‘So where did your quest take you?’ Leita asked.

‘To hell and back’.

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Yeah, I figured things out about myself. A lot of them, not so good’.

‘Oh, I’m sorry. I hope you’ve gotten things straightened out now’.

‘In some ways, but not really. I have misdeeds to confess, and have to find forgiveness’.

‘Oh, yeah. To who’?

‘You’.

‘Me’?

‘Yes. Let me tell you about it’.

‘Why don’t we take a pass on that. I’d rather spend my last few days being happy. You’re back. All that’s important to me is your being here’.

‘Listen,’ Ethan said. ‘You’re not dying. There’s no reason for you to die, and I need you too much to let you die. We can fix this. You can walk out of here today. You know that’.

‘You know,’ Leita replied, ignoring Ethan. ‘I felt like a child my entire life until now. When you discover you’re about to die, you become an adult very quickly. All the uncertainty and unnecessary leaves you. You accept reality and you go with it. I’ve thought about this for a long time. I haven’t told you everything about my life, but I’ve been broken a few times. After a while, there’s no coming back. You’re just broken. I didn’t want to get sick, but when I did, I felt relieved it was finally over. I’m on the other side of life now Ethan. It’s too late for us. I love you, but you don’t turn back from something like this once you accept it’.

‘Actually Leita, one of the things I’ve learned on my quest is you can turn away from these things, especially limiting beliefs’.

Leita looked at Ethan, confused. ‘What’s wrong with you? You’ve always known I follow the laws of nature. When you die, you die. I am not of the world you talk of. Remember?’

‘Yes you are. You can’t help but be. Everyone is. It’s just how you get there, and you’re taking a roundabout way of getting there. It’s much better to skip death. It creates a degree of separation. I’m with you now, and I want to be with you always. Why won’t you at least consider coming back to me’?

‘I’m sorry Nathan, but it’s not nature’s way. I follow the laws of nature. You used to too’.

‘The quest changed me,’ Ethan replied. ‘I haven’t turned away from nature, but I’ve come to understand you can live in the spirit too. They’re meant to live together. Let me tell you my story, Leita. Maybe we can find a way back to each other. Find the life you always wanted. Love me enough to give us a chance. At least until I’m done telling my story’.

Leita was looking attentively at Ethan. He saw a flicker of hope in her eyes, and it was all he needed to start telling his story.

‘A quest simulation is a strange thing’, he began. ‘It takes you to the period in your life where you are an accumulation of your past. You’re there to face your past. You can’t change the past, but you can change yourself. That’s what I did. I changed completely. I became a better person and it was clear to me, I did it so I could be a better person to you.

Over the days he told Leita everything. He told her how he went back to a time when Eldon held great influence over the world. He noticed Leita visibly withdraw when he mentioned Eldon’s name. He knew why, and so he told her of Eldon without referencing him. He told her of his childhood, and things that may have caused him to become who he was. He told her of the kind of man he was, and that the simulation showed him there was no value in that person. He spoke of turning away from his old self, and how much forgiveness was a part of it all. Forgiveness, which is not acceptance, was essential to recovery. Forgiveness to others, and forgiveness to self.

As might be expected, Leita was very interested in talking about how things beyond your control can have a lasting impact on your life. They talked at length about how all people experience these events to some degree or another. Ethan continued to go back to what worked for him. True closure, and moving on with life, required forgiveness.

Leita supposed this was true, but she also believed there were things you could not forgive. Ethan reminded her forgiveness was not acceptance. He didn’t convince her, but she opened up to the idea. It was then that he told her.

‘I was there to witness something that happened to you in the past’.

Leita tensed instinctively, and pulled back.

‘It was me.’

‘What?’

‘I was the man, who...I’m Eldon.’

‘No!’

‘I’m Eldon, or at least I was.

‘No,’ Leita repeated, looking into Ethan’s eyes. She saw he was not lying. She also saw grief, but the main thing she saw was he wasn’t lying.

