Chapter 42

Seven Months Pregnant

The warm gentle glow of Beth’s magic on her stomach coaxes a sleepy yawn out of Livia. She settles more heavily into the pillows behind her as her eyelids threaten to fall shut despite the fact she had just woken up only two hours ago. Her belly was still full with the hearty breakfast Amaya had brought up to her and it only pushed her further into the calming abyss of sleep.

A soft giggle jolts some life into Livia, and she blinks slowly as Beth removes her hands from her stomach with a soft smile.

“Tired, are we?” The older woman asks, amused.

Livia yawns again and nods, “It seems to be my new default,” She mutters, slightly annoyed with herself.

She missed the months when she had been buzzing with energy. Back then, her pregnancy was easily hidden, and she could pretend that she wasn’t carrying the child of a dead emperor. Her sole focus had been tracking down the bastards who had taken her along with planning and plotting.

But now, those days were behind her. At least, until she finally gave birth. She stared down at her round belly and was unable to see her feet.

“I have gotten bigger,” she says, and could not help but be a little offended by the fact even as she pets her belly with open fondness.

Beth's smile widens at her petulant tone, “Yes, your son has grown a lot since the last time that I had seen him. His heartbeat is strong as ever. Now, please lift up your dress, Lady Livia. I want to check your fundal height. From what I can tell, your son is at just the right weight in this stage in pregnancy.”

Livia huffs a bit, “That’s good. After all the food I inhaled, he better be.”

She lifts up her dress and shivers slightly at the cool air on her bare legs. Soon, warm hands press into her pubic bone and stomach as Beth begins to measure.

“Twenty-four, twenty-eight,” Beth mutters and then nods, looking happy, “Yes, everything is looking well. Now, Lady Livia, is there any new symptoms that you wish to talk about or any other questions?” She asks, looking up as she pulls the dress back down and pulls up the blankets to her chests, tucking them under Livia’s body.

Livia snuggles back into the bed, already knowing it would be futile to dissuade Beth from hovering over her like a mother hen. The older woman seems unaware of her own actions at times, as if it was just second nature, and always seems so startled and embarrassed when Livia points them out.

Beth was childless and has never fallen pregnant. Livia wonders, idly, if her late husband would have met such a fatal end if he was able to provide her with an offspring, she had obviously desired. Maybe things would have turned out differently.

She shakes the thought from her head, frowning. What a naïve thing to think.

Obviously, a baby would not have helped in such a situation. If anything, it would have only exacerbated matters. Livia rolls her eyes at herself. Being in her third trimester, with motherhood looming heavily over her, made her mind go in circles. It could not leave alone the topic of babies and parenthood for long. She forcibly shuts down her thoughts and focuses her attention on Beth.

“The baby’s magic is steadily growing,” she states somberly, “At this rate, I will lose access to all my magic by the end of this month as my son takes it for himself to strengthen his own magical core.”

Beth pauses in fluffing the pillows around Livia, and eyes the younger woman, surprised to not hear even a hint of bitterness in her tone. Before, when Beth had told her of what was to be expected, Livia had been severely displeased. But now, she seems to have accepted the fact for the most part.

Livia pats her belly, “How goes my son’s core? As I am, I’m a bit blind to it. I cannot sense the difference between him and me. I can only tell when my own abilities continuously shrink. With the spell you use, you can ‘see’ him, right?”

Her tone was casual, but inside, Livia felt a growing sense of vulnerability that brought her back to a time she wished to never see the light of day. If only the faint scars on her wrist weren’t a constant. Maybe she should get rid of them. Beth was a more than competent healer. The spell she used to ‘see’ or ‘sense’ the fetus growing inside Livia was high level. She would know how to remove scars. No doubt as a midwife, she had to deal with fussy noble ladies who would have fainted at the sight of a stretch mark on their body.

Livia contemplates this as Beth sits down next to her with a contemplative look.

“His core...” The older woman trails off.

“Beth?”

“His core is strong,” she says, and looks up, “But it still has not stabilized.” Her hands hover over Livia’s stomach, a silent question in her eyes.

Livia nods, and they glow in a gentle blue. Beth hazel eyes become distant but there was no denying her expression. It was somewhere between mild worry and sharp appraisal.

