*sigh* Have you ever wondered what is the meaning of life? (And no, I'm not reading a random pop up on a computer screen.) You probably have since humanity has asked this question over and over throughout history, and at the same time, many people have come up with a diversity of possible answers for it. “It is to survive”, “it is to reproduce”, “it is to experience as many things as possible”, “it is to try to be as kind as you possibly can”… Honestly, I just don't get why the human race can never answer this question when it's been right in front of their noses all this time.

The truth is, it does not matter.

There, as simple as that. Don't get me wrong, people can have their own opinions and live their lives the way they want to, it's just… I sometimes feel like they're wasting their potential on trying to answer that age old question. They constantly worry about things such as finding their purpose in life, or focusing on a failing dream that they eventually give up on halfway when they could have just used that time to do something that actually benefits them and their entire species. I mean, just look at me. I'm still in highschool, and I've already managed to come up with so many solutions to humanity's problems that they could have long been at the point where they're nice and fat while robots do everything for them and they no longer have to worry about things such as survival, finding a mate, or doing work. (I’m still stumped on how to tackle the obesity problem, but I'm sure diet and exercise would be enough...)

Hmm? What's that you ask? “Why does it sound like humanity has yet to solve their problems even though you claim to have already done it for them?” Well, it's quite simple really, for you see, I can't tell anyone about the ideas floating around in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this out of spite or on a whim or anything, it's just I literally, and I mean physically, cannot tell anyone. I mean, just look at me.

No, I'm not in that group of football players strategizing for the big game on Saturday.

No, I'm not one of those girls who talk sh*t behind each other's back despite having been friends since kindergarten.

No, I'm not in the cool kids group where they talk about… wow, now that's just f****ed up. Poor Ted, looks like he's gonna have another video of him with his pants down go up on the Internet….

And no, I'm not the generic looking kid, the otaku watching hentai on his phone, or the sexy, smoking hot 25 year old female teacher who I suspect is actually still a virgin… Wink [https://forum.royalroadl.com/images/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif] Seriously, someone give this woman a medal. Nearly all of the students in this class lost their v-card already… What is the world coming to?

*cough* What's that? There's no one else in the classroom? Oh, my bad. Here's a hint, I'm not classified as a living being. Sorry, I guess that was kinda important.

No, I'm not a ghost. (Good guess though)

No, I'm not a zombie.

No, I'm not a skeleton.

No, I'm not a highly advanced robot.

.

.

.

Give up? Alright, I'll tell you my identity. I am actually-

Ted: John Ce-

Shut up Ted! It's because you do these kinds of things that you're bullied. Time and place! God, even when you're a desk the universe finds a way to mess with you…

That's right, you heard me. I am not something that is usually associated with the word “sentient” in fictional stories, I am literally just a desk that has somehow inexplicably gained sentience. Yes, kneel before my originality!!!

...Well, it still kinda sucks that I look exactly the same as the other desks in this class, just an old-fashioned desk that's only purpose is to make up for the school's budget cuts... I wish people could at least see I was different from your average everyday desk. I tried getting their attention once, but, it didn't go so well...

Flashback: A long time ago (1800s)

I was young back then, naive. I had just become aware of my surrounding only ten years before I tried to establish “contact” with a human being. Over those ten years, I saw many people come and go while I learned all I could from the lessons. Luckily, back then I belonged to classes held for young children, so I was able to eventually learn the English language through constant trial and error. Though I had no eyes to see with, I could sort of sense my surroundings up until a certain point. I could hear perfectly fine though, so it was easier for me to learn how to talk first. I eventually learned the basics of reading and writing when kids would write on a piece of paper. It felt weird at the beginning, having something constantly crawling along my body and not being able to do anything about, but I eventually got used to it and stopped caring. It at least allowed me to memorize the English language, and for that I am grateful.

