Day 184

I wanted to create something for Coinnle in gratitude of what she had done for me. Out of everyone I could say she was the one that I had to go out of my way to pay respects to, as working and learning was enough to satisfy Alfred's wants, and I owed no one else but Alfred and Coinnle. But I'm not a skilled craftsmen, and a mere month wouldn't be enough to create a gift good enough for what she deserved. This is going to take years, I could feel.

Day 207

My life has thoroughly entered into the routines of learning magic, drawing, and enchanting the occasional thing that Alfred wanted me to enchant. He had completed everything he could complete on the doll and he needed me to become good enough of an enchanter to do the work that he couldn't. So he had started to devote the entirety of his time in teaching me, and I to learning and practicing with him.

We would go on walks everyday, since the weather had allowed it. It was reaching the tail end of summer and it was getting close to time to prepare for winter, with all the things that entails. Well, for us, it's getting enough food to survive and that's about it. And that wasn't a difficult task since Alfred rarely ate and I only needed vegetables and the occasional slice of meat to live. Things weren't all that difficult.

But I had other things on my mind as well. My relationship with Alfred hadn't moved at all, although he had grown to be as warm with me as he had been originally, I was still just an apprentice to him. He never made advancements, never hinted at there ever going to be anything between us. Did he have no interest in women? I might be young, or laughably young if I were to compare myself to his age, but that doesn't mean I wasn't eye catching. At least I thought I was good looking.

I'll add in a little more skinship and see how things develop. I have very little ideas of what else to do here. He had no bed for me to sneak into, he never slept as far as I could see. He told me he took a single nap every night, but I never caught him doing it. My own sleeping time had decreased into a laughably small amount of time, so it's likely he needed to sleep less than even I.

He'd push my lips away whenever I tried to give him a kiss on the cheek as well. He knows that I have something that could be called a crush, after all. He'd splash me with slushy ice water that he conjured up whenever I tried to expose my naked body to him, so he's definitely caught on to my advances.

My experiece with Coinnle told me I couldn't let Alfred be taken by anyone else. He had to be mine. If I had to jump start the romance myself then I will.

Day 256

My attempts have escalated. Not in severity but in their frequency, it's become a game of how much I could do without getting scolded. So far, hugging Alfred was about the greatest level of intimacy I could achieve without him complaining about my over affection. I could kiss him on the cheek when something good happened, like I managed to complete an enchantment he had wanted to be complete successfully. He wouldn't complain much when I did that then.

But this is slow. I don't know how fast relationships should develop, but it felt as if everyday I couldn't get him to accept my love was a day closer to losing him forever. A part of me understood that this was irrational, he had stayed with me even after I had tried to enslave him, and perhaps for most that would be enough of a sign that he wouldn't leave. But I needed it to be more, I don't simply want his presence. I wanted his assurance that he would look only at me when he thinks of love, and think only of me when he thinks of beauty.

He can have his dolls, I don't mind if he likes to create them. But when it comes to real relationships, he mustn't betray or hurt me. But I am stumped on else I can show my affection, he doesn't allow anything physical. So my only option left is through verbal communication. I have to think about the right words, then.

Today we were out on our walk, the summer sun reigning in terror over the world in its terrible heat, if not for the canopy of leaves that were raised over our heads we wouldn't have been willing to leave the house. Still, it was hot, and Alfred had explained to me that the sole purpose of the detachable skirt was so I could shorten it in these hotter months. I didn't know that, and had instead thought they were part of the set, non-negotiable. Stupid me.

Alfred was teaching me basic natural magic, something that didn't require nature to learn. It's called natural because it was one of the first magics to be developed, and thus was deemed a natural form of magic. But for now I would like to ignore all that. I was sitting on a tree trunk within a meadow next to Alfred, who was showing me the basic mana forms that most spells rely on. It was a nice view, and was the best thing to a romantic setting that I could call for. The grass was green and vibrant, the sun sky not entirely without clouds but I prefer that way. The flowers weren't blooming, but there were some weeds that gave some color, as long as you didn't mind the fact that they were weeds it worked fine.

"Alfred," I interrupted him while he was in the middle of his speech. He turned to me, probably expecting a question. But when he saw my face, he made a face that felt as if he already knew what I was going to talk about.

"Yes, Eithne?"

"What do you think about me?"

Alfred sighed and stopped projecting the mana form, turning to me and sitting on the same log I was sitting on. He looked at me, a tired look, all his enthusiasm suddenly leaving him the moment I asked the question.

