For as long as I could remember, I noticed that I was different from other kids. I always saw others smile and be happy with their families, but for some reason I couldn’t smile no matter how hard I tried.

I was born in a wealthy family, my mother was the most beautiful and kind woman I knew. Her smile was so bright it melted away any worries I had. When she hugged me I felt as if nothing in the world could harm me. When she gently patted my head, I would forget about anything and everything, and would stop caring about anything besides her gentle touch. I loved my mother, yet I couldn’t bring myself to be grateful about it. I hated how i felt like I was using her. I hated how no matter how much I loved her, I was never able to say it out loud to her, and how I never felt guilty about it.

My Father was the coolest and more reliable man I knew. He always found a way to solve any problems we had individually or as a family. He always made me feel untouchable whenever I was with him, due to his high status and charismatic nature which got him many loyal friends, which would help my dad without any hesitation.

I admired my father from the bottom of my heart, and hated how I was never able to have fun when I was with him. He always tried his best to bound with me, but I was never able to let him inside my heart, and I hated how it felt as if I was treating him like an outsider.

I always had the best clothes from the most known designers in the world, which would’ve had made not just kids but even adults jealous. I always had the latest devices. Wherever it was smartphones, televisions, laptops, computers, it didn’t matter. I always had them all. Even tho I didn’t know how to use most of them. I had any games I wanted even tho sometimes I wouldn’t even play them once, or I’d get bored of them after a few days. I was able to do anything I wanted since we lived in a large mansion, which was full of maids, nannies or even butlers that would always comply with any request I had. Yet I still couldn’t bring myself to feel grateful about it.

My parents weren’t always home due to business trips, or simply being so busy that they slept in their offices. My dad started his own company after he graduated from college, and my mother became his secretary alongside her sister, my aunt. Because of that, I was usually left home with nannies which took care of me like I was some kind of prince. they helped me dress, cooked for me, always cleaned after me and even played with me.

My dad was usually home on Sundays as the company doesn’t work on weekends but he still had things to do on Saturdays usually like meetings, or other business man stuff. My mom was usually home more often as she and my aunt took turns into being the main secretary for my dad so she could have free time with me. She was usually home on Mondays, Thursdays and Sundays but I spent more or less every Sunday with my dad while my mom took that as an opportunity to rest.

Even tho I never even once showed them any gratitude, not because I didn’t want to but because I couldn’t, they still never stopped showing me nothing but love and kindness. I hated it.

On Sundays with my dad he’d always either spend the day playing with me, wherever it was video games or anything else really, or he’d take me out to do activities like skydiving, fishing, or even just to have a barbecue with me between men as father and son bonding. I hated it.

Even tho he tried to hard to simply spend time with me, I never enjoyed it. I was always bored during the time we spent together, and that made me angry. Not with him but with myself. I had what most kids would dream of, including a loving and present father which always made time for me regardless of work, but I couldn’t bring myself to be happy about it. I hated how it made me feel like an entitled brat all the time, how it made me feel like I was a waste of time and money for my dad, and how I couldn’t even say something as simple as thank you or put up a fake smile for his sake.

When my mom was home, I refused to eat anything my nannies cooked. I knew my mom was tired from work, but I couldn’t stop my selfish self from refusing to eat anything that wasn’t cooked by her on those days. I loved my mother’s cooking, no matter what she made it always tasted better than any 5 star restaurant dish. I could always feel the love my mother poured into those meals whenever she cooked. I loved eating her love filled food, and hated myself for making her cook for me even though we not only had many nannies which were capable of cooking high quality meals, we even had our own chefs. I hated how I always made my mom do it even though I could’ve had let her rest. I hated how I was always excited whenever she came home deep down, yet couldn’t even let her know that, and I kept being selfish for the sake of of my pleasure.

No matter how hard my parents tried, I was never able to show them my gratitude. I’ve tried smiling many times, but it always ended up in me crying and hating myself even more for not being able to.

I’ve tried saying thank you even more often, but I was never able to let those words out of my mouth. It felt as if I was using my parents for my own entertainment and benefits, and no matter how hard I tried to deny it, I never felt guilty about it, which only made me hate myself even more, and eventually resulted In resenting my parents for making me feel that way. I was truly a foolish and hypocrite kid. I hated now no matter what they did I always felt as if something was missing, and it wasn’t my lack of happiness or gratefulness, it was something else. But unfortunately I wasn’t able to find out what it was.

I spent countless days trying to be grateful towards my parents, thinking of all the great things they’ve done for me even tho I never gave them anything back, and even then I couldn’t even feel a single ounce of gratitude towards them. It was like that for a few years but eventually I had given up on trying to force myself to think something I don’t believe.

So by the time I was around 10 and in middle school, I had already given up on myself, as it would’ve just made my life way harder than needed if I kept thinking about it and blaming myself to the point where I resented myself and my parents. I had accepted the fact that I was an ungrateful brat by nature perhaps, and just that bad of a person.

My parents like any others wanted me to do well in school, and although they weren’t necessarily strict about it, things like private tutors or summer school weren’t absent from my life.

They tried to get me into those fancy schools for nerdy and rich kids, but since I never had any particular interest in academics and school as a whole really I failed to get in every single one they tried to enroll me into. I was pretty average in my academics, not really failing but nor I was exceeding in any particular subjects, which clearly wasn’t enough to get me in them.

Eventually after they realized I just didn’t have interest in it they also stopped with making me take private lessons and private school and just left me go to public school like any other kid, which I honestly appreciated since the whole fancy school stuff would’ve had probably just been more annoying for me.

I never really had any particularly close friends, since I was probably just the rich and weird kid to my classmates or anyone else really, therefore I never really had any reasons to look forward to school or be interested in it. My lack of excitement was pretty noticeable ever since I was a kid with the exclusion of when my mom cooked something, but either ways to my surprise that didn’t last that much longer.

