“It was clear I was afflicted with a burger madness, so it was at this point I decided to take a break.“ -Stuart Brown, Four-Byte Burger-

_____

The diner was the very picture of suburbia. Exactly the same as every other building that shared its brand name except for the layout of the tables, identical menus and an identical selection of pie that always looked better than it tasted. The waiters and cooks were different people - not everyone could do what Aneshs did after all - but their general antipathy for the job meant that, like every other copy of this establishment, there were a lot of things that just got half assed.

JP didn’t blame them, because he could already tell from looking that this place did the thing where they underscheduled and expected the people they did pay to work harder to make up for the deficiency. He’d worked a job like this in high school, and he’d lasted about a week before lying his way into literally anything else.

Actually, he’d deceived his way into James’ social circle, now that he thought about it. And then told his mom that his friends needed him for emotional support or something else dumb that was probably a much worse lie than he’d thought it was at the time. But he hadn’t had to go back to work at least.

Right now, in the present, he wasn’t even close to interested in doing a job, but he was still here in a diner to do work. Specifically to meet police captain Mecham over coffee, and give the soft faced old cop an accounting of what the hell had been happening in ‘his’ city. JP would have rather met at literally any other restaurant, but he’d suffer through this one mostly because North Smiths, Utah, had a disturbing lack of good Mexican places. Also he didn’t think Mecham would want their chat to last long enough for tacos to arrive.

The two men stayed quiet except for polite thank yous to the waitress who set coffee in front of them, both adding their own cream and sugar with the clink of spoons on ceramic before taking tasting sips of the too-hot liquid in unspoken unison. Mecham’s plain style of dress fitting in to the crowd, but clashing with JP’s habit of dressing every day like he was going to a high class society function. Despite his rank and position, he wasn’t in uniform for this. He was even wearing a tie clip, which JP found sartorially pretentious, though he’d never in his fucking life say those words aloud anywhere anyone in the Order could hear him.

Around them, the world kept on being normal; midmorning on a saturday meant there were plenty of people at the adjoining tables, families and couples, a grandmotherly woman with knitting that JP figured was ten levels above his best effort, a group of truckers, people. Eating breakfast, waiting on coffee or overpriced orange juice, talking and making their own clinks of cutlery.

Entirely unaware of the mild chaos that had happened last night.

”Alright mister...” Mecham started as he set his mug down.

JP realized the pause was for him. “Oh, JP is fine.”

“Well mister JP.” The man ignored him either on purpose to be assertive, or by accident, which was much funnier in JP’s opinion. “I think you owe me an explanation.”

JP held his own cup in one hand, a little idle gesture that was specifically for making him look a little less professional and a little more approachable. He wasn’t sure exactly what track he’d be taking with Mecham, so he was starting out with the low-hostility ones, but prepared to pivot if he needed. “That is why I’m here.” He smiled slightly, keeping his usual charm masked behind the fact that he hadn’t slept in two days. “Where should we start?”

”Who are you?” The captain asked instantly, his slow voice not hiding the fact that he had questions prepared and an intelligence behind his eyes. “You aren’t really FBI.”

Still smiling, JP pointed with his coffee cup, one finger curled under the handle. “Now see, I, unlike my friend, make a point of not lying in ways that can be checked that easily. No, I’m not FBI. We’re from a group called the Order of Endless Rooms.”

”Group? Sounds like a cult.”

”Would you believe I tried to warn them about that?” JP shrugged, a ‘whatcha gonna do’ gesture.

Across from him, Mecham gave a throaty snort of amusement. “Alright. What are you then, really?”

”You’re going to have to narrow that down. Do you mean ideologically, or are you asking if I’m human?”

”Either. Both. God help me, I’m going to have to start asking, aren’t I?”

JP offered some quiet sympathy. “I’m human. As for the Order, we’re… you can think of us as exceptionally good samaritans. We find problems and we solve them, and we try to make use of the kind of weirdness that I know you know about so that we can make the world nicer for everyone.”

”Sounds like a bunch of hippy nonsense. My gram would’ve loved you.” Mecham gazed down into his half empty mug, a distant look in his eyes. He was taking this a lot better than JP had expected so far, which was a good sign, but the man was clearly still dazed by everything that had happened.

“Something like that.” JP said, giving a much more charming smile to their tired looking waitress as she came by to offer them refills. He waited only for her to turn away before he kept talking. “A while back, we met some interesting people down around this area. They made some weird drinks that the FDA would probably have a heart attack about, and they also hurt some people.” JP didn’t really want to reveal too much, so he kept it simple. Broad strokes. Let Mecham follow the story, without making him think the details were important. “Put a stop to that, almost peacefully too. Some of them still work with us, they’re going through a pretty long rehabilitation thing. But while we were getting into that mess, we ended up helping a few kids out who happened to have some weird magic.”

”The miracles. I’m not totally in the dark here, I know about that.” Mecham nodded. “Did you save them from some demons? I know it brings them out.”

It didn’t, but JP didn’t want to get into a conversation that might get him mistaken for a Researcher right now. ”Something like that. Afterward, we got them home safe, talked to their parents, and… well, you know how it is around here, don’t you? People forget things.”

”That they do.”

”And when we did check in, imagine our surprise when it turns out that our young friends are missing, their families are missing, the surrounding neighborhoods are empty, and there’s spellbooks - miracle… uh… books, if you prefer that term - all over the city, and at least one person deciding that institutional religious power wasn’t quite enough for them.” JP frowned, letting his face harden into something that wasn’t anger but clearly wasn’t happy. “And I understand you knew about Anderson a little?”

Mecham had the good grace to look bitterly ashamed. “I knew.” He admitted. “God help me, I knew and I took his money, because I thought Russel was doing something… ah, it doesn’t matter.” He stirred coffee he wasn’t drinking. “It’s over now at least.”

Personally, JP wasn’t nearly as angry or as anti-cop as James and some of the others were. But he still had to pull on his social aptitudes pretty hard to not scowl at the man in that moment. “Well, Anderson is still on the loose, and he doesn’t seem like a quitter.”

”I’d say you’re right, but something tells me I never knew the man. Was he human?” Mecham asked.

”No. He’s a shapeshifter of some kind. Though it wouldn’t really matter.” JP sighed slightly, channeling his inner James. “So here’s the rough outline. Anderson was building his personal army of god out of a bunch of teenagers by using miracle-magic to make them believe specific stuff and building off that. He was also running a second group that’s still active, that was moving people into a ‘safe place’ for some kind of nebulous coming apocalypse. And I would really like to know how this one guy ended up at the center of it all.”

”Demon powers?” Mecham asked with a shrug, and met JP’s flat and unamused grin with one of his own before relenting and giving a real answer. “My computer boys are still going through his emails, but he was impersonating two different apostles to other people. Their offices at least, not like they send their own emails. But you know what I mean.” JP gave a nod, he was keeping up on the local power structures. “What was he trying to do? Really.”

JP sighed and finished his coffee, wishing he’d ordered a bagel or something. He’d teleport to that nice cafe in Amsterdam after this and get a real breakfast. “Honestly? I don’t think it was that nefarious. He just got caught up in the treadmill.” Mecham gave him a blank stare that was more confusion than attempted intimidation, and JP offered an explanation. “Maybe he had a big goal at first, but he probably accomplished it at some point. But having more authority and more magic let him get more authority and more magic, so he kept doing it. How many men do you know who aren’t satisfied with enough when they could have more?”

”A fair few.” Mecham conceded with a slow nod. “Nothing wrong with a little ambition.”

”That so?” JP smiled coyly. “Guess I’m not one to talk.” He gave a friendly chuckle.

”So that’s it then? Someone wanted to be in charge, and all this came from that?”

JP sighed, drumming his fingers on the sticky surface of their table, trying his hardest to ignore the tacky sensation under his fingertips. “You want to know what happened? It’s not complicated. It’s just …a lot of pointless violence. A lot of stupid lies that confused everything to the point that some people thought this was a good idea. The real answer, captain? The truth? Some people who already liked having power got a taste of a way to get even more, and they did what humans do. And one of them happened to not be that human. You can put this on Russel Anderson as the ringleader or something like that, but I’m gonna give it to you straight right now; I know a lot of nonhumans, and on average? They’re kicking our fucking asses in terms of ethical behavior.”

There was a long silence. Well, not a silence; the diner continued to be full of the sounds of humanity. A child’s too-loud laughter and a chef yelling at someone in the back, normal daily life for normal daily people. Eventually, Mecham met JP’s eyes, something like defiance warring with shame on his face. ”Russel wasn’t always like this, you know.” He said. “I still don’t think he’s an evil man.”

