Black was the only hue of the world seared on Alicia's vision. A bleak canvas. The void of no end. Her half-lidded eyes were weary of staring at the monotony over and over again. She yearned to close her eyes. She yearned to give in. But did she really want to give in? She simply did not know. And thus, She lay there, caught in limbo, neither fully alive nor dead. Her face was turned to the side, anticipating the voice within to declare surrender and death.
It tasted of aeons since she had succumbed to the darkness, waiting for the expected whisper to guide her. But none came. Not that Alicia could protest. Her mouth had been open for a long time, and her lips were already stiff.
Until a speck of golden stain waded into the empty space in front of her. Her eyes suddenly trembled, their vivid colour returning, as more and more golden specks filled the void, igniting her collarbone and forcing her to raise her head.
More and more gold dots flocked past her. The black realm seemed to be filled with a crowd of fireflies, and then, a carpet of stardust.
A bitter struggle was felt as Alicia moved her joint gears, rusted, they seemed. Her astonished hand stretched forward to poke at one of the many golden spots that had sprung up. As her fingertips made contact, the speck bloomed into a new scene.
Not just any scene, a memory.
Before her eyes, a starry room materialised, a child sitting in her mother's lap as they pored over a magic encyclopaedia. The image of Alicia's own, nestled in the warmth of her mother’s embrace. Suddenly, her chest felt full again, alive and pumping with each breath.
She took slow but big steps, about to reach another point. Another memory projection unfolded. This time, she saw herself as a child, with her servant Whucksmire playing hide-and-seek from her mother so that she could enjoy all the sweet, savoury and spicy treats in the midst of the fair crowd. Little Alicia nearly burst into tears as she tasted the spicy treats, and at that very moment, Alicia's lip line slowly curved upwards—the first smile in what felt like an eternity.
She squeezed out more gold stains. The darkness began to retreat. Her mind took her back to the first time she met Aunt Mandy, a widow in the village of Trinketshore whose thick accent had made Alicia dismiss her as an orc in human guise. Little did her little self know that Aunt Mandy would become the closest thing she ever had to a grandmother.
More memories flooded in; behind her mother's legs, Little Alicia glanced at the dark-skinned girl and pot-bellied boy in the park. Alicia could not do magic, let alone telepathy, but nevertheless, it was undeniable that when the three pairs of big curious eyes stared at each other, it marked the first day Alicia, Nadine, and Gilmore became acquainted. Even though Gilmore had made Alicia cry with his petty pranks, it mattered less—it was the only form of fun the Big Yin knew.
And again, Alicia relived her little self with her birthday cake, and a simple celebration with just her little family. It was never lonely at the party, as two pairs of eyes belonging to the same two people at the park peered through the windowpane. Uninvited guests, one of whom was Gilmore, brought caterpillars and frogs that he had caught in the yard as gifts, hoping to be allowed in and scooping up the wee lass' birthday cake.
More and more memories make Alicia's body more free and agile. Magical stories from her mother. Her friendship with Nadine and Gilmore. The company of her small family. A brief chat with a short, pale-faced but handsome man. Fighting alongside the wizards of the Magisterium. Meeting Grand Magus Lachlan Haddock and Odelie Gunnadottir. The warm welcome from all the Tumaritis villagers.
Even getting stuck with the irascible Wisesa was part of those bright spots.
"Is... this real?"
Alicia paused, letting one good memory after another fill her with strength. And it was that strength that gave her the inspiration she needed to answer her own question.
"It is real."
Slowly, a flicker of hope ignited in Alicia's eyes. Yet, the memory's hues were stained by the piercing cries of a woman. Alicia turned to see a figure drenched in blood, wailing in agony.
And Alicia thought that the slaughtered Ailsa had left her alone.
"Yer still awake too! Nothing ye see is real! Damned bastard! Just lie down and die!" Ailsa shrieked, a fresh shower of blood seeping out along with her howl of scorn.
The once-beautiful memories faded into nothingness. The returning despair crawled through Alicia's veins, bending her into a statue carved by the chisel of misery. Her breath caught in her throat.