On the first day of my first year of middle school, after the start of the year ceremony I told my parents I’d come home in time for dinner but not sooner than it, as there was something I really wanted to try for myself. So as soon as I was free to go home from school I took that chance without a second thought, and headed to the nearest bookstore.

I had heard things about manga or light novels, and I wanted to see if they were really as good as people made them to be, so I quickly looked for some of the most known series, and with the power of the magical black card my dad gave me I ended up buying way too many books as expected, but surprisingly they didn’t last long.

As I kept reading series after series, I then started also watching anime in general wherever it was the adaptations of some series I read or not, and quickly enough it became an addiction. I had consumed more or less any other type of media before this, and none really stood out for me personally at least, but something about these was different. I fell in love with the concept of fiction and fantasy worlds, and all I could think of for a big period was only what series to read or watch next.

I spent my days fantasizing about being reborn or teleported into another world, living a life of adventure and excitement, something I could’ve had done in this world, but I never found myself having fun doing.

As I kept drowning myself with fiction, my self hatred had started shifting away, or rather it started moving onto something else. I had started blaming the world for not being able to entertain me and make me feel grateful about being born in it, and started being less harsh on myself.

I knew it was a ridiculous and hypocritical ideology to hate the world because I was a scumbag, but it was convenient nonetheless, so I kept hating on it and kept fantasizing about other worlds and a fantasy life.

Among all the series I had read though surprisingly, my favorite one didn’t end up being a “isekai” which were the type with the reincarnation or teleportation to a different world, but rather one based on our world but still with a fantasy twist to it.

What caught my attention and made me fall in love with it though was mostly the main character. I idolized him with my entire soul, and loved everything about his character, and soon enough that ginger with a big sword that cut down fate itself had became my biggest inspiration to become a better man, one who protects others, not out of childish idealistic dreams, but because it started feeling like that was something I was born to do.

I had decided to try and protect the ones close to me, or the ones that are in need of help, not because it was correct or the morally right thing to do, but because I found myself longing for it. The desire to protect others was born inside of me.

Although i had now learnt to somehow cope with myself and accept that I was a scumbag, I still didn’t get rid of the hatred towards the world itself, but it wasn’t something others could tell probably, since my expression would pretty much never change.

It was my second year of middle school, around mid terms when we had a transfer student, which was quite unusual at that time of the year, though I didn’t really care that much when the teacher announced it to the class.

When the student in question finally came in for the first time, something about her had caught my attention, although I wasn’t sure what or why, she seemed oddly familiar, but it still didn’t explain why I was intrigued by her.

She was chubby, had short hair and even glasses and frankly speaking, she just wasn’t good looking nor was she someone that would catch your attention as she seemed quite shy, so I was even more curious about why I was so familiar with her.

Ironically Enough as if this was some rom-com series, my seat was the one near the window in the back of my class, and hers was the one next to mine, which did make me question if this was a joke or something but I brushed that off pretty quickly, because once she sat down I felt a nostalgic smell coming from her, which had finally made me remember.

I was around 8 at the time. Me and my dad were in Kyoto for some business he had, and I went with him since i didn’t really have much better to do at home either ways. When we arrived at our destination, I was scared more than anything honestly, because we were in front of a giant mansion. We were greeted by a few people that seemed like workers there or probably butlers or something like that as they opened the gates and led us in, then a important looking man which seemed around the same age as my dad came to greet him, alongside a woman who looked like his wife and behind her was a girl which looked around my age. She was pretty chubby, had glasses and short hair and was hiding behind her mother’s leg as our father’s spoke to each other. they seemed pretty friendly, and I’m pretty sure they were old buddies or something along those lines, don’t really remember though.

As we went in though her mother had suggested for me and the girl to play in their backyard while they handled the adult talk, and since it seemed like some important business stuff I complied without much thinking as I was also kinda interested in the place as a whole either ways.

After her mother left and went in with our fathers the girl had completely froze on the spot, and started looking around probably to try and calm herself as she was shaking quite a bit and It was pretty clear that she was on a whole different level of shy. I kinda understood her honestly although probably for vastly different reasons I was also scared at that moment. Being in the backyard of a giant mansion with a girl that seemed like the princess of this whole place, and several people around either doing chores or probably just patrolling the area didn’t make it easier for me to relax either. And to make matters worse they all had one thing in common, which was looking at us especially me as if I was some kind of beast that was hunting a scared cat, and the looks had gotten even more scary when she seemed like she was about to cry.

In a attempt to save myself from potentially getting jumped by everyone in that backyard, I quickly looked around for something that would help me keep her from crying, but the only thing that ended up catching my eye were the flowers in the garden a bit further away.

Looking back, it was pretty stupid to think that taking her to see the flowers in their own backyard garden would’ve had helped, but nonetheless I was still only about 8 so my little self didn’t really think much about it and just took her by the hand and started dragging her along while pointing towards the garden and saying that we should check it out.

As we got closer and closer to the garden though, my nose was immediately filled with the gentle aroma of all the flowers in there, and to my surprise it not only ended up just calming her, but I also found myself relaxing because of it, and we both simply started wandering around.

After i had let go of her hand we started to look at each individual type of flower and talk about them. I really enjoyed it, honestly looking back that might’ve been the first time I was genuinely enjoying something so trivial like looking and talking about flowers, yet before i knew it we were laughing and genuinely having a great time.

to this day that was the only time I had smiled or laughed other than when I was reading fictional stories.

As we kept on walking around, enjoying the relaxing experience, she pointed at a certain group of red flowers.

“those are my favorite, I love their smell”

she told me with a smile on her face, to which I asked in reply

“I also like how they smell, and they are pretty as well, what’s their name?”

“Red spider lily”

I didn’t know the meaning of those flowers at the time, so I had simply nodded and we kept on talking until eventually our parents had finished their business.

