Jeanne took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “I don’t know, if I’m being honest here.”

“You want to talk about it?”

Jeanne shook her head, laughing uncomfortably. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Well, what is on your mind the most?”

She stood next to Gabriel rubbing her eyes. “I don’t suppose you had a problematic relationship with a sibling, did you?”

“When we were younger, yes,” Gabriel replied. “But when we became older, we began to find more of common ground.”

Jeanne looked down, pressing her lips together, only able to say, “I see.”

“I won’t try to say that I know what you’re going through, Lady Marais. I’ve found it almost insensitive when people feel they know the path I’ve walked when they’ve hardly had the time to know me. Felt more like an empty attempt at empathy than trying to truly show compassion.”

“Something you’re familiar with?”

“Too much. People always telling you they know what it’s like to walk in your shoes. Feel what you feel, know the pain and hate you’ve had to be burdened for years. Only to crumple it all up, toss it aside and worry about the next thing to feel better about themselves. All the while you’re still left with the burden and whatever scars you’re forced to carry.”

“You learn who is truly those to rely on for support from those seeking solace from their own lingering shadows,” Jeanne said to Gabriel.

“Very true. Sadly, tis very true. But I know losing family is a pain you’re never prepared for.”

“No, no it isn’t. Cid told my how you lost yours. That was … I don’t even know where to begin.”

“It’s been five centuries since I lost her, and I still haven’t begun to figure it out,” Gabriel said.

“How did you handle it?” Jeanne asked.

“Oh, not well. Not well at all. I was still young, even by vampiric standards. And my blood ran hot enough to where all I saw was wrath and retribution. When the nights came and those I thought had taken my own sister from me I stalked and hunted and took my time as I enacted my vengeance. I was not kind and they did not die quickly. I can still remember the fear in their eyes when their lives left them.” Gabriel was silent as she looked out into the empty dirt road of the town.

“Did it bring you anything?” Jeanne asked.

“Not what I wanted,” Gabriel said regretfully. “The pain I felt for what my sister never went away. In fact, it only got worse.”

“Got worse? How?”

“As the bodies grew and more and more blood was on my hands, I started wondering what my sister would think if she saw me like this? Would she be proud, ashamed, frightened? At first, I couldn’t answer, which alone left an ill feeling. Then when the answer started to emerge, I was almost glad she wasn’t around to see what I had become.”

Jeanne was silent, a cold chill beginning to crawl up her spine.

“And when I was done, when I stopped trying to collect a blood debt I felt was rightful mine, it wasn’t because I had felt the debt had been paid. It certainly wasn’t because I thought I had curtailed any more of the bigotry that was aimed at my people. No. I stopped because I started to see the monster they saw me as when I looked at myself in the mirror. As if I had become the very thing parents tell their children to fear in the night to keep them in their beds. That was when I had seen the full extent of how far I had gone.”

Jeanne rubbed the back of her neck. “I don’t even know what to do. I want to see these men pay for what they did. But anytime I even think of them, I … I feel this horrible rage come out of me before I even know what is happening.”

“I know that feeling all too well, Lady Marais. All too well.”

“I’m just … I’m afraid it’s becoming something I can’t control.”

“That’s sort of the rub, isn’t it? The whole point of control, when it comes to these things is almost to let them do what they need to do. Almost to trust them with where they need to go and not force them into one direction or another.”

“How did you do it?” Jeanne asked.

“One day at a time,” Gabriel replied. “And no progress is a guarantee the old monster won’t rear its wonderfully ugly head back into your life.”

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“So much for that small measure of peace.”

“If anything, I’ve tried to be better about finding such peace in the little moments when I could find them. Tends to be far more of them when you know what to look for. Especially when you feel like everything and everyone is trying to stab you in the back or sell you out to the highest bidder.”

“Yeah,” Jeanne said, gliding her foot over the dirt beneath her.

“Would you like some time alone?” Gabriel asked her.

“I wouldn’t mind some quite, please.”

Gabriel patted Jeanne’s shoulder before returning to the other at the inn. Jeanne saw the quarter moon hovering overhead in the cloudless night, its light dimly illuminating the town below. She turned to see the church of the shepherd nearby. Light from candles flickering and causing the color of the stained-glass windows to change hues constantly.

Walking over to the doorway she gripped the handle and slowly pushed the door inside. “Hello?” she said peering her head inside. Within the halls she found several rows of pews lining both sides of the chapel. Lining the walls were standing pews with candles flickering over them.