“I do not think you have until the end of the month, Lady Livia,” she says after a while.

Livia sighs and flops back into her fluffed-up pillows, “I had thought I had only imagined it.”

Her magic has been steadily draining away. This, Livia knew and took careful note of. But recently, she noticed the drainage has become increasingly irregular. The more she used her magic, the slower it recovered and the faster it went towards her son.

Livia had tried to be careful with the usage of her magic, but Old One magic was heavily dependent on the user's state of being. If she got angry, and she loosened her hold, it would lash out without command, fueled solely on her emotions.

She was a pregnant teenager with a bit of a temper.

It was inevitable that a small outburst was going to happen.

But this, this was something else.

It was like Livia had been constantly using her magic without pause, every day. These past few weeks, she had grown steadily tired to the point that leaving her bed had become a challenge.

It did not add up.

“Lady Livia, have you...been using your magic excessively?” Beth asks as delicately as she can. She knew how meticulous the young woman could be. Every little detail had to be planned out. It seemed rather out of character for Livia to be so careless.

“No. I have not,” Livia says firmly.

Beth looks back down at her glowing hands, confused, “Strange...”

“Isn’t it?” Livia agrees, somehow already feeling drained and the day has only just begun.

Where was her magic going? Livia would know if anything foreign was at play. But all she could sense on her being was her son, herself, and a bit of Liliana and Sen.

The last two made sense.

Since the moment Sen joined the Valentine household officially, he had been constantly supplying his own magic to her. He noticed the disparities but had said nothing. He had simply provided his support the only way he knew how.

And Liliana, well, her little sister had been a constant presence by her side since the moment the royal guards took up residency. Livia’s room has practically become Liliana’s room as well at this point.

Thinking about her sister, Livia recalls how she had been buzzing about the room only an hour before. She had thought Liliana could not become any more energetic than she had already been, but it seemed she had been completely wrong.

Livia casts her gaze to the stand that was now without a vase.

Liliana had cartwheeled into it and knocked the vase clean off. Once the debris had been cleaned, and Liliana had apologized, looking very sheepish, Livia suggested she visited the garden with Amaya. The two had left soon after, leaving Livia to gather her thoughts.

Since when could her little sister move about like that? She had wondered.

It had been a surprise, but a pleasant one.

Liliana was acting as the child she never got to be, and Livia was all too happy to indulge her sister. With Lynette no longer looming over them, it left the sisters able to breathe lightly and without care.

“Will this affect the growth of my son?” Livia asks, bringing herself to the present.

Beth cancels the spell and drops her hands, “No. I don’t think so. His magic core is immense, it can handle the extra magic without a problem. If anything, this will speed up its stabilization. But your magic is draining away at a much greater rate. If my calculations are correct, I predict you will lose your magic in two weeks' time, maybe even less.”

Livia closes her eyes, more than a little bit pained. She knew it would happen, but that did not mean she wished it upon herself any sooner. Livia has basked in her own power, in her own abilities, but now, it would be taken away from her once more, leaving her to rely on other means to keep her and everyone she cared for safe.

Instantly, she re-arranges her future plans in her mind, and when she opens her eyes again, she had come to accept the new situation.

“Alright,” Livia says simply, and swing her legs over her bed and stand up. She ignores how she waddles about.

Beth hurriedly stands up as well and puts a supporting arm over her shoulders, “Lady Livia, I had thought you were going to rest today,” she says even while helping the young heiress to her wardrobe.

“I can rest when I am depleted,” Livia says as she sifts through her clothes.

She scowls. All dresses. She hates dresses. Pretty as they can be, they will never be her preferred choice. Livia misses her plain black shirts and jeans. And the PJ bottoms with the purple cat on them. Man, those had been her favorite. What she would give to be able to lounge in them, especially now.

She sniffles.

“Pants. Why don’t I have any pants?” She whines, rummaging through her wardrobe, suddenly distraught.

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“Damn, look how pink this is. And was that dress always this yellow!? I cannot believe I walked outside wearing that in public. Oh damn. It even has a matching hat,” Livia flings the offensive clothing on the floor angrily.

She stares with hard, watery eyes at the many dresses sparkling before her and turns away with a look of disgust. She plucks at her nightgown.

“Isn’t this my mother’s?” She says, only now noticing the low cut.