When I expected my dad to tell me that it was time to go though, it turned out that since the next day there would’ve been a festival the girl’s father had suggested we stay over today and tomorrow so we can enjoy it, to which my dad had already agreed to either ways so it’s not like there was much of a choice for me to make.

The next day when it was time for the festival I wasn’t really excited or anything about the event on itself, but I did like fireworks and that made it worth waiting personally.

After we got there, while wondering around the various stalls and games, at some point we had separated from our parents in the big crowd, and ended up spending most of that festival alone, while trying to look for them.

Upon ultimately failing to do so, I was getting out of ways to prevent her from crying at that point, so I resorted to my trump card and bought her some takoyaki’s which surprisingly succeeded in preventing her from crying so i guess she wasn’t chubby for no reason.

After she finished eating, she told me that she knew a spot in which we could have seen the fireworks better than just near a stall and among a entire crowd of people, so I followed her around, and surely enough she wasn’t lying.

It had taken a bit to get there, around 10 minutes but eventually after also a ridiculous amount of stairs, we managed to get on a small cliff close by, from where we watched the fireworks together.

After the fireworks ended we managed to eventually find out parents again, and after a fat scolding we were back towards their mansion.

I don’t really remember any other events other than that honestly, but one thing did stand out during that whole thing, which was her perfume that smelt like those red lilies from the day before.

Somehow it ended up growing on me in that little time we spent together, although i guess it didn’t really matter since I ended up forgetting about her and her perfume until now.

When I had finally came back to my senses she had already sat next to me, and while i was happy to recall why i was feeling a sense of nostalgia from her, I had just realized something that made me start sweating just a little bit… I had forgotten her name. And to make things worse I didn’t even pay attention when she introduced herself to the class just a few seconds ago.

As I was pondering on how to approach this situation I definitely was at fault in, to my absolute terror she called out to me with a whisper as to not disrupt the class or something. Surprisingly though as I turned around while fearing the worst, I was met with a gentle smile instead, which relieved and scared me at the same time.

“You forgot my name didn’t you”

She asked in a gentle and playful tone, which honestly had me scared and relaxed at the same time, though I couldn’t tell if she was mad or not, so I decided to gamble it all on that smile and be honest.

“S-sorry… I did”

“I knew it, haha”

I was just shocked at that point, not because she wasn’t mad, but because even tho I didn’t really find her attractive, or so I thought at least anyways, her smile had me completely hypnotized under it, which made me question wherever I had a weird chubby girls fetish deep down or something, but I quickly brushed that thought off as I found her gentle smile genuinely beautiful.

“Hana. Satou Hana. try and remember it, alright?”

It caught me off guard for a second, but I quickly nodded.

“I will, I promise I won’t forget it ever again.”

That day unlike any other went on faster than any other, in fact when the final bell ringed, for the first time in my life I was sad that school was over, and I was longing for more time, not of school itself, but more time with Hana.

I didn’t think about it the day before, but the next day as I sat at my desk after i got to class I started wondering why Hana was here to begin with since It was pretty unusual for a transfer student at this time of the year honestly. Luckily for me though, it wasn’t long until she had also arrived to class and I was able to ask her directly.

“That reminded me, why are you here in Tokyo?”

“Didn’t your dad tell you?”

She asked a bit surprised, which honestly confused me a bit.

“Tell me what?”

“Our parents became business partners, I don’t know the specifics but to make it easier for them, we moved here haha, and actually our new house is like 10 minutes away from yours”

She chuckled as she spoke, which both made me a bit annoyed because it felt as if she was making fun of me, but it also made my stomach flutter as I stared at her. She wasn’t really that attractive for most people probably, yet she was still able to somehow make me unable to keep my eyes off her.

A few months passed and we had already became very close, in fact we after we exchanged our contact info that same day, after finally finding out where their new house was, we walked together to school every morning, went home together every evening.

After a few days, our families started having regular interactions, wherever it was barbecues, movie nights, or just going out to restaurants or parks stuff like that. it didn’t really matter what we did, and that was because our parents especially our fathers seemed to be pretty close, in fact we even started saying they only cared about seeing each other and that’s why we did so much together as a joke, though it obviously wasn’t true.

Hana and I also spent a lot of time together because of it, and we grew close enough to spend most of our times together even without having our entire families involved.

We texted and called each other every night, and whenever we had a free day off school we would meet and usually go around together.

Usually we met in the morning at around 11 am then spent the whole day together until around 5 pm. Those days consisted in usually eating together, watching a movie and or going to bookstores together. Hana was also into the same things as me in fact, so our conversations were never dry. We always had things to talk about and we always had fun together.

It was a Sunday, and like every other time these past few months we were meeting up as usual, but unlike usual I was the first to arrive at our meeting spot that time. Since I wasn’t really a morning person i usually arrived around 10 minutes late, which Hana had gotten used to, but that was also what made her more surprised when she had arrived just in time as usual and saw I was already there.

“10:30, right in time as usual, as expected of you”

I said with a prideful tone as I watched her walk towards me.

“Are pigs going to start flying? Is the world about to end? How in the world did you manage to get here before me”

She chuckled as she replied, to which I replied in a more casual tone this time as her comment did piss me off a bit, but not enough to make a big deal out of it since she was right.

“I accidentally put my alarm 2 hours earlier, and I by the time I fully woke up and got ready it was still half a hour before our meeting time, so I decided to just go. It was worth seeing the always on time princess be second to arrive.”

I replied in a more cocky tone for the last sentence, which seemed to have irritated her a bit, but her expression turned into a laugher soon after, as this was our usual way of interacting to each other.

Right as I was about to start talking again though, she took me by my hand and brought me to a nearby bench, where she sat me down as if I was a child and while standing before me, she took out a brush from her purse and started brushing my hair.