“Capitan, I don’t care.” JP told him honestly. “You don’t need to convince me if he’s good or evil. I don’t want him dead. I just want you to be on the lookout for him in the future, because he did hurt people, and you’re smart enough to not lie to yourself.”

The police captain’s mouth twitched in a wince of a smile. “Maybe. Maybe.” He said slowly. “Is it really that bad, though? People keep saying child abuse, but parents make choices for their kids all the time. What’s actually your problem with it?”

”The part where he and his minions put teenagers in five by five metal boxes, and also the part where one of his people shot my friend in the face.” JP said, the words coming out incredibly at odds with the polite facade he was maintaining. He was shifting to a more confrontational mood, but still trying to keep things nice as he did so. “And you did nothing. Because he’s your friend.” He toned back the hostility, and gave a slight tip of his head. “Which I understand. I have friends who do dumb shit too, and I still care about them. I get it. But you know right and wrong, and we’re adults here. Let’s not pretend.”

”I am still an officer of the law. I’m in charge of this city, of keeping it safe. I can’t have you running around kicking down doors looking for revenge.”

”Oh! You misunderstand. I’m not revenge-centric.” JP laughed, playing it off as a joke as the passing waitress gave him a look. “Right now, all we want is to cooperate on what you already want. Finding a wanted fugitive who… actually, I wasn’t there, did he try to kill you?” JP knew the answer, but making the man speak his own reminder was more effective.

Mecham didn’t nod, just dipped his stare. “He did.” He replied in his slow voice. “He was panicking, it wasn’t…” he stopped before he could say it wasn’t his fault. Even he knew that was a lie. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t think I can cover up cooperating with an order.”

”Then don’t.” JP shrugged. “Legally, we are consultants, helping out with an investigation. Practically… we’re exactly that. We’re not a conspiracy, captain. And our goals align. It’s okay for us to work together. There’s just one condition.”

”Money?”

JP grinned wide. ”Hah! Hardly. Unless you’re asking for money, in which case no, you took enough already I think. No, I’d like to ask you if you’re familiar with the Long Arm of the Law.”

”…I am the long arm of the law. That’s what that means.”

”Ah.” JP relaxed slightly, nodding. “Good to know.” Specifically it was good to know that the man had no idea what JP meant. Ever since their first dustup down here, it had been something of a curiosity to the rogues that the police didn’t seem to react quite the same way anymore. JP was personally pretty certain that there were more people than there should be who knew who Long was, especially among the higher ranks of law enforcement. But the pillar was oddly absent from this part of Utah these days.

The memeplex that made things hard to notice or plan around was still in place though, which meant it probably wasn’t Long’s doing, like they’d thought. Still, it was good to get a little extra confirmation that the cops here weren’t on the payroll of a higher tier of enemy.

”So what happens now?” Mecham asked. “I go back to life knowing that there’s demons walking among us, and you walk away?”

”They’re just people.” JP said, shaking his head. He didn’t push back on anything of the comments Mecham had made that were wrong over the conversation, but this one was more direct and he felt like James and Alanna would break his knees if he didn’t address it. “Really. And just like people, some of them suck. So maybe do your job, take fewer bribes, and don’t worry about it too much.” He narrowed his eyes. “Because now you know we exist. And you know we’ll be annoyed if I find out you’re policing based on species.”

The cop’s ego couldn’t take that sitting down. “Are you threatening me?”

”Absolutely not!” JP said with the kind of unpleasant smile that said the opposite of what he’d vocalized. “Oh, and we’re not walking away. There’s loose ends and excellent reasons for us to stick around. But really. We don’t have to be enemies, Captain Mecham.” He stood up, already focusing on his next stop for the day as his counterpart stood too, the two of them shaking hands like professionals who had respect for each other even if they weren’t feeling it that much. “I’ll be in touch.”

All in all, JP thought as he went to the bathroom, teleported to another country, and went to get real food, that went pretty well. Having someone else in the area as a potential ally was much better than he’d hoped for. And, best of all, he got to eat a fresh croissant instead of talking to any of the teenagers they’d brought back, which was frankly more important to him than anything having to do with Utah’s local police.

_____

Momo had been scheduled for something today, and she really, really wished she weren’t.

In fact, she wasn’t clear on why she had woken up ‘on time’ for a meeting she didn’t remember agreeing to. She also wasn’t quite clear on why she had put in the effort to disentangle herself from El, her partner having either decided to make a melancholy romantic gesture in wrapping her arms and legs around Momo in their shared bed to keep her from getting into trouble again, or, maybe just didn’t have enough room on her side of the too-small sleeping space. She really didn’t know why she’d actually left her room and gone to where she knew she was supposed to be.

Right up until she got there, and then Momo, never a morning person, felt the lingering fog of sleep tinge red with rage.

”Planner I’m gonna fuckin’…” Momo trailed off. She didn’t know what she was gonna. Also, she slowly started to think, this was a lot more worrying than Planner’s usual shenanigans. The assignment had straight up mind controlled her out of her warm bed to do something, and Momo was really not okay with that.

She also didn’t know what to do about it. She was still feeling like she was falling apart just a little. Someone had tried to kill her again yesterday, and Planner just expected her to be okay.

Maybe she’d done too good a job lying to people about how okay she was.

When she found out what she was supposed to be doing, she relaxed a bit though. Recovery was spending today going through the kids - and a few adults too - that had come back with them to the Lair, first in small groups to explain things, then individually with Recovery agents to set them up with the specific resources they’d need. Momo had been asked, and apparently said yes, to talking to a small group of the more skittish teens that were part of the batch she’d magically crowbarred out of their prisons.

She was told it would help them to have a familiar face. Especially since she’d been the one to save them.

When she learned that the reason she was up so early was to ‘review documents’ before the small debriefing thing, Momo had rolled her eyes and found the nearest couch to nap on. She had a skulljack for a reason, and even if she didn’t, if Planner was going to be kicking her out of bed, they could figure out how to implant memories in Momo’s head.

In the end, Momo had an outline, zero plan for what she was going to say, and was feeling barely refreshed from her tiny nap as she threw herself into a chair at the small table the group was meeting at. She really didn’t know why this had to be her and not someone else. James had been there, it could be James!

Well. Okay. No, it couldn’t be James right now, or Deb would murder all of them. But Momo had stuff to do today, so she wanted to get one more mental complaint in.

There were four kids she’d been foisted upon, and even sitting down the boy half of the group both looked like they would take Momo standing on her own clone’s shoulders to match up to. The two girls sat closer to each other, probably friends before this, and all of them relaxed a bit as Momo arrived.

”Yo.” She introduced herself, swishing the bathrobe around to fold her legs under herself and ignoring the persistent shooting pain in her hip from where some asshole dungeon had shot her with a chunk of ice worthy of being a second tier Final Fantasy spell. “I’m Momo, we all kiiiiinda met before, but hi again. Uh… who are you?”

They went around the table and she got their names, and made notes in her skulljack memory app because there was just no way Momo was going to remember them otherwise.

“What happens now?” One of the guys asked. “Are we allowed to leave?”

”Yes.” Momo said instantly. “I mean, probably? I’m not gonna keep you here. We tend to do some kind of supervised parole thing for people who are, like, problems, but I kinda don’t think that’s you? You all seem harmless.”

One of the girls ducked her head, looking like she might have something to say but uncertain if she should speak up. Eventually she muttered, not meeting anyone’s eyes, “The… the demons that come after us…”

”Oh! That’s not a thing.” Momo flapped a hand in the air. “Sorry, whatever elders or bishops were handling you guys in your weird little program lied about the demon thing. They were doing it manually, the dungeon doesn’t spawn or send anything.” Or at least, she assumed it didn’t. If it did, the Order would surely have noticed, because they had made a lot of spell coin copies to test stuff. Momo was pretty sure one of the dedicated Akashic Sewer delvers had something like twenty level one slots just to carry the spell that made towels and a few copies of the frog-to-bat thing as a contingency. That would absolutely have gotten at least one flying goat in retaliation if that was a real thing.

Momo wasn’t great with people, but she still caught that when she called their handlers liars, all four of them twitched practically in the same way. “They wouldn’t-!” One of the boys started to say before he bit down on his own tongue.

There was an impulse for Momo to snark at them. To give a sarcastic little ‘oh really’ or something. But she stomped down on that, hard. That kind of thing was fine against assholes, but these were just kids who’d been shoved into the worst parts of their own brains. She knew what that felt like. Making fun of them would just feel gross.