Livia turns to Beth with raised eyebrows, “How long have I been wearing my mother’s maternity hand-me-downs?”

Beth blinks slowly, trying to catch up, “Um, since before I arrived, I believe.”

Livia gags.

Beth quickly grabs the waste bin and shoved it under her chin, “Lady Livia, are you feeling unwell? Please, take a moment to sit down.”

Livia shakes her head stubbornly, “If I sit down now, I will not get back up. Sen! You can come back in!”

Beth makes a scandalous noise and hurriedly places a robe over Livia's shoulders before the door opens almost instantly.

Sen stands in the doorway, looking bored. On his shoulders, Noctis nibbles on a strand of his hair.

“What.”

Livia points to her wardrobe, “These needs to be burned.” She stares down at the clothes she is wearing, “This as well.”

Sen's hand comes up, and a blue fire sparks to life as he rolls his eyes, “Fine.”

Beth looks from him then back to Livia as if they had both lost their minds. And that blue fire. Was Sen really going to use such a high-level spell to burn clothes!? When Sen moves his hand back to fling the fire with no regard to the fact that they were inside, she steps between them.

“Wait! Just wait a moment!”

Livia and Sen just stare at her.

Beth forces a smile, “I will dispose of the clothes, Lady Livia. Am I right to think you wish to replace them promptly?”

Livia bobs her head in agreement.

Beth's smile becomes genuine, “Then I will get right on that. First, I will need to take your measurements.” She grabs Livia’s elbow and guides her back to the bed. Before Livia could even blink, she was once again tucked in and leaning against fluffed-up pillows.

“I highly advise you rest, Lady Livia,” Beth says, and leans in close with a lowered voice, “And do not think I did not notice you wincing when you stood up. Pelvic pain is normal, but that does not mean it does not require you to rest.”

Livia flushes a bit and looks away.

Beth only smiles and straightens up, “At any rate, any dress you would have found in town can be easily made by hand. And was it...pants you wanted? I can make those for you as well if you would like. Now here, drink this tea. It will help the pain. I will be back with the measuring tape and cloth. Sen, please watch over her while I am gone.”

Sen dispels the fire and crosses his arms with a shrug, “Alright.”

Livia pouts scowls, “I do not need a babysitter.”

Beth's head tilts, “A...baby..sitter?” She looks very confused.

Livia's mouth twitches, “Never mind.”

Beth stares at her a moment longer before leaving, still looking confused.

Sen crosses the room and stops on the other side of the bed. He kicks off his boots before unceremoniously laying down and closing his eyes. Noctis is quick to jump from his shoulders and cuddle into Livia’s side, purring loudly.

Livia runs her hands over his soft fur, petting him idly as she stares down at Sen blankly.

“I wasn’t aware you can watch me with your eyes closed,” she remarks.

Sen doesn’t open his eyes, “You're petting the kit while staring at me.”

Livia remains silent and shifts in the bed without making a sound.

Sen slowly smirks and grabs the hand that was about to pet his head.

He opens his eyes and stares into vibrant purple depths.

Long eyelashes flutter as Livia blink, mildly surprised.

“How?” She asks, her voice almost soft.

Sen simply changes his brown eyes to their natural feline state and quirks an eyebrow.

Livia, unable to hold her leaned-over position for long, lays down next to him with slightly wide eyes.

“You heard me?”

Sen lets go of her wrist and she drops it over his stomach without thinking.

“But your ears are normal,” Livia pulls on the said ears.

Sen grunts, and slaps her hands away, “I don’t need to turn them back to hear. I just needed to stop...restricting myself.”

Suddenly, Livia looks very pleased, “I knew it. Does this mean you will finally take my worldly advice and stop holding yourself back?” On her back, Noctis scaled up until he could poke his head over her shoulder and mewls right in her ears to gain her attention back. Livia plucks him up and places the kitten between Sen and her, and goes back to petting him.

“No.”

Livia's playful expression drops, “Why?” She asks flatly.

“Because it is not necessary. I can protect you just fine as I am,” Sen tells her and closes his eyes.

She stares at him and then looks away.

Protection.

She needed protection now. Livia's hands clench into the covers and she shifts, trying to find a comfortable position on her side, before giving up.

“I have two weeks until I lose my magic completely.” She states.