“You woke up 2 hours early but couldn’t even brush your hair properly”

She sighed before continuing,

“You sure are hopeless without me, aren’t you supposed to be the one taking care of the “always on time princess”? oh mighty knight with messy hair”

Even tho she was scolding me, her tone and eyes were both filled with affection, and even I could tell that she genuinely cared about me. She didn’t mind doing this for me, since she knew I didn’t really care enough about taking care of myself, so she took that role upon herself, and would probably not let me tell her to stop even if I tried.

She kept on shattering my fantasies of me saving her, as she was the one that seemingly always took care of me. She had a hairbrush on her because it wasn’t the first time I went out with messy hair, and she was always ready to take care of me in any way she could. She really was my savior.

After about 2 minutes, which honestly felt like way more of her brushing my hair had ended, she sat next to me and took out her phone.

“Where do you want to go to eat today?”

“i don’t know honestly, but I take it as you have a place in mind?”

“Look at this! This place apparently has authentic Italian food, they opened up recently but they already have mainly positive reviews and they are getting pretty famous”

“Oh yeah I have heard of this place, looks good enough to me”

She seemed too excited about that place to not take her there anyways, so I just got up from the bench and landed her my hand, and we were now going towards it.

Around 5 minutes in our walk, as we passed by the park she said she had to go to the toilet, and indicated me a bench where I should wait for her to come back, so I complied without thinking about it much and went there and sat down.

The park was pretty empty, which came a bit as a surprise since it was Sunday, and you’d expect more people to go out there especially in a sunny day like that but i guess not everyone thinks the same.

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As I was looking around to try and get rid of some of my boredom while waiting, I saw something that immediately took my attention. A stick. But not any kind of stick. It has the perfect length, perfect shape and perfect grip. It was simply the perfect sword stick I had ever seen in my entire life, so I had to go take it.

I quickly got up from the bench and excitedly walked towards it trying not to look like a complete weirdo or child, since there were a few people around stil, then grabbed it, and hid behind the tree it fell from which fortunately was large enough to hide me from most visible people.

today might be my lucky day

I thought to myself as I started swinging it around, enjoying every single moment of it. Everything was going amazing today,

I woke up early, I met up with Hana and now I even found the perfect stick? Can it even get better than this?

It had been around 3 minutes since I sat on the bench till now, Hana was probably going to come back soon but at that point I was only focused on playing with that majestic stick I found, or so i was, until…

“Im sorry.”

I turned around as fast as I could and instinctively tried to swing my stick towards the source of that sound, but when I finally took a better look there was no one there.

am I going crazy? I’m starting to hear voices now

I sighed as I thought to myself, while going back to my bench.

As I sat back while still holding my stick though, I felt shivers down my spine and I froze in place when I heard something again.

“She, She is not the one. I’m sorry.”

I was scared. And frankly speaking confused as well.

She? Who is she? And she isn’t the one? Why is she apologizing?

I couldn’t do anything but think to myself, but I wanted to at least try to see who’s voice this was.

Gathering all my mental strength I had left, I managed to slightly move my head around just enough for one of my eyes to take a grasp of that mysterious person that just whispered in my right ear.

It was a pale skinned, short white haired woman. Her eyes were crimson red, and holding back seemingly a entire ocean of tears behind them, but for some reason as soon as I looked towards her and made contact with her eyes, I had completely lost all my fear as well, and the only thing I felt was… pain.

Her expression only pictured despair, grief, sorrow, sadness at their peak. I had never seen anyone bring out those emotions on one’s face to such extent. She looked mortified, yet.. she was smiling.

how can her face show so many negative emotions to that extent? And… how can she smile so genuinely while looking at me?

Before i knew it, tears were running down on my face, silently, as I was completely lost in thought at that point.

I didn’t realize it right away, but that woman was already gone when I finally came to my senses, which didn’t happen on its own either.

“Are you alright!? Why are you crying?”

“I’m fine haha, some dirt blown by the wind came in my eyes when I picked up this cool stick”

Hana had came back, but for some reason I felt as if I shouldn’t had told her about that woman, and I made up a convincing lie to cover up my crying.

We started walking again towards the restaurant, and while I did reply to her I wasn’t active in the conversation, but mostly trying to figure out what that woman was talking about.

The restaurant was right in front of us on the other side of the street, which made Hana all the more excited than she already was, and waiting for the traffic light to turn red and the cars to stop was probably a nightmare for her at that point.

Once all the cars had stopped upon the light turning red, we started crossing the road. I was still focused on what that woman told me though, which has unfortunately not made me realize that despite the light being red, a car was coming at full speed towards us, more specifically it almost seemed like it was coming towards me.

huh?

That was the only thing I could think of when I had finally snapped out of it.

I was on the ground. my head hurt. My arm hurt. Hana must’ve had pushed me away, which at that exact moment seemed like just a prank of hers to me, so my natural response was to tell her off.

“You idiot, that wasn’t funny! It could’ve been danger-“

But I was cut short by my own head as I finally took a good look behind me where Hana was supposed to be.

Blood. That was all I could see. The car had already driven off, and the only thing I could see was blood.

“H-hana?”

But to no one’s surprise, I didn’t get a reply from calling out to her.

Frozen in place from shock, unable to do anything but look, I was now starting to see what actually happened. She pushed me away from the car, which ended up hitting her.

I then looked around trying to grasp the situation I was in and make sure I wasn’t dreaming, but when I looked at my right.. Hana’s head which had been detached from the hit was there, and I started loosing it.

Screaming was all I could do, as the people on sight called the ambulance and police, and the ones that seen me and her together were trying to calm me down while I wanted to get closer to her body, as if to see if my eyes were deceiving me.

“Let it go son! Don’t look!”

A old man and a middle aged man tried calming me down and covering my eyes while holding me from the back of my arms.

“Move aside you bastards! Let go! This can’t be true, there’s no way!”

I was screaming at the top of my lungs at that point, but they reluctantly did not let go of me. The middle aged man forcefully took me on his shoulder and dragged me away from the scene, and i couldn’t do anything, since he was completely overpowering me.

