Season 1, Episode 6 - The Tree Plot VI - "Waiting in the Rain"
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Amidst the VHS distortion, Mizuki wandered through the forest under the cover of moonlight, an angry frown on her face. When the camera zoomed in on a close up of her face, Esther saw that there were tears in the corners of her eyes.
Mizuki suddenly heard talking and hastily crouched behind a nearby bush. When she glanced over it, she saw a clearing bathed in moonlight where Makoto and Kotori stood, looking out into the Pacific Ocean.
When she felt a hand on her shoulder, Mizuki almost yelped, but then she realized that it was just Shinsuke. The two brought fingers to their mouths to shush each other, then looked out into the clearing.
Kotori had her hands behind her back as Makoto stood alongside her.
"I just don't know," Makoto said softly. "I just don't know if pursuing my passion of being a world-class pastrami chef is even possible."
Mizuki tightened her fists as Kotori hesitantly reached her hand out. She gently placed it on Makoto's back; Makoto let her keep it there.
"I want to be a world-class food critic," Kotori reminded him. "Every day I wonder if it's possible. But I still try. I want you to keep trying, too. I want your pastrami to be the first professional review I make."
Makoto looked at her with surprised eyes, then briefly glanced down at her stomach, where her vaguely-defined terminal kidney illness slowly ate away at her.
Kotori removed her hand from his back and placed it before him with a single finger raised. She tilted her head and gave him a closed-eye smile. "It's a promise, okay?"
Makoto looked at her for a moment, then took her finger in his own. "It's a promise."
“They had modern medicine back then,” Reed complained, shaking her head. “How are there so many high school girls dying of terminal diseases? They could stop polio and smallpox, for crying out loud.”
As Isaac and Reed bickered, Esther found herself more focused on the swirling emotions of Mizuki as she stood up and walked away from the bush. Shinsuke looked back at Makoto and Kotori, then followed Mizuki.
When he arrived alongside her, she ignored him and kept walking through the forest. When they were finally far enough from their friends in the clearing, Shinsuke asked, “What’s wrong?”
Mizuki kept quiet.
Shinsuke let out a soft sigh. “You can tell me. I’m your friend.”
Mizuki kept quiet.
Shinsuke stopped her with a strategic shoulder grab. “Hey, I’m worried that you’ll just wander off somewhere-”
“Just leave me alone!” Mizuki yelled out. Cicadas chirped in response as Shinsuke opened his mouth, then closed it.
“It’s just not fair,” Mizuki complained, speaking softly now, her hair over her eyes again, presumably staring at the ground if she could see through her bangs. “Why do some people in life get to meet their soulmate…yet their soulmate has no interest in them? Why didn’t kami-sama make it so soulmates always met up? Why do I have to like somebody who doesn’t like me back?”
She crouched down and drew a line in the dirt with her finger. “Why do we have to live in a world where things don’t work out? Why does everything have to be so complicated?”
Esther’s eyes widened when saw Reed cross her arms in disgust. “You have that internet thing,” she complained. “You’re not dying of malaria and you don’t have to be a child soldier for a war machine academy. Everything’s already working out for you.”
“Emotions aren’t rational,” Isaac said. “She does have everything she could want, except for that human connection-”
“You’re just biased because this is your favorite girl from the show,” Reed interrupted.
That set off another round of bickering between them. Esther watched them argue with each other and noticed the sense of happiness in their eyes as they spoke. She looked back at the television.
Shinsuke didn’t have any answers for Mizuki. He just crouched alongside her and watched as she drew more lines in the dirt.
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“You’re more than welcome to stay,” Isaac told Esther as she stepped outside onto the apartment walkway.
Esther raised her hands. “I-It’s alright,” she said. She looked up in the sky; angry gray clouds covered the world above her, but no rain fell as of now. “I should go while there’s a break in the storm.”
“I think it’s supposed to start up again soon,” Reed said, peering over Isaac from inside the apartment. “And we have three more seasons to get through.”
Having just watched around six hours straight of Japanimations, Esther felt fine with saving the next three seasons for another day. “It’s alright,” she repeated. “There’s some things I still need to do.”
She sighed, since the main thing she needed to do - tell Isaac about their mission - would have to wait until tomorrow.
“Hope you make it home safe, then,” Isaac said in farewell. “We’ll give Audrey her cufflinks when she makes it home.”
