Sunday, January 26, 2025
The Prompt: Do you consider yourself to be a positive person?
Hmm. That's a stinker. I don't think I'm either negative or positive most of the time. It depends on the situation. I've been more positive this year. I guess I'm positive when there's something I can do about a situation, neutral most of the time, and only negative when things are absolute shit and I've got no control whatsoever.
And speaking of absolute shit: The car broke down again. Mom had to dip into our savings to get it fixed, if it even can be. That thing is at the mechanic more than it is in our parking area. Mom has to either get a ride from a coworker or use the taxi or Uber — both of which are costing even more money.
This could work to my advantage, though. There's a bus stop right in front of the mobile home community we want to move to. If we lived there we'd seldom even need a car. I'm going to bite my tongue, though. Mom and I have had this discussion before. She wants to move when she's saved enough money for the new place, a new-to-us car that I can also use, and to start medical school.
That's if this car doesn't eat our savings before we've packed a single box.
Days making my bed: 57
Days cleaning the kitchen: 21
Days learning html: 14
Days until the new moon: 3
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Monday, January 27, 2025
The Prompt: Are you living life on your own terms, or trying to live up to other people's expectations?
The only person I would even think about compromising the way I live my life for is Mom, and she wouldn't ask me to.
About Travis: He's given up on trying to get Noah back, and now his other friends are drifting away from him. He's seething, and he doesn't know how to handle this situation. He's no good without people to influence.
Nothing untoward in my locker today. I put a new piece of tape on the door so I can tell if it's been opened without opening it myself. I really hope people learn to leave my locker the hell alone; this backpack is fucking heavy with all my books in it. I'm tempted to find a carry-on suitcase with wheels so I won't have a permanent slump from the weight of carrying everything. I bet the principal wouldn't allow it, though.
The car is still in the shop. I bet they haven't even gotten around to it yet. Mom got a ride to work this morning, and I was able to get her to eat something besides a Poptart and coffee before she left. No wonder she's tired all the time. She works two jobs and her nutrition is awful.
Days making my bed: 58
Days cleaning the kitchen: 22
Days studying html: 14
Days until the new moon: 2
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Tuesday, January 28, 2025
The Prompt: Do you feel overwhelmed a lot?
I'm getting there. High school is stressful, and there are times I want to drop out and get my GED. I'm sticking it out so Mom can watch me receive my diploma. So I guess I am compromising something but it's my choice. Living in the trailer park is stressful. I'm getting tired of flashing blue lights waking me up in the middle of the damn night. Trying to learn to code on my own and be an adult at sixteen is starting to get to me, too.
Okay, that's way more stress than I've been figuring.
Sandra made another go at my locker. This time I caught her in the act and was able to creep up behind her as she was hanging one of those pine tree car air fresheners from a hook. I asked, "What'cha doin'?" and she about jumped out of her boots! I just stared at her as she was trying to come up with a valid reason to be at my locker, not blinking. I wanted to unnerve her without threatening her or laying a hand on her and evidently it worked. When she started to edge from between me and my locker I said "Leave. My locker. Alone." All she said was "Whatever." That was fun.
The car is still in the shop.
Days making my bed: 59
Days cleaning the kitchen: 23
Days studying html: 15
Days until the new moon: 1
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Wednesday, January 29, 2025
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The Prompt: Overall, do you consider yourself to be happy?
That's another stinker. I'm not sure what happy is, outside of not being annoyed or frustrated. By that definition no, I'm not happy most of the time.
About Travis: Nothing new. He continues to stew in the mess he made for himself. That does kind of make me happy. I like it when assholes have to deal with the consequences of being assholes.
The car is finished. Mom picked it up between her job at the store and her job at the diner. The repair bill literally made her throw up. She's on the edge of admitting that it's time to sell the damn thing for parts.
It's the new moon, and I cast the spell. This one was more persnickety than the other ones. I had to do it 'skyclad' and offer blood. I did the spell in my bathroom so Mom wouldn't walk in and freak out. I used a safety pin to get three drops of blood from my 'wedding finger' — not that there's ever going to be a wedding; I'd rather eat broken glass. Now to wait, and 'speak not of it' until after it's manifested. I'm supposed to see signs it's happening, which will come to a peak February 5 and be done February 12.
Days making my bed: 60
Days cleaning the kitchen: 24
Days learning html: 16
Days until the first quarter moon: 7
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Thursday, January 30, 2025
The Prompt: What do you fear most about the future?