Over those ten years, I also learned that I was different than a normal desk (lol)... I sort of had psychic powers, or access to “magic” as it was referred to back then. It was nothing flashy like teleportation or pyrokinesis, but it was still magical nonetheless. I had the power to control objects, or telekinesis if you will. I accidentally discovered this power of mine one day when I wanted to move just a bit more to the right since the sun was shining on me a little bit too much. Too my surprise, I found that I could actually slide my body across the floor. The student who was using me at the time noticed the sudden movement and was also confused judging by the look on his face. I didn't risk moving again so as to not make him suspicious.  

Over the next few years, I began training my ability until I was eventually able to do tasks such as writing with a nearby utensil and floating around the classroom. Needless to say, I made extra sure to only do this when I was alone. To accomplish this, I even trained my ability to sense my surroundings until the range was slightly bigger than the classroom. I didn't want to risk being found out before I finally felt that I was ready… and then, the day of my unveiling finally came. The day where I would reveal myself and see how humans would react to my existence.

It started off the same as always, with the students arriving on time and obediently taking their seats without too much of a fuss (How I miss the old days…) Then the teacher entered and she began to take roll. After that, class began. I had decided to wait until lunch before making my move since more of the students would leave the classroom meaning that there would be less witnesses in case things went south. Don't worry, I didn't plan on killing anyone...

The only ones left five minutes into lunch were 2 kids who liked to study and the instructor. I was feeling jittery all over and I had to stop myself from unconsciously rattling my body. After calming down a little, I proceeded to start the plan I had come up with. I used my telekinesis to move the piece of chalk upfront and tried writing a message on the board. I only got 3 words in when one of the students noticed and started screaming and pointing at the board. Then, the teacher and the other kid looked to where she was pointing at and started freaking out, screaming things like “witches” and “sorcery” as they ran out the doorway.

And with that event, I learned an important, invaluable lesson. People are assholes.  People do not accept what they do not understand. Luckily I left no clues that implied that I as a desk was responsible for the strange phenomenon, so I got away Scott free. I never tried making contact with anyone else after that even though I could have eventually come up with a better plan. That event just scared me too much…

Well, though I never did do anything like writing a message in front of people, I did sometimes secretly write a note and leave it for certain people to find. Over the years, I grew to learn a lot about human interaction, and I was eventually able to learn how to read people. Sort of like a psychiatrist, but I think my sensory ability amplified my affinity for it. Since I was sometimes bored being re-taught lesson after lesson of material I had long since memorized, I sometimes tried focusing on what students did during class. Fast forward a few more years, and by this point I had gained the ability to infer interesting things about students from the slightest hint. I could: tell if someone was lying by observing their heartbeat/movement, tell if someone had a crush on another person and know what their chances for success were just from a conversation between the two, and I could even tell if a student was having problems outside of school just by looking at their facial expression. Really, I could have been one hell of a teacher, especially with my knowledge on a wide range of subjects (I would sometimes switch classes when I wanted to learn something new). Sucks that desks don't have any rights though…

Anyways, as for why my detective skills were so relevant to my way of contact, it is because I grew to love playing cupid or the secret hero of the school. In fact, my help made so many people happy that rumors about me formed at whatever school I was at. They call me xxx’s cupid or xxx invisible hero. Granted, I would have preferred better names, but I still liked the recognition. At least people were acknowledging my existence.

And so ends the flash- Wait, one more important detail before we go back to the present. You probably remember from the beginning how I described the female teacher, right? Although I never had a gender, I did like to sexually identify myself as a male, the reason being that I felt that the majority of females were more attractive than the males, no matter the time and place. It might also be that most of the time the student who had me as their desk was male, so I liked to align myself with their point of view. This happened during my “infancy”, so my sexual orientation had already been set in stone for the rest of my life. Remember this detail, it is the most important thing you should remember.

Present: America (20XX)

So yeah, that is basically my entire life story in a nutshell. To recap, I am a sentient desk who has psychic powers, probably knows way more knowledge than any other person alive, is a bit of a pervert appreciates the beauty of women, and likes to help people out every now and again. Yup, my story is just your everyday Japanese light novel...