Esther nodded in thanks and waved farewell. Isaac and Reed waved goodbye as well, shutting the apartment door as Esther departed.
Two minutes later, the rain started to fall again on the gray city. Esther held the umbrella above her as she shuffled her feet along the sidewalk of the avenue. Cars drove by, their headlights illuminating the falling raindrops. She walked past the stairs of Kenji Station - despite the rain, she wanted to walk home.
Esther stared at the ground, though her hair didn't cover her eyes. She could see the rain falling all around her, splashing against the concrete.
What am I doing? Why do I feel like something in life is missing? I’ve felt this way for a while now, but once I reconnected with Audrey, I thought that feeling would go away. But it’s still there, gnawing at me.
She inadvertently stepped into a puddle, soaking a loafer. And nothing adds to a person’s sadness more than wearing a soaked sock and shoe.
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Esther recalled the words from the television. The human connection. Am I just upset I don’t have a relationship with somebody like Isaac and Reed do? Where we share the same interests and hobbies? Am I upset because that person isn’t Isaac? Is it because Isaac already has that person?
No. It’s something more than that. It’s more like…
She avoided another puddle on the sidewalk, only to get hit by a wave of water splashed by a nearby car running over a big puddle on the street.
Esther stood there in her soaked clothes, shivering, and gave a forlorn look at her reflection in the rippling puddle in the street. She sighed and resumed her walk.
Where’s my world-class pastrami chef? Where’s my food critic? What exactly do I want to do? What do I do?
Serve the Academy was the obvious answer. And yet…
I feel like I owe them everything since they rescued me from Salem Slot. But do I have to give them everything? Could I pursue my own interests for my own self? Do parents want their children to serve them for life…or do children grow up and become their own person, whether or not the parents wish for it?
She thought of the vague memories of her parents from when she was little, before they left. They appeared in her mind as unfinished, always out of a reach - a ride on her father's shoulders, showing a drawing to her mother. But she couldn't quite fill in their faces - blank ovals looked back at her during each memory.
As the rain picked up in intensity, Esther pushed damp black hair out of her eyes and raised her head since an intersection was coming up.
When Esther saw who was standing there, umbrella in hand, she quickly wiped her eyes.
“U-uh, hello, Hanai,” she greeted, arriving next to him.
“Esther,” he greeted, his voice firm yet cordial. As always, he wore thick glasses and had a well-trimmed bowl cut.
“What, uh…what brings you to this part of the district?”
Hanai shrugged. “Just coincidence. I was taking a walk around the area before Clayton and I ship up north to Androscoggin later this afternoon.”
Esther recalled Mr. Stockham mentioning their mission to investigate the homes of second-year students earlier this morning. “I see. Um…best of luck.”
“Thank you,” Hanai answered. Esther, as a master of awkward pauses in conversations, knew one had just arrived. The two stared blankly at the intersection, waiting for the walk light to turn green.
“Want to wait somewhere until the rain stops?” Hanai asked.
Esther did, in fact, want somebody to talk to, so she nodded.
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They found a bus stop further down the road. Hanai would take it to the border crossing station where he would meet up with Clayton; for now, Hanai and Esther sat inside, watching the rain pour down all around them, blurring the gray city that stretched out around Esther.
“Were you coming from your sister’s?” Hanai asked.
Esther shook her head. “From, um…Isaac’s.”
Hanai nodded, his glasses hiding his eyes. “I see.”
Esther watched a car drive by. “I shouldn’t have gone, though.”
That took Hanai by surprise. “Did something happen? I wasn’t given the details, but I heard you and Isaac would be embarking upon a mission soon.”
With a glum look on her face, Esther stared down at her shoes. They just barely reached the concrete below the bus stop bench; she idly moved them back and forth, imagining lines appearing in dirt.
“Nothing bad,” she said. “I was supposed to tell him about the mission, but instead…we just watched television. Reed was there, too.”
“They’re pretty close, aren’t they?”
Esther just nodded at that.
A moment of quiet descended over them, with just the constant pat-pat-pat of raindrops and the whirring movements of cars providing them with a background ambience. “Does that bother you?” Hanai finally asked.
Esther brought her hands together and circled her thumbs over each other. “I don’t know. It’s more like…”
Surprisingly, Esther found the words she wanted to say, and found the ability to speak them clearly.