As soon as he put me down I tried to run again towards her, but he kept holding me, making it impossible to get away from his grip as.

“Let go.”

But he didn’t.

“I said Let go you bastard.”

“She’s already gone. You can’t do anything about it.”

I knew he was right. And I couldn’t even scream anymore, I was exhausted from the shock, and I simply started crying whatever was left of my lungs as that man kaput holding me from behind and actually started comforting me.

About 3 minutes since the incident had passed and the police had finally arrived, but coincidentally the man that was holding me was apparently an off duty officer, so after revealing it to me, and talking to the other officers that arrived, he took me to his car and was directed towards the station.

“What’s your name kid”

“Hayase Akio”

“How old are you”

“12”

“Was she your friend?”

“You haven’t even started the engine yet you bastard, you can interrogate me later.”

“I know it pains you, and I understand how you feel. I lost my daughter a few years ago. You can take your anger and pain on me, but I just want to know you and your situation better to help you in any way I can.”

His tone was calm, but empathetic, he wasn’t lying.

“Our parents go way back, though we only started getting along a few months ago when they moved here.”

“I see.”

I took out my phone then and after making a call I gave it to him.

“I’m calling my dad, you need to call my parents anyways right?”

“I’ll get you to the station after this call, you can wait for them there”

As he took the call, I had calmed down, and for some reason all I could think of was even now just the words of that woman, but it didn’t take long for me to finally understand.

”she isn’t the one.”

my eyes widened at the realization.

That woman meant that Hana “wasn’t the one” and she apologized.. because she knew.

the truth hit me like a bullet in my heart as it dug it’s way through my flesh and straight into it.

But as much as I tried to be angry at that woman, I couldn’t. Now knowing why she made that expression, I just couldn’t blame her.

Wherever it was just my delusional fictional lover logic or not, she looked like some kind of Angel, or something like that. She probably couldn’t tell me exactly what she meant, or might not had been allowed either, but she still came to me and apologized.

As much as I wanted to hate her, recalling her face made it clear that she was probably suffering more than I am. I couldn’t bring myself to be angry at her, I was just… tired.

Hana was the only person that made me happy, in fact I didn’t even realize it until now, but ever since she had moved here with her family I was genuinely happy even without the need of fiction for it. She made me feel flustered around her, and I really wanted to protect her and always see her smile. I wanted to protect the smile that gave me my own a reason to come out. But now she was gone.

Looking back and thinking about it, I guess I never really felt any love towards her, or at least not the romantically type. I was grateful to her and I wanted to protect her because she made me forget about my hatred for the world and made me enjoy it.

But now she was gone. I had failed to protect her. If only I was careful while crossing the road, maybe I would’ve been able to protect her instead of getting saved by her. But it was too late for it now.

After about 5 minutes the officer ended the call and gave me my phone back, then started the car engine and directed us towards the station.

When we arrived, my parents were already waiting for me there. Neither of my parents seemed too sad, they seemed more worried than anything, which was a bit weird but I didn’t think too much of it.

My mother hugged me as soon as she saw me, and after making sure I was alright, both my parents turned to the officer that brought me there.

“Has he been caught yet?” My father asked.

“3 police cars are chasing him as we speak, it shouldn’t be long until he’s caught.”

“I see”

The officer then excused himself, and another guy one came to talk to me.

“I’m a investigator, I need to take you in for a few questions, and see if we can get anything useful from it”

“Go with the investigator akio, we’ll wait for you” my mother told me, and I complied.

We walked for about a minute, and got to a separate room, and after we both sat down at a table, it had started.

“I know it’s hard for you, but we might find out something useful from this, so bare with me kid.”

“I know.”

“I’ll make it easier then. What was your relationship with Satou Hana?”

“She was my childhood friend. Our fathers are high school friends apparently”

“I see, its unfortunate that you lost someone close like that. What do you remember from the incident?”

“We had to cross the street, we were going to the restaurant on the other side. I was zoomed out thinking about something, and didn’t realize the car coming even tho the light was red. Hana saved me.”

“She was a courageous young lady, but you have your fault in this as well, are you aware of it?”

“Yes, I know. If I was careful maybe both of us would’ve had survived.”

“It’s good that you’re aware. You’re not responsible for any crime in this scenario, as it was the drivers fault, but you shan’t forget what happened today, and remember to be careful from now on.”

“I will.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“I forgot.”

“You sure?”

His tone was filled with doubt, and so were his eyes, but I wasn’t going to reveal anything about that woman.

“I’m sure. The only thing I can think of right now is that my best friend is dead. Can you blame me for forgetting what I was thinking?”

“You do have a point”

he said as he got up from his seat.

“That’s all, I don’t think we could get any particularly important informations out of you, thanks for being collaborative son”

I didn’t reply, and simply walked out of the room and went towards my parents.

Due to the clear reason of death, Hana’s autopsy only took a day, and it was revealed that when she pushed me, her foot was probably caught under one of the wheel’s, and as she was dragged down, her head had been hit by the car’s front, detaching it from her body as it got crushed.

Her parents didn’t blame me for it, they were relieved I was safe, and most of all proud of their daughter for being able to save me. It hurt me that they weren’t blaming me, but I also found it weird that they weren’t as sad as I expected. Nonetheless, they had insisted on letting me know her autopsy results, and reassured me that they didn’t have any grudges against me.

Her funeral was 2 days after the autopsy results, and of course I was there. It rained that day, it poured so much it seemed as if the heavens were trying to cleanse any remain of her blood from this cruel world.

I haven’t cried ever since the incident, not because I wasn’t sad, I just couldn’t. Even as she was getting buried, I was watching with dead eyes, and couldn’t bring myself to cry.

Her funeral was relatively peaceful, it all went according to plan. The only thing that was off was that neither my or her parents seemed even half as sad as the others that were present, but to them i probably looked the same, since I don’t think my expression changed even once during the whole thing.

