Levi's eyes snapped open at the sensation of something cold on his forehead. He tried to move, but his wrists were caught by something. He struggled against it and realized that he was tied down. A face hovered above him, and he struggled harder. He growled as he tugged against the restraints, calling on his boosting skills, but nothing happened. For a split second, he wondered if it at all been a really vivid, really horrible dream.

Then the face spoke in a quiet, soothing voice. "Shhshhshh. It's okay. You're okay."

He calmed slightly at her voice. It was enough to actually focus on her face. He recognized her. She was someone from the safezone, though he'd never known her name. She was one of the people who'd volunteered to take care of Maddy's group after Eric had taken them, a middle-aged woman with a gentle voice and kind eyes.

He relaxed a little and leaned back, finding a damp pillow beneath his head. "What happened?" he asked as choppy memories began coming back to him.

"You don't remember? The fight with the... uh... the thing... the troll, I think they called it..." the woman seemed pretty unsure of what had happened herself.

Levi did remember. Enough. Too much.

"Is Paige alive?" Levi asked, staying limp against the pillow.

"She's alive," the woman answered.

Levi let out a sigh of relief. "Good. That's good."

"She's been sleeping for two days now."

Levi's body tensed against his retraints again as he tried to sit up.

"Relax. She's fine. She's not in a coma or anything. She woke up for a few moments when you first arrived, just long enough to ask if you were okay, and then passed out again. She's been asleep ever since. But the Shaman says she's fine. She said you were both fine. And even Agnis agrees. Speaking of which, I better let the experts know you're awake," the woman said, suddenly standing.

"Wait!" Levi said. "What about Joe and David."

The woman looked away for a second before meeting Levi's eyes. "Alive. Not in the best condition. Captain Joe is handling things well enough. David's... struggling."

Levi felt the tears. His voice tightened at the thought of the words, but he had to ask. "And Maddy?" He choked.

The woman looked to the ground as she answered. She shook her head. "She... didn't make it. We're going to have a funeral for her once things settle."

Levi nodded. He felt the anger well up inside him and reached to grab something to throw. His wrists caught with the bindings. "Can you take this shit off of me?!?! Why am I fucking tied up anyway!?"

The woman flinched and stepped away from Levi. "I'll let the experts answer that. Excuse me," And then the woman spun and was out of the door.

Levi stayed tensed in anger for a while after she walked out, arms straining against his bindings. He tried using his boosting skills again, to no effect.

He thought about going through his notifications, but he didn't want to face what he was sure they'd tell him. His boosting skills weren't working because he had no boosting skills anymore. He thought about going into meditation, and the thought scared him. He wasn't ready to see.

So he laid his back on the damp pillow, staring at the ceiling, wishing he'd made the decision to avoid the troll elite, and knowing no amount of regret would change the fact that he couldn't undo anything.

After a few minutes, the door slammed open. Joe stood in the doorway. Levi noticed his missing arm immediately, and looked away. His stomach turned. They'd lost too much. He just hoped Paige was more intact than the rest of them.

"Oh, don't you dare," Joe said. "I know that look. Hell, I fell all the way into it once. Don't you fucking dare."

Tears began pooling in Levi's eyes, and he felt some shame about that. Still, he at least needed to look upon the consequences of his decisions, so he turned to look at Joe. He started crying then, and Joe just leaned over and wrapped him in a one-armed hug. Levi cried into his shoulder for a minute, but was able to pull it together and stop crying long before he was done. Levi knew he had a lot more tears to shed, but he locked them down. He could cry alone, later.

"Alright, Joe. That's enough. Back up and let us take a look at him," Grace's familiar voice said from behind Joe.

Joe pulled away from Levi, gesturing with his remaining arm. "Sure, but take those fucking restraints off first."

Grace slapped Joe in the back of the head. "We'll decide if that's safe."

Joe stepped back and rubbed his head. "You know, I was the one who told you to put them on in the first place. And I'm the Captain of the Guard. I get to make that call."

"Not after he was thrashing in his sleep, and the Shaman said he was in danger of falling back into the battle trance." Levi recognized Agnis's voice before she even stepped into sight.

"Oh, I think we may free him now. He is out of all the danger, I believe." Another voice said.

Levi recognized the voice but couldn't place it. It wasn't a voice Levi had been expecting. Then, the goblin woman stepped into view from behind Agnis.

