There was an accident on I-95 on the way up, which made the drive particularly slow. The second time we got stuck behind a column of trucks I popped in Fiona’s favorite jazz cassette tape. Minutes later, she fell asleep. About thirty minutes into the trip I looked over at her and saw that her brows were bunched and she was frowning. It seemed as though she was muttering something in her sleep, but I couldn’t tell what. The rest of the trip proceeded uneventfully, and since she never woke up I decided not to stop.

It was raining lightly and cool when we arrived at our hotel; I had booked one on the west side of Chinatown near Tribeca because of all the development and activity going on at the time. While the bustle did remind me of Taipei, I had not taken into account how bad the construction noise would be. The previous night I called a dim sum restaurant in advance to make sure we had a seat. I didn’t care too much for Cantonese food, but this trip was not about me. Fiona held my arm against her jacket as I held our umbrella. She seemed a bit groggy from her nap, but the moment we reached our dinner table she was in a much better mood.

I also didn’t speak much Cantonese beyond the basics, but Fiona did. She finished ordering something I didn’t understand, then turned and pressed her fingers against my wrist. “You’ll like it.”

“Wasn’t worried about that.”

I remember there being bird’s nest, baskets of steamed dumplings and your typical dim sum type foods. Dessert was egg tart. By the time dinner was over Fiona was restored to her complete self.

Fiona really wanted to see Felines, which I dreaded even more than eating Cantonese food. The production really creeped me out. I tried not to show how I felt as best as I could. Normally that would have been futile, but Fiona was not paying attention to me. As the play progressed I found Fiona leaning forward further into her seat. When it was finally over she turned to me and smiled. “Go for a walk in Central Park?”

I couldn’t tell if she was serious, and anyone on the east coast back then, or maybe even in the world, would understand me being taken aback by such a suggestion. Years later her question made much more sense to me, but at the time I was just confused. I lowered my elbow until it touched the handle of my 38 special.

“All right,” I agreed.

We walked the couple of blocks north to Central Park, where the scent of rain seemed to grow thicker.

Fiona must have known what sort of place Central Park was. In fact there was little that I could come up with that she did not know. She did like to walk, but we used to just circle the neighborhoods we knew. Other than that one time in Rock Creek Park I couldn’t remember being in an isolated place with her this late at night. My conclusion was that she was getting some sort of twisted thrill out of this. I also wondered what made her so sure the two of us would be safe. Fiona had never asked too much about my father or what he did, but everybody knew vaguely what was going on unless they were willfully ignorant. She had always skirted the topic, and in some cases seemed to deliberately avoid the topic. By extension she knew little of how involved I was, though at the time of the trip the truth was that I was not really. Fiona was smart though, I couldn’t imagine her taking a risk like this unless she was somehow sure of her safety.

A few minutes into the walk I started to think that Central Park’s reputation was perhaps overblown. The few people sitting and laying around kept mostly to themselves.

“Did you get any decisions back yet?” I asked.

Her expression instantly dropped. “You want to talk about school during our vacation?”

“I mean you’re smart. Figured something would’ve come in by now.”

“I didn’t get into Georgetown,” she said.

I stopped walking but she continued on, something I had rarely seen her do. “Oh. Well I’m sure you got into somewhere else great. I’ll drive out —”

“I’ll probably go to UMD,” she interrupted, without breaking pace. “Come on, let’s talk about something else.”

I caught up to her and grabbed her shoulder; she rolled it backward instinctively. I gripped her shoulder again and forced her to turn around and face me. She was trying her best to hold onto her smile, but the tears were already welling up in her eyes. “Can’t we just enjoy the holiday?” she whispered.

“You got into Harvard, didn’t you?”

She wiped the back of her hand against her eyes and turned back toward the road, her heels clicking against the pavement as she walked off. “Couldn’t just fucking let it go.”

“Hey!” I ran off after her, watching as she approached under the foot bridge.

A few homeless looking individuals were under the bridge, though she passed by them with nothing more than a few stares. I ran under it and emerged on the other side, following her on the path to the zoo. There were two men leaning against the gate up ahead. When I drew nearer I could see that they were wearing fitted suits. Light from a distant source reflected against the pins on their lapels. They were obviously a sign of affiliation, which meant they were coming out of a major event.

“Oi!” they called out to Fiona.

“M ho ji si,” I could hear her say.

The two men pushed off against the gate and eyed me up and down. Then they started to shout phrases in Cantonese. Fiona replied quickly, glancing from them to me. The men started to get between us. The moment one of them put their hands on my shoulder a rage stirred up inside me.

“Don’t touch me,” I growled, pushing him aside. I stood in front of Fiona. “And don’t touch her.”

“Hey, hey hey,” the first one said, pressing his hand on my chest.

I grabbed him by the shirt collar. “Do not. Touch. Understand?”

In the corner of my eye I could see the second man flick open a switchblade, though he held it to the side, hesitant. Fiona started speaking even quicker, pulling me by the arm and wrapping her arms around mine. I let go of the man’s collar.

He smirked, pointing two fingers at me. “You lucky. Beautiful girl. Treat her right.”

I pulled out my revolver and cocked the hammer, pointing it at the man’s chest. “What the fuck did you say to me?”

Fiona grabbed my wrist firmly but silently, pulling me back. The men held their hands up and stepped back to the gate. My next memory was Fiona leading me through an exit and down the streets back to our hotel.