“They both have the same passion and can share it with each other. They have a connection many people would be lucky to have. And the more I think about it…I have passions, but I don’t have anybody to share them with.”
“What’s your passion?” Hanai asked, sounding hopeful. “Maybe we share it.”
Esther kept twiddling her thumbs. “Um…history.”
Hanai processed that. “Well…it sounds fun.”
“And I’m not really sure what my purpose is,” Esther continued. “I feel like my entire life is orientated around the Academy. I pursue my passion to gain more knowledge so I can further help the Academy. But now that I see the passions of other people…and now that I’m starting to admit to myself that the Academy has some, um, has some flaws, I’ve come to realize that I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Hanai took his glasses off to wipe them down. Esther glanced up at his eyes - they seemed calm, displaying understanding.
“I think…” he slowly said. “To share a passion with someone equally is a very wonderful thing. But to be so in-synch with someone is also a very rare thing. Most people, I think, have to make compromises with their passions. Maybe you’ll meet somebody with a passion for…washed rice, for instance. Or thick glasses with bowl cuts. So, you take a half-interest in their passion, and they take a half-interest in your passion of history, and together, you know…that makes one whole interest together.”
Esther watched as Hanai tried to make motions with his hands to emphasize his thoughts. “I guess I’ve never compromised with someone before,” she realized, since she never knew anyone well enough to compromise with them.
“And as for your purpose,” he continued as he tapped his thick glasses and ran a hand through his bowl cut, but Esther paid it no mind. “Well, I went to the Academy because my test scores weren’t good enough for the other Rddhi schools and my parents demanded that I go to one. When I got here, I thought, I’m a big guy, why not become a big football player? I’d demolish people as a linebacker.”
He sighed. “But my parents shot that idea down, too. The brain damage might hurt my academics. So, since I was at a Rddhi school, I decided to become a Rddhi user instead.”
Esther nodded along. She knew the basic story from his files, but to hear it told by Hanai directly - there was emotion there that couldn’t be found in a printed document. A hint of reflection, some feelings of bittersweetness, an amusement with the old days.
“When I was just messing around with it, nothing happened,” Hanai recalled. He tightened his fist. “I messed around with everything back then. My grades slipped, and the Academy told me I either had to shape up or get kicked out. I could either become a user or improve my grades. My parents wanted me to improve my grades, so I chose to become a user.”
He leaned back on the bench. The rain had come to a halt, and for a brief moment, the gray clouds had shifted in the sky, allowing a splotch of sunlight to shine upon Elizabeth Pond.
“When I really put effort into it, I achieved it,” Hanai said. “I unlocked the Rddhi. I think I could only unlock it because I consciously chose it for myself. Not my parents. I made that decision myself. So, uh…”
Esther watched Hanai struggle with the conclusion and lesson of the story. When anxiety reached his face, Esther stepped in.
“Um, I think I get what you’re saying. When I was in Salem Slot, Mr. Stockham arrived and told me I could research at the Academy or remain there in a small school and waste my life. I consciously chose the Academy back then…but I was also still a child. A tween, I think they call that age group nowadays. I had my mind set on leaving Salem Slot. But maybe…had I known my entire life would revolve around the Academy and make me forget everything and everyone else..."
The two heard the telltale squeaky sound of bus brakes from around the corner. The silver-colored bus turned down their avenue, sunlight glinting off its metal roof.
Hanai rose from the bench. “Guess I’ll be seeing you,” he said. He scratched his cheek. “You know, Salem Slot is sort-of kind-of near Androscoggin. Maybe I could swing by there, you know, and pick you up a souvenir or something.”
Esther rose as well. “Oh, oh that’s alright,” she quickly said. “I don’t want to make you go out of your way for me.”
Hanai smiled. “It’ll be alright. And plus, Audrey’s been telling me all about Salem Slot when I train her. Maybe it’s time to see such a wonderful city with my own eyes.”
The bus rolled to a halt next to the bus stop. Hanai produced his student pass from his wallet as the bus opened its doors.
“Thank you, Hanai,” Esther said, twiddling her thumbs again. “For talking with me. You gave me a lot to think about. It’s been helpful.”
Halfway up the bus stairs, Hanai looked back and grinned.
“Anytime.”