So instead, Momo rapped her knuckles on the table, cleared her throat, ignored how the collective bruise from the two people who’d tried to crush her windpipe still hurt, and leaned back in her chair. It got their attention, and that was all she needed to distract them with her barely-planned speech.

”So, uh. Welcome to the Lair! Lemmie give you the intro spiel and then we can get into questions, okay? Okay! So, uh… there’s a lot of weird shit in the building? Wait, can I swear? You’re all kids, I shouldn’t swear.“ Two of them gave her put-out looks, faces puckered up in annoyance, but Momo just grinned back to show she wasn’t being too serious. “There’s a lot of weird ssssssstuff in the building, and you need to know what you are actually supposed to not touch, okay? There’s a lot of trial and error and fun learning experiences, but there’s a few things you really need to know.“

”Wait, wait, no, you mean there’s dangerous things here? Like your demons?” The previously quiet girl asked.

Momo have a sad half frown and shook her head. “We don’t use the word demon. And you’ll get a whole info booklet from your personal Recovery contact later, okay? Most of them are people. People you might have a lot in common with; they’re mostly survivors and people who needed help.” She paused. “Hell, I’m one of those people too.”

”You?” It sounded incredulous. Probably because Momo was currently looking large and in charge, and toying with one of her floating pencils that was orbiting her head.

”Me. Now. If you see something moving around that isn’t human, that’s okay. They’re probably supposed to be here. But please, I am begging you, don’t pet anything without asking first. If they don’t tell you that they want to be petted, then also don’t pet them, cause some things like the shellaxies are actually super fuc- super dang hostile to unfamiliar people, and they will shred your tender teenager flesh.”

“Our what?” The tallest of the already too-tall boys asked, alarmed. And Momo tried not to sigh. This must be how El felt all the time; trying to corral kids and having all of them fail to get her jokes. El was actually a wickedly funny person most of the time, and it must suck to be around people who kept second guessing your wit. As Momo was finding out, as her wit met its match in the form of people five to ten years younger than her.

So she ignored the desire to double down on the wry comment and instead pushed forward. ”That came out weird, but let’s keep rolling. If something is glowing, don’t poke it without asking. If someone left food out, don’t eat it without asking. If you think you should recognize part of the building but everything has changed, we have a local wifi server with a map you can check but also don’t go down weird hallways without checking with someone else first just in case. Okay?“

”Okay.” All four of them said at once, like they were conditioned to agree. Which they might be.

Momo sure hated that. “Okay. That’s the warning bit. Now here’s the good stuff. You can live here as long as you need to, or we can set you up somewhere comfortable for you. You don’t have to go back to where you were, you don’t ever need to talk to anyone who hurt you again, and you don’t need to give up your magic.“ Their faces lit up, and she didn’t hide her own smile. ”You’re all still basically babies, so we’ll prooooobably not let you have the ones that make swords or alter your own brains until you’re a little older, but there’s a ton of stuff that isn’t all ‘hey we have amazing power I know we should get into a battle’ that you can play with until then.“

”Isn’t… isn’t magic for fighting?” One of the guys asked. “That’s what it all does, right?”

”I have it on good authority that there’s a spell out there in your specific system that’s explicitly for cleaning grout.” Momo commented.

”Grout?”

”Yeah, like, the stuff that holds floor tiles in place.” Momo paused and sucked a breath through her teeth. “I think? I shouldn’t say that without checking. I’ll look it up while we talk.” Or, more specifically, she’d already sent a message to her special chat server where people answered her inane questions. “Anyway! We’re kinda stupid about handing out magic, actually? Like, hey, anyone want some skill ranks? I brought a jar to share.”

The mason jar that had been kept in the inner pocket she’d sewn into the lower portion of her bathrobe thunked onto the table. Momo didn’t just have a big jar of skill orbs for no reason; she’d brought it on purpose. Both to enhance her image as a cryptic witch, and to put these kids at ease. They all stared at the jar, putting off a pale yellow light, as Momo unscrewed the cap and fished around for a handful of the orbs, passing one to each of the teens in turn.

Not a single one of them got a skill rank that was useful for anything immediately practical, which was perfect. Momo loved that seeming running joke the Office was playing. It created a bit of whimsy in an otherwise tense moment, which was important for these kids who had gotten their whole lives uprooted and destroyed.

“Okay.” She said after a little chatter. “Now. I’m sure you guys have a million questions. Let’s go one at a time, okay? I’ll answer what I can, and then after we’re done here, we’ve got people from Recovery who you can chat with one on one, and they’ll be working with you to figure out… uh… everything, okay?” She nodded with as much adult authority as she could. “Okay! Who’s got questions?”

All of them, it turned out.

“Can I go home?” The more alert of the two girls asked right away.

It was framed like a challenge, but Momo refused to get defensive. “Yeah, if you want.” She said, not bothering to hide that she thought that was a fucking stupid idea. “Like I said, not prisoners. Rec’ll probably give you a number or something you can call if you ever need help, but we can totally put you back with any family or whatever that you have. But that seems… stupid? Yeah, that seems dumb as fuck.”

They didn’t argue with her, which was how Momo knew there was something painfully wrong with these kids. Teenagers, in her experience, underwent a kind of radical self destruction protocol whenever someone told them they were wrong to their face. Momo sure had. These kids seemed like they were missing vital parts of themselves, and it was grim. So she moved on to the next question?

”What happened to my sister?” One of the boys asked. “She was taken away before me, and I haven’t seen her here.” His voice cracked as he asked, and he ducked his head in embarrassment.

Momo ignored that too, just answering simply and honestly. “As far as we know, the people who did this to you have other places they were using to keep captives. Your sister might be there, or she might have escaped entirely. She also might be part of the group that’re living in one of the dungeons. I can’t give you a clear answer, but if she is held somewhere, we’ll find her and break her out as soon as we can. Talk to your Recovery rep, and they’ll get you set up to get constant updates, okay?” Momo wished she could say more, but she didn’t know, so she pointed to the second boy who had his hand up.

”Are you sure we aren’t prisoners here?”

”Oh my god, do you want to just walk out?” Momo’s finite patience wore thin.

He looked at least a little chastized. “No?”

”Correct, no. But you can, so you’re not prisoners. Jesus, it’s like you guys have never had your lives saved by a weird non-cult before.” Momo said and instantly regretted the joke as their eyes all widened a little. “Forget I said that. Next question!” She plowed forward with false cheer.

The girl on the side of the table with a good view of the window out into the hall went next. “Uh… how come there’s snakes out there?” She asked.

”Oh! Camracondas! You haven’t met any already? I mean, I guess you guys probably didn’t do much exploring last night.” They shook their heads and Momo gave a knowing nod. “Well, I think you met Barkdust. They’re like her, only less stuffy, and if you tell her I said that I’ll deny everything! They’re on the list of people who we helped, and the list of people who help us help others. It’s some kinda big philosophical cycle thing, but I’ll be honest, I don’t think too much about that. Most of my efforts go into figuring out how to romance one of them.”

”…oh. Are they… alive? They have camera heads.”

”They do, and they are. I’m not that weird, I’m not gonna romance an inanimate object.” Momo gave a playful shrug. “Anyway they’re cool. Most of them are really up front too, so if you want to hang out with them, you can literally just approach and say hi and then start talking. It’s way more chill than with humans. Anyway, next?”

They wanted to know if they had to go back to school when summer was over if they stayed, and Momo explained that they probably would be expected to learn something, but that the Order was working on options. They wanted to know if they could have more magic, and Momo explained that they totally could, but what they could get depended on a few things, including if they were going to school, and that really raised interest in personal education, which she was proud of.

And then one of them asked about their religion, and Momo went back to being mad at Planner for putting her here.

“I’m the wrong person to ask about this.” Momo said. “Because I’m kinda generally on team ‘attack and dethrone god’, and I think that makes me biased. So, like, you’re cool to have a personal faith, there’s nothing wrong with that and no one is gonna stop you. But also…”

They stared at her with differing levels of apprehension and suspicion as she sighed deeply. “But what?” One of them demanded as sternly as a scared and tired teen ever could.

Momo decided to cut to the chase. “But you’ve been fucking brainwashed?” She shrugged, abandoning subtlety and also her attempt to not swear. “I mean literally, not just in a teenage edgelord way. That was the point of the magic, right? As far as the adults in your life saw it?” They nodded, sheepish as they broke off watching her to stare at the tabletop or walls. “Yeah. Cast the spell, say something, believe what you say. That’s not how people grow into beliefs normally, that’s fucking brainwashing. Maybe it’s okay if you’re making yourself into the person you wanna be on purpose, but did any of you ever pick your own things to say?”