"Noon-weira? I thought... why are they calling you the Shaman?"

"I gained the class when I came through the portal. I am Spirit-bonded, now. As is Tua'k. But that may wait for later." Noon-weira gestured at Levi's wrists. "Free his hands, please."

"I'm not sure..." Agnis began to argue.

Grace interrupted. "You wanted to wait for her opinion, and now you've got it. It's two against one, you loony bat."

Joe pulled a small knife and moved forward to cut at the bindings.

Noon-weira gestured at Levi with her hand flat, palm up. "See, he does not seek to take Captain Joe's life when he sees the blade. He is fine."

Grace swiveled on the small woman. "Wait, are you telling me you weren't sure before that?"

Agnis huffed her agreement.

Noon-weira bobbed her head in her people's ambiguous nature. "I was mostly sure. Now I am completely sure." She moved to Levi's bedside. "Still, I have questions I must ask." Noon-weira took Levi's hand after it was freed. "Do you remember what you did to enter the battle trance?" Her eyes searched Levi's face.

"Yeah, I remember." A shudder passed over Levi's body.

For a split second, Noon-weira's face lit up in a smile, and then her face grew stern. "It is good you remember. You must never do this thing again."

Levi started at her sudden seriousness. "I don't ever plan to, but why?"

Noon-weira stared into his eyes. "You were not the one fighting or killing. It was the spirit inside you. That spirit killed the troll. You cannot put it through such things. It can cause great harm. Remember the story of my people, Levi. Please do not do this thing again."

Levi nodded. For a second time in less than a minute, his stomach turned. He wondered if Rick would be the same when he saw him the next time he upgraded his core. It was one more casualty at his hands. Levi never wanted to lead people again.

The Shaman pulled away, then, and Agnis took her place.

Agnis only stared down at Levi. She didn't say anything for at least a minute. Then she finally spoke. "His health is fine. But I don't sense any mana or stamina in him. It's weird. But he's alive, and apparently stable..." Agnis gave Noon-weira a glare at the words. "So I guess he's free to leave."

Grace gave a curt nod, and came over to squeeze Levi's hand. "Come by for dinner tonight, okay."

"That it?" Levi asked. "You aren't going to look me over like they did?"

Grace barked out a laugh. "Oh, I'm only here to keep the two of them from fighting. I'll tell you all about it tonight." She gave Levi's hand another squeeze. She stared at him for a moment, her eyes softened, and a frown tightened on her lips. "Just come by for dinner."

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Levi just nodded in reply.

"You think you're good to walk?" Joe asked.

Levi swung his legs off the bed and tentatively slid himself from the edge, easing pressure on his legs. They felt a little weak for a second, but they responded to the pressure and he felt a little strength return to them. "I think so," Levi finally answered.

Joe nodded, lips set in a grim line. "Good. You probably need to move your body after being laid up for two days." Joe watched as Levi stood. "You need a bath, too. You smell like out-of-date ballsack."

Levi gave Joe a weak smile at the comment as he stood straighter. "I can smell myself. I smell even worse than that."

"Well, I was trying to be nice," Joe said with a shallow grin. "Come on." Joe turned and began walking out the door.

Levi noticed the shield hung on his back. Thinking of Joe's missing arm, Levi looked to where Joe wore his sword. The sheathe still hung on his belt, empty.

When Levi didn't move, Joe twisted to look at him. "Sure you can walk?"

Levi nodded.

----

The crows were everywhere. They mostly congregated on a single cabin, with the rest finding space anywhere they could land nearby.

"Well, I guess I know where Paige is at." Levi squinted around, holding a hand above his eyes, struggling to adjust to the sunlight.

"Yep. They haven't left her since she was pulled through the portal. They've been quiet, though. Made people eerie the first day, but after a while, word got around about Paige. Most people have accepted it well enough. Want to go see her?"

"No, not yet. She's safe. That's enough. I need to get my mind straight," Levi answered.

"About that..." Joe led Levi in a slow walk in the direction of the training grounds. "You can't blame yourself, Levi. You let everyone have a say in the decision. We all tried to stick to the plan. And me, Maddy, and David made the choice to come back for you and Paige, so that's not on you in any way. Everything... just went to shit. It has a way of doing that sometimes." Joe stopped walking but continued to face away from Levi. "Take it from me, blaming yourself too much will lead you to a place you don't want to go. I can't, as much as I want to, tell you not to carry some of that weight, but trust me... it isn't all yours to carry and that way of thinking will destroy you."