“...I know.”

“I’m already much weaker. I can barely sustain the protection spells on my stomach, and it won’t be long before I cannot even cast those anymore.”

Sen lifts up her hand and turns over the purple bracelet made out of Livia’s hair.

“You said this was a talisman. That it would help.”

“Only for as long as it remains on me. It is not reliable.”

Sen sighs in annoyance, “Then don’t do anything stupid and you will be fine. Once you give birth, all your magic will be returned to you.”

“So, I should just sit here and wait it out?” Livia bites her lips, unhappy.

“I thought that was the whole point of doing all of this?” Sen rolls his wrist in the air.

“Yes, but it wasn’t like I intended to sit on my ass from day in and day out and do nothing!” Livia suddenly snaps, startling Noctis who had been dozing.

Sen turns to face her, his eyes piercing.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Livia rolls her eyes, “It’s not about what I’m not telling you, but what you seem to want to forget. By now, word would have spread overseas. It is only a matter of time before Saer realizes where I am.”

“Saer cannot leave his place on the throne,” Sen says.

“You know as well as I that will not stop him from sending more fools after us. Especially once he realizes that I am sitting duck.”

“You have less than two months,” Sen says and gets up on his elbows so he can stare down at her.

“Anyone who wishes to get at you will have to go through me and Amaya first. And the royal guards you had the king assign to you aren’t incompetent. Not to mention the fact that the Valentine Estate is not an easy target to infiltrate. The old castle walls still stand tall and the protection magic on them remains as strong as ever. The only entrance is through the gate, which is constantly under watch.”

Livia hugs Noctis to her chest, a stubborn set to her jaw, “You got in.”

Sen rolls his feline yellow eyes, “I’m not exactly human.”

Livia squints up at him, “How did you get in? Better yet, what small furry creature did you turn into to squeeze your way through and go undetected?”

She smirks, “Was it a mouse?”

Sen flicks her nose, “No.”

Livia huffs, “I guess it doesn’t matter because the fact remains the same. You got in.”

Sen pokes her head, a look of faint bemusements in his eyes.

“It must be tough to live with such paranoia. Does your mind ever take a break from it?”

“All I am saying is-”

“To be careful and not let my guard down,” Sen says, cutting her off.

Livia slaps away his hand, “No. I’m saying that you should not cut a part of yourself off for any reason. You were born a beastmen so be one. I don’t understand why you don’t press the advantage you have over others. Even now, you pretend to be a normal human adventurer when you are anything but. Why?”

Sen's eyes drop from hers for only a second, but it was telling.

“I thought you were supposed to know my whole bio. My whole life story. Why do I have to tell you something that should be obvious?” He says the words slowly, darkly as he stares at her.

Livia blinks and then averts her eyes, frowning.

“I don’t know you like I know Saer and the Silvan brothers. I never did your route. All the information I know about you is second hand, and from your very bare-bones bio.”

She meets his eyes again, “So, tell me why, Sen. I want to hear it from your own mouth and not some dry text from my own memories.”

When Sen remains quiet and only stares at her, Livia starts to come up with her own conclusions.

“Is it because you are a beastmen? I know this world humans are just as willing to scorn what they do not understand as my old one. But I know for a fact that Wisteria is more...tolerant. The whole point of this utopia country is to be the exact opposite of the empire. Is it because of your occupation? Your real one? Is there some silent rule that says you can’t be yourself? Is that it? Sen, what is it-”

Livia stops talking when Sen suddenly leans down and presses his forehead to hers.

She tries to retain her irritable expression and remain unbothered like always, but it was hard to do when they were so close, face to face. All the times they had played at intimacy had been with a certain level of distance, small as it had been. But now, any farce of a barrier between them was obliterated when all she could do for the next few seconds was share his breath and stare into his pretty eyes.

This close, Livia notices the gold and emerald that hugs his slitted pupils.

She doesn’t blink. Mesmerized.

“You...you aren’t even a little bit scared?” White long canines flash inside a red mouth. It’s only then that Livia realizes the single clawed hand holding her wrists above her head in an iron-clad grip and the two ears that have sprouted on top of Sen’s head.

She was pinned down on a bed by a man who could easily overpower her in her current state.

