It was a fairly decent start to mid-summer in Seattle. The sky was clear, the sun was really hot, and the light pollution made it hard to see stars at night. I was living with Alphonso and Jacob back then. Not much had changed, really. Alphonso was working Maintenance for the Nuclear Reactor, and Jacob was busy working on a case proving that the charity Superheroes for Super Zeros, effectively a big brother-esque program that provides orphans with supportive powered siblings, was not a scam. It’s one of his biggest cases yet, and one he needs to win if he wants to work in a fancy law firm or something. It also seemed... impossible. Superheroes didn’t exist yet.
One day, after I had just finished 5 shifts in a row as a Cashier at a local Grocery chain, Bargain Foods, my roommates and I wanted to take a break from work to go up to the mountain. I still remember that day, clear skies, missing hiker posters, the works. We’d been walking for at least 2 hours before our first conversation happened.
“Are we there yet?” I called out, trying not to trip on the sticks covering the ground.
“No,” Alphonso responded exhaustedly, “We’re headed for the peak, and right now our location is... still the base. Of the mountain.”
“We’ll get there when we get there.” Jacob also responded, monotone.
“Okay, then how about we, like, talk about shit. Jacob, how’s the case going?” I said energetically, trying to liven these dead souls up.
“Bad.” Jacob replied.
“Good to hear! Alphonso, how’s-” I spoke, before Alphonso interrupted me mid-sentence.
“The reactor finished construction recently. Guess it’s nice to not have that to worry about. Lang might lay off a bunch of people.” He replied, still kinda exhausted.
“Fantastic. How about-”
“We walk in silence?” Alphonso finished off my sentence.
It was harder back then. We couldn’t exactly fight back yet, and things seemed fairly rock bottom-y. We walked a bit further getting closer to the peak, but before too long we all got worn out and decided to take a break in the middle of the forest. Things seemed nice and quiet for the most part, with the gentle breeze and small animal chirps in the background.
“Can we please sit down?” I asked, loud & exhausted, looking for a nearby log.
“We’ve been at it for a few hours, dude. I need a break too.” Jacob said, in agreement with my statement.
“Okay, there’s a small clearing a bit this way.” Alphonso spoke, clearly exhausted himself.
Alphonso took us briefly through an ingrown trail before we came across a small clearing, not more than the size of a one room apartment in Seattle. There was a couple of logs there, and the daylight was starting to get a bit more orange with each passing minute.
“This is a pretty sweet spot,” I spoke emphatically to Alphonso, “how’d you know it was here?”
“Grace likes to take walks here sometimes.” He replied, “Where are we?”
“I dunno. Who has the map?” I asked again.
“You have the map.” Jacob said, sitting down on a log across from me.
“Fair point,” I replied, rooting through my backpack to find the map, before pulling out one that looked like it was the right map, “I think we’re near some place called Klagenfurt.”
“Give me that,” Alphonso spoke, snatching the map out of my hands and reading it for himself, “Brendan, what do you think Klagenfurt is?”
“I dunno, some kind of old military base?”
“It’s a city in Austria. You brought a map of Austria instead of the map of Mount Rainier. This is why we don’t bring you places.”
“You are the dumbest asshat I have ever met, and I’m literally a lawyer.” Jacob told me, pointedly.
Alphonso held up his hand next to Jacob, congratulatorily, and Jacob quickly responded returning the high five. I sighed.
“How the actual fuck did you mix up a map of a mountain with a map of the Terminator’s birthplace?” Alphonso asked, loudly and angrily.
“All I had was 5 minutes and I wanted some Dew, lay off me, Al.” I replied, angrily.
“Hey, guys, do you hear that?” I vaguely remember Jacob asking (or at least that’s what he told me to write).
“Don’t call me Al.” Alphonso replied, ignoring Jacob.
“I’ll call you whatever I want, Rocket Scientist.” I replied to Alphonso’s remark, also ignoring Jacob.
“I work in Maintenance. I’m not even a real scientist, asshat, and it’s nuclear science, not rockets.”
“Nuclear Missiles exist.”