Do you know the meaning of life? Do you want to live a real life? Y/N

...Wtf? Is this for real? My sensory vision shows that everyone seems to be staring into space as if they're looking at the same screen just like I am.... Does this mean I'll get cool powers like in Ter*or In*n*ty? Does this mean I'll finally be able to become an extraordinary person as long as I survive a death game!? Well, I'm not feeling compelled to push the button, I mean, I've lived a pretty good life so far, way longer than a normal human could have hoped for. Still, what's about to happen might put a spin things, and who knows, maybe I can become human if I play whatever game is about to happen. Hell yeah, let's do this! Screw the sadness and loneliness, I just wanna be human at this point! Alright, I'll play this little game of God's... Yes.

 Understood, please input player name:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sh*t, I don't have a name… Okay, I'll just call myself Bo*y T. M*rn*ngw*od. Hahaha.

The Username Is Taken.

Damn, oh well, let's just go for a slightly out of the ordinary name… Kevin Tsu (Tsukue = desk in Japanese).  

Welcome Player Kevin Tsu. (Please wait 5 minutes while the rest of the NPCs and Players are decided.)

NPCs and Players? I guess we really are playing a game… So if I didn't click yes, I guess I would have been classified as an NPC. Wonder what would have happened to me then… Oh, seems like everyone is starting to freak out now.

Ms. A. (Hot teacher): Alright everyone, just calm down.

Lyle (Asshole): No way, can't you see what's about to happen? If this is going in the direction of most stories of this genre, then everyone will soon start doing whatever they want. There won't be any laws left to hold people back.

John (Nice guy): Now just calm down, we don't know for sure what's about to happen.

Lyle: Screw that, I'm doing whatever I want before everyone else. Come on guys, we’ve got plenty of fresh meat right here. Easy pickings…

Sarah (bitch):  Lyle, get the f*ck away from me this moment. We broke up already. If my dad hears about this-

Lyle: What part of “lawless” did you not understand? Now, get over here. You should already know just the way I like it. You guys can play with the rest of them. Ah, leave the teacher for me. I want to break her myself.

Goons: You got it boss.

At this moment, I'm considering just killing these guys, but it seems that luckily there are still some people who are true to their morals. I mean, just look, the football guys are about to stand up and-

Football Players: Boss, please let us join your group!

...Well, sh*t. Looks like I need more practice when reading people, looks like they really feel that way. Well, at least this will add to my knowledge of reading people. Note: People crack when what they desire is right in front of them and they have nothing holding them back. *gasp* Those poorly written apocalyptic stories were right!?

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

Lyle: Hahaha, of course you guys can join. Don't worry, money, power, women, this new world will give us all of it!

Goons (Now including the Jockeys): Yeahhhhhhh!

Alright, as a famous football once said, “I guess tonight's the night bitches die.”

Lyle: Hahaha- *cough*

Goons: Boss- Agh!!!

Oh, one more thing I might have forgotten to mention. Over the years, I also trained my psychic powers. Although I've pretty much reached a bottleneck, I'm at the point where I can stop a car going about 30mph and move objects at a high enough velocity to create mini sonic booms. So killing some regular assholes is a piece of cake for me. As for why I killed them instead of disabling them like your common light novel mc… I'm not an idiot.  I'm 100% certain they'd be a problem later on.

Terra: T-they’re dead! *faint*

Wow, I even used paper clips to make sure the scene wasn't bloody and yet some of the girls still fainted. Aw, would you look at that. Ayoko (Ms. A.) is trying so hard to keep herself together. Oh, I just want to pick her up and-

Time is up. All sentient lifeforms not finished with the account creation process will automatically become NPCs. Please enjoy the game.

Would you like to play the tutorial?(Game will automatically begin after either completion or rejection) Y/N

Well I'll obviously play the tutorial. I mean, you'd have to be pretty stupid to-

Pete (otaku): Tch, who plays tutorials!? All the badass mc’s go into the game without knowing a thing!