Her hands clung to the black base, refusing to fall, but grief was like a gargantuan yoke crushing her shoulders. Alicia forced her head to turn again to look at the flying gold dots.
They did not disappear, nor did they flee. They all darted towards Ailsa, swarming around her furious figure.
"Why...?" Alicia muttered, her tongue heavy. "Why does everything lead to Mama?"
"Stop your delusions of happiness, Bastard!" Ailsa was still there, cursing. "Nothing is real! Nothing is real! Your existence is a curse, bringing only sorrow and shame! How the Divine has cursed this womb of mine!"
The girl's eyes grew heavy, her brow furrowed, as if she sensed her tears were about to fall. But they did not. Her eyes had long since dried up, left open for ages. Her fingers clenched in anger. She was not even allowed to vent her emotions.
"Nothing is real... Nothing is real..." Alicia repeated, her voice hollow.
Until Alicia realised one thing.
She studied the swarm of fireflies, never ceasing, never dissipating, never flinching in the face of Ailsa's wrath.
Alicia steeled her resolve once more, pushing aside the tides of regret and defeat. She had to rise. She had to stand up.
She had to follow the swarm of fireflies.
"Aye..." Alicia whispered, almost to herself. "Nothing is real here."
Her mother became even more shrill. "Damned wench! I should have aborted you a long time ago!"
Though trembling from her mother's words, Alicia did not care. Her feet strolled still.
"Why don't you just roll over and die?"
"Nothing is real here," Alicia said. "You're not real. This place isn't real. I'm not real .... This body of mine isn't real... I… am… merely… the sum of my desires, the will of 'me'... The manifestation of billions of neurons communicating with each other through synaptic transmissions, disrupted by a foreign mana attack!"
Alicia fell silent again.
"It's not that I cannae fight back. I can. But ye did a good job to make me lulled by yer suggestion. Not again. I will not stand by and wait to die!"
Experiencing enlightenment made her body lighten like floating. The gold flecks around her grew more frenzied as she galloped faster and faster. Ailsa's corpse screamed, but that no longer discouraged her. Ailsa drew a sword from her stomach and darted towards Alicia while howling. Alicia's feet pounded the ground until finally her hand parried the blade and clung to her mother's bloodied face.
"I realised I was giving Mama a hard time," Alicia said. "But I know Mama better than anyone, both conscious and subconscious. You are not her. Away with ye."
The figure of the woman gaped, as her body turned red and then spilled into a pool of blood, melting into the dark realm that followed...
Then the sky was no more a canvas of darkness. Slowly but surely, hues of brown and grey began to emerge, followed by a burst of gaudy ornaments and lights that illuminated the bookworm lass' realm. Walls and pillars rose from the motley of colours, followed by stairs, bookshelves, and a grand, long table.
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And then came the humans garbed in scarlet robes, wands in hand, and a deer of human stature with a wolffish nose standing amidst them, drool dripping from its maw, and vapours escaping its breath.
The humans were all practitioners of Wizardry, but one of them, someone other than her mother, had disappeared from her sight. The Crimsonmane family had arrived once again to fulfil the fate of their unwizarding kin.
"I see you deny your mother, Bastard..." the Deer Demon weaved through the mages with a chuckle. "To think you could subdue all the Crimsonmane wizards here like you obliterated your mother..."
Red-robed Spencer blasted Alicia with a bolt of electricity from the sky until she was blown away. The puffs of smoke and strike wounds were evident on the girl's body. So was the widespread pain.
Alicia tried to reach into her waist bag, only to find it empty.
"Looking for your favorite Arcane orb, Miss?" The Deer Monster scoffed, its tone a sickening slur. "Too bad the strongest magic power in the universe can't accompany you in the dreaming! But Khaos is a loyal power; always with you wherever you are…!"
He was not wrong. The Divine Grace did not exist anywhere in this realm, and Alicia's strength was her reliance alone. As she observed the disgusted behaviour of her foes, golden fireflies flew past her, converging towards the branch-horned monster. The new inspiration embraced her again.
