“EH!” I cried. And I kept wailing as the vampires approached but I could not fight back.

I was having a panic attack. I knew it. I felt it happening, but I had no control over myself. It was like I was just watching my body autopiloting itself to destruction.

“Mr. Ed!” Misa tried to console.

“We don’t have time for this, Avarez!” Yand-Una complained.

“Ah…” I wailed, and I could not form a coherent sentence. “I don’t. I can’t fire.”

I knew what I wanted to say, but my moth was not speaking the words correctly. My brain realized that it was wrong, but it didn’t know how to fix it.

“My fire. I can’t.”

“Crush!”

Another vampire died; I heard its cries of pain, but I did not see it.

“Misa,” I spoke. “What do I do?”

I stared at the dead vampire to my side and I saw myself in it. If I did the wrong thing, I’d turn myself into a roast.

“Avarez!” Yand-Una commanded. “Do something! They’re getting close!”

I looked to our side and found the vampires to be a few meters from us. I instinctively pushed my hand forward, but I couldn’t speak. My hand began trembling, the noises around me slowly began to be drowned by some ethereal silence – not real silence, but the noises I could not register in my memory.

I saw Yand-Una push her arm forward and a gale of wind slammed into one of the vampires like a wrecking ball had hit it in its chest. It was knocked back a meter and slid and rolled on the ground.

Misa moved before me with a piece of rusted metal in her hand. She was protecting me.

The defenseless girl had done it. She had taken on the job of a guardian to defend the one person that was supposed to protect her.

I saw, perplexed, as the girl before me had chosen to give up her life for mine.

Just before the vampire reached her, Yand-Una jumped over and knocked Misa away, sword in hand, thrusting it towards the vampire. The vampire did not die, Yand-Una had missed its vital points and it grabbed her face. Misa reincorporated from her fall and slammed the metal scrap into the vampire’s head.

The slightly disoriented vampire received another clubbing on the back before it launched its hand towards Misa’s improvised weapon, stopping her attack. Yand-Una slashed at the vampire’s neck, slicing it open. The blood splattered and the vampire opened its mouth in what must have been a screech, only to let out a gargle of blood from its wound. But that wasn’t enough to kill a vampire.

The next hack coming from Yand-Una was aimed at the head and the blade lodged into it from the side. Misa, who found her weapon liberated from the leech’s grasp, directed it towards its head at hard as she could. It took her two well-placed and heavy whacks to render the vampire limp from the waist down. Its hands still move and went for Yand-Una’s neck, who had trouble freeing her blade from the skull.

Yand-Una, who was now being grasped by the hands, began hitting it and pulling it. Misa hacked at the head again. I saw desperation in both their faces when they looked at me. They asked for my help and all I did was point my hand forward.

I only had to kill the vampire.

I tried impaling it with a rock and soon after, a spear of cement, much smaller than anyone I had invoked before, slowly grew from the ground. It wasn’t moving at a snail's pace, but if the vampire could move, it would’ve simply turned sideways, but it couldn’t. The result was a needle going straight into its brain, and the leech released my warden with a jerk.

Before anyone could think of calming down, Misa turned behind me and tried to attack something I could not see. Yand-Una responded to it by throwing her hands to cover her face. The leeched, that had launched towards her, threw her to the ground. Misa managed to land a hit on its head before I was suddenly pulled and smashed into the floor.

The hit brought me back to my senses, and I found myself instinctively holding the vampire's face away, who was trying to choke me and bite me.

Misa behind me screamed and attacked the vampire with all her might.

Screeches and screams assaulted my ears, but the only thing I could concentrate on was my neck. The vampire’s choke had increased the blood pressure in my head, blocking my airway as well.

Like many times before, I had decided that this would be my end. In that moment of acceptance, I had found clarity. There was one thing I could do to ensure the best-case scenario.

Between my struggling and wavering sight, I looked past the vampire chocking me, behind the struggling Misa, and towards the two wrestlers. It took all my effort to hold the vampire with one hand while I cast a chantless spell.

The cement that grew towards the vampire above Yand-Una, found itself being pierced from the side with a spike that slowly pushed it away from her. Yand-Una landed a few punches before reaching for the sword near her and, pulling with all her might, she dragged the skull of the vampire for a little before the sword detached itself from the bone.

The next swing of her sword decided the fate of the leech. And finally stood up to strike the one above me.

The vampire didn’t die but jumped away from Yand-Una, who had scared it away with her sword, only for another pair of arms to appear behind the last leech.

Misa swung once again towards an unknown enemy while I coughed and tried standing up.