Right, forgot that the human race isn't the brightest of the bunch… Oh, looks like everyone chose to do the tutorial except for 5 other people. Thank god Ayako seems to have picked yes. How can I tell? Well, a beam of light is hitting both me and her so I just made an educated guess. I like how she's the only one who notices a beam of light is also hitting an empty desk. See, I told you we're soul mates!

Now transporting to the tutorial field. No time will have passed on Earth for however long you are gone.

5 seconds of blackness later, I'm no longer in the classroom. Okay, so I guess this random green field full of fluffy adorable creatures and sunshine is supposed to be the tutorial field. Looks like everyone will be taking the tutorial alone considering no one else is around.

Welcome to the tutorial. Completion will allow you to earn rewards while dying before finishing the tutorial will make all your hard work be for nothing. Please choose a difficulty setting. The higher the setting, the better the rewards.

Easy: For those children accidentally caught up in the game. (Probably be able to survive once back on Earth)

Normal: For the everyday individual. (Guaranteed you will survive once you go back on earth unless you have really bad luck or are just stupid)

Hard: For those people who are at a higher level than the average joe. (You could rule the Earth)

Hell: For those guys who shouldn't really exist in a world like Earth. (Honestly, you could rule entire universes and dimensions if you finish this)

While the description for the last one kinda makes me feel a bit hurt, it's nice that I at least get a description to what each difficulty is like. Well, I came here without any fear for my life to have an adventure, so to Hell I go!!!

 Hell difficulty selected. The tutorial begins now.

Explanation: You are about to embark on a long hard journey through countless worlds. For having the balls to pick this difficulty, you will at least hold onto whatever you have gained even if you are to die. Good luck.

Well, I'd be happy for the compliment if I actually had a male body. C’mon, there has to be a way to give me a human form, pleeeease!!!

 First Floor: Practice Field

* Here you will learn the basics on how to fight, open the menu, and get stronger.

* First Battle: 1v3 Dire Wolves (Lightning Variant)

After I finished reading the message, 3 circles of light appeared about 10 meters away from me. From them, 3 gigantic wolves appeared and seemed to have lightning flowing throughout their body. All the fluffy little critters that were previously here got scared and immediately ran as far away as possible from the nearby area. Dark clouds seemed to have also covered the pure blue sky and the area no longer gave off a happy go lucky feeling… Also, the 3 Dire Wolves in front of me also seemed to be surprised when they laid eyes on me. What, never seen a desk before? I'd like to talk to human resources please. Alright, enough joking around. Let's see how strong the guys really are. Won't do to get defeated this early on. I need to be strong enough to protect Ayako. I hope she's okay...

 Quest 0: Finish Tutorial

* Basically move forward and don't die

* Reward: Keep everything you've worked so hard to have gained and ???

 Quest 1: Opening the Menu/Status Screen.

* Think Menu/Status

* Reward: 1 companion crystal and 1 enhancement token

 Quest 2: Defeat the Dire Wolves

* Exactly what it sounds like

* Reward: 1 random beast token

Alright, I guess I'll start with Quest 1. Status.

Kevin Tsu

Race: Sentient Object (Desk Variant)

Lvl: 1

Titles:

* The Library

* The Living Desk

* Psychic

* Cupid

* Hero

* Good Murderer

Health: 90/100

Mana: 1000/1000

Strength: 20

Intelligence: 100

Defense: 10

Agility: 0

Vitality: 10

Wisdom: 105

Luck: 10 (Does not rise by using stat points)

Charm: ? (Does not rise by using stat points)

Skills:

* Indentify (max)

* Photographic Memory (max)

* Intermediate Psychology (7/25)

* Intermediate Telekinesis (1/25)

* Intermediate Psychic Sense (1/25)

* Language Mastery (max)

* Advanced Technology Mastery (2/50)

* Intermediate Cooking Mastery (1/50)

* Advanced Mathematics Mastery (5/50)

* Advanced Engineering Master (2/50)

* Intermediate Herbology (5/25)

* Intermediate Biochemistry (10/25)

* Intermediate Massage (2/25)

* Beginner Throwing Weapon Mastery (8/10)

* Beginner Assassination (2/10)

