Five men. It only took five men to ravage Tumaritis village with all its armed forces.
The cunning bandits skillfully divided their forces, compelling the soldiers to respond in kind. Ki Semar's valiant sons fought for their village, with Gareng commanding a unit to confront two raiders on the eastern front, Petruk battling a fierce duel with a bandit chieftain in the village's heart, and Bagong playing with two other assailants on the left flank.
Tumaritis was not much different from the scenes of wizardry warfare that took place on the plains of Europa. Warheads and sparks were flying everywhere. However, there was one striking difference: the combatants wielded no wooden wands to blast one another.
Instead, they were barraging rifles..., and cetbang canons.
The villagers in the village centre found themselves trapped amidst the fracas. They could only cower in their fragile wooden houses, waiting for the splinters of the warheads to demolish the walls at any time. Those unable to reach their dwellings faced even a grimmer fate. They curled up on the ground as if awaiting to be bludgeoned. It was not rare for the nosy bastards to deliberately shoot those who became creeping lizards.
Bagong was the blacksmith's jewel in the eyes of the Tumaritis residents. All the village soldiers were well-armoured because of him. He was no exception; he stood armed with a hand-held cetbang, pitted against a criminal's own. A shot for a shot, and a collapsed building for a collapsed building. Alas, his small frame made it difficult for him to wield the arsenal, and he was frequently thrown off balance by its recoil.
After a particularly violent impact sent him tumbling into a haystack, a spark of innovation ignited within Bagong's mind: why not make a more dwarfed version of the cannon suited for his build, one that he could handle with greater ease?
Elsewhere, the dance of life and death raged on. The resounding clang of irons, the thunderous clash of hands, and the entwining of nimble feet echoed through the very fabric of the air. A grotesque man, draped in a garb of emerald green, dared to challenge Petruk. His complexion was encrusted with dirt, and a jagged scar sullied his lip, a witness to a long-healed cleft palate. They engaged in a frenzied duel using only their bare hands and sheer skill. A tempestuous display of brute force.
As they shoved and pushed each other, the brigand chief taunted Petruk, "I've heard whispers that you were meant to wander, in search of a worthy adversary. What brings you here? Getting old, old hag?"
Petruk could only guffaw. "Oh, yes, actually those two dwarfs bested me, Boko Rombeng." He casually gestured towards his two half-brothers, even when he grappled with Boko Rombeng, the bandit leader. “Ah, how conceited you are to believe you can defeat me!”
"There will be the third man to put you down. Be prepared to bear shame! And death!" The gang leader thrust Petruk away, only to extend his hand once more. Yet this time, it was not for combat but an unexpected act.
Petruk's towering frame was suddenly entangled in lumps of skinned flesh—Boko Rombeng's own hands!
"Four. You rank a mere fourth, a disgrace! Bagong and Gareng have assumed second and third places. As for the first, my father holds that honor with his fart."
Boko Rombeng wanted to toss Petruk in various directions, yet the more he exerted his strength, the more the ground beneath them quivered and fractured. Meanwhile, the towering man grew only resolute. It was as if he had merged with the earth.
As Petruk advanced towards him, the seething Boko Rombeng, his body contorted and writhing, blazed intense purple light from his eyes. His neck elongated towards Petruk and he thrust it with force, like hammering nails into wood.
Petruk nonchalantly wiggled until his hands were free from the coil. The menacing head, with its gaping eyes, drew near, and in an instant, Petruk drove two of his deep into Boko Rombeng's nostrils! A cry of agony and humiliation erupted from Boko Rombeng. Petruk intentionally bent his fingers within the nasal passage, the hooks hard to dislodge. He yanked Boko Rombeng's nose with such force that he began to resemble a man with a pig's snout and moustache.
"Unwind me, no? Unwind me!" Petruk ordered with scorn.
The proud Boko Rombeng howled, "No way! I'll kill you right here!"
The gang leader's grip on Petruk's stomach tightened even further.
"Oh, come on, you've only made it tighter, toh le! What kind of magic is this, anyway?"
Petruk kept ambling towards Boko Rombeng until the binding grew nearly suffocating. A struggle for breathing was felt. But for him, he had found a thousand and one ways to tease his opponent, and he chose an indecent one.
Petruk grabbed Boko Rombeng's testicles and toyed them with the rhythm of his fingers. He rubbed them as though his palms were chewing the fruit of a tree!
Even as an abhorrent crook, Boko Rombeng still valued his dignity. He was undoubtedly taken aback. "Weh, weh, weh! The fuck are you doing with my testicles?”
"What, my friend? Just checking if you're still a 'man'," Petruk replied. "But if you've heard whispers about me, surely you would've known that I possess the Knowledge of ¹Brajamusti. So if you can't accept the plead, 'unwind me'...," Petruk grimaced, "It would be a shame to crush such a splendid pair!"