Moving into the hall, Jeanne could see the stain glass of a man standing upright, holding a crook in one hand and lifting two fingers in the air with the other. He had a calm look one his face, unphased by the woes of the world around him. Jeanne felt a hint of jealousy at the man’s coolness.

She walked all the way to the front row, taking a seat and looking at the altar. She clasped her hands together and bowed her head down. “I didn’t take you as the praying type,” she said heard Silvius say to her.

“I’m not,” she replied. “But I don’t know what to do at this point. And I can use whatever help I can get.”

“As much as I hate to say it, I don’t think most divine entities are known for being loquacious with those praying to them.”

“I didn’t think so,” Jeanne replied. “But I was hoping maybe sending something up the grapevine might do some good.”

“Fair enough,” Silvius replied, “I did want to apologize for earlier, I didn’t mean to be insensitive with everything else going on.”

Jeanne shook her head. “No, I’m just … not sure what I want anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been wanting to put each of these bastards to the sword for years. Long enough to where its hard to remember when I didn’t think of such things. But now that I’m here, now that I’m able to do this, I feel like I did before I entered my first battle. There’s this sense of anxiety that before I could handle and put to the side and do what I need to do without a shred of hesitation. And now … now I don’t know if what I’m doing is the right thing.”

“I think, if you’ll allow me the liberty …” said Silvius to Jeanne.

“I will but I may require a third of your lower intestines,” Jeanne replied.

“… Alas, my favorite section of the whole bunch,” Silvius continued, chuckling. “But I think this is something a lot of people tend to consider in similar situations. Particularly when it is dealing with how much is a blood debt wroth until the killing stops.”

“What are your thoughts on the matter, Sil?”

“Well, I do feel the Kolvilles who have these bounties out on them should be brought to justice. And we should make sure not the matter into our own hand because of we feel it is our prerogative.”

“And what if the justice system does want to hold these men accountable?”

“I won’t say the system is perfect, not even in my wildest dreams anymore. I learned that lesson all too well with our dealings with the wonderful Council. But if we give up on what we put in place entirely without trying to find ways to fix the situation, then what good is having a system in the first place? What plan goes well the first time without needing changes and alterations to make it work? And at this point, we can hopefully invest some faith in the older Kolville in his support to our efforts. Which means we have some backing in seeing justice done, for your sister and for everyone else the Kolvilles have hurt.”

“Then why so adamant about how we do it then?” Jeanne asked.

“Because there’s a fine line between what we do to put food in our stomachs and a roof over our heads and what the Kolvilles do. I’ve read more than a fair share of accounts of mercenaries you burn, pillage, plunder, and worse to people because of pay and desire. Hell, my own brother was in the trade, earned a reputation for himself before someone pulled off his high horse and placed a well-aimed dagger into his skull.”

“That’s a rather specific detail to recall.”

“I was the one who had to identify the body, so I learned much of wounds born from such events.”

“Silvius, I didn’t know.”

“Well, it’s not something I tend to advertise when I first meet people. And he was … not a good person. Many who found their end at his blade who were deserving, far more who didn’t. Honestly, what kept him from being considered a criminal was that he had a lord to vouch for him and his actions.”

“I wish I could say I was surprised.”

“No, and I’m lucky we haven’t had to be a of such things since we’ve pulled this group together.”

“Honestly,” said Jeanne, “I think we stopped being true mercenaries when Allianna took us on to hunt down Callanband’s ilk.”

“Well, we’re still getting paid for a job, the job requires a fair amount of stabbing, and at least now we’re getting to see the world and all its wonders. Despite the dangers that which has come for our chosen vocations.”

“No, we’ve been lucky for our recent exploits.”

“Did you have to do that when you were with Cold Company?”

Jeanne took a deep. “There were more than a few times were there was a village we’d have to clear out, or a farm that a lord ordered to be searched for rebels or some other thing they wanted. Most of the time the patrols were routine, but sometimes … things could get bad.”

“Should I ask?”

Jeanne shook her head. “No, and I’m glad Sabine wasn’t around to see what was done.”

“Well, I’m glad Cid isn’t having us go down that dark path.”

“He tried to avoid having things get to that point. Though sometimes you’re in a situation where there is no good choice to make. We’ve just been lucky enough not to have such things come to our doorsteps.”

“Maybe we can keep a family from knowing what that’s like when we take these Kolvilles out.”

“Let’s hope we can do it without becoming the things we’re hunting.”

“Amen to that.”