Androids have come a long way in the last thirty years. They interact with the public, and give realistic responses. So why haven’t they completely taken over all customer service jobs? Because with all their programming there still are some situations they don’t understand, and when a customer runs into that one edge case, what started as a routine call quickly spirals down into one of the worst experiences they’ve ever had. At least a human knows when to forward the customer to someone higher up the chain.
-Jessica Adams, Nimbletainment VP of customer care.
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Despite looking like absolute junk, the mascot moved surprisingly quickly. It danced forward, like a kid pretending to be a ballerina, until it was right next to me. “Ticket please?”
“We’re in the middle of an incursion, I don’t have a fucking ticket!” I growled. “There’s an incursion going on, you’re even burning antithesis right there!” I pointed at the burning pile, but the mascot didn’t move.
“If you don’t have a ticket I’ll have to escort you to the nearest security office,” the mascot droned. Its metallic voice echoed around the small lot as it lurched forward. I wasn’t willing to let this mascot grab me like the last one, so I swiftly brought my blade up, severing it’s hand at the wrist.
As soon as I did the entire lot went quiet. The other mascots simultaneously turned away from the fire and watched the detached hand as it sailed through the air, before turning towards me.
“Intentional destruction of Nimbletainment property detected. Nimbletainment reserves the right to charge vandals up to ten times the cost of the damages. Park employees are now authorized to use force to detain the offending party,” one of the mascots droned. This one was an oversized squirrel who’s teeth had been smashed in leaving a gaping void for a mouth.
“Please don’t do this,” I whined, “Just be good robots and cooperate.”
In response, Samurai Girl tried to smash me in the face with her stump of an arm.
I just barely managed to avoid the blow, stepping back and severing the rest of the limb in order to give myself space. Unfortunately all that did was give the other bots time to step forward. A Samurai Man in full power armor stepped past the crippled Samurai Girl and threw a surprisingly competent three punch combo at my head. That’s when I decided to stop holding back. My sword flashed, decapitating the advancing samurai man, before I stepped to one side and stabbed the squirrel in the face. As both androids fell I slipped past their falling bodies, away from the mass of robots and into an open part of the lot.
“Do we attack?” Emily asked helplessly. “These aren’t security bots…”
“Only if things start going badly. Just get out of the way so I can help,” Skyler yelled, as she tried to push past the others.
The remaining ten androids followed me, moving surprisingly smoothly. A couple even grabbed discarded limbs of their already fallen comrades, raising them as impromptu weapons. I frowned when I saw their form. “Why the fuck do these things have combat training?” I hissed. A squirrel with its entire head caved in was the first to reach me. It swung the robotic arm it was holding like a mace, trying its best to smash my arm, and cause me to drop my sword. What the thing didn’t take into account was the discarded limb was just as resilient as its own, so when it stepped forward to perform a second attack sequence I simply stepped forward and sliced the limb in half before bisecting the android wielding it.
The remaining nine androids seemed to back off for a moment, maybe to evaluate the best way to attack me, when Skyler finally pushed through the squad. Her rifle immediately made short work of the backline, punching large holes in their casing and the delicate mechanisms beneath. The remaining androids turned, trying to evaluate this new threat, so I pressed my advantage. I sliced into the distracted androids, beheading some and bisecting a few others. After a few seconds of combined swordplay and gunfire, the mechanical menaces all lay still.
“Are you ok?” Skyler asked, as she ran over to check on me.
“They didn’t touch me,” I assured her, as I cleaned off and sheathed my sword. As soon as I did, I exploded. “But seriously… what the fuck? Those things had combat programming, and I think they must have killed the antithesis, but they don’t have incursion protocols? What the fuck is going on here?”
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“There, there,” Skyler whispered as she embraced me. “Calm down, it’s over now.”
I shuddered, and took a deep breath to center myself before embracing her back. “Thanks,” I whispered.
Emily coughed. “I hate to break up this heartwarming moment, but we’re standing in a lot full of broken androids and burning antithesis. It might be a good idea to check on that shelter.”
“Fine,” I grumbled as I begrudgingly let go of my girlfriend. “Let's check it out.” I stepped around the massive pile of burning antithesis and over to what appeared to be a small concrete shed. I pulled open the doors, revealing a hidden set of stairs with a massive heavy metal door at the bottom. “It looks intact,” I reported.
