Season 1, Episode 5 - The Boxtops LI - "I Was Ill, But I Think I'm Ok Now"
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Reed tossed and turned on Audrey’s couch, unable to sleep. The trio’s late night Parcheesi session lasted long after midnight, so Reed ended up staying the night at Audrey’s. As usual, she missed her own bed, but she supposed she would do just as much tossing and turning there anyway.
Reed rubbed her eyes and glanced over the couch’s armrest toward Audrey. She slept peacefully on her bed, which for her meant sprawled out, half the blanket spilling off the bed. She occasionally laughed and mumbled; she must have been having a good dream.
That’s the issue with stuff like this, Reed supposed, holding a Dopamine Rusher between her index finger and thumb. It kills your ability to dream.
With a frown, she resisted the urge and set it back down on the coffee table next to the couch.
Unable to sleep, Reed supposed it was time to stare at the ceiling again. She folded her hands neatly over her stomach. Had this been her own home, she would’ve had the television on or the radio or phonograph playing, but she didn’t want to disturb Audrey. That just left ruminating on her thoughts.
I really want to change.
Of course, Reed knew this moment well. At night, laying in bed with nothing to do - that’s the time when she was most motivated. Tomorrow she'll do this, tomorrow she'll do that. But then tomorrow comes and none of it ever gets done.
Talk about the height of irony. I’m most motivated when I least need it.
But then placed her hands behind her head, sifting through shaggy hair.
I’ve learned some things recently. Change. That’s a big concept, isn’t it? I don’t even know what it would exactly entail. Anywhere but here…that’s kind of vague, isn’t it? I should be more concrete. I want to improve my life…but what exactly do I want to be?
The words of her friends came to her.
Baby steps. Starting off small. I see. Rather than decide on something vague tonight that’ll take months if not years to do, I should choose something I can actually do tomorrow. Tomorrow’s a Sunday and I got nothing going on. That should give me time.
Lost in thought, she rubbed the back of her head. You know, maybe it doesn't matter if we live in a world of Reeds or not. All I can focus on is the Reed in front of me. Well, me, I mean. And whether or not I really am worth saving, some people think so, so maybe I should, too.
But what? What’s a small thing that’ll help me feel more put together, even if it’s just a little bit?
She held strands of hair between her fingers.
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The next morning, Audrey awoke with a content sigh. She rubbed her eyes and stretched, basking in the light of another fine Sunday morning. As she yawned, she noticed Reed sitting on a stool in the kitchen, her sleeping face resting on the kitchen counter.
“Tee-hee~”. Audrey slipped off her bed and tiptoed into her kitchen. Quiet as she could be, she filled a bowl with water. Trying not to laugh, she placed the bowl on the counter, then reached for Reed’s hand, ready to lightly dunk it into the bowl. It would be the prank of a lifetime-
Quick as a flash, Reed’s hand grabbed one of Audrey’s wrists. Audrey’s other hand stopped moving out of fear.
Reed kept her eyes closed and spoke into the counter. “Don’t ever do that again.”
Audrey meekly nodded and then emptied the bowl into the sink.
Reed lifted her head off the counter and pushed her hair out of her eyes. She played around with a strand for a moment, then took a deep breath.
“Hey, Audrey…I need my haircut.”
As she placed the bowl off to the side, Audrey’s mental hamster ball spun rapidly as she processed that information. She then immediately slid next to Reed and grabbed both of her hands in hers.
“You mean…you want ME to cut it??”
“You don’t gotta shout about it.”
“Oh, this is fantastic!” Audrey exclaimed. “It’s an honor." She stepped back and held her fingers up to frame Reed in between them. “There’s so much I can do with it! How do you want it?”
Reed didn’t know anything about haircuts. Reed usually got it cut once a year, at the Academy’s mandatory physical health inspections at the start of every calendar year. They cut it short, with force, and then Reed let it grow all year until the cycle repeated itself. It got way too hot in the summer, clinging to Reed’s neck, and by the fall came around, it was just unruly. It seemed like a good idea to get it cut on her own terms once.
“I don’t really know,” Reed admitted. “Just something not long.”
Audrey rubbed her chin and examined Reed as if she were a sculptor looking over an untouched column of marble. She snapped her fingers. “Shanghai Style.”
To be perfectly honest, anything Asian did interest Reed. But she had never heard of this.
“What’s that?” she asked.
Audrey reached into a drawer and found her copy of the July edition of California Cool monthly. From the hip-looking students on the front, Reed supposed this must’ve been a magazine for teenagers. Audre flipped through it until arriving at her destination.
“The Shanghai Style!” she exclaimed, flipping it over so Reed could see. “Bob cuts, Reed, bob cuts! It’s the newest fashion trend out of Shanghai, and when a new fashion trend comes out of Shanghai, it takes the world by storm! Haven’t you noticed Lynn’s haircut?”