“I’ve told you hundreds of times, dude, I do not work with rockets or missiles or anything like that.”
It was at this point that Jacob looked for the noise he had just heard. Alphonso and I continued to argue for about another five minutes before I noticed Jacob was gone.
“Whatever, dude, agree to disagree. Jacob, is he a rocket scientist?” I said, speaking up and realizing Jacob was gone, “Where’d he go?”
“You can’t agree to disagree on a fact, but...wait, what’s that noise?” Alphonso said, trying to listen in to a low hum that was coming out of the woods.
I listened in as well, and was amusingly surprised to learn that it sounded a lot like an air conditioner.
“There’s no way.” Alphonso said, following the sound. “How the hell is something like this out here?”
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Within seconds we ended up standing outside of a normal looking shack with an air conditioner in a window near the door. Looking through, it seemed like a perfectly normal shack, so we headed inside. As we walked through, we saw a bunch of really odd household items on shelves on the left and a computer on a table next to a decently-sized kitchen on the right. There was a small hallway near the back, with a door about a yard away from the entrance of said hallway.
“This place is weird. All I could find in the back was a small closet that contained a wedding dress and this jumpsuit.” Jacob spoke, coming out of a dark door in the back of the shack wearing a yellow and black jumpsuit similar to that of Bruce Lee’s Game of Death outfit.
“Did you find anything else?” Alphonso asked.
“I mean... this shack.” Jacob replied.
Alphonso nodded his head in a way that means ‘yeah I guess you do get the credit for that’, then sat next to the computer to try and see if anything was on it, while I ended up messing around with some of the objects in the room. The first thing that stuck out to me was a box on the other side of the room. It had a large “WARNING!” sign on the front of it and a red button at the top of it. I ignored the warning label and pressed the button. Nothing happened. I tried pressing it again. Still nothing.
Lame.
“I think I found something.” Alphonso said to the both of us.
Jacob & I headed over to the computer to see what the fuss was about, taking the box with me.
“There’s not a whole lot on this computer, just a note that reads: ‘To whom it may concern, if you find this shack then I am definitely dead. Each and every item in this shack has a special property to it, including the shack itself. If you take any item from the shack, it will follow you around. The shack has the ability to randomly appear in places around the state of Washington. If you found it, it’s because the shack wanted you to find it. I hope that answers whatever questions you have. Signed, J.L.’”
“Special property?” I asked.
“J.L.? Like, Jared Lang? Your boss?” Jacob asked as well.
“Jared Lang is very much alive, much to my chagrin. So I don’t know. As for special properties...” Alphonso spoke until halfway through his sentence when he stood up from his chair, looked around the room, and then strided towards some goggles, “maybe we have to try them out?”
Alphonso put the goggles on his head, and within seconds, tripped backwards onto the floor. The stool that was right behind him turned into cotton candy after Alphonso’s hand passed in front of his goggles.
“I’m fine! Everything just turned into dots!” Alphonso said, trying to stand up and dust himself off.
“You just turned that stool into cotton candy.” Jacob said, pointing to the sticky pink stuff now covering Alphonso’s back.
“No, that’s scientifically impossible.” Alphonso said, doubtfully, before taking off his goggles and looking at the stool with his own eyes.
“More like scientifically the discovery of the century, am I right?” I replied, holding my hand up for a high five from Jacob.
Jacob ignored it and walked away from me.
“I did this?” Alphonso asked Jacob.
“Yeah. Must be those special properties the email was talking about. Maybe this suit has some as well,” Jacob replied before turning towards me, “What about that box? It’s got a warning label on it.”
I turned the box over to the label.
“Think of an extinct creature and press the button. Only lasts for 5 minutes.” I read aloud.
I started trying to think of an extinct creature. First choice, the platypus. I pressed the button. Nothing happened.
“Are platypi extinct?” I asked the other two.
“What? No, dumbass. It means, like, a dinosaur.” Alphonso responded.
“Dinosaurs aren’t extinct, they live on a Caribbean island.”
“Jurassic Park is not a documentary.” Jacob called back.