"You're a smart, although incredibly impulsive, girl whom I am the master of."

"Is that all?" I scooted over a slight bit to get closer to Alfred, but he moved back in response.

"Way too possessive, and dangerously aggressive for any proper lady to be."

I knitted my eyebrows at that. What's wrong with being a bit possessive? And what's about being upfront about my affection? I admit that what I had tried to do with Alfred was wrong, but this time if he does what I want it'll be out of his own free will, although I'll also admit I had tempted him to do it. It's not manipulation beyond showing him that I'm willing to offer myself.

I breathed in to get my calm back, I'm not going to let wayward emotions get the better of me. "Well, Alfred, I personally think you're a handsome, intelligent, experienced, and kind man. I wouldn't mind living the rest of my life with you, at all. I want to become someone special to you."

"You're barely seventeen years old, Eithne. Give it a couple years more thought. And, you are special to me. I did think the divine had guided me to you, in order to save you and bring you back to good health. And you've proven yourself more than an asset for my studies."

"I've barely done anything. And I want to be more than just some girl you've found in the middle of a snowstorm who happens to have a talent in magic. Alfred, I've known you for eight and a half months now, I don't think this is me being a young and inexperienced dumb girl. Please take my advances seriously." I moved closer to Alfred rapidly, and this time he didn't move back. I was sitting right next to him, our thighs touching at this point.

"You're too young."

"It doesn't have to be physical."

"Eithne, I don't dislike you. You may got on my nerves, but I sometimes get your nerves too, although I haven't been getting much opportunities to do that with you. You may feel like you love me, but trust me, all I care about are my dolls. There's nothing else in this world that matters to me. Find someone else, you won-"

Without thinking I kissed him mid speech, a tiny peck on his lips. It felt exhilarating, taking him by surprise and finally being able to touch his lips with mine. I tried to do it again, but Alfred grabbed my shoulder, so I moved and got up in order to bring more strength to my advancements, but Alfred pushed me away, hard and painfully. Not hard enough to send me flying, but enough to get me to land on my back.

Alfred had gotten red in the face, wiping his lips with his forearm and clenching his other fist tightly against his trousers. He took his hand off his mouth and stared at me, his eyes knitted together, his face stil red. I wasn't sure if it was from anger or from embarrassment, but I don't think faces can get that red through either.

Landing on my back wasn't at all painful, and although I truly instead landed on my butt that wasn't in pain either. But I had gotten back into my senses, comprehending what I had just done. I had already done it, I had to continue on. Double down on my stupidity. "You've made me happy already, Alfred. I know what I'm getting myself into. Please, reconsider."

Alfred looked at him for solid seconds. He got up and started to walk away, into the forest rather than the direction of the house. I didn't want him to leave, he couldn't, he needed to answer me. I got up and began to sprint, barely a second lasting before I impacted him and drove both of us into the ground with a tackle, doing something I couldn't do while wrestling Alfred. I drove him into the ground, and he managed to roll onto his back, me staying on top.

Our faces were close, my breathing had grown heavier. His body had felt like a stone, it must've hurt me much more than it hurt him. He didn't look pleased, but he didn't move. My hands were on his chest, and my face above his, although a fair distance away. I waited for my breathing to slow before I spoke, the only words I could speak at this point. What could make Alfred be convinced that my love, I'll admit it could be called love, wasn't just a passing fancy?

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"Don't say anything you'll grow to regret." Alfred spoke from under me, looking deep into my eyes while I laid on top of him. I didn't respond, I kept my eyes on him and said nothing. My breathing wouldn't abate, and my cheeks felt as if on fire.

"I love you. Please consider me as a potential partner, for life."

"Get off."

"Alfred!"

"Let me consider your words. Get off." A flutter developed from my chest, and I nodded, moving off of Alfred. If he really wanted me to get off he could've stood up, disregarding my pathetic weight. Alfred wiped his clothes off of dirt and continued into the forest. I didn't ask him where he was going, I held complete trust in his word of considering my words. He'll come back. I know it.

And he did, after a couple of minutes, a thin stick in hand. I was confused what he was going to do with it, but I didn't question it either. I got up and went towards him as well, he didn't seem to mind that either. We stood in front of each other, looking into each other's eyes. My tail was pointing straight up, and my ears were perked up. I knew there was a smile on my face. But not for long.

