image [https://i.imgur.com/KZ4TiNT.jpg]

Unfortunately, the interface map wasn’t recording the dungeon layout, so we ran blind. We entered the labyrinth through a crystal door with a frog etched in its window. We went through five intersections, each turning into a dead end. This dungeon worked more like a trap than a maze, but its structure had a pattern. The floor plan stretched in a string of intersections, like a spinal cord, with each branch dead-ending into an animal door.

Fabulosa shook her head. “These doorways teleport to different sections.”

“I don’t know if teleporting is the right description. I think it folds dimension and space. Whatever it’s called, it’s disorienting.”

Fabulosa grinned. “Multistory parking garages do the same thing.”

“I think I know how to kill the minotaur or, at least, a way out of here.”

The pounding hooves grew louder, sounding about twenty seconds away.

Fabulosa raised her eyebrows as if to question my sanity.

I thumbed behind me. “Turning right in the intersections is going to get us killed. Let’s see what happens if we run straight through all the intersections.”

She shrugged before we fled from the noise, straight through two intersections before reaching another arch, but it bore no inscription.

Fabulosa looked hopeful. “Is that another exit?”

“Maybe. Come on, let’s try it.”

The minotaur’s footfalls pounded the stone floor behind us. We passed the arch and into a hallway ending at another crystal door whose handle faced our side—another exit. The icon etched into the crystal showed the unmistakable image of a bear. Beyond the door stood an empty hallway.

“Watch this!” I pulled the door open and closed it again. After the door shut, the icon switched from bear to beetle—and the hallway beyond changed to a new location.

“Every time the door closes, the destination behind the window cycles.”

A snorting charge interrupted my dissertation.

I shot an Arcane Missile at the minotaur and followed Fabulosa, who had pushed through the door.

On the other side, the minotaur crashed into the portal, turned, and ran back the way it came.

Fabulosa turned to me. “So, how do we get out of here?”

I shrugged. “I guess we gotta open and close the doors until the right animal icon appears.”

“Which is—”

I shook my head. “I haven’t the foggiest idea. Maybe it’ll change to a picture of a treasure chest.”

“That works for me.”

We hustled to the central hallway but didn’t reach an intersection before the minotaur reared its head. I still had a minute left on my Slipstream cooldown. “Get ready to heal me.”

“I gotcha.”

I pulled out my Wall of Wind and a +1 long sword I’d bought in Arlington.

Fabulosa shot her returning arrow into the minotaur’s stomach. She Slipstreamed behind the creature and recalled the arrow, which pulled the missile entirely through the beast.

Using Thrust, I lunged my longsword forward when the monster spasmed in pain.

Against unarmed creatures, most of the finesse we’d learned in Dino’s courses came to naught. But the theatric hack-and-slash techniques that didn’t work against warriors worked against big beasts. I’d tried to squeeze past the brute, but its size and focus proved too powerful to overcome. The thing had backed me up against the door and gored me repeatedly. Someone designed these narrow halls so visitors couldn’t muscle past their guardian. I weathered a minute-long series of blows and healing before my Slipstream cooldown reset.

Between sending me Restore and Rejuvenates, Fabulosa critted the creature eight out of ten attacks. She alternately healed me and damaged the monster, but I had only a quarter of my health when Slipstream refreshed, and I zipped away.

I shot my light crossbow before fleeing. I had a firm notion about how the dungeon’s flow worked and wanted to lead. Fabulosa got in the last hit before the Tour de Labyrinth race started its next leg. Neither of us had Slipstream available, and with Transpose out of the picture, one wrong turn might spell our doom.

Fabulosa already had a head start when I whooshed past the monster. She ran until she hit a four-way intersection and turned right. “This way!”

The creature and I followed her through another intersection—this time, we went straight and held our course through five more junctions before reaching the Right of Passage archway. If we were correct, each crossover dead-ended to no-exit doors.