It took her right back to that moment. The fear. The helplessness. The pain. The pain to her mind. She wanted to run, but once again, she found herself in a position where there was no way to escape. All she could do was stare at Ethan in terror.

‘How?’ was all she could say.

‘There is no excuse for what I did. None. I can only confess my sin, and tell you I regret it more than life itself. I’m not that person anymore. Please know that.

‘It was you,’ Leita said, with growing clarity. ‘You’re the one who broke me. Why did you come back? What did you think you of all people could do to fix things’?

‘I had to come back. If for no other reason but to confess my crime. You have a right to know.

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‘Alright,’ Leita replied bitterly. You’ve told me. You can leave now’.

‘No, I can’t. There’s a way for you to heal and overcome, even from this. You’ve lost your meaning. I’ve come back to help you find it’.

‘You’re going to show me how to find meaning? You? You showed me the opposite. You took it away’.

‘I know, but you can get it back with my love’.

‘Your love? I’ve had a lot of time to think about ‘your’ love. A man like you has no love in him. You don’t even have the capacity to love. I don’t care what you say about how you changed. You’ll get me again. Right when I start to trust you, you’ll come up with some other piece of shit thing to do to me. Even before the quest you would never stay with me. You’d just screw me and leave. Even on the day you swore you’d never leave me, you left, and I didn’t see you for 3 years. Come on! You’re just a lie, Ethan. That's all you’ve ever been. Get out! I don’t want you here. I don’t have time for you anymore’.

‘No. I’m not leaving’.

‘Leave! I told you to leave’.

Ethan just sat there. He wouldn’t even let go of her hand. She tried to pull it away, but didn’t have the strength. He just held her a little tighter.

‘I love you,’ he said quietly. ‘My place is beside you.’

Leita looked at Ethan with hatred and exasperation. In spite of the shock, she could read Ethan’s eyes. They weren’t just black orbs anymore. There was something behind them now, and he wasn’t lying. His love was sincere. Just too late, that’s all.

Ethan continued to look at Leita, and she continued to stare at him. Millions of thoughts ran through her mind; all of them charged with emotion. It tired her. Emotional drain was more tiring than the sickness. In spite of herself, the love in Ethan’s eyes and the rest of her surroundings faded from view. She was not willing to accept any of this. Her last thought before falling asleep was how life had gotten in one last jab. Now she had been denied the happiness of Ethan’s return.

‘Why are you still here Ethan?’ Leita asked, when she woke next.

‘Because this is where I’m meant to be’.

‘No you’re not. Not anymore.

‘Now more than ever’.

‘No. I don’t want you here. I just want to be left in peace.’

Ethan looked at Leita intently. ‘Leita, I know how you feel. I know your life hasn’t been easy. I take full responsibility for that, but it’s not right for you to quit. It’s not fair to you. We’re only given this one chance to do what we’re meant to do down here on earth. If we don’t do it, we lose this unique opportunity going into our next life, and it becomes harder for us to grow. It’s very important you make the right choices with your time here. Regardless of what our relationship means to you, your journey here is not over’.

‘Just because I didn’t get what I deserved in life doesn’t change anything. Millions of people live and die without getting what they deserve. It’s the law of nature. Kill or be killed, Ethan. Some of us aren’t strong enough. That’s the way of life’.

‘It was the way of life. Not anymore. That’s what’s changed in the new world. It’s not dog eat dog. The time for that is over. It’s time for love and self-discovery. No matter what your life has been, great joy waits for you. You just have to let it in.

‘Let me show you. It’s what I can give you, and the truth is, it will make up for what I’ve done to you. It won’t make it okay, to me in particular, but it will give you back your life. Please trust me on just this one thing’.