Something spikes in her heart, her vision blurs, and the ceiling above her alight with day sinks into the night.

Suddenly, she was back in the empire.

Hopeless.

And alone.

Sen’s piercing yellow eye shrinks and darkens into beady eyes filled with greed and lust.

Livia couldn’t move. Her breath lodged in her throat because she is back in that place, back on that bed. And she could not move.

Fight back! Her mind screams. Claw out his eyes. Kick! Do something.

But she couldn't.

She was weak again.

Her magic was gone.

Her arms were as frail as birds' bone.

And she was alone.

Livia closes her eyes, her mouth pressed into a thin line so the sob that wanted to rip itself out of her throat was lodged there. She does not remember crying the first time, but tears stream down her cheeks all the same.

It’s only when something nicks her on her face that she is brought forth and she lets out a desperate gasp for air as her chest heaves.

Her eyes snap open, and Sen is before her once again, cradling her face and looking pained.

He notices the blood on her cheek and begins to retract his claws, but Livia quickly closes her hands over his.

“Please...don’t,” she says and hates how frail her voice is.

She swallows and sniffs, “I-I...”

“I’m sorry,” Sen says, his voice grim, “I shouldn’t have...I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry, Livia.”

Livia shakes her head, and tries to will herself to stop crying, “No, no, it wasn’t just you. I shouldn’t have pushed. It’s none of my business why you do what you do. I had no right. I’m sorry,” Her voice is as watery as it could get, and she is embarrassed for it.

She had thought she would never show anyone this version of herself ever again.

But it wasn’t the same as last time when Sen had broken her trust.

Then, she had felt like the harsh reality of this world had been bearing down on her, and had almost been consumed by the sheer force of her own grief and loneliness while stinging hotly from the added bitterness of having her meager trust thrown right back in her face.

Now...now she just felt relieved that she hadn’t been consumed by the haunting vision this time.

Livia had shoved it down, into the darkest part of herself, but when she was alone, when her own thoughts turned against her, there was no fighting it. So, she relived it, every little horrible thing that has ever been done to her down to the finest detail, over and over again, in a quiet pocket of the world, biting down on her pathetic whimpers until the episode run its course and she could pick herself up again.

Was it healthy?

No.

Not by a long shot.

But it was the only way she knew how to live with everything. It was the only way Livia knew how to handle it all.

It was one thing to hear about all the horrible things that could ever happen to someone.

And then it was another thing on an entirely different scale for it to actually happen to you.

She never wanted anyone to ever see her as vulnerable as she was forced to be in front of Sen and the bastard that raped her.

At least this time, she doesn’t feel like clawing at her own skin and sobbing for days on end.

Her grips tighten around Sen's hands cradling her face, pulling herself into the present. Without thinking, she nuzzles into them and lets out a wobbly sigh.

Livia was here.

She was here.

The empire was behind her and it would remain so.

Another sigh escaped her as she got her breathing under control, and finally, she stopped crying.

When she finally musters up the strength to pry her eyes open, Sen took up her whole view.

It was grounding.

Startling so.

“Um...” Livia had no clue where to go from here. She felt raw and cracked open, and wanted more than anything to return back to the time when she felt the exact opposite.

A low rumble had her trying to look down, and her chin brushed soft fur while her forehead only pressed further into Sen’s. She gives up on holding any semblance of dignity and nuzzles into the comforting warmth that surrounds her.

“Livia...” Soft, so soft. Since when could Sen’s voice be so sweet?

She looks up to the call of her name.

“Are you okay?”

It was such a simple question.

But it was like she was hearing it for the first time.

Was she okay?

No.

“No,” she tells him, completely honest for once.

Sen's breath hitches and Livia can feel it on her own lips.

This close...

There was no denying the swell of emotions in his usual stoic eyes. There were so many, and Livia feels herself falling into his intense gaze, fascinated.

One of Sen’s hand gently brush back a stray piece of hair on her face, and he closes his eyes and swallows.

“Do...Do you think you will ever be okay again?” He asks her, voice strained.

Livia lifts up her hands and swipes away the single tear that manages to escape his eyes.

Suddenly, she didn’t feel so alone.

Because she realizes now.

His pain.

It wasn’t solely empathetic.

Livia cradles Sen’s face as he does hers.

And wonders...

“Will you?”