"So that's what this walk is about?" Levi asked bitterly.

Joe began walking again. "No. I worry about you, true. But I wanted to fill you in on what has happened. And talk to you about David. I worry about him more."

Levi stared down at his feet but continued to follow Joe. "Yeah. He must be devastated."

"Yeah. But it is worse than that."

----

Paige awoke to the most annoying alarm clock ever. She swung a fist down, but it missed when the alarm clock flapped away. For a second, she was confused, then she recognized the cawing of the crow. She sat up slowly.

"Good, you're awake, Miss. As instructed, I woke you as soon as I saw Master Levi was up and about," Grumpy said. He fluttered to the foot of the bed and found a perch on a bedpost.

"I still feel like shit." Paige said as she tried to move her aching body. "And what's up with 'Master' Levi? You're usually begging to shit on him."

Another crow spoke up. "Aye, miss. That's true. Regret that forever, we will. We all heard about how he did so much to save you." The crow sat in the doorstep, flapping his wings for attention.

"That's enough. Butt out!" Grumpy cawed at the other crow. 'I'm sorry, miss, the boys just missed you is all,' Grumpy said to Paige through telepathic communication.

"Where's Levi?" Paige asked as she swung her legs out of bed.

'He's fine, miss, just fine. Maybe you should just take it easy a moment,' Grumpy answered.

Paige tried to stand and nearly fell. Every muscle in her body hurt.

'Take it easy, just take it easy, miss.' Grumpy urged Paige. 'Master Levi is just fine. Take a moment to find your feet.'

Paige decided sitting on the edge of the bed might not be the worst idea. She slumped back down. She thought she remembered most of what had happened before she'd blacked out, but kind of wished she didn't.

"Did anyone die?" Paige asked flattly.

'I'm afraid so, miss,' Grumpy answered. She felt the crow's sympathy through their connection.

"Who?" Paige pressed.

'Maddy. She came back for you and Master Levi. She didn't make it.' Grumpy shifted his weight back and forth on his two feet.

"You know what, I think I will lay back down for a while." Paige crawled her way back into the bed and pulled the blanket over her head. Then she just cried for a while.

----

David sat on the steps of the cabin. He noticed Levi as soon as Levi rounded the corner into view. He didn't say anything as Levi slowly approached, but his glare was obvious as Levi drew closer.

When he stood only a meter away, Levi finally spoke. "I came to pay my respects," Levi said.

David spat at Levi's boots. "Get fucked."

"I'm sorry David. I am. And I get it, I sacrificed almost every skill I had to save Paige. I couldn't imagine losing her the way you lost Maddy." It was the wrong thing to say. Unfortunately, Levi knew that only as the words left his mouth and watched David's face contort in rage.

David sprung to his feet. "Yeah, well you did save her, didn't you? You didn't even have to die to do it. I'd give everything, including my life, to bring Maddy back." David raised a fist like he was going to hit Levi, then lowered it. "You don't get to see her. You can pay your respects somewhere else."

Levi stared into David's eyes for a long time, trying to find the words to say. In the end, he knew it wasn't enough. It could never be enough. So he just nodded and turned away.

David spoke again before Levi had made even two steps. "You know, when you left the vote up to us, I knew right then it was a bad idea. I knew you just didn't want to bear the responsibility of the decision. You knew us, and you gave a reassuring speech and we all agreed to fight that fucking monster." David spat at the ground again. "But don't you ever lie to yourself, Levi. You knew what you were doing when you put that decision to a vote. You were the leader. It was still your choice. So you can go on believing you gave us the choice all you want, but I know the truth. You wanted to fight that troll, but were too big of a pussy to make the decision. And you just twisted words until you got what you wanted anyway. So, I want you to know that Maddy's death is on you. I don't care how many people pat you on the back and tell you it isn't your fault... me and you forever, we know the truth. And don't you ever forget it. You better know I won't."

Levi was frozen still as David spoke and then a long time after. He thought about saying something, anything, but there was no response to David's words. So Levi just walked away.

As Levi rounded the corner where Joe waited, he lowered his head and kept walking. Joe followed, grabbing at Levi's shoulder.

"Hey, don't let that bullshit get in your head." Joe said.

"It wasn't bullshit. He was dead on. I wanted that fight. I put it to a vote so I didn't bear the responsibility."