In something faster than a flash, a moment where there was once the calm face of Alfred, the next I felt searing pain painted across my left arm. I flinched and looked at what had happened, my sleeves were broken and blood had started to soak the deep black cloth into a red color, the blood glistening under the gaze of the sun. Another strip of brain screeching pain, this time on my right arm. I tried to look at that as well, but before I could an impact hit my right cheek and I was forced to look at the face of Alfred, the stick he held in his hand and pressured on my face.

What? Why? Terror grasped at my throat and took my knees, I tried to step away from the whip that was in hand. He let me take a step, but then he hit me across the stomach, tearing another patch of cloth and sending me to the ground on my knees. Not again. I don't want to feel the whips again.

"Please," was all I could say before Alfred hit me on my back, the feeling was worse than what I had been forced to deal with in the castle. Radanta must've been holding back, because the amount of pain each strike of his stick provided was much worse than what Radanta had given me. I cowered, unwilling and incapable of moving against Alfred. I wanted him to stop, please.

"Alfred, stop."

"I have." And so he had. He hadn't struck me again, but my shivering and panic didn't leave me. I looked up at Alfred in a slow turning of my head, too afraid of moving fast enough to be considered a threat.

"What did I do?"

"I'll give you two options. Withstand my blows, and you may stay here, with me. You're afraid of the whips, right? I may be forgiving, but even I have my limits. I will make what you had felt by that woman seem like a pleasant memory, if you choose to stay by my side. The second option is to move into the city and only contact me when I need you to enchant something for me. There will be no further relationship than that. You will live longer than I, so eventually I will stop visiting you. Assume that I had died of old age.

"What do you choose?"

The answer is obvious. "Stay."

"Very well."

And thus the strikes continued. I stayed, I didn't move from the spot, and I waited for Alfred to stop. The pain was bearable in comparison to the thought of having to leave Alfred. Why was I so obsessed over this? The thought did reach my mind, but I ignored it. I was too far into this to give up now, and Alfred was kind enough of a man to not beat me beyond normal reason.

But he didn't stop. And it no longer became normal, once I felt the pain of a bone being broken, then in the next moment a kick to my stomach. I almost lost conscious at that point. I had been sent flying across the ground at this point, rolling and trying to stop myself from continuing so. Each roll moved my broken bone, my arm, in slightly more distorted and excruciating ways. I didn't stop because of my effort, however, I stopped because I hit my back against the tree.

I'm lucky I'm enchanted, that would've broken my spine. Alfred was on the other side of the meadow, walking towards me. Instincts tried to take over, but I didn't let it have any power over me, I needed to stay still. This was a test. So I waited, casting what little healing magic I knew on myself. I could do nothing but accelerate healing, but I don't know if Alfred will really kill me. Being slightly deformed for a short while is preferable to that.

As long as I could stay with Alfred.

Alfred was in front of me once again, his gaze uncaring. Trained, uncaring in a way that fel he had trained to stop caring. I could feel it, this wasn't a natural psychopathy. I've fault those before. Perhaps he could still see the conviction in my eyes, so he stomped on my hand. That must've broken a few bones, but I couldn't tell.

He squatted down, his foot still on my hand, and took out his knife. He placed the edge on my thumb and made a swift cut, putting enough force into the cut to cut off my thumb with it. This time, I yelled, a pathetic one that I knew to be less from the pain and more from the surprise of the action. I can't live without my thumb!

"Wait, stop! No!"

"You want to leave?" Alfred asked, his voice a monotone. He positioned his knife over the pointer finger and cut, disregarding my plea.

"No!" He cut off another finger. He did this with each one, then stabbed my palm and pushed the knife deep into the earth, trapping my hand on the spot. Alfred grabbed my other arm, and I resisted to the best of my ability. The position was awkward, and he was much stronger than me already, so it only took a single hard tug from Alfred to rip the hand forward and flat into the earth again.

"Understood. Let's continue then." What was he going to do? He grabbed my hand, his own dwarfing my own, and squeezed. The bones in my hand began to grind against each other, and a pain I didn't know was possible to feel was felt. I couldn't lose consciousness, but I could scream. So I did, Alfred continuing to squeeze and grind against my hand until there was nothing left to grind but a pulped mess of a hand.

He let go, but by that point I couldn't respond anymore, the yelling continued, but not because of the pain. What was I going to do without either of my hands being functional? I was useless. What was Alfred thinking? I can't be any use to him like this!

"Why are you crying?" Alfred asked, removing the knife from my hand and out of the dirt. Neither of these things were injuries that I could heal. I tried to catch my voice, and to stop the crying, but I couldn't do either of those. Alfred waited. And eventually I could speak.