They didn’t answer for a long time, until one of the girls cracked and shook her head, tangled hair covering her face. “No.” She said in a small voice.

”Yeah. Exactly. So we’ll work with you, make a list of everything you’ve been forced into, and break those off one at a time. I am really hoping the same spell can countermand itself, but if not, I’ll figure something out. That’s my job though. But when that’s done, and you’re actually free, then yeah, no one’s gonna stop you from worshiping.” She paused. “Unless it’s culty? We’ve had some cult problems in the past. But you don’t seem like a murder cult so it’s probably fine.”

Strangely that did not put them at ease.

Momo handled a few smaller questions, and then just tried to draw them into some casual conversation about themselves and their lives, until their personal Recovery people showed up. All four of them decided to stay in the Lair for a while at least, so that would be easier to handle. And when one of the people from Recovery ended up being a camraconda, none of them said anything shitty or seemed afraid, which was huge in Momo’s opinion.

She’d also only had to stop one of them from self harming in response to a compulsion. Which was also… well. It was something.

Her throat hurt. And she wanted to go Pave someone for what had been done here. But everyone who was responsible was either scattered or unable to continue doing it, so what would be the point? It just left Momo angry and tired and worried about her friends that were still hurt more than her down in the medical wing.

And the worst part was, this was group one of four for the morning.

Before the next one, she jumped on the Lair’s chat and got someone to bring her throat lozenges. Also she learned she was right about grout, which gave her the morale boost she needed to make it through the next group of kids.

_____

Not everyone was suited to early morning meetings in bad diners. Some of the Order preferred a little more of a professional atmosphere.

Mostly just Jake, though. Dave and Paper-And-Words were both… well, they were definitely fits for the Order’s culture. He thought of himself as a mostly chill guy, especially given his profession in the legal world, but he wasn’t quite to the level of casual that the Order used for a lot of things.

Not that it wasn’t working for them, it was just that he had the budget to rent a meeting room in a half-empty office building just off of a main thoroughfare, and so he was going to use the budget for exactly that.

The place was decent. Second floor of the building, nice view of the crescent of asphalt in front of the whole place and the parking lot around it, neatly trimmed greenery surrounding the perimeter of the building itself. Jake had been in a hundred buildings like this, and he took comfort from that as the group he was supposed to be assisting in talking to filtered in.

”Hi there. Jake Redding. Legal council for secret societies. Pleasure.” He offered a handshake to each of the four men in turn as they entered the room.

”Redding?” One of them asked, and Jake tried to ignore the way they were staring at the clean lines of his cornrows.

Jake was used to being the only black man in a room; he worked in Portland usually. But this was unprofessional to a degree that irked him, so he put enough wry humor into his response to make the Order of Endless Rooms proud. “That’s right, Jake Redding. Pleasure.” He smiled toothily at the group, before turning and motioning to the table, moving to take a seat on the other side and leaving the chairs for them to figure out themselves. “This is Paper-And-Words, and Dave…”

He trailed off as he waited for Dave to fill in his last name. An event that he’d be waiting on for a while, as Dave just nodded and gave a small wave. Redding didn’t miss either that Paper-And-Words got less uncomfortable looks than he did; not that this was bad exactly, but it rankled.

Since Dave wasn’t speaking, Paper-And-Words jumped in. “Hello. I am here to make decisions about our involvement, and am currently taking votes from eighty six involved Order members.” That got an odd look, but Paper-And-Words didn’t continue, uninterested in explaining Order democracy to these people, and having filled its role in terms of transparency.

The eldest of the rival group introduced their side as they finished the handshakes and sat themselves. “Carl Young. This is Paul Robertson, Kevin Yarp, and Jim Hone.” He pointed at the other men in turn.

While he did so, Jake compared faces and names to the profiles the Order had. Carl was high on the list of potentially reasonable individuals in this mess, being something like a conscientious objector to some of the worse aspects. Robertson and Hone were both known from the one delve that had happened, one of them being half in charge of their apocalypse prepper thing, and the other being one of the nonhumans that James had spoken to. Jake had no clue who Yarp was, but the younger man kept quietly glancing at Hone, which might mean he was another shifter.

”Alright. Let’s talk.” Jake said, taking his own seat and flipping open the folder on the table in front of him, enjoying the pleasant feel of warm sunlight from the big windows behind him. “We’re all here to come to an agreement where we stop shooting each other, and get along. You all on board with that?”

”If I complain that you shot first, will that get us anywhere?” Carl asked, the older man running a hand across the grey moss that was his growing beard as he did so.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

Jake made a show of checking his notes. “Well, having reviewed all the footage of our people involved, I can safely say that’s not true. Unless you’re talking about firing on the… look, I don’t want to use the word ‘demon’, I think it’s dehumanizing and unhelpful.” He didn’t like the word dehumanizing either anymore, it didn’t fit, but he used it for now. “Do you have a specific species name for the ones that look like a goat and a swan hooked up?”

“The… oh. They’re asmodes. Well, that’s what we call them sometimes.”

The fact that their name for them was just a lightly altered version of a different demon name wasn’t lost on Jake, who quickly figured that they’d just changed a few letters on things from the Ars Goetia for all their naming needs. But it was close enough. “Right. Well, the asmodes that our paladin fired on were in the process of attempting to murder two of your kids, so you’re welcome. Encounters were repeated resolved with no aggression on our part or no casualties, right up until there was an attempted assassination of our people, who include noncombatants.” Jake kept his voice in Big Lawyer Mode as he spoke, flicking his eyes up to stare down the other side of the table. “Do you think we should be offering you something in compensation for this?” He asked.

”Ooh. I don’t.” Paper-And-Words supplied into the thick silence. “It sounds like you tried to kill my brother, and are blaming us for it.” It stared a narrowed camera lens across the table. “I am very young compared to all of you, but I am more prepared to be an adult about this.”

Jake felt like that was a little over the line of professionalism, but he also hadn’t known that Paper-And-Words and Ink-And-Key considered themselves siblings, and if he found out anyone had tried to shoot his brothers, he’d be pissed too.

”Now,” Carl held out a hand, shushing a loud and angry outburst from one of his companions before it got too far, “I know we’re all upset, but I do want to address the kidnappings first.” He met Jake’s eyes. “I assume you know what I’m talking about?”

”Yes. A number of young boys and girls have been removed from your custody.” Jake said flatly. “We are prepared to offer full responsibility for their care, including all costs associated with their upbringing. Also, they will be given open lines of communication to any of their family or friends who they wish to remain in contact with, but unless they personally request it, that communication must be initiated by them.”

”Okay, hang on now.” Robertson spoke up, leaning forward with a smile like he was in on a joke. “You can’t expect us to just let you walk off with a bunch of kids. They have families, you know!”

”I do know. Those families signed off on putting them in cages.” Jake didn’t mince words, but he made it clear that he wasn’t, in the moment, angry. He was here to state facts and negotiate. “Additionally, we don’t know how many of those families entered into whatever program you have for storing people in the dungeon.” He raised an eyebrow, wondering if they’d fill that information in.

Carl shook his head. “I had no idea that was happening until… well, I had some idea. But the scale of it…” he sighed, and the other three all grimaced. Or, in one case, gave him an annoyed glare for just a moment. “Their parents deserve to know they’re safe though.”

”I agree. Which is why we are offering full transparency.” Jake said smoothly. “But those kids are still people, and it should be up to them when and if they ever want to talk to the people who did that to them again.”

They went back and forth a few times, but he knew they were going to agree. There was a mood to a negotiation when one side had already decided to say yes, but was just seeing if they could fire off another successful haggle. They couldn’t, though; Jake’s experience as a property lawyer didn’t exactly translate here, but the hundred-odd yellow orbs he’d picked up had a few useful goodies in them that made him feel more like a force of nature than a man in these situations.

It was as they were agreeing on the final details of custody, and the process for getting the government paperwork done, that Jake realized Dave was gone.

”Where is he?” He muttered to Paper-And-Words as the group of Mormons looked over the draft of the agreement.

”He teleported away the second time one of them tried to explain that locking children up was good for them. I believe Dave has personal experience.” The camraconda said at a slightly too loud volume. “It will be alright. I do not believe they mean to threaten us, and Dave was here largely as backup for that contingency.”

”Yeah, he’s not much of a talker, is he?” Jake asked.

The camraconda hissed in amusement. “He does not know you at all, and barely knows me. But I have seen him speak at great length to others. He is comfortable around his friends, but reliable in all situations.”