In the second that it took me to regain my breath and sit up, a vampire had grabbed hold of Misa, while two vampires were distracting Yand-Una.

Finally, out of my daze, I sprung to action and went for a hit on the vampire holding Misa. The leech hissed and smacked me on the face, almost knocking me out.

My next desperate attempt was to hold on to the vampire and pull it away from her. I held on to him by the neck with my arm and arched myself backward, changing the center of gravity, making him fall backward. The vampire did not let go of Misa, who pulled her with us to the ground.

On the floor, I tried various ways to hold-choke the vampire into submission, but it was far too strong for me. I tried twisting to make it lose its grip on Misa, but it did not let go. I pulled its head back, twisted it, bent its arm away, lock its feet. I tried everything but it did not let go.

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In my last moment of adrenal lucidity, before exhaustion finally took its toll on me, I saw from the edge of my eye, two more vampires approaching us.

They never end, I thought. And impaled the vampire in my arms with more cement.

This last act of power finally hit me like a brick and my head pang in excruciating pain. The vampire screeched when I missed its vital organ, but with the force of the spell and the pain in my head, I let go almost immediately, only for the vampire to lose its grip on Misa and direct it at me.

The next moment, the pain in my head was masked by an even greater pain from my hand.

I cannot remember screaming through the onslaught of agony, but I jerked and pulled before the vampire finally let go of my hand, hanging motionless on the spike.

From today on, I can no longer count to ten with my fingers.

Through my reddened vision, I saw the undecisive Misa launch herself at one of the vampires that were holding Yand-Una at bay. She had her trusty metal scrap, using it to choke the vampire – like what I did to the last one, only much smarter.

My warden finally managed – once she found herself in a one-against-one fight – to land a critical hit on the thing, that jumped backward, wavered a little, and kneeled to the ground. It wasn’t out, but it was severely weakened.

One vampire was weak, on the floor, while another was being choked by Misa, but not for long. I turned to see the new two vampires running our way. And when I knew the situation could only get worse, I turned again to see another pair of silhouettes coming from the slope of the river.

This was finally it. Even if we managed to kill the two on top of us, and the next two, the last pair would not be stopped. We’d be too tired to continue the fight.

Looking incredulous at the last pair, I saw the victory of the vampires nigh. With all hope lost, I decided to give up on everything I stood for and whispered.

Help us, I prayed. Sweet Mary, please, I beg you. Help us.

The two new contenders took to their knees, stopping their advance, and drew guns. In quick succession, taking less than a heartbeat, the clapping of the railguns assaulted my ears. The supersonic projectiles ripped through the air toward the other two vampires.

Another pair of claps echoed in the river. Yet another. And in six shots, they managed to take down the last two sprinters.

As soon as this happened, everyone reacted to the new set of events. The odds had changed in a matter of seconds. The vampires were now outnumbered two-to-one.

The vampire holding up to Yand-Una tried running away, only to find itself crushed between the ground. And the last vampire, doing its best to rid itself from Misa’s choke, found a kick that tripped it to the ground and then a blade through its blood bladder.

The battle had taken, most likely, less than ten minutes, but they felt like ten excruciatingly long hours.

When I realized it was over, I dropped to the ground in exhaustion. I heard the scrap of metal drop as well as the sword from Yand-Una. I was finally aware of every kind of pain in my body, especially my right ring and middle finger. I did not want to look at them. Unable to contain my gags of pain, I writhed and coughed trying to hold any other sound of agony.

The voice that came to my ears would have made me happy in any other situation, but right now they only made me cry.

“Ed!” my best friend shouted. “Ed!”

The footsteps were right beside me when I heard him speak again in Goktoga. I had not the attention to understand what he had said.

“Your finger,” he said in English. “Ed. Your finger – why?”

I continued crying.

“Idiot,” said another radera voice I recognized. “Look at him. We need to get them away, quickly.”

“Grikhat, here,” Tedet told his girlfriend. “Grab his feet.”

“Oh, Lord!” exclaimed Misa from somewhere.

“Mother’s mercy, Avarez,” Yand-Una spoke. “His finger – where are we supposed to take him?”

“To our house,” answered Tedet. “Help us take him to the car.”

I felt the grip of a few other hands and had the odd sensation of floating. Though my head hurt, my body was limp, and at least one of my fingers was missing, I felt slightly at peace when I felt everyone’s touch on me

“Thank you, Ted,” I said before slipping into my comfortable darkness.

* * *

“Easy, there,” spoke a voice I recognized as Tedet’s.