Debuffs:

* Wear and Tear - Permanent health decrease (-10) and low defense

* Just an Object - Cannot self heal or move without outside help

Money: 0 gold

Rewarded: 1 companion crystal + 1 enhancement token

Sweet, I guess. I’m guessing since I'm an object, my strength is because of how sturdy I am while my defense is so low because I can still easily be destroyed. My agility must be 0 because I'm not capable of movement without telekinesis while I suppose my vitality represents my total health. As for my intelligence and wisdom, I expected as much, I mean, I am a genius. I'm surprised my luck is a perfect starting 10 while there is nothing for my charm... Most likely it's like that because I'm just a desk, oh well.

Now, what do I do? Oh, the wolves look like they're getting impatient. I guess I should start the fight then. Luckily I still have some tools inside me (I'm the type of desk with a cubby in it).

Reinforced Steel Paper Clips: Steel paper clips that have been modified by Kevin Tsu to withstand breaking the sound barrier. Adds +30 to strength when breaking the sound barrier, allowing for extra piercing power.

Cool, I knew these were powerful, but I didn't think they'd increase my power by more than 100%. Now. Let's see how strong these guys are.

I looked straight at the 3 beasts as I got ready to fight the hardest battle of my life... Well, it wasn't so much staring as it was me slightly shifting my body towards them, but you get the point. They took the movement as a sign of provocation and began their assault on me. Lightning flashed while fangs and claws made their way toward me. I would have been so screwed if I didn't have such a high processing ability. I quickly acted by moving myself away from them while using some paper clips as lightning rods. At the same time, I had others simply insert themselves into the bodies of the behemoths in front of me.

I had already long since memorized the anatomy of wolves, so I aimed for their weak points to try and see if my knowledge would help me in my current dilemma. I stabbed the tens of paper clips into their eyes, their underbelly, especially near their chest region, and their *cough* place that made them men. Hey, don't look at me like that! I've never had one so I don't know what it would feel like to have that done to me. When I do get one though, and it turns out to hurt beyond my imagination, then I'll apologize. Until then, they came at me so I defended myself. End of story. Besides, I used my ability so much that I was down to 300 mana points. I could be in serious danger if I let the battle progress.

Anyways, those attacks of mine proved to be a complete success.They were soon immobilized from the pain and could no longer fight back. I felt bad seeing such tough and evil looking creature reduced to such a state, so I put them out of their misery…

Rewarded: 1 random beast token

Looted: 1 Dire Wolf  Cloak + Lightning Fang Saber + 3 Lightning Essence + 1879 gold

...I still feel bad. Did it really hurt that badly? I hope then that no one does that to me once I get a humanoid body...

Congratulations on finishing the first part of the tutorial. Now we will go over some important information concerning some of the games features.

You have learned how to fight and open the menu, but now it is time to go over some of the information you saw on your menu as well as things such as the Shop.

Health = Amount of life you have left. Usually, 0 means you are dead.

Mana = Amount of energy you can use to perform certain abilities/skills

Strength = Amount of force you can muster (Your ability to hold weight was used to judge the number)

Intelligence = Ability to process/memorize (Also has an affect on the amount of mana you possess. Currently 1 int = 10 mana)

Defense = How much damage you can absorb without taking damage

Agility = How fast you can move (Your body cannot move without external help)

Vitality = How fast you can heal (Your body cannot heal by itself. Currently 1 vit = 10 health)

Wisdom = Your ability to make wise decisions (Also has an effect on your mana recovery. Currently 1 wis = 1 mana per 10 sec)

Luck = How much good luck you possess (Normal people usually only have 1-2 points)

Charm = How attractive you are to others (*Does not necessarily mean everyone likes you)

As for the Shop, the Shop is a part of the system that allows people to purchase certain abilities and items. There are simple purchases where you use money and certain items to buy them, and then then there are types of drawing where the prizes you receive come in a wide range. To access the Shop, simply think the command and it will open up.

If you have any more questions, please go to the customer service option in the Shop and ask one of our representatives. Happy gaming..