5 years had passed. I was now around 17 and in my 2nd year of high school. I visited Hana’s grave every Sunday without missing one. Wherever it was sunny or not, wherever it snowed or rained, wherever it was during the day or the night I never skipped it. I would simply go to her grave and talk to her, as if she was still there and fill her up on my current life without her.

It was another Sunday, and time for me to go pay her a visit, so I quickly got out of bed, brushed my teeth then took a quick shower and left as soon as I got dressed, but took a few snacks with me. I would usually skip breakfast and eat it with her as I filled her in, and sometimes also get some of her favorite snacks and leave them there, hoping that she’d somehow manage to eat them with me, though I knew it was not gonna happen.

When I arrived, 5 men in black suits were coming towards me, which meant they were exiting the cemetery, so I nodded down as they passed by me since they made eye contact, and I started walking towards Hana’s grave, or so was the plan.

“I still feel bad for her, she wasn’t even the target that day.”

One of them said, which peaked my curiosity, so I sneaked behind them, while keeping a constant inauspicious distance and started listening.

“Can’t be helped. Even if we succeeded in taking the boy out, it would’ve eventually been her time as well.”

I was hoping to be mishearing them,

But the more I listened the more it was obvious, that they were talking about Hana and me, but since I didn’t want to risk it, I decided to listen more since they had also stopped for a smoke right outside the cemetery gate, and I had finally heard my confirmation.

“Satou Hana, daughter of Satou Haru and Satou Natsu, if only her parents weren’t scum, she wouldn’t had been caught in it. She can blame her parents and their best friends in hell”

“And their best friends”? they can’t be talking about my parents… right?

I thought it was weird that neither her or my parents were as sad about it, but I tried not to ask myself why. Looking back now though, it was almost as if they expected it to happen eventually, and those men had just confirmed my theory.

For the first time in 5 years since her death, I was furious. I had to find out the truth, so without further due, even if it could’ve had resulted in me getting hurt, I stopped hiding and confronted them.

“I didn’t intend to eavesdrop, but something you said caught my attention earlier”

i said trying to come out as transparent as possible in my tone.

“Is that so? Would you mind telling me what peaked your interest, huh? Young man”

he was matching my own tone, but did a hand gesture to the other guys, as if to tell them to stay on guard.

“Now now, no need to get on guard, I’m just a 17 years old boy, there’s no way I’d even think of doing something against 5 grown up men, so just listen to me for a second, alright?”

He didn’t reply, but at the very least the other guys dropped their guards, so I decided to stop beating around the bush and get to the point.

“My name is Hayase Akio, I guess you didn’t recognize me, but I’d assume that you already know who I am.”

“I see. What do you intend on doing now that you heard what you heard?”

He kept his cool, in fact he seemed almost excited about my reveal, but I kept my transparency as I replied.

“I’m not stupid enough to jump you just because I know, so I’d like to hear the full story, and why you targeted us, or rather why you were targeting me.”

“You’re a smart one young man, I like it.

Come with us, I’ll take you to our boss where he’ll explain everything.”

“Telling me to come with the guys that tried to kill me a few years back, that’s one interesting thing to say ain’t it?”

“If we intended on killing you, your guts would’ve been on the ground by now, but I like your sense of humor.”

He then started walking towards a car along side the other men, and I followed them without another word.

It was about a 20 minutes drive, but eventually we arrived to what seemed like a mansion, though it’s appearance made it look more like a prison.

The gates opened automatically as soon as we approached them, they probably had telecameras and people watching them constantly. The security was extremely tight. I wondered if I was even gonna get out of there alive, but it was too late to back down.

After getting out of the car, they brought me inside, to a room which after entering seemed like some kind of office, or perhaps it would be more appropriate to call it a boss room, since sitting at the desk in front of the door, was a man that clearly seemed to be on a different level.

“Boss, this is Hayase Akio, we happened to run into him, and he caught a glimpse of our conversation. Resulting in him asking us to tell him the full story.”

The man addressed to as boss had a weirdly serene expression, though he also seemed to be in his late 60’s so it might’ve been his age catching up to him.

“I see, so you’re their kid haha, hope my men weren’t rude or harsh with you while bringing you here”

It was weird. From their conversation earlier it was clear as day that I was the initial target, and they have some kind of resentment towards my parents. I couldn’t understand why he was nice to me.

“They were extremely nice to me, they didn’t do anything rude or treated me poorly on the way here, rest assured”

“That’s great to hear, you guys can go and leave me and Akio here to have a chat”

Though he said it a seemingly nice tone, but his eyes were screaming “get out of here already you idiots” to his men as he spoke to them, but it seemed like they didn’t mind, or were probably used to it.

I took a seat after he gestured to the one in front of his desk, and his expression suddenly changed. The serenity on his face disappeared completely, all that was left was clear disgust in seeing my face, and hatred.

“Old man, mind trying to conceal your hatred a bit? It’s making me get chills down my spine here you know?”

I said that in a seemingly confident tone, but I wasn’t lying. I was getting more and more scared by the second, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me from finding out the truth.

“My, where are my manners, of course of course, I apologize”

He did conceal it a bit which relieved me to a certain extent, but at this point even his tone was full of hatred, so I decided to cut it short and get to the point.

“Old man, tell me your version of the story.”

“I’d rather not recall those memories, but as much as I hate it you do have the right to know.”

He took a pause before starting, waiting for my reply, but I simply nodded and decided to let him speak the full story before commenting.

“Around 10 years ago, your parents and Satou Hana’s parents had kidnapped my granddaughter and grandson. Since I have a decent amount of power, I was able to get the police to investigate and search for them right away as a priority, but due to the lack of evidence they were never charged. Eventually I found out that both my grandkids had been sold for human trafficking, and that’s when I decided to take revenge for them.”