When we reached the door beyond the arch, Fabulosa pointed at its window. “Oh, no. Eagle is right around the corner.”

I shouted back to her over the approaching hooves. “That’s not good. Hold it off!”

“What?”

“Just buy me a couple of seconds!”

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Fabulosa turned transparent before the minotaur’s front hoof came down on her. When the cloven club whistled through her, she rematerialized and stuck her Phantom Blade into its side. The saber blazed from Ignite Weapon.

The transparent effect came from Odum’s Spectrometer, an advantage that kept the minotaur away from the eagle door, giving me enough room to work.

I tossed her a Rejuvenate, ignored the sounds of combat, and turned my attention to the exit. I opened and closed the door, changing its symbol from an eagle to a spider—which wasn’t good. We didn’t know where the spider hallway went, and going there risked being trapped. I opened and closed it again, and the etching changed to a fish—another unknown.

Opening and closing the door changed the picture to a monkey.

“Let’s take monkey—everyone likes monkeys.”

Jokes during combat always seemed funnier than they were, and I couldn’t help but grin. I cast a Restore on Fabulosa while opening and closing the door again.

“Monkey isn’t good?”

I opened and closed the door. “No, I mean, I don’t know. I’m looking to see if there’s a sequence. We’re going to have to take a chance. Come on, let’s see where cat takes us.”

We fell back through the doorway, using it to shield ourselves from the minotaur. Our stalker doggedly turned and ran when the door shut.

Cat took us to another empty hallway. When we ran through it, we could hear from which direction the minotaur came, giving us enough time to run into the hallway opposite the cat entrance. When I saw the frog icon on the door, I doubled-back and met Fabulosa in the main hallway. Together, we ran toward the exit.

“I have my bearings a little. Cat and frog are near the center. Ox should be nearby—I think it’s the opposite from boar.”

Fabulosa nodded. “Yeah, I can smell the manure from here.”

We ran toward the exit beneath the bare archway. “We want to find the eagle. It sends us to the far side by the Right of Passage exit, where we can study the sequence.”

We passed through an intersection and beneath the plain archway. The clopping hooves sounded distant, so we had a little time.

“I just hope the sequence isn’t random.”

I shook my head. “It’s not, or it isn’t important if it is. Do you remember the blank window when we first entered this place? The blank one opens into the foggy room with the blue glowing firepit.”

“Okay, but if we figure out the sequence, we won’t leave, right? I mean, if we know how the doors work, then we can kite this steer. He’s an orange monster, worth lots of experience, and we might get an orange core.”

I nodded instead of answering. Our sprinting had taken its toll, and I’d lost my breath. A familiar debuff icon appeared at the edge of my interface, and I didn’t need to read its description. It represented an Exhaustion.

After reaching the hallway’s end, we pulled open the exit and cycled through its animal sequence. The locations beyond the window changed with every new icon, and it felt like browsing through a computer interface. Which setting would I prefer? Was I in the mood for puddles, bones, or dung?

The etchings on the crystal window went from beetle to dog to spider to three more animals before the minotaur got close. We went through when the mouse icon appeared. Its opening appeared beside the eagle hallway—close enough to serve our purpose. Waiting until the minotaur got near before going through maximized our distance from the beast when it changed direction.

The door changed to a horse icon when we closed it behind us.

Fabulosa led the charge out of the mouse hallway. “I’ll explore to see what icon is on the opposite side of mouse and eagle. “Check for more animals and see if the sequence is random.”

I turned right and passed through an intersection before returning to the Right of Passage arch. This layout confused me, but we began to learn how to navigate it. Catching my breath at the exit doorway, I cycled through the animals by opening and closing the door.

I learned parts of the sequence when Fabulosa returned fully healed and heaving for breath. “Okay. Horse is opposite from mouse, and spider is opposite from eagle.”

“Let’s keep this up for a few more minutes. I’m learning the sequence now. The more animals we can remember, the easier it’ll be to pop to the other side of the dungeon. Let’s keep this going until Slipstream returns.”