When we got there Fiona immediately went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I removed my holster and placed it with my revolver inside on the table. My eyes narrowed. The hammer was uncocked; I don’t remember whether I or Fiona had done that. After I changed into a t-shirt and shorts, I took the gun and shoved it into a drawer. Though my adrenaline was pumping, I laid down and shut my eyes, reciting the Heart Sutra in my head repeatedly to try to block out my thoughts. I heard Fiona finish showering and getting ready for bed. She did lay down next to me but barely made any sound beyond that. Minutes later I could hear her heavy breathing, indicating she had somehow fallen asleep. My efforts to bring emptiness and form together failed as I laid there for what must have been at least two or three hours before I finally fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning to see Fiona just finish her morning routine.

“You awake?” she asked nonchalantly.

I looked at the clock and threw aside the comforter. “Oh, I need to take you to your friend’s.”

“Don’t worry about it. I told her I had to run an errand.”

“But you don’t,” I wanted to say, but decided against it.

She started to talk about other things as if nothing had happened, mostly updating me on what had happened to some of our mutual friends. Her voice was strangely calm. Fiona was rarely not busy with something, but those few times she didn’t have anything to do I saw her in a much more relaxed state than usual. At that moment, she seemed even more relaxed than that. I responded as best I could while changing, but I was sure that she knew I was not engaged. It was already noon. We were planning to eat breakfast that day before visiting one of her close upperclassmen friends, but breakfast was definitely out of the cards.

“You want to eat something? I called the breakfast place and they said they’re open until two,” said Fiona.

“No let’s just go to Washington Square Park now.”

“You sure?” I could hear a tinge of formality in that question.

“Yeah I need to check on something anyway.”

“All right, I’ll tell Michelle you’re busy.”

Michelle was more indifferent toward me than anything, but I was sure they had things to talk about they’d prefer not to discuss in my presence. “Yeah tell her I said hi.”

I dropped Fiona off near New York University and didn’t wait to see Michelle. I then drove off to Flushing.

I knew my father didn’t want me to hang out in the area, but I wasn’t sure what else I was supposed to do. In retrospect, I probably should’ve just found some place to drink some tea or coffee in Manhatten and waited for Fiona to be done.

I found a generic Hunanese restaurant with fried chicken, fried rice and that sort of thing, figuring that my father’s associates were unlikely to eat there. I guess the da ges, needed their occasional American Chinese food fix too.

“Xiao Ming!”

I was never sure where that nickname came from. It had nothing to do with my Chinese name. Perhaps it was just generic enough to use for all kids like me, but that name stuck particularly to me among some of my father’s associates.

I stood up and leaned into a pseudo-bow in deference. “Uncle,” I acknowledged.

He came over and gave me a very tight hug. Tears almost seemed to come out of his eyes, but the whole camaraderie felt somehow forced.

“Come sit with us Xiao Ming!”

I didn’t want to be rude so I followed Uncle Tao to his table, where he cleared out the person sitting to his left so that I could take the position.

“Xiao jie!” he shouted at the waitress.

“Oh I’m not that hung—”

“Large order of lobster tails!”

The woman nodded and headed back into the kitchen.

“So I hear you’re going back to The Republic of China.”

“I, well. I need to go eventually to complete military service,” I managed.

“Good lad, a real patriot,” he said, patting my back. “It’s what your father would have wanted.” Now the tears really came out. “Your father was a manly man, and a great friend.”

I was oddly relieved that at least somebody had a positive memory of him. Tao Da Ge began to recount stories he thought were interesting from when he and my father were younger. Every time he laughed the men around the table would laugh as well. Most of the tales were mostly about ex girlfriends and high school fights, the usual. I tried to eat at least one lobster tail, though I think I got through about half of it. At the end of the meal Tao Da Ge told his men to leave the room. The only sound that could be heard was the light humming of the ceiling fan. We sat in silence for minutes.

“Now when you get back to Taipei I need you to do something for me.” Tao Da Ge pulled out two envelopes, one was double the thickness of the other. “This one,” he pointed to the thicker one with two fingers. “I need you to give this to my brother on Zhong Zheng road. I don’t think you’ve ever met him but he will recognize you.”

“Da Ge,” I said hesitantly. “I think it might’ve been renamed to Zhong Xiao road.”

“Smart! Yes, it’s now Zhong Xiao road.”

“Which section?”

“He moved recently so I will get the details and send a courier to Maryland. No faxing of course, even though I think the technology is great. I need to give you some other things anyway. If something doesn’t work out though I’m sure you will know what to do. This is very important.” He didn’t have to tell me I also shouldn’t open it. Tao Da Ge then pointed to the second envelope. “This is for you. Just some pocket money. Get at least a few new suits while you’re out there.”

I always imagined I would reject any attempt to bring me into my father’s circles. But I found myself being led by the nose straight into it.

“I can deliver a package,” I said.

Tao Da Ge pushed both envelopes toward me. “Please.”

I nodded and took them, stuffing them into my shirt.

“You drove right? If you didn’t I can have one of my men accompany you back on the subway,” Tao Da Ge offered.

“I drove.”

“Good lad.”

“Someone is waiting for me, so I have to leave without finishing. Sorry about that,” I said, eyeing the lobster. I stood up and bowed slightly.

“That’s fine,” he waved his hand. Tao Da Ge pulled a cigarette out of the pack sitting in his shirt pocket and held it in his fingers. I took out my lighter and flicked the wheel, holding the flame slightly off from the end of his cigarette.

Tao Da Ge took a long drag and puffed out a cloud of smoke. He then grinned widely, sending a shiver down my spine. He pointed the fingers holding his cigarette at me. “I will see you soon.”

I nodded slightly in acknowledgment and turned to leave.

“Oh and Xiao Ming.”

I turned.

“This is men’s work. Mrs. Chang is grieving. So let’s take care of things well ourselves.”

“I understand,” I whispered. I turned and pushed the door to the restaurant open, being greeted by the evening lights of the city.