Jake didn’t have anything to say to that. It took a special kind of person to have someone who didn‘t really know you say you were reliable. He wished Dave had said something before vanishing though.

”So.” He announced to the room as they finalized the biggest concession they’d wanted. At least, as far as he was concerned. “While we’re speaking about children.”

”Listen.” Carl Young flattened his palm on the table between them. “I get it. I hear you. Things got out of hand. But we’re handling things, alright? We don’t need… I don’t know what you want to call it. A treaty? Not for this.”

Paper-And-Words arched its body up, peering down at the humans imperiously. “The Order of Endless Rooms disagrees.” It said, mouth cracked just enough that its brass arrowhead fangs were visible. “You may not say you were irresponsible, but you promise you will be better.”

”But we will be better.” Robertson cut Paper-And-Words off. “Russ is gone, and the people we thought we worked for aren’t even involved. We can… we can just change, right?”

”That is correct.” Paper-And-Words bobbed its head in his direction. “You can. And we do not trust you. Why should we? Your side answered every challenge with preemptive violence, and became offended when your targets defended themselves.”

”Paper is right.” Jake said evenly. “The two of us are here because we can be a little more impartial, but this is a discussion on how we can avoid open conflict.” Now this was a realm no amount of courtroom time or skill orbs had prepared him for. “Your way of doing things has to change. So let’s get to the point, yeah? What do you want?”

They stared at him with varying levels of uncomfortable veiled hostility. “Can we have a minute to discuss?” Carl asked.

”Of course.” Jake stood and Paper-And-Words slithered out of its seat. “We’ll be in the hall. Just let us know when you’re ready.”

It didn’t take very long. The human and camraconda duo spent the time reviewing their notes, not bothered by having nothing to talk about in the moment. When they got called back in, it was to the awkward looks of people who simply weren’t used to negotiating for themselves, and who had a poor idea of what they wanted, but were prepared to talk anyway.

Carl Young cleared his throat loudly, like an organic engine backfiring. “We want to keep the… your people call them dungeons?”

”Correct.” Paper-And-Words tilted its head in brief curiosity. “What do you call them?”

”Miracles. Aren’t they?” The known shapeshifter on the other side asked, and the Order team kept both their expressions steady at the irony of the statement. Jake did it easily, he was used to not caring about dramatic irony.

Paper-And-Words snapped its mouth shut as it replied in a digital tone that couldn’t betray that much. “I’m sure that is a useful word.” It said. “Define keep.”

”We decide who goes in and out, we keep our setup inside the dungeon, and we get to decide how we use the miracles that we discover.” Carl expanded. “I only today learned that there’s… a whole other side to the miracle, that I didn’t know about. But it’s important work for our people. And God wouldn’t have put it here for us if it wasn’t meant for us to use.”

”That is-“

Jake quickly cut in, getting Paper-And-Words to abandon whatever it was about to say in the most diplomatic way possible. “I don’t think we can agree to that. However, we’re not asking you to give up everything. We’d like shared access, which shouldn’t be a problem given how many entrances there seem to be and that they’re always open. If we trusted each other more, I’d suggest a magic sharing program, where our gains are split between us based on our needs and wants. But that can be a possible future as we work together.”

”You didn’t say anything about our… fallback project.” Robertson implied a question.

Jake nodded once in his direction. “Your car park ark, yeah. We have stipulations for that, but the Order isn’t actually offended by your plan.”

”You aren’t?” Carl narrowed his eyes, wrinkles deepening like canyons on his aged face. “Why aren’t you?”

”Because we have reliable information that the Earth is entering a dangerous era.” Jake didn’t really know how to phrase it, and he also didn’t like that saying it like that made him sound like a Lord of the Rings extra. “Having backup plans to save lives is a good idea.”

”So you won’t try to shut us down?”

Jake shook his head. “Not interested in that fight.” He told them, and picked up obvious relief from everyone who wasn’t Carl himself. “The Order would actually like to offer assistance to you, in regards to the process.”

”You want all our secrets.” Yarp added his voice to the conversation.

”We are prepared to trade everything we know about dungeons with you for your own experiences, yes.” This was Jake’s territory. Negotiation of business terms was something he’d sat in on or provided legal counsel to a hundred times for clients. “But the important thing to us is ethical oversight. You’ve been moving a lot of people into the dungeon, and we have good information that they’re safe, but accidents do happen. We can provide additional experienced security to help with that. We would also insist on interviews with selected candidates, especially children, to confirm consent. I hear you’ve been keeping families together, which is good, but ya’ll haven’t exactly made us believe that everyone in there agreed to it.”

Robertson looked annoyed at every part of what was said, even the praise. “You can’t expect us to seriously let outsiders who aren’t even church members dictate how we conduct our-“

”Paul.” Carl set a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Did everyone agree?” He asked in a low voice that held an undercurrent of disappointment.

”Carl you can’t seriously be-“

”Paul.” The old man repeated himself. “Did everyone agree.”

The younger man pulled back, adjusting his shirt by the collar, looking suddenly uncomfortable with the aggressively pleasant conference room. “Of course everyone agreed.” He probably lied. “Look, we don’t need help. The place is big enough that we can share it, but I don’t want outsiders nosing around in our business Carl.”

Paper-And-Words hissed sharply. “This is a place we can compromise.” It said. “We do not need to personally ask everyone. Would you change your methods to have more checks? You could ask people yourself, keep recordings and logs.”

”That would buy a lot of peace of mind.” Jake nodded at the camraconda. “You wouldn’t need us looking over your shoulders, just keep us in the loop. After all, we aren’t trying to stop you.”

”Just keep a leash on us.”

”Fascinating. So you do understand why that is wrong.” Paper-And-Words said to the open air, not focusing on anyone in particular. It didn’t stop all three non-Carl people from protesting instantly, and causing both Jake and the old man to sigh in shared frustration.

Jake had the impression, as their eyes met, that both of them were thinking they should have left their extras at home for this. When the arguing died down, Jake moved to take control of the conversation again, and this time, it was for something he doubted they’d get such a clear agreement on. “One more important thing.” He stated in a firm voice that silenced the last snippet of a comment. “And just telling you this is going to cause you some problems.”

”Why do it then?” Carl’s question wasn’t hostile at all. More like he was honestly trying to understand the man across from him.

An attitude Jake could appreciate. Understanding was the key to all contract law. “Because we either tear that bandaid off now, or you collapse later when you find out yourself.” He said. “Here’s what you’re all missing; we actually don’t want to fight you. We don’t think you’re perfect and you screwed up bigtime, but most of you aren’t evil or irredeemable. The Order wants you to work with us, because we think you can improve. But you won’t ever get there if you self-destruct before that. So your group being stable - and not having any more megalomaniacs in it - is important to us.”

”Wait.” Hone spoke up for the first time. “No, you can’t.”

Jake could, but he started off with the backstory. ”Recently, our paladin encountered something in North Smiths that is a big problem. We call them pillars.” They also called themselves pillars, and he tried not to wince as he missed being perfectly clear there. This kind of fantasy thing was still new to him, even if he did have a pet dragon now. “This one is called Hitsuyo Aku, or ‘Necessary Evil’. He, or maybe it, is incredibly dangerous and we still don’t know what it can actually do.”

”Where was it?” Carl asked sharply.

”In one of your secret prisons.” Paper-And-Words replied in the most neutral of neutral tones.

Jake really, really wished the camraconda would stop intentionally antagonizing the people they were talking to. Though that was true. “Yeah. It wanted to talk to our paladin, though it might just have been taking advantage of a window of opportunity. Either way, what it wanted was for us to not interfere with your ark project.”

And that got them to pause. Jerks of surprise and angry expressions showing on faces. Robertson took a second to work through it, then, still scowling but now specifically at Jake, leaned forward. “Wait, so you the scary monster happens to be on our side and you happen to be the only one to know about it? That’s convenient.”

”Gonna remind you we’re also okay with the ark project.” Jake said idly. “But you need to understand why it fixated on this particular thing. See, pillars are bound by their roles. Or, as we’re learning, by their belief in their own roles. And Aku, it turns out, is kind of racist.”

”I don’t follow.” Carl shook his head. “I know that Utah isn’t exactly… ethnic…”

”Don’t… don’t say that.” Jake couldn’t keep a wince off his face. “No, the pillar wanted us to avoid interfering because it believes cooperation between humans and dungeon life is a necessary evil.”

The two known humans on the other side of the table stared at him, glancing slightly at Paper-And-Words who had a smug look on his stubby cabled serpent face. Understanding was slowly creeping in to Carl’s eyes, but the other one looked confused still. “We don’t cooperate, though.” He said. “We…”

”We don’t cooperate on purpose.” Carl said slowly. “But we know some of the demons can impersonate people, don’t we?”