Reed never paid attention to trends like that, so she examined the black-and-white photos of girls around her age with well-maintained short hair. It covered their ears and reached down to around chin-level. All things considered, it looked pretty nice.
Until seeing the magazine, Reed’s only source for hairstyles, more or less, was Japanimations. Achieving the hairstyles found there would be tough…for a number of reasons. The other possible source, European arthouse cinema, featured women with complicated hair made of braids and swirls combined with perpetual neutral looks on their faces. Reed appreciated the simplicity of the haircut found in the magazine.
“I’ll do it,” she decided. Making a decision and actually accomplishing it…well, it actually felt kind of nice.
“But two questions first,” Audrey said. “Just because I’m curious. Why are you asking me to do it?”
Because you’re my best friend.
“Because haircut places cost money. And I don’t feel like tipping the haircut person.”
Audrey giggled. “Fair enough. And question two. Why do you want to get your haircut all of a sudden?”
Because it’s a small thing that might help feel a sense of self-control and improvement.
The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
“Because, and don’t get the wrong idea, it’s just time. I don’t want the Academy cutting my hair again. They always send underpaid barbers with too much anger in them to do it. And look, I know getting your haircut is a cliché. I know they use it a lot in media as a symbol of change and overcoming past trauma and all that. Symbolic for character development, you know? But I’m not about something like that. I’m not one for clichés. I just want my haircut, you know?”
Audrey scratched her head. “...cliché?”
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A knock on Isaac’s door interrupted his trance. The television currently played a news story about a fire that took place last night at the Cabot Shopping Center. Fortunately, no civilians were hurt, but several mercenaries died in the line of duty. According to news anchor Chuck Banner, one of these mercenaries was Osip.
That greatly troubled Isaac. Just because he didn't know the guy all that well didn't mean he knew nothing about him at all. He went to the Academy and enjoyed teaching. But life works in strange ways. Osip was alive last Thursday night, and now he was dead by Sunday morning. Something like that really made Isaac think.
But the knock brought him back to reality. He managed to step away from the television and open the door.
Reed stood there. When Isaac opened the door, she immediately looked off to the side. “Morning.”
“Morning - hey, you got a haircut,” Isaac realized. And she got a lot off, too. Her hair, formerly shaggy and messy and unkempt, was now a bob cut. “Shanghai Style,” he observed.
“Apparently, that’s what’s in these days,” Reed supposed. She looked up at him as if she expected something, though that look also mixed in a lot of hesitation.
“Looks nice,” he said, scratching the back of his neck.
For once, there wasn’t any dullness in her smile. “Thanks, Isaac.”
With that, she took a step back out onto the balcony. The morning sun rose behind her at the edge of the blue sky. Before Isaac could say anything, she suddenly bowed.
“I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused,” she said in complete sincerity, looking at the ground.
“...uh…”
Reed swore under her breath. “Shoot, I get Japanimations and real life mixed up sometimes. We don’t bow here.”
She immediately straightened herself out and looked him in the eyes. “I was saying I’m sorry for everything. I’ve mistreated you and haven’t been as good of a friend as I should be.”
Isaac stared at her for a moment. “Um…it’s okay?”
Reed narrowed her eyes. “That’s it? That’s the best you can do?”
Isaac waved his arms around. “I don’t know! It’s not like people apologize to me every day! Especially for something heartfelt like this!”
The two eyed each for a moment, then started laughing. Isaac made a realization in the back of his mind, but he didn’t have a word or phrase for it. Yet the feeling remained with him beneath the surface of his conscious mind, even as the conversation shifted.
“Come in,” Isaac said, gesturing inside his apartment. “You don’t gotta stand out on a cold balcony all morning.”
“Just for a little bit,” Reed said, stepping inside. “I want to make some apologies and amends today.”
“That’s good,” Isaac supposed, shutting the door behind him. “But what inspired you to do all this?”
Reed looked at him, then shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe it was just time.” She tapped her head. “Same thing with the haircut.”
“Whatever the case, I’m glad.” Isaac poured both of them glasses of milk. The two drank in unison, standing near the doorway, taking in the Sunday morning with a pair of satisfied sighs.
Reed noticed the news story on the television. “There was a fire last night?”
Isaac nodded. “Killed some of the Free Corps mercenaries. One of them was Osip.”
“...Osip?”
Isaac spoke slowly. “He was a mercenary I trained with for a little bit.”
Reed didn’t know what to say. She fumbled around with her words before settling with, “Sorry.”
“It’s alright. I mean, I didn’t really know him that well. But it’s just kind of weird how it works.” Isaac placed his empty glass in the sink, then ran his hands through his hair. Reed remained by the doorway.
“Do you think we should’ve been there for him?” Isaac asked.