Fine, they win. I can absolutely think of the best dinosaur of all time with my limited brain cells, yes I can. I can even think of the most majestic extinct creature I could possibly dream of, and slammed the button. Immediately, there was a buzzing coming from the box, and milliseconds later, there was a flash of white light that blinded all three of us at once. When the light subsided and we regained our vision, what we saw was something the other two likely could not comprehend.
A Dodo Bird.
“SQUAWK!” The bird seemed to say.
“That’s... fitting.” Alphonso replied.
“Way to summon a dodo bird instead of a triceratops or something. On brand for you, Brendan.” Jacob derided me.
I locked eyes with the dodo bird of my own creation. We seemed to share an intimate moment. I inched closer to him with every step. Well, it was actually like 2 steps when he let out another rather loud squawk.
“I’m gonna name him Gerald. But, more importantly, this means we just found a small shack of superpowered equipment... so, as decreed by Batman, Iron Man, and Inspector Gadget...” I started, getting up onto the computer chair to look down upon the other two.
“Please don’t do this.” Alphonso asked.
“I don’t even know if this suit has powers yet.” Jacob stated.
“... We must become superheroes. Plus, I’ve already decided on my name.”
“We don’t know how this stuff works and, like, are we even ready for that responsibility?” Alphonso asked.
“I would like to remind you both that I’m a pacifist and not getting involved.” Jacob immediately stated.
“Whatever, if you don’t wanna be part of something history-inducing, be a... no wait that’s my name. I will henceforth be known as... Buzzkill.” I spoke eagerly, loudly, holding up my arm as if I’m raising a sword.
There’s a bit of silence between the three of us for a moment, only to be broken by Jacob’s intense laughter.
“You’re an idiot.” Jacob said following his intense cackling.
“I don’t understand why you’d name yourself that.” Alphonso replied.
“I would also like to reiterate that I am hard-passing on all of this nonsense. Brendan, goodbye forever.” Jacob continued.
“Wait, just hear me out, please! The box buzzes when I press the button before it summons a creature that’s been killed off. Buzzes, killed. Buzzkill. I know it means the person that harshes the mood or whatever, but we can change the meaning to life of the party. Breathe our own meaning, right?” I replied, grabbing them both by the shoulders after putting the box in my backpack.
The box was pretty small, only about 1 cubic foot in size.
“You’ve never been to a party.” Alphonso replied back.
“Whatever dude. I’ve not budging from this name, and I’m not the only one who picked up a device.”
“Fine, I’ll entertain your game.” Alphonso answered, putting his fingers on his chin for a couple moments to ponder, before finally responding with “Call me the Quantum Brain.”
“Why?”
“There’s a lot of aspects to these goggles I can’t understand within the hour we’ve been in this room, but I know that it has to be scientific. It also has the words ‘Quantum Physics Manipulation Device’ at the top in really small print. I don’t really know what that means, but the word Quantum makes me sound smart.”
I took a second to try to get my breath back as Alphonso had taken it away from me just then. It was a way better answer than I was expecting from him.
“Okay, yeah, I can vibe with that.” I replied.
“What should we be called? If we go out and fight crime together, that is. Might as well have a team name at the ready.” Alphonso asked.
Jacob had already left the room while we were talking. Must’ve needed some fresh air.
“Well, I'm pretty stupid when it comes to History and Geography and Nature and shit, Plus, you don’t really know what those goggles do, right?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He replied.
“Seems like we’d make pretty unreliable superheroes.” I finished.
We both looked at each other and laughed. It was dumb. Like both of us. Alphonso’s really, really smart. He keeps saying he’s only a maintenance worker, but it takes a lot of brainpower to perform maintenance on a nuclear reactor.
“The Unreliables.” Alphonso stated.
“Fuck yeah.”
Alphonso and I fist pounded each other, exploding our hands afterwards, and that was how we got our powers, and how our team was formed. Eventually, we found out that Jacob’s superpower was to copy martial arts moves he sees on TV, but he wasn’t exactly gung-ho about it and didn’t even join us until a week after everything was wrapped up.