”Yeah, but why would they help us?” Robertson demanded, ignoring or just not noticing that Hone and Yarp were now both looking deeply uncomfortable.

Paper-And-Words offered an answer, though it was obfuscated slightly. “There are several reasons. Perhaps they gain something from your presence in the dungeon. Perhaps they themselves do not understand. Or, what we have found to be the most likely option in our experience, it is possible that many of them agree with you. Human beliefs are often compelling, especially to life that has never had a culture to believe in. You have possibly spread word of your deity without realizing it.”

”That doesn’t make any sense, though!” Robertson threw his arms up. “Why would they even bother?”

”At the end of the day, that isn’t really important to this conversation.” Jake said slowly. “I’m here to give you the facts, because honesty will create a more stable relationship. What I can offer you is the support and experience of the Order of Endless Rooms in integrating with another species. Or support to that species if you take hostile action.” He was speaking past the humans now, to the shifters in the room.

”To them?!” Robertson was offended. “Why them and not us?!”

”Well Paul, I think you’re sort of answering the question for them, aren’t you?” Carl asked, eying Hone on the other side of the loud human man with a kind of resigned acceptance. “They’ve got a snake the size of a horse sitting on their side of the table, and you’re avoiding eye contact.”

”It doesn’t have eyes.” Paul said with petulant anger.

”The bottom line is this,” Jake said calmly, “your nonhuman members may cause you internal strife issues. We can’t fix those problems for you. But you need to know because otherwise, it’s a time bomb waiting to go off, and we refuse to be caught by it.” He paused and folded his documents closed, tapping the edge of the pages on the table. “Now we can keep talking, and work out details of shared access, figure out how we’re going to pass information to each other, the release of any captive demons into our care, what kind of financial compensation you’ll be getting, and all that good stuff. Or Paper and I can take a break, and you can sort out what you’re doing with yourselves. Up to you.”

They looked at each other, at least one each species on that side of the table showing obvious suspicion of the others. But after a quiet moment of tense apprehension, Carl decided he wasn’t interested in what might seem like a childish game to him. “Let’s talk details.” He said. “We can… figure out the other stuff on our own.” He sighed. “You want our captured demons?” He asked with an exhausted tone. “Some of them are dangerous.”

”I believe you.” Jake nodded. “So let’s figure out what we’re going to do about that.”

_____

When James woke up in the medical wing, he wasn’t that surprised. Because this time, finally, he had ended up here under his own power and not by having to be carried.

It had taken two telepad attempts; whatever spell tethered people to a place was definitely still in effect on him. He’d hoped it wasn’t, but that didn’t count for much these days. That said, when he’d tried the first time, the grey thorns in that between place had felt a lot weaker than when he’d tried to move Lincon a couple days ago. So James had insisted on trying again, against everyone’s recommendation, and on the second attempt, he’d just torn through it all.

It hurt, but only spiritually, and the pain turned off as soon as it was over. Which was nice.

The current lead theory was that, like with all the Utah spells, it took time to build up a cast to a workable level. James had likely just not been hit by a version powerful enough to actually hold him here.

At least most of the kids hadn’t been deemed flight risks enough that they got their own tags. It seemed like the spell dropped when the caster made it, or when they died, so there were some people who were free, but a few that were still stuck down in North Smiths until negotiations concluded or the Order found another solution. But it was a work in progress.

The important thing was that James woke up and felt absolutely wiped. Energy, Endurance, purple orbs, the light thrum of the dregs of his Velocity, not a single bit of it made him feel like anything except for a human sized bruise resting on a hospital bed. But he didn’t wake up wondering if things had gone horribly wrong, or if he’d failed somehow, or if this was when he should just give up and retire to live on his accumulated magic on a tropical island somewhere until the world ended.

Instead he woke up knowing that there were only two deaths, both on the other side. He woke up already knowing the status of Arrush, Keeka, Ink-And-Key, Momo, Rho, and Anesh. He woke up aware that while what he had done was risky, stupid, and almost certainly only seemed like a good idea because of the agonizing pain he was in at the time, that it had still been a heavy blow against the rival faction’s operations.

He also woke up with his own patient chart conveniently nearby, so he knew what was wrong with himself too. James was absolutely going to need some form of long term care. Cracked orbit, shattered maxillary bone, major bruising on half his face, possible spinal damage, and that was just from one gunshot. All of that was on top of an unhealed stab wound that had been ripped open again, several shallow cuts and bruises from strikes he’d failed to dodge, a broken rib he hadn’t even noticed, and a low blood oxygen level that had threatened permanent damage if he hadn’t stopped casting Climb spells and gotten an oxygenation potion.

There was a circled note that Deb suspected the blue orbs they were using in place of actually going to a fucking hospital were doing a half-assed job. James had laughed at the profanity in the note, especially since at least one of their hospital options was this very basement.

He got a little update on things in the afternoon from Nate, which was nice. No massive crisis had appeared without him around. And then, as soon as her Response shift was over and it was known that he was awake, Alanna had appeared at the foot of his bed. Not by magic, she was just really sneaky when she wanted to be and James was distracted by playing sudoku on his phone.

“What the hell are you doing?” Was the first thing Alanna asked as she came in, a chuckle building underneath her words as she leaned on the foot of his bed to stare down at him.

”…Sudoku?” James asked curiously, before Alanna raised a hand off the bed’s containment railing and pointed at his other hand where he was holding his phone charger between his fingers. “Oh! I figured out that I can sort of drip feed the electric charge my skin makes into this, and it kiiiiinda works! I’m really smug about it, especially cause the outlet is, like, a million miles away.” He pointed with the prongs of the plug toward the wall, which was, at most, four feet from him.

Alanna nodded sagely, flopping forward onto his feet with no regard for her spine’s integrity. “Metal.” She said. And then went quiet for a while, just resting against James in silence as he tucked his phone against his leg so he had his hands free to run through her hair. It was, he thought, convenient that she was tall enough for him to do that.

After a moment, he felt compelled to say something. “So hey.” James started slowly. “I feel like I should apologize for nearly dying again.”

”Nah, you’re fine.” Alanna’s muffled voice didn’t sound dejected or anything, just a little tired. “I mean, I missed a new dungeon-“

”Maybe two!”

”-maybe two new dungeons. I missed a pillar. I missed demons. But you had it handled, right? And Anesh was there.” Alanna rolled sideways to stare ‘up’ at James. “Buddy, at this point, either I trust you, or I’m a fucking idiot.”

James didn’t really know what to say to that. “I… don’t think you’re an idiot.” He said quietly. “It woulda been nice to have you there. But then I guess you could have gotten ambushed too, and…” he huffed out something like a laugh. “I guess you’re the bulletproof one, so that probably would have been better.”

She hopped back to her feet, talking with animated gestures as she pivoted around at the foot of the bed. “I mean, I do feel like Anesh’s whole ‘have no fear Alanna, you do your day job, I will take care of our boyfriend’ thing would have been better if it had, you know…”

James snapped his fingers. ”Oh! I should tell you right now, Anesh’s fight or flight response seems to default to ‘turning into a fucking terminator’. So, like, don’t worry about that, I guess?” He paused and stared at where Alanna was nervously tapping her foot, swaying back and forth as she looked out the glass wall of the room into the spatially extended hallway of the medical wing. “…Alanna, don’t worry about it.” He said firmly. “Everything is okay.”

”Everyone got hurt.” Alanna said with muffled pain in her voice. “And I wasn’t there.”

”Oh yeah? What were you doing?” James prodded.

Alanna’s answer came quickly, like she used all her extra magical memory to keep a record of her Response work. “Community outreach project that ended up getting a couple new recruits and that Harvey says will make a few neighborhoods statistically safer. A few in home visits for diagnosing basic health stuff. Found a stolen bike, returned it. Stopped a burglary. Brought an abuse survivor back to the Lair to hang out for a while while we get his stuff moved to a new place. Uh… probably a couple other things?”

”…Alanna I fucking love you.” James started with.

”But?” He could hear the smile even though she was facing away from him.

James did laugh this time. “But that’s about twenty times more value than I think you could have provided just keeping my ass slightly safer?” He tightened a hand over his chest as the laughing pulled something that ached. “I beat up a bunch of dudes, shot a demon giraffe-“

”What.” She was positive James wasn’t allowed to gloss over that.

