

That didn’t seem right either.

She remembers trying to blot out the nonsensical and random memories of her lives by focusing on a single thing. It had been working. Then she just drifted.

Yes, that seemed the right wording for it.

“What’s going on?” Liliana's voice seems to come from far away.

“Lady Livia? Amaya?” Beth gasps, “Amaya! Did you slap Lady Livia?”

“I smacked her because she had been out of her mind!”

“What?” Beth and Liliana ask in confusion.

The door to the bedroom jerks open, “What happened?” Sen stands in the doorway. A small tentative light outlines his body. The sun has begun to rise.

Amaya groans and falls onto the bed, releasing Livia in the process, “I don’t know. Whatever. It is over now. Just forget it.”

“But Lady Livia...” Beth trails off, looking between her and Amaya in her usual concern.

Liliana is quiet.

Livia rubs her cheek, her expression cool. Now that she pieced things together, she could mostly understand what likely happened. Worry threatens to bubble up in her chest, but she pushes it down.

She has lived three lives counting her current one and her memories of all of them were currently stuffed inside her head, vying for attention at any given hour, nonstop. And even as fragmented and incomplete as they were, there were still hundreds of thousands of moments.

And her mortal mind could barely function with the burden.

It made sense that she would eventually get lost in those memories, especially in the quiet moments in between sleep.

Liva pressed her lips into a thin line, displeased.

That wouldn’t do at all.

But as of now, short of using her memory crystals, there was little she could do. Even after depositing memory after memory inside the ones she currently possessed, her mind felt no relief. It felt as full as ever as if more memories were bubbling to the surface, eager to fill in voids.

No matter.

It simply means she needed to figure out another solution. Maybe another crystal, with stronger properties that could take a heavy load of her memories without breaking under the pressure. Hmm, she does recall some caves and even some mining shafts that had been long abandoned by the dwarves that she could start at. No need to go through a middleman now. She could go straight to the source. Gather a few varieties and do some tests. Yes, she should do that now. The sun was coming up. And a cave wasn’t too far from this resting spot-

“Lady Livia...”

She blinks as her rambles halt. She puts a pin into the idea and looks up.

Beth was suddenly standing beside the bed, Darek crying in her arms.

Bright morning light streamed from the open doorway and both Amaya and Liliana were gone from the bed. Sen was also nowhere to be seen either.

Huh.

“I suppose he is hungry,” Livia states slowly, staring blankly at her son.

She opens her arms for Beth to deposit the squirming little thing into them and stares as it continues to squabble.

So small. So weak. Mortal...

She should have gotten rid of it at the first chance-

“Livia,” A warm hand rests on her shoulder.

She shudders and pushes those cold words down. The voice is all too familiar. Similar to the one she once heard before she had gotten her memories back.

It wasn’t her.

“Livia-”

“Enough. How many times will my name be called today? I’m starting to hate hearing it,” She snaps, suddenly angry.

Beth recoils back, hurt flickering in her honey eyes.

Livia’s anger leaves as soon as it ignites. She slumps over her son, bringing him closer to her chest. He is still squirming, and crying with hunger, but her arms suddenly feel too heavy.

She is so tired.

She sighs, “Sorry.”

Beth straightens and offers a strained smile, “It’s fine, Lady Livia. No doubt you are tired after what had happened.” She pauses. Her mouth opens. Closes. Another smile.

“You should hurry up and feed the little one,” Beth says instead. Then she brightens, “Oh, and I should get started on breakfast!” She reaches out and starts fussing over her.

Livia lets her.

“There, that should make feeding him easier,” Beth says, fluffing the pillows and guiding Livia to rest against them, “Once that is done you should try to get some rest. I’ll look after Darek in the meanwhile.”

Livia frowns at this but does not offer any words of protest. It’s the least she could do. Another strained smile is directed her way before Beth leaves the room.

Livia goes through the motions of attending to her son. Soon he is content enough to be put in the bassinet once more.

She stretches and yawns. She is still tired. She eyes the soft blankets. Her body urges her to lay back down. Instead, she climbs out of bed and heads for their discarded bags with the intent to dress for the day.

There was too much stuff to get done and she knew sleep would not easily respond to her call anyway. Why not use that time more wisely?

She smiles to herself in the mirror.

Her memories were simply another problem to be fixed.

Just like her dear little sister was.