"That's bullshit, Levi," Joe argued. "You may have wanted that fight, and you may have put it to a vote because you didn't want that decision on your own shoulders, but... but you put it to a vote so you didn't make a selfish choice for everyone else."

Levi whirled on Joe. "And I know that, too!" Levi pulled at his hair. "Fuck, Joe, I'm not nearly as lost as you and Grace seem to think I am. I. Fucking. Know. I know I only meant what was best by giving the decision to a group vote. But I knew it was too dangerous. And I was the leader. I should have actually been a fucking leader and called it off." Then Levi turned and stomped away at a brisk pace.

"Levi, don't-" Joe started to say.

"I just need some time to think. Leave it alone, Joe."

----

Paige finally forced herself out of bed. She wanted to see Levi. She needed to know he was okay. Everything was messed up. She didn't even remember most of the fight. Maddy was gone. Knowing Levi, he blamed everything that had happened on himself.

"Grumpy, can you tell me where Levi is at?" Paige asked.

'Aye, miss. We've kept a good watch on him. He's at his old camp,' Grumpy answered.

She stood and almost walked out the door before realizing she was naked. Looking around, she quickly found everything to be clean and folded, sitting in a chair next to the bed. She got dressed quickly and then headed out the door.

----

Levi had his back to her as Paige approached. He sat with his legs crossed as if he were meditating, but she knew he wasn't with the way he was hunched forward. She slowed her steps as she drew closer, wondering what to say.

"Levi?"

He quickly turned and stood. Before she could say anything else, he closed the distance and wrapped her in a tight hug. He just held her like that for a long time. She felt his tears on his face and squeezed him back tighter.

Then Levi finally pulled away from her and looked her over. "I'm glad you're okay. Everything is okay, right? You didn't do anything to cause permanent damage?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm a little exhausted, but everything seems okay," She answered quietly.

He tried to smile in response. It hurt Paige to see how hollow that smile was. "Are you okay?" She asked.

Levi gave her a dismissive shrug and turned away from her. "I kind of have to be, I guess." After a second, he slumped back into his sitting postion on the ground.

She sat next to him. For a long time, she said nothing. She knew he was beating himself up about everything that had happened. When she finally did speak, she wasn't sure it was the right thing. "You know, you don't have to be. Not really."

"I don't have to be what?" Levi asked, sitting up and looking at Paige.

"You don't have to be okay. It is okay to not be okay, sometimes." Paige put a hand on his back.

For a moment, she saw tears well up in Levi's eyes, and then he turned his head away from her. He tried to discreetly brush tears away, but she knew what he was doing.

It took a while for him to answer, and when he did, his voice was strained, holding back the tears he wanted to let out. "You're wrong. No, I'm not okay. But I have to be. I can't be better next time if I just fall apart. I don't deserve to let myself fall apart. I can't make the same mistakes again."

"Levi, it isn't your fa-"

"Yes it fucking is!" Levi raised his voice. "You don't get it. Maybe because you're the only one who came out without really losing anything. Maybe it's your class. But, we don't all get to be carefree and Untamable, Paige. Some of us have to bear the weight of our responsibilities...our fuckups."

Paige thought she saw his eyes glow white for a split second as he yelled at her. His comment about her class had cut her. And he was an asshole if he thought losing Maddy didn't hurt. Her mind reeled. What did he mean when he said she was the only one who hadn't lost anything?

He still glared at her, breathing hard. His eyes were wide, and his nostrils were flared. She'd never seen him so angry. She smelled it on him, so strongly it overwhelmed his smell of grief. She wanted to fight against him; she wanted to run away. Instead, she stared at him frozen and forced her own face into a glare.

"What got nothing to say to that?" Levi demanded, clearly still furious and hurting.

"I just wanted to-" Paige started to say.

Again, Levi interrupted. "Just tell me it wasn't my fault. Already heard it from Joe. Will probably hear it from Grace later. I don't need to hear it from you, too."

Paige's fist clenched and she resisted the urge to punch him. "Well, fuck you Levi, I guess I'll just leave you here to wallow." Her words came out colder than she wished they had, but she got to her feet.

"Yeah, leaving is probably a good idea." Levi's voice was flat.

"Guess so." Tears welled up in Paige's eyes as she turned away from him. It felt wrong. She just wanted to be there for him.

But Paige walked away anyway, and Levi didn't stop her.