”-and got a bunch of kids out of bad situations. But there’s more kids down there who still need intervention, even if the other guys did promise to change their ways. You’ll have a chance to help, I promise.” James watched as Alanna padded over to the side of his bed in her pacing, and reached out to grab her hand. Her skin was warm, and her calloused grip on him almost instantly started to hurt his fingers through his injuries, but James didn’t let go. “You don’t need to be everywhere.”

She shrugged. “What’s the point of being strong if I can’t use it?”

”Oh fuck off.” James wheezed, trying not to laugh and failing to avoid making the motion that hurt his insides. “What was the list of things you did yesterday again?”

”I forgot.” Alanna said defiantly, turning her head to stare regally at the row of cabinets against the ceiling and not at James.

He narrowed his eye at his girlfriend. “I know you cannot do that.” He challenged her. “But seriously, it’s fine.

”You are literally missing an eye!” She shouted as she spun on him, using the sort of shout voice you used when you wanted to be loud, but didn’t want to annoy the ratroach in the adjacent room who was still sleeping off his own medical treatment. “You got fucking shot in the head, and I wasn’t there!”

James’ mouth twisted as he felt his emotions go to war in his chest. Not meeting Alanna’s gaze, he stared out of the room to where the occasional person was passing by in the long medical area hall. Mostly humans and camracondas, but he saw a reshaped ratroach in scrubs skitter by in what was either a hustle, or just how that particular person moved all the time, and he had no way to know which.

”It’s okay.” He said eventually, in a soft voice. Before Alanna could protest, James continued. “It is. It’s okay. There’s a bunch of us in our slowly expanding relationship cloud, and we’re not always all going to be there for each other. Alanna, I fucking love you, a lot. You’re never going to stop being important to me. Having you around has, objectively, made me a better person, and will continue to make me a better person. And you’ll probably have ample opportunity to save my ass in the future.”

”Good, cause I like that ass.” Alanna muttered, face tinged red as she refused to look away from James but still felt a little overwhelmed at the direct way he was talking.

He smiled up at her. ”Yeah. Well. My point is, we can support each other, but we don’t have to be dependent on each other. We make each other better, we don’t make each other baseline functional. I think both of us can be heroic on our own, you know? You aren’t responsible for me.”

”I’m sure that’ll make me feel so much better when you get shot in the head again.” Alanna tried to keep up her irritation, but it was clear James was getting through to her.

He waved a hand, wincing as his wrist hurt and the IV he had in pulled slightly. “I’ll be fine.” He said, and he wasn’t even lying. “Look, it didn’t kill me this time. I’m in the top percentile of people who can survive being shot in the head! And even if I do die… well, you won’t be alone.” He’d started to say it as a joke, but realized midway through that it was just true, and a little serious. So he did what he usually did on reflex and tried to make a joke. “You can fill my slot with more Anesh! That’s a real option now!”

”What about me?” Anesh asked as he slid the hospital room door open and stepped in to see Alanna trying to smother James with his own pillow. “Am I interrupting some kind of slander, and Alanna is defending my honor? That’s sweet of you, makes me feel good to know-“

”No I’m trying to murder James for being a jerk.” Alanna said quickly. “And… also the honor thing, yeah, sure.”

”…I am less good feeling.” Anesh deadpanned as Alanna let James go and he came up for air with a theatrical gasp. “Does James have a moment before being murdered so I can fill him in on a few things?” He asked Alanna, sliding up next to her by the bed and trading a quick kiss with his partner.

Alanna made a show of sighing and replacing the pillow. “I suppose.” She said, trying and mostly succeeding to let go of her fears and apprehensions about James’ well being, and their shared future together. “Can I also be filled in?”

”…Yes? Yes. Why would any of this be secret from you?” Anesh gave her a quizzical look.

She just shrugged, rolling a shoulder a few times to loosen up her muscles. “I dunno, I’ve been busy doing normal stuff, anything could have changed. Like, we’ve got a frog now? He’s pretty chill! I had no idea!”

”Oh yeah, Kalik.” James tried to nod from where he was scooting up the bed to try to sit up, and found that he’d rather just not. “I haven’t met him yet except for… originally. I hear he’s doing good.”

”How do you even know his name?” Alanna laughed, vibrant life coming back to her voice almost instantly as the cloud of doubt passed.

James chuckled softly. “Arrush told me. They’re friends, or something friend-adjacent. It’s neat. Anyway, Anesh, reports!”

“Alanna gave me a kiss before getting into the heavy stuff.” Anesh said, coyly crossing his arms and smirking at James. His boyfriend sighed as deeply as he could without murdering himself, and leaned forward with a groan to pucker his lips, which Anesh took advantage of by lithely leaning down and giving him a peck. “Thank you!” He smiled.

”Weren’t you shot too?” James demanded, dejected.

The corner of Anesh’s mouth quirked upward as he used what he’d learned from James and covered up his own anxiety with good humor. ”It didn’t really take.” He said. “Also before I tell you anything, when are you fixing your eye?”

James started to reflexively raise his eyebrows before stopping himself. “What, is that an option?” He asked, before realizing what he’d just said. “Right, shaper substance. Um… I don’t know?” He shrugged. “Maybe in a bit, when I know more about what I want to be. The thing is, every time you use it, it gets harder, even if the changes are small. That’s why Deb’s thing with Arrush didn’t give him his ideal final form, right? And I don’t want to use it just to fix a small problem, when I might want to make a bigger real change to my body later, you know?”

Alanna and Anesh looked at each other, then back at James. “Okay, I’ll hold his arms,” Anesh said, “and you can go back to pillowing him.”

”I don’t think that’s what that means.” Alanna said with a deep laugh. “That sounds like I’m smothering him to death with my tits.” James started to raise a hand, and Alanna lightly slapped it back down. “But yeah, buddy, you sound like you’re playing life like it’s Final Fantasy and you aren’t using potions in case you need them for the final boss! Come on!”

”I… use potions all the time though.” James protested. “Real life potions. The ones that do useful stuff.”

”You know what I mean!”

”I do. I’ll think about it.” He rubbed at the space under his now more professionally bandaged eye. “Really. Actually I’ll think about it. But probably after this is all resolved.”

Anesh cleared his throat in the most British disbelieving way possible. “Resolved?” He asked, drawing the word out.

Looking between them, James tilted his head back. “Yes?” He asked, trying to find a facial expression that didn’t hurt. “Yes. I’ll probably take a day or two to make sure I’m not gonna die, then head back to North Smiths, and get to work on… what?” His partners were staring at him. “What? Did something happen?”

”Absolutely you will not be bloody doing that!” Anesh’s accent came out in full when he was upset, James found it cute. “Why do you think you’ll be doing that?!”

”Because we need to get back to work there? Also there’s dungeons.”

Alanna let out a relieved gasp, fingers spread on her chest. ”Oh, you can go to the dungeon, that’s fine.” She said. “We thought you meant something dangerous.”

”Our lives are so fucked up.” James muttered.

”James, we’re in negotiations with the… church…” he didn’t want to say it that way. “And we’re working with local law enforcement. Myles and Yin and six other rogues are back down there going over everything they can from the leads we generated. They already found another meetinghouse that was being used for this, though it looks like Anderson was the guy people reported to there too. He might actually be the source of a lot of the problems, though people also might be using him as a scapegoat. The old bill got a warrant for one of the apostles and they’re cooperating in sharing documents, and it looks like there isn’t any evidence that there was a higher authority signing off on anything.”. Anesh shrugged lightly. “Putting aside how a lot of the Order doesn’t like the direction our ‘negotiations’ are going, it seems like we’re close to done.”

”There’s cleanup.” James said flatly. “There’s a lot of kids down there that need to be contacted and given a real choice. Also I can explain the negotiation thing.”

Alanna nodded eagerly. “Do that! Cause I was gonna be annoyed at Redding for being kind of… uh… mild with them? You watched the first meeting, right?”

”I did. Just cause I’m in a hospital bed doesn’t mean I’m not online.” James smiled. “Anyway, it’s partly cause they outnumber us.”

”Buh?” Alanna’s eyebrows went up.

”Yes, exactly, thank you. But seriously, Alanna, the reason Anesh is being awkward saying ‘the church’ is because this… it’s not… they aren’t a sect. They aren’t a splinter faction or a cult or a secret group. They’re… they’re just the church. No one reported to any of their high leadership, but that doesn’t mean no one knew. They were all taking advantage of the magic. And why shouldn’t they? That’s what we want, right? I totally get it! I just… disagree with their conclusions.” James scowled at no one in particular. “Anyway, they outnumber the fuck out of us, and we know a lot of their magic is dangerous as hell. Most of the kids we got are the rebels, but the ones who aren’t are about as lethal as your average knight, and a lot more fanatical, but they’re also kids. I don’t wanna fight that. No one does. So we’re negotiating from the position of cooperation and ethical oversight, and letting them assume that they can’t fight us.”