"Don't you dare try it! I'll crush your bones before you have the chance to do anything—"
"Oh, I'm sure you will. But for now, let's just focus on your balls, shall we?" Petruk then snickered. "Even if I die, my spirit can still perform this Knowledge."
"D-damn you!"
The grip of Boko Rombeng grew increasingly tight.
"Loh, heh? You think I’m bluffing? Here, look at these seeds of yours! One... two..."
Boko Rombeng's testicles swayed on their own. The pressure on them was so great that beads of sweat formed on his brow
"Fuck!"
Rombeng's hands unwound and slithered away from Petruk's body. His neck was about to return to its original state, but Petruk's finger remained lodged in his nose.
Unfortunately, Semar's son had outwitted him.
As quick as a lightning bolt, Petruk spun Boko Rombeng's body like a carousel. Dizziness overwhelmed Rombeng's mind, and he stretched his leg to catch one of the fleeing maids. Now Boko Rombeng with twirling alongside a screaming girl. Petruk regained his senses, but before he could intervene, Boko Rombeng threw the maid's body at him, and all three were thrown in the opposite direction!
Boko Rombeng landed gracefully with his long legs in a roll. Petruk and the woman tumbled into someone's house. Fortunately, the woman was not hurt, albeit she had fallen stupor.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
"You're insolent! Using a woman as a shield? How cowardly!" Petruk chided his adversary.
"Lah, loh, heh? Fighting is not just about clashing muscles, you see, but tactics as well. How can’t you even know that?"
Both men readied themselves for round two, but their attention was diverted by a dark cloud portal materialising in the sky's midst. Someone emerged from the portal, none other than Gareng!
To add insult to injury, a cow carcass followed suit and trounced his leg.
"Man! My leg! Oh, no! The cow’s dead! My leg!" The sound of snapping bones reached the ears of those nearby. Without a doubt, Gareng was paralysed.
After the portal shut, two bandits arrived from the east of the village—The raiders who fought Gareng earlier. A number of villagers were also brought along with them.
"Nice work, Mandera and Abimanyu!" Boko Romben lauded. "Now help me subdue this Petruk!"
"What a surprise, Gareng! Are you bored or what?" Petruk called out to Nala Gareng.
"²Jeleh matamu, Jancuk!" Gareng snapped in Yawanese. "Watch out for those two. One of them can undo all kinds of Knowledge! I can’t do mine anymore!"
"Wow, that's bad! But who is the master of the magic? Mandera or Abimanyu?"
"How I supposed to know, Cuk! I fought with them, not invited them to visit!"
"That bad habit of yours." Petruk then asked Boko Rombeng, "You! Which one of your men can undo the magic?"
"Oh, that would be Abimanyu, the one in green clothes—hey! Don’t fucking dictate me around!" Rombeng's fiery wrath was wiggling with his outstretched hands. "Mandera! Abimanyu! Take him down!"
Abimanyu and Mandera charged towards Petruk, fists balled and ready to strike. Yet, unbeknownst to Petruk, the rascal Mandera had opened a swirling cloud portal right in front of him. Petruk, in his eagerness to fight, found himself suddenly airborne, wailing as he plummeted towards the ground. Abimanyu, who had anticipated the move, attacked him with his magic, and just like Gareng, Petruk's powers deserted him.
Meanwhile, Bagong, flung like a human cannonball, caught up with his brethren. The two bandits, with their strange cetbang cannons, had subdued the entire population of the west wing and taken them captive to the village centre, including Kanastren, Ki Semar's wife and mother to his adopted children. No soldiers could be seen; they were either dead or unconscious.
"What about you, Bagong?" Gareng, apparently, still had time to ask a question.
"These two men are strange!" the dwarven lad exclaimed. "One continuously emits purple energy from his cetbang! No bullets needed! The second one is even stranger. He... alters when certain attacks are made."
"They're all weird." Petruk commented. "Those aren't ordinary ³kanuragan. All of their abilities don't even feel like usual magic!"
"They don't look like practitioners, though," Gareng replied.
Bagong thought of something. "Don’t tell me... Protos particles!"
The three of them had deduced the true nature of their foes. Boko Rombeng, who had been eavesdropping, merely chuckled.
"You're dumber than a sack of rocks!" mocked Boko Rombeng. "Why waste years of your life meditating in solitude to master one Knowledge, when all you need is a lump of black magic stone?" His dull hand reached into the neck hole of his shirt to grab the said chunk. "With this magical power, I, Boko Rombeng, and the entire gang of Panca Gendheng shall become the most feared raiders in all of Yawadwipa, even Lojitengara!"
Like a dated, overly clichéd villain, Boko Rombeng laughed a sinister laugh. The remaining raiders joined in the laughter as well. Being a mugger was a pinnacle of ecstasy, they felt.
Their laughter did not cease until the three siblings sitting on the ground began to chuckle, too. Gareng moved the jaws of the dead cow as if to convey that even the animals wished to enliven the merriment.