Getting stuck in the same rut my mom is in: working two jobs, living in a dangerous situation, driving a car that should have been put out of my misery over a year ago. I don't want this for me or for Mom. I'm doing everything I can to get us out of the situation, and to never fall into it myself.
School was boring today. No antics from Travis or his former friends, nothing happening to my locker. No fights, no one caught getting it on in the janitor's closet or with drugs in their locker. Boring is good. Boring means I can focus on school work and not be jumping at every little noise.
I don't like boring. I'm fighting the urge to stir a pot or two. I can do that and no one would even think I was involved. Does that make me like Travis? Anyway, I'm not going to do it. I need to focus on the spell that's already in the works and be ready to act when it does manifest.
Moving will be easier after I go through my closet. It's stuffed to the point I can't get to anything without a fight. How do I even have so many clothes?
Days making my bed: 61
Days cleaning the kitchen: 25
Days studying html: 17
Days until the first quarter moon: 6
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Friday, January 31, 2025
January in Review
Habits: I've stayed on top of making my bed for two months. When I reach ninety days I started cleaning the kitchen every night to circumvent the bad habit of leaving a mess after I cook. Obviously on nights I cook it's worse but doing it every day is making it automatic. And I've begun studying html daily, and more so on the weekends.
Homework: I fell behind when I was suspended for a week at the beginning of the month and it took me a while to catch up while staying on top of all the new homework that came in. This caused my grades to drop a little. I'm current now and my grades are heading back up. If they don't get back up by the 14th I'll ask for extra credit.
School: Wow, school this month has been wild.
1a) I hit Noah because he put hands on me
1b) I got suspended for hitting Noah
1c) I discovered and cast a spell without thinking it would really work,
1d) I observed the spell unfoldings
and
2a) Somebody put an open can of tuna in my locker
2b) I cast a spell to find out who has been pranking my locker
2c) It worked (!) revealing Sandra as the culprit
2d) I waited and watched until I actually caught Sandra in the act
I'm less bothered by harassment now. Noah, Matt, and Chris have given up being jerks in general, Travis doesn't have any balls of his own, and I think Sandra's scared of me. This is all to the good.
Home: Mom and I have been gradually doing the repairs that maintenance should have done months ago. The neighbors are continuing their streak of drugs, alcohol abuse, and violence. The police were here last twice last night. The car broke down and the cost to fix it has gone up to a point we can't keep paying that. Mom is finally looking at getting another vehicle but it took a real punch to the budget to get her to do it.
Self-Education: I'm taking html slowly because I don't want it to interfere with my school work. I've begun enjoying doing it on an app while I'm on the school bus because it helps me block out what everyone else is doing behind me. I've tried a new recipe every week this month and learn new skills every time. I've got a whole lot of things I'm eager to try.
Magic: Well, this is a category I never thought I'd be adding! I've used magic four times this month; once to deal with Noah, once to find out who was messing with my locker, once to cast the Desperate Wish spell. I'm not studying magic, exactly, but I'm casting spells and observing if/how they work as scientifically as I can.
The Desperate Wish spell: I should be seeing signs it's starting to work. At least, according to the instructions. Maybe I just don't know what to watch for. The only thing I've noticed is a mild increase in the same thing that happens every day.
Days making my bed: 62
Days cleaning the kitchen: 26
Days studying html: 18
Days until the first quarter moon: 5
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Saturday, February 1, 2025
Goals for the Month
Homework: Get my grades to A's and B's
School: Stay out of trouble
Home: Bake a loaf of bread
Magic: Observe the Desperate Wish spell in action and be ready to act when it's done its thing
Mom didn't want to leave me home alone today because she doesn't think it's safe. I went to the library until it closed then to the mall. Mom gave me money to get dinner and told me to stay in the food court. I did my homework and only got up to go to the bathroom. Mom came and got me after work at the diner, just as the mall was about to close. Overall it sucked, but maybe this is the Desperate Wish starting to work.
The car is already making funny noises again. I'm surprised every time we don't break down in the middle of the road.
Mom's decided to go through her closet, too. Since we're close enough to the same size we dumped everything but our socks and underwear together and 'shopped' the pile using a minimalist wardrobe list. Now we've got exactly what we need and space in our closets. Anything that didn't make the cut is going to the donation box Monday.
Days making my bed: 63
Days cleaning the kitchen: 27
Days studying html: 19
Days until the first quarter moon: 4