Fabulosa nodded, pulled out her bow, and nocked her Returning Arrow. “Meanwhile, we’ll do a little damage.”

When the monster rounded the corner, I launched my Light Crossbow while Fabulosa loosed her missile. We switched to melee weapons and fell back to the crystal door.

I gestured to the crystal window’s newest animal icon. “It’s loaded for bear.”

Fabulosa snorted and shook her head. “You’re doing puns now?”

“Sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

We fought off the minotaur until we reached half-health. We backed through the door with the bear icon and appeared on the opposite side of the dungeon. The minotaur couldn’t follow us through, so it turned to find us.

When we ran to the intersection, Fabulosa pointed toward the plain archway. “You learn the sequence. I’ll explore the hallway opposite of bear.”

I nodded.

Before I turned, Fabulosa reached toward the distant clacking hooves and made a retrieval gesture. “To me!” The halls echoed with a bovine bellow, and a bloody arrow flew into her hands. It hit her palm with such force that blood splattered her face. She wiped at the gore. “Eww, gross!”

I ran to the exit and cycled through the animals. When the window went blank, I sighed with relief when I saw the foggy room. I spotted the same blue campfire and the oversized skillet at the room’s far end. Studying it for clues revealed nothing. When I heard Fabulosa panting behind me, I returned to cycling through the animals.

Fabulosa breathed hard now. The next time we moved, I should do the running. She gasped for air as she spoke. “Monkey is on the opposite side of bear. I don’t recognize any pattern in the layout.”

“I don’t think the animals matter. They’re just symbols. I saw the foggy room again. It’s after turtle—which is another mushroom-filled hall.”

“I don’t know where turtle is—it must be near the center, maybe opposite dog?”

I handed her a 100-point mana potion. “It doesn’t matter. Our potions cooldowns are up again. And so is Slipstream. I’ve got the door cued to spider—so we can wear the minotaur down a little.”

We downed the mana potions and healed ourselves to full before the minotaur appeared.

Fabulosa recited the sequence of hallways as we fought the monster. “And spider is opposite of eagle. Okay, we got this. You wanna split up?”

I briefly wondered if my partner had gone crazy. “Split up?”

“Yeah, if we split up, we’re guaranteed backstabs. It’ll take less time to kill.”

In theory, we could kite this monster back and forth between us. She had a point about attacking it from behind farmed critical hits. But she didn’t know the sequence, and I saw little sense in taking unnecessary risks.

“I’d rather go with this. With Exhaustion debuffs, we’re prone to mistakes.”

Fabulosa shrugged. “We’ll do it the slow way, then.”

Using the dungeon’s inherent teleportation, we ping-ponged on either side of the minotaur, shooting it as it chased. When it fell to less than a quarter of its health, we switched to Fabulosa’s split-up method, which played out far more efficiently than I expected. While the monster chased its target, the person behind earned backstabs as we kited it between the ends of the dungeon. By then, we knew the layout by heart. We didn’t even use Slipstream, except as a backup.

The creature fought with stupid determination. Another Exhaustion icon appeared as the minotaur chased us, so the tactic didn’t unfold without danger. Occasionally, the minotaur stopped and charged the person attacking from behind. It caught us off guard twice, scoring punishing blows, but our healing caught up.

When the minotaur dropped to 900 health, we stopped running and faced it. Fabulosa and I had earned two Exhaustion debuffs by then, but she had placed so many DOTs from Ignite Weapon that the creature’s health fell rapidly. The fight emptied our mana pools by the time the bluehorn minotaur fell.

We collapsed to the ground and performed a Rest and Mend.

Fabulosa laughed weakly and slapped her palm against the stone floor. “They say it’s a fine line between a matador and a rodeo clown.”

I smiled between hard breaths. “Is that so? Which were we?”

“I reckon the former. It’ll be nice to have hamburgers. You bought Rocky a meat grinder just in time.”