Upon hearing the unexpected laughter, the headbandit ceased his with a puzzled look. But the trio's unabated mirth remained. Let alone Boko Rombeng, the other villagers were stunned by these screwballs.
"Fuck are you laughing at, you dogs?" Boko Rombeng snapped.
"Well, laughter is contagious, isn't it, Boko Rombeng?" quipped Petruk.
The laughter eventually died down, and the trio's wrath smouldered anew. Bagong's brows furrowed deeply as he snapped, "You savages of Panca Gendheng! What do you want from this community?"
That abrupt change in the trio's demeanours. Boko Rombeng and his men exchanged glances in bewilderment. It was as if these three villagers had gone mad.
Boko Rombeng then initiated his own abrupt demeanour change—a sinister smile, "With the blessing of the Sunanate of Alas Purwo and Ratu Panggaraknagara of Lojitengara—which we are very ignorant of—we have been granted the liberty to pillage their western territories, particularly the prosperous village of Tumaritis! We shall seize your treasures, as well as capture the vulnerable women here to be sold as thralls in the eastern regions! Not only that, we have been promised a bounty of one hundred thousand rupya for each member of Semar's family! Kuda Galangdewa, bring forth their beloved lady!"
Kuda Galangdewa, a member of Panca Gendheng, thrust his way through the throng and yanked Nyai Kanastren forward, tightly clutching her neck. As the helpless woman struggled to free herself, Kuda brandished his axe with cold-blooded determination.
"Weh, ⁴gendheng! You're unhinged! Let go of our mother!" Semar's three sons seethed with a burning rage.
"But if I let her go, I'll lose a hundred thousand Rupya!" Boko Rombeng jeered, relishing the situation.
"If we lose our mother's head, you'll all lose yours!" Petruk attempted to rise, but his strength remained elusive. The trio savoured their forced taste of weakness, especially as the bandit on their right, Jawanan, aimed his cannon at them with a menacing gleam, daring them to make a single move.
"Hey, hey, hear," said Boko Rombeng again. "You are equally dead, after all. If the four of you die first, it will be easier to fight Semar. Be patient, children. It won’t take long!"
Kuda Galangdewa raised his axe high in the air. A sigh was resigned from Kanastren's lips. Should the gods decree that her fatal blow was her due, so be it.
As the axe poised behind Kuda's head, a strange sensation erupted on his forehead. A yellow smoke, thick and cloying, burst forth and shrouded his entire being. Confusion and fatigue overtook him, rendering the axe ten times his weight. What was that yellow smoke just now?
Footsteps reverberated through the village alleys. Two young women emerged, taunting Abimanyu on the right and Jawanan on the left. The bandits were about to retaliate, but then a projectile of the same yellow smoky substance struck Jawanan from behind. Agonising sensations blistered his back, and the luminescence in his cetbang flickered out. The man stumbled, weakened.
Abimanyu fared no better. His powers were ineffective against the magicless woman, and defeat loomed. Just as Mandera conjured a portal to ensnare the woman, another yellow projectile was targeted upon Abimanyu's rear. He evaded, but the smoke infiltrated his nostrils.
"Abimanyu! What's wrong with you? Don't be such a lazy cow!" exclaimed Mandera.
"I can't, I'm... dizzy! I have to lean back, Mandera!" the weary Abhimanyu confessed.
"How could you lose to fireworks, damn it! Where did that attack come from?" fumed Boko Rombeng.
A female voice answered their unspoken plea. In the common tongue, the lass ordered, "L-let them all go or I'll make you suffer more, ye ken!"
No one understood the common language in this village, except for the educated, such as the Semar family, and the brigand chieftain, Boko Rombeng. The sound of the mysterious shooter and the previous shots came from above. Mandera scrutinised the rooftop tiles with keen eyes. "Boss, on the roof!"
Kiran, intercepted by Mandera, dropped a paper ball similar to the bullets that had beset the bandits. What Mandera had not anticipated was Kiran's sudden act of crushing the ball beneath her foot, causing a brilliant yellow explosion. Both Mandera and Kiran were immobilised, much to their chagrin.
A gentle zephyr caressed the scene, and a red-haired lass wearing spectacles took aim with her slingshot at the brigands. Alicia Crimsonmane was the mysterious shooter. But she was not alone in her efforts; Cahyaningrum unleashed shots from the opposite flank. Kiran was caught in Mandera's hands. That meant Cempaka was the one who had eluded the clutches of the other bandits.
"Cursed brats! Who are you?" Boko Rombeng growled.
Alicia and Cahyaningrum answered with a fusillade of firecracker shots aimed at Boko Rombeng. However, Boko Rombeng's body possessed an elastic quality, as he easily dodged every bullet that came his way. Shots that wasted all the bullets; Alicia was now out of ammunition, and the chief brigand took advantage of her vulnerability, towering over the Crimsonmane girl, and deftly ensnared her with a nimble twist of his hand.
"Oh, Clipe!" []