I was speechless. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but something inside me made me believe every single word that he said.

“So you’re saying my parents are human traffickers?”

“Yes. They are the scummiest of scum, and deserve nothing but rotting in the depths of hell. It make me sick do the stomach to think they also have successful honest businesses, and people are giving people like them more money.”

“Old man, if I said that I want to help you get rid of them, would you believe me?”

“Normally I wouldn’t… but your eyes have more anger in them than my own, and it doesn’t seem directed to me. But are you sure about it, kid? They are still your parents.”

“I’m sure. They deserve punishment. It’s not like I forgave you for killing Hana, but I understand where it came from. And I have my own reasons now to despise them even more.”

“I see. I’ll get you going with the same 5 guys that brought you here, we have enough power to mask their deaths after you’re done, so you won’t face any charges.”

“Thanks. But I do want to ask for a thing first”

“What is it?”

“5 years ago, I started taking kendo lessons, and I don’t want to brag, but I’d say I’m relatively skilled. Do you have any katanas I could borrow?”

The old man didn’t reply, but made a quick phone call, and about a minute later a man with a katana came in the room.

“Will this do it?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

We went out right away, and straight to the car. It was going to be around a hour long drive, so I had enough time to sort my thoughts out.

I had always hated myself because I couldn’t be grateful to my parents, and I always felt something was odd about them, but never questioned it.

I spent countless nights crying, because I thought I was a failure of a son, because I couldn’t live to their expectations. And I hated that I had seemingly perfect parents which I could never fully appreciate.

But it was all a lie. My parents are evil. It seems like my childish heroism desire has finally gained a purpose. Wherever I’m going crazy or not, wherever they truly deserve it or not, wherever they repent about it or not, I will kill them.

I wasted most of my life blaming myself for not being good enough, and they are also the reason my best friend died, I don’t care anymore.

That old man’s grandkids weren’t even the only ones most likely. Who knows how many they did it to. Who knows how many families they brought sorrow and pain to.

They are evil. And even if it’s childish, I don’t care. This one time, I’ll play the hero, and get rid of these monsters under the skin of a human.

While on the way, we discussed our plan, if you can even call it that, And to sum it all up it was something along the lines of “you do it, one of us comes with you for safety while the rest of us makes sure no one interferes”, so as soon as we got out of the car after parking, me and one of them went directly in.

When I went in, surprisingly both my parents were home, and they were both on the living room couch watching tv. I approached them with the man staying behind me, and stared at them with dead eyes for a final time.

“What’s going on Akio?”

Dad was the one to ask, but it seemed like he has caught up on what was about to happen, since he was visually scared.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

They looked horrified, which only further proved the truthfulness of what the old man told me. I didn’t feel any pity towards them anymore, only disgust.

“Y-you can’t do that to us, we’re your parents! We gave you a life most kids can only dream of!”

It was my mother that shouted that, loosing all of her composing as she snapped.

“T-that’s right, even those kendo lessons you’ve been taking for 5 years, WE paid for them.”

Dad followed her. He wasn’t wrong honestly, but I was long beyond the point of forgiving.

“That’s true. It’s not like I don’t feel any gratitude towards you. You’re right, I did have a life that would make anyone jealous of. But that also made me more miserable.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

My mother asked.

“You know, I always hated myself, because I was never able to truly feel 100% grateful to you 2, and that I felt as if I was a disgusting greedy brat and only used you for your money. But deep down I also felt something was off. Maybe it was my instincts telling me that you 2 were scum even worse than me, and perhaps that’s why I could never feel true gratitude towards you.”

I started walking towards them as I talked, and slowly unsheathed my blade. I intended on ending them quickly, but my father then snapped, and tried to jump me, which I couldn’t blame him for, I would’ve tried the same probably if I was in his position, and most would too.

No matter how big a piece of shit you are, most people would still try and save their own life, even if they know it’s futile. This was just one of those many cases. He tried to grab my blade, but I guess the adrenaline made him loose his ability to think rationally, because he clearly didn’t think about the fact that I have been taking 5 years of kendo.

With a single smooth strike, I cut his hand off, and he quickly fell to the ground, growling in pain, and trying to stop the bleeding with his other hand.

He then looked at me, and with a wicked grin had the audacity to beg me for his life.

“Did you stop when your victims begged you to?”

He couldn’t reply. Or rather, he didn’t want to. He knew the answer to that question very well, so he chose to stay silent, and finally accepted his fate.

“I’ll deal with you last.”

I then walked past him, and went towards my mother.

“I’d like to make it as painless as possible. If dad hadn’t lost his cool and accepted his fate earlier, he would’ve been killed in a single strike. So I’d like to believe that you’re smarter than him, and will stay quiet while I do it.”

She started crying. I didn’t want to end her in misery, so I waited until she was calm enough to at least say her last words.

“I-I should’ve had never given birth to you! If I knew you would’ve turned out like this, I would’ve had taken a abortion!”

If she had said those words a day sooner, I would’ve been hurt by it, and possibly even harm myself because of it, but now… it was different. All I could do was smile.

“I’m glad that you’re also scum, and I won’t regret killing you.”

“H-huh?”

“If you accepted your sins and surrendered I might’ve had kept you alive, but I’m glad that you showed me your true colors.”

I then gestured to the man that was with me to come and bin her down.

“Make sure to hold her so I get a clean cut of her head.”

“You got it.”

And a few moments after, she was pinned on all 4 with her arms behind her back, and I had a clear opening to her neck.

“Any last words?”

But she remained silent. So without wasting another second in which I might’ve had changed my mind, I quickly decapitated her.

“You weren’t lying when you said you’re skilled with a blade huh. That’s the cleanest decapitation I’ve ever seen.”

As the man complimented me, some blood from her severed body splashed out of her, and landed on my face.

“Thanks, but I won’t be using it anymore after we also kill my dad. I’m not a fan of playing hero for idealistic reasons. And frankly speaking, I’m tired. Tired of it all.”

