How did it come to this?

    Well, I know how it came to this, but I’m just saying that as a way to deflect the blame, you know? Maybe ‘how could I let this happen’ would be better? Since it is almost directly my fault that all this happened.

    All this being the alien invasion, the machine uprising, the rampant mutations and general chaos that comes from several apocalyptic events happening nigh simultaneously. Yes, I’m well aware that this all seems spoilerific, but don’t worry, you have absolutely no context, so it’s fine.

    This is the part where I say ‘it all began...’ and then tell you the whole story.

It all began when I was kicked out of medical school. I know, it’s quite cliche, but it really did happen!

    Oregon Bio-Engineering College for the Unusual did not take kindly to the kidnapping and experimentation of other students projects. I was going to return them anyways! But no, it was all ‘you’ll create an apocalypse’ and ‘how did you even steal a building?’ and ‘oh god, what is that thing?!’ They were right about that apocalypse but, surprisingly enough.

    Also, I didn’t steal that building, I just moved it, but apparently that’s cause for expulsion. My parents were surprisingly understanding, but that might’ve been because of the biological neural controllers that I imbedded into their brains. Hey, don’t look at me like that! Every kid has, at one point or other, wishes that they could control their parents. All I did was fulfill all of our dreams!

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

    Whatever, I doubt you’d understand my motives.

    Following those completely baseless claims and my immediate expulsion, I was quickly brought into the world of crime. The gang known as the Bills discovered me after my long-armed, fire-breathing Tyrannosaurus Rex escaped its containment. It proceeded to destroy a police station, fight off the military, and escape into the wilderness. Apparently, it is now the leading cause of forest fires in the Americas.

    But I digress. The Bills broke into my house, pointed a gun to my head, and told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was going to work for them. I figured that I might as well, seeing as how my latest project had destroyed all of my previous work.

    I worked with them for a while, creating three Kaijus, two rhinoviruses, and, my proudest achievement, the most adorable creature in the world.

    Once I finished working with them, I- What?! Why have you been poking me for the past six minutes? What do you mean I’m going too fast, the world is ending as we speak! Wha- ugh, fine, whatever.

Have it your way.

    Back to the beginning then, in the ‘proper’ fashion. Bah, why do you even care how the story is told? You know what, don’t tell me, I really don’t care.

    My name is Geiger Fin du Monde, and this is how I ended the world.