Sweat dripped from Lorin’s face, falling onto the floor. The wood darkened as her sweat soaked into the grains of the floorboards, disappearing like rain into dirt. Her knees were sore, and her palms were itchy, but she kept her head lowered, holding up the immense weight on her back. It wasn’t the actual weight of the object that caused her to feel pressured; it was what the object was—or who it was. Theda, the god of the underworld, was sitting on the fallen angel’s back with her legs crisscrossed. The goddess let out a yawn and clutched her ankles to prevent herself from falling over.

“Don’t yawn when I’m in the middle of lecturing you,” Anaheim said, glowering at Theda. She was standing in front of the corpses of two cows, Mooo and Moomoo, blood pooling around her bare feet.

Theda dug into her ear with her pinky and flicked away a glob of earwax. The shells for A.I. were quite realistic. She blinked at Anaheim, her head tilting to the side until her ear touched her shoulder. Then she yawned again, putting her weight onto her hand which was pressing down on Lorin’s head. The fallen angel gritted her teeth but remained silent as she strengthened her neck.

“You’re not listening at all, are you?” Anaheim asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “These cows were Khrx’s pets. You killed them.”

“Anything that belongs to Khrx also belongs to me. Khrx’s pets are my pets,” Theda said as she sat up properly, placing her feet on the ground. Lorin let out a groan as Theda adjusted her weight, crumpling the angel’s dress. “I own the underworld, remember? All I did was shift his pets from one home to another.”

“That’s great and all, but you two still haven’t explained what the hell you’re doing in my home,” Anaheim said.

“I came to see Khrx, but he ran away,” Theda said. “So I decided to teach this little angel a lesson first. Coveting my belongings, how insolent.” She stroked Lorin’s hair, lifting it and letting it slide down through her fingers like water. Once there were no more stands of hair tangled around her fingers, Theda shrugged and sighed. “The cows were a casualty. Such is the consequence of war. How tragic.”

“And losers become furniture? Is that what happens during war?” Anaheim asked, staring at Lorin’s unpleasant expression.

“Not quite, but close.” Theda smiled and traced her fingers around Lorin’s lower back as she crossed her right leg over her left. “Losers become slaves. And slaves become furniture. Of course, the winner takes all. That includes Khrx. A pet as adorable as him, I can already taste Fiel’s jealousy.”

Anaheim scratched her head. After taking care of that gorilla in North Rokea, she had come home to a wreck. The furniture was overturned, traces of mana were embedded everywhere, and even the cows had died. “Then where’s Khrx now?”

Theda pointed towards the ceiling with her index finger. Anaheim looked up, but all she saw was scorch marks decorating the tiles. Theda slashed downwards, tearing apart the fabric of space, opening up a black line in the air. She reached with both hands and pulled the portal apart. “He should be right through this portal.”

Anaheim furrowed her brow as Theda stood up and dusted off her butt with her hands. The goddess tugged lightly on Lorin’s hair, pulling the angel up. Then she stepped through the rift, not giving Anaheim a second glance. Lorin bit her lip as she lowered her head, following after Theda with the goddess’ hand still in her hair. Anaheim glanced at the deceased cows before encasing them in ice with a wave of her hand to prevent their bodies from decaying. When she stepped through the portal, the first thing she saw was Theda’s and Lorin’s backs. Looking over their shoulders, she saw a naked elven woman straddling Khrx’s waist on a beach while pinning his arms down.

Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

“Give. Me. Back. My. Essence!” Mr. Bubbles roared at Khrx, but all Lorin, Theda, and Anaheim heard was a series of clicking sounds along with high-pitched chirps.

Khrx wriggled around, trying to get free, but Mr. Bubbles had pinned him perfectly. He couldn’t get any leverage despite his overwhelming strength, and krakens weren’t weak in the first place. “I’m doing you a favor,” he said as he attempted to slip out of his onesie, but it was zippered up too tight. “Clam down.”

“Don’t give me any puns, damn you!” Mr. Bubbles leaned forward and sank her teeth into Khrx’s neck, drawing blood. Her body pulsed with blue lines, starting from her mouth. Like a spider web, the lines propagated down to her toes until every inch of her body was blue. Mr. Bubbles exhaled as she climbed off of Khrx, clenching and unclenching her fists. “Now I’m stuck with this body for three hundred years. Look at what you’ve done.”

“I’m helping you find love,” Khrx said. “At most, there’s probably only six or seven krakens out at sea, but there’s easily ten or so billion surface dwellers. That leaves five billion potential lovers for you!”

“I’ll only mate with a kraken! I’m not a freak like your cousin Erif!”

“Eh? You know Erif?”

“He tried to woo me once.”

“Oh. Where is Erif anyway? He didn’t die, did he?”

Mr. Bubbles snorted. “He flew off the planet in the search of alien mates.”

“…”

“He didn’t tell you?” Mr. Bubbles asked, raising an eyebrow. “Speaking of mating outside of one’s race, who are these people? Do you know them? They look like someone stole their lover in front of their very eyes. And all their gazes are directed at me.”

Khrx turned his head, noticing Anaheim, Theda, and Lorin for the first time. He stiffened like a deer in headlights. “These were the crazy women I was running from.”

Mr. Bubbles’ eye twitched. “…You said one of them was the hero’s descendant?”

“Mm. The tan one holding the glowing sword,” Khrx said with a nod.

“Khrx? Who’s this lady?” Anaheim asked, taking a step towards the wet duo.

“A magnificent sacrificial octopus,” Theda said as she advanced as well.

Lorin shot a dirty look at Theda’s back, but her murderous gaze shifted to Mr. Bubbles. Lightning danced around her finger tips.

Mr. Bubbles gulped and lunged towards Khrx. She picked him up and vigorously rubbed his foot. “I need a miracle!”

Whistling sounds rang through the air, and the group of five turned their heads towards the mainland. Dozens of missiles were flying towards them, and hundreds of drones blotted out the sun.

“Holy shit,” Khrx said, his eyes bulging out of his head. “They found me!”

“They’re after you? But it was my essence that leaked,” Mr. Bubbles said.

Theda clicked her tongue. She waved her hand, and a massive wall of shadows slammed towards the missiles and drones, creating a chain of explosions that rocked the sky and ground.

“I’m pretty sure they’re after her,” Anaheim said, her expression darkening as she stared at Theda. Burning metal scraps fell from the sky, and smoke rose up into the air as the shrapnel rained down on the mainland.

“Didn’t they learn from the last dozen times or so?” Theda asked with a snort. “For such an advanced civilization, your leaders sure are dim. If they wish to defeat me, they need quality, not quantity.”

Whirr!

Hundreds of magic circles appeared around the group of five, painted on the ground, in the air around them, and up in the sky. Blurry figures appeared atop the circles, dressed in camouflaged shirts and pants.

“Amireca’s Special Forces,” Anaheim said with a frown. “And those are the Renchf’s. The Tribish too. And Regmany, Sursia, Zarbil, Nogko, and…. There’s too many to list.”

A harsh voice rang out over the beach. “Program Theda! Surrender now or face the consequences!”

“What the hell did you drag me into…?” Mr. Bubbles muttered to Khrx with soft clicking sounds.

“It’s your fault for rubbing my foot!” Khrx hissed back.