‘You just don’t seem to get it Ethan!’ Leita replied in frustration. ‘My life has not been a happy one. From the moment I can remember, which begins with you, I’ve never been happy. I’ve never been able to feel content. Even at my happiest, fear of its loss overpowered the joy. That’s what's wrong with me Ethan. I can’t know happiness, no matter how hard I try. I’ve finally come to terms with this, and it’s given me peace. Whatever journey you travel to accept death, I’ve taken. I’m on the other side. I have no expectation’.

‘Well, that’s not quite true,’ Ethan replied. ‘You wouldn’t be alive if there wasn’t a sliver of hope left in you. There’s still something here that can bring you back, whether you believe it or not.

‘What about this,’ Ethan continued. ‘Right now I’m offering you the one thing you always wanted in life; unconditional love. You can’t deny it. You’re receiving it right now. I’m sitting here beside you through everything, and I have no intention of leaving. I’m here to love, support and respect you, regardless of how broken you are. I love you more than anything. This love is the single thing you’ve wanted more than anything else in life and you have it’.

‘Yeah, by my rapist’.

‘Life is not perfect Leita. We make it perfect. I’m here to mend the past by loving you unconditionally. It can be no other way, because all the conditions fall on me. To me, you’re perfect. You always have been. I’ve always loved and respected you. No one else has ever come close. Just you.

‘Give us some time. You know, I’m willing to bet you have never had someone to talk to. I know I didn’t do it in the past. Not where I just wanted to know about you because I love you. You have never had anyone to talk with about all the things that are important to your life. You’ve had to make it on your own. For a while let’s put the past to the side, and just talk through some of these things’.

Leita turned her head. Ethan was exhausting. He was creating confusion and uncertainty, when she had finally found peace. She took a deep breath. ‘Can you leave me alone and let me think about this?’

‘Certainly,’ Ethan replied, not loosening his hold on her hand.

‘By actually leaving me,’ she said, staring at him.

‘Oh! No, I will never leave you, but I won’t bug you while you think’.

Ethan was frustratingly persistent. She found this reassuring, even hopeful, although at the time mostly frustrating. All this talk made her tired. There was too much to process. She soon drifted off into the healing powers of sleep.

‘Alright, let’s talk,’ Leita said when she woke up the next time.

Ethan gave her a smile of gratitude and held her hand a little tighter. They talked about everything. A lot of what they talked about was how Ethan could do what he did in the first place. They went over and over it until they reached a point where it was by no means resolved, but all the how’s and why’s had been considered ad nauseam, and no longer carried the same pain. Leita was learning to see it as an event in her life that held sway, but did not define it, and certainly did not define her.

This was a big shift in her perspective. It allowed her to see herself as more. Not just getting more out of life, but getting more out of herself. That was something she could grab onto. Something she wanted, but didn’t know how to find.

Ethan kept going over and over how there was a special gift in her to find. She had always known it was there. It had been beyond her, but it was there. It was the greatest thing she regretted about dying. Not finding the freedom of being herself without the baggage.

Leita began to feel cheated and mad. She often looked at Ethan and thought, ‘Who do you think you are to take my life away from me’? It was part of her healing. Finding value in herself.

‘You just need to find the magic inside you and I’ll be happy.’ Ethan droned on. ‘You can’t see it right now. I can see it, and Leita, you add magic to this world. When you see this in yourself, you will see the potential of life ever after and you will join me.

Leita thought about what Ethan was saying. He was so persistent. He kept going over and over her life and the possibility she could bring to it. It was impossible to ignore and the truth was she was starting to see a glimmer of hope. She knew she was incomplete, but now she wasn’t satisfied with acceptance. At that moment, something in her changed. Once again, with the naivety of the child long since lost, she trusted in the future, and maybe even Ethan. That was her beauty, and when he noticed, Ethan was overwhelmed by it. Her gift to share was coming through.

‘So, how are we going to find this magic,’ she asked uncertainly.

Tears came to Ethan’s eyes. She said ‘we’.

The End