She had to consider herself a lucky human being that her obsession with magical knowledge had come to fruition. The timing could not have been better.
"Encyclopaedia of Magic. The work of Coinneach MacFhearghais, Librarian of the Magisterium of Arcane Plane. Rare Western Land Shamanic Practices."
The erect-bodied Deer Monster scowled. "What are you talking about?"
"'The Nightmare Snare'," Alicia rose from her fall, holding her chest where the electric shock had struck her. Slowly, she released it and stood up straight. "'It is a method used by the healing shamans of the Five Realms of Kapiqaq to heal those who have suffered trauma and mental disorders'."
Invisible power came scraping against her body as Alicia advanced. However, when she looked again at the golden firefly tangle, the agony slowly subsided. Alicia was reminded again. Nothing was really real here, if she chose so.
The Deer Monster shook its head and snorted. Uncle Ulyssess, the second wizard, stepped forward and summoned a pair of tawny wolf heads through the chanting of Superstitio Lupi. The two wolf heads snaked through the air and fell the girl down while their serrations tore her flesh.
But not a single ailed howl of hers ever rhymed with the wolves' gnawing. The temptation was big, but her lips remained sealed against the beast's unreal torture. The girl allowed the two wolves to pounce on her hands, then held their snouts and swatted them aside. The purple projections drifted and merged with the air.
Again Alicia rose to her feet, with a slightly worried look on her face. The new wave of mana was getting fiercer, but Alicia's legs were no less sturdy. "'When the patients are attached to a Nightmare Snare, they are trained to recognise that they are dreaming, then control the dream to confront and overcome their fear or trauma. However, a healing shaman must also guide them in their dreams so that they don't get lost and hurt themselves.’”
In the midst of the final mana wave, Alicia thought she had reached the peak of her toughness. But, fate had a cruel twist in store for her. The dark energy brought with it a new adversary: a group of assassins, hired to end Alicia's life. Faceless, nameless killers, all except one—a vampire, his fangs protruding out of his mouth like ivory blades.
Again, the world was consumed by shadows. Everyone's form had disappeared. After a long period of silence, Alicia heard her own scream from her life journey that cut deep into her chest, and it was all she could hear. Alicia rubbed her arms as she shivered, continuing down the endless dark path with a stream of gold spots as illumination.
The memories that had previously drowned her came flooding back, like a tidal wave of emotions. The family she had once known and loved, now thirsted for her blood. Threatened from all corners. Chased by faceless hitmen. Hunted by the vampires of Sunchester. And all of Ailsa and Donar's breathless efforts to stop those threats one by one.
"You're nothing but a nuisance to those around you!" the Deer Monster's voice boomed. "Your own parents wish for your death, if only you weren't so adept at manipulating them with your pouty face. Evil child! Bastard!"
Alicia fell over again. They were not illusions like Ailsa's previous apparitions or the Deer Monster's manipulations. They were real, painful memories. Not only the beautiful kisses of life were true.
Slayers and vampires were already surrounding her out of nowhere. Weapons were pointed at her. The sword that touched her neck stung like a throbbing hornet, injecting a wave of agony through her body.
The ragged gasps already resurfaced. The flashbacks of the deer's choice kept spinning. Despair bubbled up. "Cursed being! End this...! Please..."
"It ends when your life ends!" echoed the Deer Monster before being interrupted by a loud giggle.
A glance at the vampire's approaching grin sharpened her focus. Pale wrinkles full of pus. Sharp canines but dull, mossy teeth. His eyes were pristine. Seeing that face at its clearest in the darkness was certain death, and Alicia had to witness the sight up close, one more time.
Alicia realised how quickly she had given up, so quick to fear, even though the fireflies had gone to great lengths to be a light, a hope in an empty land. What a foolish girl. She simply sank into a wave of anguish, contemplating the Deer Monster's words before she drifted further away. "It ends when your life ends."
It ends when her life ends…
Foolish girl indeed. Should have thought of it before.
Once more, the girl rose with alacrity. The vampire's talons and metal blades rent Alicia's flesh, yet she paid them no heed. The Deer Monster continued to toy with her psyche, to obliterate her true identity. Nevertheless, the fireflies remained her steadfast reminder, the constant guide.