“Is there a shelter console nearby?” Skyler asked from behind me.
I glanced around, there didn’t appear to be one down by the shelter door, so I turned back, only to find it tucked into the corner right at the top of the stairs. “Here,” I said pointing.
Skyler quickly got her power cables back out and fed them through the door. Together we pried the protective plate over the power ports and connected Howie to the terminal. The display cycled, taking several seconds to boot up before the same basic interface appeared. I immediately tapped ‘cams’.
“They’re alive!” Skyler breathed into my ear as I cycled through the cams. The entire structure was completely packed full of people, there was barely enough room for the civilians to move, but they were all alive. “Hey, someone’s waving,” Skyler said as I flipped through the screens. I bounced back a few to find someone standing at the interior console. Skyler squinted at the screen, “I think it might be a manager.”
“How can you possibly know that?” I asked.
“Their suit has Nibletainment branding on it,” she answered, her nose practically against the screen. “It looks like he wants us to activate the comms.”
“Fine… we should probably find out what they have to say,” I replied, slowly pulling her away from the screen. Once I had the space, I disabled cams and swapped to comms.
“Hello? Are you the evacuation team?” a nervous voice echoed out of the speakers surrounding the terminal.
“No, we’re samurai, we’re inspecting the shelters that were affected by the blackout. Did you manage to evacuate everyone before things went south Mr...?” Skyler asked.
“Levison, and yes! Nibletainment has multiple contingency plans in place in case of incursions, all guests are evacuated to the shelters at the first sign of trouble. We were lucky, the blackout hit a couple minutes after I confirmed all the shelters were sealed!” the man explained. I could practically hear him sweating through the radio.
“Well Mr Levison, could you maybe explain why your mascots refused to accept our authority, and attacked us for trespassing and vandalism, but seemed to have basic combat protocols and fought the antithesis?” I growled. Skyler smacked me in the side and mouthed ‘be nice’.
“Oh… that. The androids have built in protocols that allow them to fight, and dispose of low level antithesis. Corporate did a bunch of research and found that having them defend the guests was good PR, and the increased business from having ‘the safest entertainment establishment during an incursion’ more than made up for the loss of a few androids, so they made that code a mandatory install. Having a mascot throw themselves between the antithesis and guests is good optics,” Levison explained.
Skyler frowned. “Wait… the way you explained that makes it sound like the company would have saved the androids over the people, if they thought it would make them more money.”
Levison was quiet for a moment, “I can’t comment on that ma’am. It’s a decision made way above my paygrade, I’m just relating the policy,” he finally said.
“And they attacked us because…” I asked the microphone.
“Well, once the incursion protocols are triggered the androids become completely uncontrollable, so we left them on regular operating protocols while evacuating everyone. I was planning on swapping them over once the shelters were closed, but the power outage meant I lost access to the corporate network,” Levison explained.
“And you couldn’t have changed the mode remotely?” I asked.
“All androids are slaved to the network, it’s more secure that way ma’am” Levison reported. I stared at the display for a few more seconds, unsure what to say. “Are you going to evacuate us ma’ams?” Levison finally asked.
“Someone else will be by later to let you out, it’s still not safe yet,” Skyler said. “Are you ok for a little while longer?”
“Yes ma’am, this shelter is designed for forty eight hours of operation, even over capacity. It’s not comfortable, but it’ll keep everyone safe,” Levison said.
“Good! Keep everyone’s spirits up, someone will be by to let you out ASAP,” Skyler replied. “Good luck in there!” Levison didn’t reply, so I cut the connection.
“At least we’re getting attacked not because the protocols suck, but because the manager’s heart was in the right place,” I grumbled. “The fact that they have separate antithesis and incursion protocols sucks though. We probably have to fight through more of the mechanical assholes to check the other two locations.”
“But we confirmed they should be secure, which is a definite win considering how our day has been going so far,” she gently bumped me in the side. “Come on, look on the bright side.”
“Yeah,” I gave her a small smile, “small victories, and lives saved.” I pushed myself from the monitor and looked out the door. “Just two more places, right? No problem”