”Because they probably can?” Alanna asked.

”Or because we would suffer for winning.” Anesh frowned. “Because they’re making child soldiers.”

James grimaced, letting his head press back into his pillows. ”Exactly. So we’re trying to set up an arrangement where they stop doing that, and we get to integrate into their process a little.”

”And all it costs is… ignoring that they shot you.” Alanna said flatly. “In the head. To kill you.” She was back to being angry, and wasn’t afraid to show it. “James they’re murderers and child abusers.”

”I know.” He said quietly. “What are we supposed to do about it? This isn’t like the Alchemists or Horizonists. We don’t have the power to just make them stop being monsters. The best we can do is… something.”

Anesh crossed his arms again, staring out into the medical wing hallway with a long stare. ”Something is a start.” He said.

”Gotta start somewhere.” James agreed, closing his eye for a minute. “We can have Alanna’s plan of punching everyone as a fallback.”

Their girlfriend threw her hands up in the air with a shocked “Hey!” Followed quickly by “How did you even know that was my… oh, fuck off.” She flicked James in the forehead as he started laughing. “Whatever. I get it. I just don’t like it. But that’s everyone right now, huh? Bah. Whatever. Anesh why are you here when James already knows everything?”

”To be fair, I’m also using my skulljack to participate in conversation with myself.” Anesh said, almost embarrassed to admit it to his partners. “Lightly. But there’s been a light breakthrough in the Climb project, and I wanted to know what I thought about it.”

”You’re so weird, I love you.” James laughed. “Tell us about that later. Right now, what happened to the crocodiles?” He found that to be much more important than potential magic at the moment. Magic was magic, but people were people, and they were his responsibility in a way.

Anesh took a second to catch up to what he meant. “Crocodiles? What are the… oh! The dungeon creatures with all the teeth, right! They’re okay. They seem like they’re kids, and they’ve lashed out a few times, but they certainly aren’t monsters. Myles found another of them in the other meetinghouse, along with another stash of books.” He scratched at his nose as he spoke, before remembering something mildly important. “They didn’t speak English, by the way. Not really. Unlike our chanter adventures though, yellow orbs work just fine on them. So it’s ‘didn’t’ and not ‘don’t’.”

On her phone, Alanna was looking at one of the reference pictures the Order’s server contained of the creatures. “Mouths like that seem like they’d make talking hard?” She asked as she turned her phone like it could get her a better angle somehow.

Anesh nodded. “Our mad social scientists are working on a species dialect for them.”

“Hold up.” James’ laugh was more of a surprised cough. ”We have mad social scientists? I clearly let Research get out of hand.”

“We have all sorts of mad scientists.” Anesh told him proudly. “That’s what Research is. Have you seen what Momo gets up to down here with her totem projects?”

”No!?” James spread his hands, shifting the tubes and cords that tethered him to the medical equipment around the bed. “Is that not a problem?!”

Anesh gave a polite chuckle. “Possibly. Well. Regardless, no one has asked questions about us looting either the books or the crocodiles, which is nice.”

“They might not be able to. Utah is weird.” Alanna stretched in a long and lazy arc, limbering up her muscles like she was eager to get out of the small room and back to doing something else. “So… how are you?” She asked James awkwardly.

”I’m alright, why?” He shared a confused look with Anesh.

”Cause I feel bad leaving you alone?” Alanna rubbed the back of her neck, fidgeting with her skulljack. “But also I wanna get going. So I’m asking like this!”

Anesh leaned over to James to whisper conspiratorially. “Do you ever wonder if your anxiety is contagious?” He asked.

Rolling his eyes, James replied in a conversational tone. ”Oh, Alanna’s had anxiety for as long as I’ve known her. She just deals with it the same way she deals with every problem. Brute force.”

”Hey!”

”Also I’m good, get out of here. I’m exhausted though. And… I guess… if I’m not needed for Utah anymore… I could take a little vacation?”

Anesh eyed his boyfriend suspiciously. ”Seriously this time?” He probed, and got a nod. “Well, we can arrange that. Alanna was talking earlier about dragging you down to Townton to make you relax away from any ongoing crises, and I think letting her might be a good plan now.”

”Letting?” Alanna barked out a hearty laugh.

”Townton?” James said in the same tone, before getting raised eyebrows from Anesh. “The place full of chanters and necroads and and dungeon and Camilles and-“

Anesh palmed his face. ”James, do shut up.” He said in exasperation. “It’s summer. It’s nice and hot so you can sunburn to your heart’s content. There’s magic and weird things, and you’ll love it. You can help them with the restoration of the local natural history museum.”

”Oh shit, I would love to do that!”

”That’s what I said!” Alanna offered him a high five, which he foolishly took, feeling his orb-enhanced bones rattle like they were about to fly apart. “We can bring Arrush too if you want. Anyone else who might wanna hang out?”

James’ face fell slightly. “Arrush is… well, he’s got mandatory quarantine for a while. But I talked to Keeka earlier. Arrush isn’t doing okay, and says he wants to be left alone.”

”Keeka is staying with him.” Anesh said with a small frown. “It’s because he was changed, yeh?”

”Yeah, Deb stands by her choice, and I agree with her. But I’m gonna give Arrush space for a little. He knows I’ll be there if he calls.” James sighed. “I dunno, seems weird to talk about vacation friends in the face of that. Maybe TQ?”

The conversational whiplash threatened to throw Alanna entirely, but she recovered admirably. ”TQ hangs out down there all the time anyway.” She said. “Anyway. I’ll check in later, we can figure it out.” She slid the door open and left by slipping through it until just her head and one hand was left, waving to the two of them. “Love you both!” She called as she narrowly dodged a passing nurse.

Anesh shook his head, a goofy smile that he shared with James on his face as their girlfriend left. James reached out and took his hand, grabbing his attention as well. “Still feeling okay about all this?” He asked suddenly. “Not the Order or the magic, I mean… us?”

”More than ever.” Anesh said, leaning down again to kiss James’ forehead, which mostly just prompted his boyfriend to frantically try to rearrange his hair at the unfamiliar sensation. “Enjoy your vacation.” He said, watching as his boyfriend swiped his hands across his head like the kiss had been toxic. “You wanker.”

”Heh.” James stopped his eccentric flailing and met Anesh’s eyes. “Love you.”

”Love you too.” Anesh headed to follow in Alanna’s wake. “Let us know if you’ll be home tonight?” James nodded after him.

And then he was alone again in the hospital bed, at least for a little bit. He was sure someone else would come by to say hi eventually. But until Deb declared that he could leave, he was going to sit here, and let his enhanced body heal as fast as it could.

Part of him really did feel like he could be, should be doing more. And he was awake enough now that he could at least keep up on Order events, so he started going through the conversations and reports from everyone who was now involved in Utah’s thing.

And he found that… the Order was handling it. Not all at once, not perfectly, but then, he wouldn’t have handled it all at once and perfectly either. Wellness checks from Recovery on any kid who might have been exposed to their brainwashing program, an agreed upon consent form and mandatory reporting for anyone going into their doomsday dungeon bunker, investigation notes on further problems, it had barely been a day and the Order had swept in through the door James had kicked open, and set up shop. The local police were even cooperating, though that might be driven by either gratitude for James saving their captain’s life, or apprehension that the substantial amount of bribery going on might be exposed.

The only real loose end that wasn’t currently being tugged on was the gentleman bastard who had possibly been the one to enable the last ambush against James and his companions, and who definitely stole a whole fucking lot of gold from at least one basement.

James felt himself sag in relief. And also… pride. Even without him, the Order was exactly what he wanted it to be. They were doing good, they were out there, getting involved and helping people and being the people he knew they could be at their very best.

This was what he’d wanted, from the moment he realized that people weren’t just going home and the magic wasn’t just a few neat tricks. People came to the Order as survivors, victims, or sometimes just curious recruits. And if they stayed long enough, they got transformed into something else.

Into heroes.

Big and small, human or not, they had joined the ranks of the Order of Endless Rooms, and became part of the process of making each other better. Making the world better. And with time and practice, heroism became just a part of who they all were.

James closed his remaining eye, and closed the skulljack connection. He was going to take a nap, maybe say hi to Zhu in his dreams, and then when he woke up, he could… figure out what was next. But there was no pressure. Not on him personally.

Maybe he’d actually take the whole vacation this time, and not just sneak back into his office after a day away.