...Okay, so do I just wander this forest? Wth? I wasn't even told what to do after this. Whatever, I'll ask later. For now, let's see what I can get~

Welcome to the Shop. Buying/Selling or Lottery?

 Hmm… Lottery.

Welcome to the Lottery Shop. The system has detected a random beast token and a companion crystal. Would you like to use them separately or would you like to use them together?

What's the difference?

You can use the random beast token to get a creature from the random beast lottery while you can use the companion crystal to get a loyal companion from the companion lottery. By using both at the same time, you can access the exclusive beast companion lottery. You are guaranteed your beast is absolutely loyal to you and has a humanoid form.

Hmm… Might as well do the exclusive one. I wanna see just how much my luck stat will affect this.

Acknowledged. Starting Beast Companion Lottery.

Oh, cool! I like how there's even an animation of the lottery. Oh, the wheel’s spinning! Come on, come to papa! Wait, I don't even know which one is supposed to be the best. Oh, it's stopping.

Tick tick tick tack. *click*

Oh… It kinda landed on that tiny black strip that was between those two white strips. Aw, does that mean it was a dud? !!! Hold on, it turned gold!

Congratulations, Player Kevin Tsu. You have won four golden-tiered beast companions. Although not even close to the strongest tier, they do have the potential to make it that far  by the skin of their teeth.

Gained: Azure Dragon (female) + Holy Qiln(female) + Terra Force Turtle(??male) + Pure Ice Phoenix(female)

And following that announcement, 4 clouds of smoke appeared right next to me. I was completely caught off guard and didn't even get a chance to use my telekinesis to test out my new weapon I got from the Dire Wolves. I was just about to correct this mistake when I realized that they weren't enemies. How did I know this? Well, the fact that the 5 of them were completely butt naked and sitting in a seiza position was a dead give away. Damn it, it's times like these where I really wish I could transform… wait, why are there 5, I thought there was supposed to be only 4?

?: Master.

What, who's there!? How can you disrupt my inner monologue?

Dragon: It is I, master, the Azure Dragon.

Qiln: And I am the Holy Qiln.

Turtle(s): And we are the Terra Force Turtle.

Phoenix: And I am the Pure Ice Phoenix.

“We are your most loyal servants, created for the purpose of serving you.”

… Alright, well nice to meet you. No need to be so formal with me since we'll be traveling for quite a while. Umm, could you put some clothes on or do I have to buy them from the Shop?

Dragon: Master, please do not waste your valuable resources on servants of such low status such as ourselves.

No, no, no. Don't worry, I plan to abuse the heck out of you guys later on, it's just I prefer you be as comfortable as possible.

Phoenix: A-abuse *slurp*

I see Phoenix is an M… Anyways, answer my previous question.

Qiln: Master, as golden-tiered servants we have the ability to create things as simple as clothes from the very matter around us.

So why did you appear naked.

Qiln: *blush* W-we are prepared to serve our master with everything we have…

...Alright, so becoming a player was by far the best idea I’ve ever had in the 300 or so years I've been alive. Now, If only I could find a shapeshifting ability in the shop then I could fully enjoy all this world has to offer… By the way, why are there 2 turtles?

Turtle (male): Our kind is born with 2 separate bodies and later on when we evolve further we will combine and choose 1 gender.

Turtle: (female): This is done so as to gauge our master’s preference. We could have chosen to have been created with 1 body but we wanted to be 100% sure of Master’s tastes…

Well, I only like females, sorry. Thank you for putting so much thought into it though. Ah, don't cry, don't cry. Don't worry, I'll still treat you kindly. If anything, I'm happy you thought so much about me. Thank you.

Turtle (male) : *sniffle* Master, I-

Okay, put on some clothes before we go any further. That's enough for today and it looks like the forest is getting dark. C’mon, if you hurry up, I'll let you guys sleep right next to me.

*sparkle*

Holy shit, this is like cult level loyalty at this point… *sigh* I'll think about everything else tomorrow. Still, I hope Ayako is okay...