Sunday, February 2, 2025
The Prompt: What do I want my legacy to be?
A few less bullies in the world. No, I'm not going to go around killing people just for being assholes. I just want to teach them to behave better. It's done wonders for Noah, Matt, and Chris. I'm just waiting to see what Travis does.
Mom asked if she could start sleeping in my room at night, where we can barricade ourselves in and still have access to a bathroom. She's scared. She promised to put in the application for the other trailer park tomorrow, as well as the deposit in cash, but there's only one empty trailer and someone may beat us to it. The owners also have to check Mom's criminal record and credit score — something our current landlord should be doing, but he probably wouldn't pass it himself. If this deal falls through we'll try to get an apartment in town. In the meantime I'm spending my days after school and on weekends at the library and the mall because Mom doesn't want to leave me here alone any more.
Days making my bed: 64
Days cleaning the kitchen: 28
Days studying html: 20
Days until the first quarter moon: 3
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Monday, February 3, 2025
The Prompt: How do I cope with stress or overwhelming emotions?
I don't get overwhelming emotions often, and when I do it's usually related to something that's stressing me out. Generally, I'm learning to find the source of my stress and deal with it directly. I don't sit around 'in my feels' about things.
Speaking of stress, it's now the countdown to Valentines Day. The band is selling small boxes of chocolate and the Booster Club is selling carnations. (I guess roses wilt too fast.) The school newspaper is publishing anonymous love notes and poems — approved by the advisor, of course, but I still expect all kinds of drama to come of that. I have enough money to buy a box of chocolates and a carnation for Mom. She deserves a treat after everything she's been through.
Days making my bed: 65
Days cleaning the kitchen: 29
Days studying html: 21
Days until the first quarter moon: 2
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Tuesday, February 4, 2025
The Prompt: How do I feel about my relationship with others?
I'm frustrated with being bullied at school, though that's pretty much dried up lately. Sandra and her friends talk shit about me for being 'trailer trash' but not to my face. Right now I'm ignoring it. Mostly I'm content to leave alone and be left alone. I don't need to have 'relationships' with people.
Mom and I slept together in my room last night using my desk to block the door. There was a lot of yelling and breaking glass outside. We just hoped it wasn't our car windows. (It wasn't.) There was even more yelling when the cops arrived, and I'm pretty sure somebody got arrested. When I went outside to catch the bus there was a lot of broken bottles laying around and some blood on the snow. Looks like somebody's going to need stitches at the very least.
Tomorrow's the day. Whatever is going to happen better happen, because it's not safe to live here.
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Days making my bed: 66
Days cleaning the kitchen: 30
Days studying html: 22
Days until the first quarter moon: 1
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Wednesday, February 5, 2025
Today was so wild. I went to the library after school, did my homework, and read a book until Mom could come to get me. We went home so Mom could change clothes. As we were getting out of the car four guys came towards us, and they were 'not right' at all. One of them edged beween us and the car. The other three were blocking our way to the trailer. They wanted Mom's purse and to have a 'good time' with us. Mom and I tussled because she was clutching at me and I was trying to grab a broken bottle off the ground to use as a weapon. I had to settle for using my backpack as a shield. Just as I thought we were screwed — maybe literally — a cop car pulled up. The guys got antagonistic with the cops and we made a beeline for the trailer. We threw clothes and toiletries into a bag, went out the back door, and got to the car. One of the cops wanted to talk to us, but Mom said no and they let us go.
Now we're at a motel. Mom called the diner and let them know she's going to be late but she did go in to work. I've got the motel room door locked and I'm working my way down out of the biggest adrenaline rush of my life so far. I'm pretty sure this happened because of the spell. Now I know why it's called Desperate Wish and came with a warning! I won't be in a hurry to cast that again! Holy shit! But at least we're out of the trailer and Mom says we're not going back, no matter what.
Days making my bed: 67
Days cleaning the kitchen: —
Days studying html: 23
Days until the full moon: 7
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Thursday, February 6, 2025
The Prompt: Name one thing that's going really well for you right now.
Is this a joke? I feel like this is a joke, and a tacky one at that.
When Mom dropped me off at school this morning she told me not to tell anyone what happened, and if the cops try to talk to me I'm not to say anything until I call her and she gets there. I don't believe this is real. There's no way we should be having this kind of conversation.
But school was normal. I got through the day just fine and Mom picked me up after. At least I don't have to ride the bus. Mom's manager at the diner stepped up. She and a couple guy-friends of hers went with Mom back to the trailer, loaded everything we own in under thirty minutes, and stowed it in a storage unit. One of the guys even told the landlord that Mom and I had moved out, so Mom didn't have to face him herself. I don't remember anyone ever doing anything nice for us. Not since I was really little, anyway.
So, we're basically homeless now.
Days making my bed: 68
Days cleaning the kitchen: —
Days studying html: 24
Days until the full moon: 6
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Friday, February 27, 2025
The Prompt: Who do you go to for advice?
Nobody. I can't ask Mom anything deeper than 'Does this color look good on me?' She doesn't know, either. Honestly, I wouldn't know how to talk to anyone even if I had someone that I wanted to talk to, which I don't. I just have to do the best I can on my own.
Speaking of not talking, I've decided not to say anything to Mom about casting spells and researching witchcraft. She's pretty tightly wound right now and might not take it too well, especially seeing as how she was raised in a Christian-ish cult. I make sure my search history is clear and jumble this notebook in with the ones from school, even though Mom doesn't snoop through my stuff. I don't want her to find out by accident and freak out. I have no idea what might push her completely over the edge and I don't want it to be that.
Days making my bed: 69
Days cleaning the kitchen: —
Days studying html: 25
Days until the full moon: 5
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Saturday, February 8, 2025
The Prompt: When do you feel the most rested?
This is going to sound weird, but I've slept better in this hotel room than I ever did in my own bed at the trailer. The motel is in a relatively safe, quiet part of town. There's no yelling, no breaking glass, no cops. Mom jams the desk chair under the door when we go to bed and won't let me leave the room after dark, but that's just to be safe. She's still anxious because we don't have a permanent home, and how much money the motel room and storage unit are costing us, but at least she's not that worried about our safety. And I won't have to spend all day at the mall tomorrow.
I did spend this morning at the library, because I wanted to. They have a pretty good occult section. Most of the books are about Wicca, but there are a few with a more secular slant. I don't check them out, though. I read them at the library with a magazine in front to hide the title. I'm not embarrassed or afraid of what anyone will think of me. I just like my privacy.
Days making my bed: 30
Days cleaning the kitchen: —
Days studying html: 26
Days until the full moon: 4