Nothing in my body immediately hurt, but I felt my instinct tell me, I needed to stay still. Some sort of heaviness or weariness, I simply wanted to stay still, maybe even go back to sleep. Retain my energy.

However, the logical part of my brain remained restless. I had woken up from the last thing I remembered: the battle in the river. As the memories slipped back, I recalled what it all meant.

I had my eyes already open, yet, despite seeing, I wasn’t looking at things until now. It was in Tedet’s house. I remembered the cute ornamentation that Grikhat and Tedet had arranged in their room. Ever since that time I visited Tedet’s girlfriend, when she was indisposed, I was invited a couple more times to eat.

Grikhat didn’t like me, but she made an effort to make me part of her life as much as I was part of Tedet’s. I was told that I was expected to do the same with Martin, but given his heavy schedule – and the recent relocation – I had yet to go out with the two of my friends on a close-circle date.

Close-circle date; that’s how they called it.

“Don’t move too much, you must be exhausted,” said Tedet to calm me down.

I clearly heard him but, for some reason, I decided to move regardless. Even I knew I shouldn’t move, but after sleeping in the same position for a while, I just had to move, stretch myself, flex some muscles, anything.

The moment I moved my arms, I felt a sharp pang in my left hand. I gagged and hissed. Bringing my hand to my face, I saw it was covered in white bandages that were spotted with red.

“We disinfected it and Misa managed to stitch it up,” he answered my phantom question. “But if you move it too much, you’re gonna bleed again.”

“My finger,” I said, incredulous.

“You lost it, Ed,” he answered, coldly.

If he were a human, I bet he’d stumble and mumble while talking, but a radera are physiologically and anatomically unable to do it.

“We managed to save your middle finger, but— Hey, it isn’t so bad. It’s just one finger. The useless one, even. Right? That one I never saw a reason to need it.”

Tedet tried comforting me in his very peculiar way. Trying to find the rational silver lining, instead of appeasing the emotions.

“You know what we use it for?” I countered.

“No.”

“A wedding ring.”

I didn’t know why that made me cry. I thought it wasn’t that bad as well.

The answer I gave Tedet was not a retort, I had simply stated a use for that finger. Alas, stating it aloud made me think too much about things. Martin, and a family with him. There’s no reason why losing that finger would make me cry when I could simply use the one on the other hand. Heck, some cultures use the left ring finger for that purpose. But in Al Patreck – in Bathering – it’s the right one.

“We—” I choked after just starting. “We take our vows to live happily together and then we place our wedding rings on our ring fingers.” I motioned the process, trying to mimic it, but the bandage limited the explanation.

At that moment, I couldn’t contain the tears any longer.

Why? Why did this hurt me so much? I bet Martin wouldn’t care, but I did. Why?

“You still have the other one, right? It’s alright.”

Tedet was being ever more considerate than I had anticipated, he exceeded my imagination.

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry on me. No one thinks this is bad. I bet Martin would be happy to know all you lost was a stupid finger. Right?”

Tedet looked at me with his big, glossy, golden eyes and his face was red and purple. He made purring noises that made him sound like a cat; comforting and loving.

I exhaled all at once and I felt my spit jump from my mouth. I winced with my eyes and held on to my cries as hard as I could, but I felt my diaphragm convulsing. The tears blurred my sight and I could feel my nose dripping.

“Hey. No, no, no. What is happening? Are you okay? Hey, is something happening to you?”

Tedet had seen me cry before, but I had simply cried due to my guilt. Today wasn’t that kind of day. Today I was injured. He heard the wails, he saw the body movement, he witnessed the body fluids. He was flustered and confused. In my state, he couldn't know if it was a reaction to my injuries or not, the situation wasn't normal to him. It was -- in every sense of the word -- alien.

If I had seen Tedet cry, I bet I would have no idea what to do. I had never seen a radera cry either. If he were injured and made weird noises and body movements, I would've thought it was something up with his health. Convulsions? A septic shock? Who knows.

“I’ll bring Misa,” he said, his face green, and tried standing up.

I moved my hand, trying to grab him, but the bandage stopped me. Nevertheless, I tapped his leg and that called his attention.

“No,” I begged. “No, no. Don’t go.”

I reached out with my hand and he held it tightly.

“Don’t leave. Stay.”

With his face going back to a normal color, Tedet held me tighter and sat back down next to my bed. I must have uttered my thanks, but I don’t remember how many times and when I stopped.

For the rest of the time we spent together, he said nothing but listened, holding my maimed hand close, cupping it between his, like a treasure.

I stopped crying at one point, then lost myself somewhere in those minutes. The darkness sheltered me again from the pain with its soothing embrace.