"I---I'm useless. I can't do anything without my hands. I can't be of use to you anymore, Alfred!"

Alfred nodded. "Very well. Let's continue."

Alfred dragged me on to my feet, dropping me on my ass on to the ground. I didn't try to crawl away, but I did curl up into a ball immediately, hugging my hands as best as I could. I healed them to stop the bleeding, but I couldn't do anything beyond that. Why did I love Alfred? Why was I still thinking about this bastard in a positive light? What was wrong with me? Why am I doing this? I don't think he was going to kill me if I simply said no more, I'll leave. The Lord could do something about my hands, maybe. They can do anything, can't they?

Alfred grabbed my hair and positioned the knife around it. He cut off every section, possibly giving me a horrible hair cut in the process. That didn't matter, hair can regrow back. Then he grabbed my ears, and cut it off. I screamed, although the pain wasn't as bad as the grinding of my hand, it was an intensely sensitive body part. He did this with my other ear, and then threw both of them on to the dirt in front of me.

I couldn't hear my yells anymore, not properly. Only a dull, distant sound. I knew it was coming from me, it sounded familiar, but beyond that it felt as if the world had become dull. Alfred grabbed the back of my head and forced my face into the dirt, grabbing my tale and cutting it off as well. That one didn't hurt as much, and the thought of losing more limbs was starting to become familiar. I still cried, that was unavoidable.

He threw the tail in front of my face once again, and picked me up by my hair to sit me on the dirt. I stayed, too afraid to do anything that upset him. I clutched the top of my head with the only hand that didn't send shivers of revolting pain every time it touched anything, my right, fingerless hand.

"The next thing I will do will hurt more than what you've experienced so far. Do you give up?"

Despite every instinct telling me to run away, to accept that I didn't want to experience anymore pain, I stayed still. Alfred was the man who had treated me with the most kindness besides my own mother. I had good memories with him. Things could still be fine, things can still work out. He wouldn't do this if he didn't have a way to fix me, right? "A-A-A-Alf-Alfred," I could barely speak.

"Yes?"

"I love you, please, please, please, please stop. "

"Open your mouth."

I turned my eyes up to Alfred, but apparently I was being too slow. Alfred grabbed my jaw and forced it open, applying the pressure he had done the night he had caught me before. "Try to bite me and I'll break your jaw." He reached into my mouth and pulled out a tooth. I screamed. "Keep your screaming to a minimum. I'd prefer if I didn't have to cut off your tongue." I stopped screaming.

I did, however, let out a grunt for each tooth he broke. It was a different feeling, I'm certain he broke my jaw several times already. Each pull felt similar to the last, but each broken tooth left a different injury than before, providing a different flavor of dread to each pull. He kept going, until each tooth was removed, but that was alright. Teeth were something that could grow back, I knew the spell for it already.

My mind was more durable than I thought. I could still think even now. I still didn't want to leave Alfred, it was as if the thought was as deep of a fundamental truth as things falling down, or the fact that reality exists. I couldn't forget it, never. I couldn't live without Alfred's presence. I wouldn't want to live without him, I didn't have any choice but to go through this torture.

One part of my mind felt that, at least. The others wanted me to die. I ignored those. The only one I couldn't ignore was how much I despised Alfred, how much I wanted to see him suffer, to break his bones and rip out his eyes. I tried to keep those thoughts as away as possible, no matter how justified they were.

"I guess it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be." Alfred said, his eyes empty. How would he know? "Oh well." He squeezed and my jaw popped, and then, and only then, did I scream.

"Leave."

I shook my head, fiercely, placing my hands on my jaw as best as I could to keep it closed. It was hanging loosely, and I had to make sure it didn't wobble too much. Alfred nodded, and grabbed my right leg. He placed a foot on my knee and pushed down, leveraging it towards the wrong direction. My screams no longer sounded like screams, instead like gurgles as blood had started to well up in my throat. Then he did something I hadn't expected, he grabbed my shin and to pound it with his own knee.

Each strike felt as my bone would break, but it didn't. Eventually, however, it did, and with a pop my shins were turned into a corner. He moved the broken shin aroun, as if trying to break it further, and then began to cut off my flesh. He took the broken segment of leg, now amputated, and dropped it like garbage onto the floor. He looked at me, and asked one final time.

"Leave, or die."

I shook my head. He had swore he wouldn't kill me or leave me to die without good reason, the various qualifications for what was good reasons a long list. I had done none of those things. He wouldn't kill me.

The next moment was black.