He then proceeded to also pin my father down, which by now has completely given up on any hope he might’ve of had.

“Do you have any last words?”

“I’m sorry for making you feel like you were a failure. I’m sorry for being a human trafficker. I’m sorry for giving you such a misfortunate fate. Even if you hate me, just know that I lo-“

I couldn’t bring myself to listen till the end, because it might’ve had made me change my mind, so I cut his head off before he could finish it.

“You alright kid?”

The man that came with me asked me.

“I’m fine. We can get the bodies later. Give me some time alone.”

Fortunately enough, he understood what I meant, and left immediately.

As soon as the door behind me was closed, I fell on my knees and started crying my lungs out.

Even if they were evil, they were still my parents. Why did I go along with it? Why didn’t I spare their lives? Am I as bad as them? I found myself asking those questions, but most importantly, why did it have to be me to kill them?

Why didn’t they kill them themselves, why did they do nothing for 5 years? But at this point it was all meaningless. And most of all, I was tired.

As I was crying, I felt something hugging me from behind, and holding me tight, very tight. I understood what, or rather who it was right away.

“You haven’t shown yourself for 5 years, is it a coincidence?”

It was the white haired woman.

“It’s not. But I’m sorry, I cannot tell you the details. But one thing I can tell you, is that you did the right thing. No one will blame you, and very soon you’ll be able to rest.”

“So you came to comfort me?”

She didn’t reply, but simply nodded as she kept me tight under her embrace.

“Then why… do I feel like you’re in more pain than me?”

“Must be your impression”

She was a terrible lier. She managed to say that with a calm tone, but I could feel her tears going down my shoulder.

My worries melted as she kept hugging me, and my sorrow started to fade away alongside it. I don’t know why, this was the second time I had ever met her after all, but her embrace gave me more relief and comfort than anything in my life so far so I didn’t question it. I didn’t want to know now, I just wanted to rest.

She kept hugging me silently for around 5 more minutes before finally disappearing as usual, and once she left, my heart had been released from a huge burden it carried from the day I was born

After cleaning up the mess, we returned to the old man’s mansion, and I was again alone with him in the same room as earlier, and wasn’t going away without a few more answers.

“Why didn’t you do anything till now, it’s been 5 years you know?”

“Satou Hana’s death was a mistake. Though her parents were also involved with yours, they merely followed orders, they weren’t as guilty. We decided to not try to kill you or your parents right away out of respect for Satou Hana. She died as a young hero protecting you.

“Is that why those guys were at the cemetery?”

“I’ve been sending them to clean her grave every week, and make sure everything was as it should, again out of respect for her. I’ve also visited her grave myself a few times.”

“Those guys said they would’ve had eventually killed her as well if you succeeded in killing me first”

“That’s true, our plan was to end her as well after killing you, but we both know that didn’t happen. We didn’t have anything personal against her, and the way she protected you made it clear to us that it was a mistake to target her to begin with.”

“So you hate me because I’m their son, but didn’t hate her as much because their parents aren’t as guilty as mine, huh.”

“That’s the gist of it, yes.”

He didn’t seem to be lying, honestly I don’t even think he had any reason to, so I believed him. After that woman helped me earlier I was completely stress free, so I didn’t mind him saying he hates me to my face.

Accepting his answers I simply sighed once before speaking again.

“How long are you going to drag this for? I have pretty good ears you know? I can hear the guys loading their guns outside the room”

“I see, so you knew.”

“Rather than knowing, I expected it. You didn’t do it right away out of respect for her sacrifice, but it’s been 5 years, that’s plenty of time. And frankly speaking your hatred is so obvious it makes me want to puke.”

He then had the men in question come in, and surely enough they were about 7 of them and all armed with guns.

“At least try and kill me in the first shot before filling me up with holes”

“Though I cannot deny my hatred for you, even I know it’s a irrational one. I’m not killing you just for my own pleasure, but also to free you from all of it. I’m sure it must’ve been hard for you. And I apologize for what we’re about to do.”

“I don’t need the apologies of my killers old man”

I wasn’t scared. More than anything I was relieved. That woman did say I would be able to “rest soon” so I guess this is what she meant, but that’s fine.

“Any last words?”

Last words huh? I didn’t really know what to say even if he asked me, so at that moment I simply smiled and went with my first thought.

“Thank you.”

The old man didn’t waste a single second, and as soon as I spoke those last 2 words, I felt a sharp pain in my head, before my consciousness finally faded away.

I wonder how long it’s been since they shot me, I couldn’t feel anything, I couldn’t see anything, I couldn’t hear anything. I was stuck into nothingness.

I guess there really is no afterlife huh?

But right when I thought so, my vision was blinded by a light. The brightest light I’ve ever seen.

what’s going on!? What’s with that light? For god’s sake can’t I rest for even a moment?

I tried to speak, But I got no reply, or rather I wasn’t even able to let it out of my mouth.

When the light has finally dispersed enough for me to open my eyes again, I could not only see but hear ever so slightly, and to my shock but also relief, I was seeing people. It wasn’t anyone familiar, but I could tell what happened by the look on their faces.

“Daddy, Daddy he’s here, he’s here!”

“Yes, yes you’re right he really is!”

I could see 2 people in front of me. One was a girl that seemed a few years old, and the other was a man.

I could also feel that someone was holding me, though it’s not like I could look up and find out, but fortunately enough, she probably felt my intentions, and turned me around so I could be facing her.

“You’re right you 2, our baby boy is here.”

I see. Then I guess I’ll be fine. I’ll be able to rest at least for a few years. And I’ll be fine. After all. These guy’s expressions, tones and eyes are all… filled with love.

I don’t know how long I had been in that void for, but all I knew now was that I got reincarnated, and this time, I would be able to rest. That’s the only thing I could think of at the moment, before falling asleep in my mother’s embrace.