Alicia advanced stride by stride, braving the bitter recollections that reverberated within her. The abyssal panorama crumbled, reducing the faceless assassins and vampires to a pool of gore. In their stead, the Crimsonmane mages and Deer Monsters materialised again.
Wracked by a frenzied tantrum, the deer goaded the Crimsonmane mages to converge upon the unarmed Alicia in a primal cry. Wands protruded black blades suffused with a violet glow—Vacuum Schimaticus—while the spell Motus Captionem sought to petrify the galloping Alicia.
En masse, they impaled her with their void blades, much like her mother had suffered in a previous tragic dream. But Alicia did not flinch. Her ersatz limbs were immune to pain, and instead, her brows were knitted together. The mages recoiled, their hands quivering.
And Alicia had to reassert herself through her last piece of magic trivia.
"'In the end..., the noble purpose of the magic necklace was perverted," Alicia declared. "The black magic-wielding shamans nicknamed Yee Naaldlooshii put this necklace on each of their victims and left them bereft of guidance. Those who could not survive killed themselves and others. In the midst of battle, in the midst of desperation, all the practitioners and officials of the state were forced to adopt this practice as a weapon of war!'"
Alicia trudged onward. Her body was stiff but unencumbered by either petrifying spells or the black sword's thrusts. Her garments appeared pristine, as if freshly laundered. She fixed her gaze on Uncle Ulysses' beguiling eyes, Spencer's icy stare, Grandpa Alasdair's crestfallen expression, and the Crimsonmane wizards' sullied countenances. They detested her, and it seemed improbable that Alicia would reconcile with them unless they could swallow their pride and admit their wrongs. But that did not matter. It could no longer be a matter for Alicia.
"I yearn to talk to you all like we used to," Alicia asserted. "But if that cannot come to pass, then so be it. Orb out there is entrusting itself to me for greater purposes. I will strive to rekindle our relationship when the time is right. But for now, you will not stand in the way of my life."
The Crimsonmane mages howled and dissolved into a puddle of blood.
Now, only Alicia and the Deer Monster remained. The monster let out a wail of despair, then lunged at the bespectacled girl, grasping her neck and slamming her down.
Alicia's dismissive grin broadened. "Yer right," she admitted. "The bad things won't be far from me until the day I die."
"Bastard! You think .... You think your mind is strong enough to escape this nightmare without a guide?"
The Deer Monster's hairy hand tightened around Alicia's neck, its nails digging into her skin. But Alicia did not flinch, did not wheeze. The golden fireflies that had been following the monster dispersed casting their light throughout the gloomy hall. Alicia's gaze was fixed on the swarm that merged together to form a feminine figure. The girl gaped, then understood.
"Who says I'm not being guided?"
The Deer Monster screeched again. "To think that you're more resilient than before is naive and foolish!"
"Dinnae ken about that. I'm still scared. Maybe my anxiety will flare up again. Maybe the thought of Mama and the happy memories I'll never reach will make me cry again. I can cry..., but I can also hope..." Alicia touched the monster's furry hand tightly. "I won't forget myself. The Nightmare Snare won't rule me anymore! Yer attempt to make me forget that I am the master of my own mind has failed, and you know that when that happens, yer spell will no longer work, whether guided or not."
"Fool! The Power of Khaos is contained in this spell!"
"So what...?" Alicia challenged. "If you think that Arcane is the only antidote to black magic... maybe it's time for you to repeat yer lessons at the magic academy!"
For an artificial creature in the dream realm, the desperation of the monster's failure was obvious. Its roar could not drown out Alicia's words. Every blade in its body was useless against the Miracle Child's skin. For the first time, the Deer Monster had run out of tricks to scare its victim. Its fur began to fall out, falling to the ground as drops of blood. Its eyes were bloodshot, its entire body drenched in red.
Alicia raised her hand and stroked the deer's face. The creature fell silent. Alicia smiled. "Cheers for the therapy," she said. "But I think it's time for me to head back to the real world." []