Reed raised an eyebrow. “Osip? We barely even know the guy.”
“I know, but still…” Isaac crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “I guess you and Audrey got a point about not being able to save everyone. There’s just too many people to do it alone. But still, I feel like I could be doing more.”
“Why do you act like you’re carrying a cross on your back?” Reed asked. “Think about it. Right now, you’re Isaac, a second-year student. The only things you can do are the things you can do. The Academy has their own special agents and mercenaries and probably ninjas for things like this. It was out of your hands.”
Gregory’s words had kept Isaac up for most of the night and now reared their head in this conversation. “Do you think I should work more with the Academy? Do you think I should work harder to rise through the ranks quicker? Are…are people dying and suffering because I’m taking too long?”
Reed finished her milk. “Save your existentialism for another time, Isaac. It’s Sunday. Sunday mornings are the exact opposite of an existential crisis. Sunday nights are when it’s time for that. You know what I think you should do? We don’t have school tomorrow since it's Thanksgiving break, so we should use our citywide passes to go to Kendall Bridge and see Of Limes and Lemons in color. Color, Isaac. And then, on the way there, and on the way back, you can tell me all about your problems in however much detail you want. We can break them down into smaller parts that are easier to solve.”
She raised a finger. “But, until then, you should spend this Sunday morning going for a jog or writing a journal or whatever it is you like doing. That’s what Sunday mornings are for.”
That feeling beneath Isaac’s consciousness suddenly burst forward, surging through his mind. He covered his mouth, trying not to laugh, but he couldn’t contain it.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized when Reed raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been extremely helpful last night and this morning. I didn’t know you were good at therapy.”
Reed shrugged. “Like I said, it was time. And besides, everything I’m saying is just stuff people have said to me, especially you and Audrey. It’s amazing how often people forget their own advice. But what can I say? Not everybody can be as talented as I am.”
“Ha-ha.” Isaac accepted Reed’s offer of an empty glass and placed it in the sink. “Oh, and before I forget, something weird happened to me in the Combat Simulation.”
Reed listened as Isaac explained trying to switch his consciousness with a clone, only to end up in some sort of weird vision thing. “I found myself in my own apartment,” he explained, spreading his arms toward his own apartment. “And there was a girl on my television.”
“Was it me?”
“You wish. It was a girl I’ve never seen before.” Isaac squinted at his television, trying to describe her. “I couldn’t see her clearly though. She looked hazy and filled with static. Only an outline, or something like a ghost. But I knew she was there. And I was there, too. I mean, there were two more Isaac’s in addition to myself. One looked academic and the other looked athletic, and that Isaac was eating an enchilada. Can you make sense of any of this?”
“I don’t know anything about the girl, but…” Reed leaned forward, a smirk on her face. “Are you saying you don’t understand the significance of the enchilada?”
Isaac looked at her in confusion.
“Remember the day we became friends?” Reed asked. “We met each other a few times before, but this is the day we found out we had some things in common.”
Isaac frowned. “I remember. You tricked me into painting a fence for you that day.”
The smirk grew wider. “And what did we do after that?”
The frown grew wider. “You took me out to lunch as thanks, but you didn’t have any money in your wallet so I had to pay. And I was late for my janitor shift!”
Reed made a circular motion with a hand. “And what did we eat at said lunch?”
Isaac almost gasped. “Enchiladas…”
Reed started chuckling as she paced around Isaac’s kitchen. A smug aura emanated off of her. “Can’t say I’m surprised, Isaac. The first time we ever got lunch together, of course it’s going to show up in your dream sequence. Must be extremely important to your subconscious.”
Isaac crossed his arms again. “The first time we ever got lunch together, of course you’re going to remember it better than I did. Must be extremely important to your consciousness.”
Reed wagged her finger three times. “Hi-mit-su. That’s Japanese for secret.”
“You’ve been on a real Japanese kick today.”
“For this past week, Japanimations haven’t been as much fun as they used to be. But ever since I woke up this morning, I feel like my love’s been rekindled.”
Reed opened the door; a calm gust of autumn wind blew past her. She looked back at Isaac with a smile. “I’ll be back around six. You should reserve tickets for the seven-thirty showing tonight. Don’t worry, I’ll even do you the courtesy of paying for my own ticket.”
“How kind.” He walked over as Reed stepped out onto the walkway. He poked his head out and saw her looking out towards the city. After a moment, she turned to face him. “See you at six.”
Isaac understood what he was feeling now.
“See you at six.”
He watched her depart, heading down the walkway.
Yesterday morning at the Cushing train station, the trio hadn’t been able to decide if happiness consisted of individual moments or a state of overall being. Yet if you were to look up happiness in the dictionary, you'd find a picture of Isaac this morning, standing at peace on the walkway.