Esmeralda Nubis, that is the name of the woman I have been dreaming about incessantly. For more than two weeks, my dreams have exclusively centered on her, and tonight was no different.
Once again, I could see her leaning on the mahogany counter in the music store where she worked. Her face looked serene on that cold autumn morning, while her eyes calmly observed the orange leaves swaying with the morning breeze. They emitted a soft and peaceful murmur that lulled her mind into Morpheus' arms. However, her sleep was abruptly interrupted when the relaxing and soporific song playing on the store's turntable was replaced by a familiar melody. It was Esmeralda's favorite song, titled "Lily of Purity."
The heavenly bells resonated in the store, and the Gregorian chants filled my soul and Esmeralda's with great sorrow, awakening in her the desire to sing along. Gradually and timidly, she began to hum the melody inside her. As the intensity of the song increased, her desire to sing grew. However, the insecurity in her heart and the fear of exposing her desires, objectifying them, inhibited her.
Finally, when the song reached its peak, she left behind her shame and let herself be carried away by the melody. Raising her hands and her face, she closed her eyes and allowed her lips to be guided by the will of the song.
"Kyrie, ignis divine, eleison!" she sang, holding those beautiful notes with a celestial voice.
At that moment, I could feel my soul reborn, filled with a joy that only a work linked to the will of the world could achieve. My eyes delighted in observing how her trembling body moved to the rhythm of the song, witnessing the progress of those timid movements that accompanied her delicate voice. Little by little, her body unfolded with a grace that resembled that of the most virtuous swans. And her angelic voice continued reproducing that melody, as if she were a siren that enveloped and enchanted the very core of my being, transporting me to a trance that altered my perception of the world.
I watched in amazement as empirical reality deformed before my eyes with each pirouette, with each word that the damsel uttered. The walls and ceiling of the store bent and collapsed before the new will that challenged the established. Thus, a magnificent spring breeze and a splendid blue sky made their way, extending in their infinite glory across the firmament, over the green meadows. I couldn't help but rejoice at the radiance of the sun that warmly bathed Esmeralda's beautiful face as she danced like a lake nymph.
However, the moment came when the music stopped, and her voice, along with her dance, abruptly ceased. Instead, enormous gray buildings emerged, rising to cover the sky, plunging the world around the young woman into darkness. And the lush pastures were replaced by black asphalt streets. While witnessing these events unfold in front of her, the girl did nothing but dance, spin, and jump to the rhythm of a nonexistent melody. Inside me, jealousy arose for the freedom and carefreeness that the young woman managed to express, though those emotions diminished upon perceiving the agonizing melancholy that the dance tried to hide.
I tried to prevent those emotions from interfering with my enjoyment of such a beautiful spectacle. Just at that moment, a new melody manifested, allowing my ears to once again delight in the sweet voice of my beloved Esmeralda. Unfortunately, I was not the only one attracted by those majestic sounds. From those gray buildings emerged a stampede of strange creatures that resembled humans but lacked ears and some even mouths and eyes. But those who had mouths and eyes had them constituted by reflective crystal spheres.
That crowd surrounded the girl, applauding and cheering her. Some shouted insults, demanding that she stop that infernal noise, while others, without ears, eyes, or mouths, merely circled the streets around the mob, as if they could perceive that something was happening.
At the end of her song, Esmeralda, with great happiness on her face, addressed her audience, with her gaze slightly downcast and an enchanting blush of embarrassment marking her cheeks, asked them: "How did you like my performance?"
To this honest inquiry, the crowd responded by reiterating the same compliments that now sounded insincere and empty. When asking for more specificity, her pleas were received in the same manner.
With bewilderment and disappointment, she lifted her head to better observe the faces of those flatterers, frightening herself upon seeing how the large crystal eyes of some of those beings persistently stared at her, until manifesting within their crystalline interior a distorted image of herself that stared back at her.
The fear that Esmeralda felt at that moment made her wish to flee from that monstrous crowd. Realizing this, they changed their unconditional ovations to demands, wanting her to perform some songs they desired to hear. The face of that innocent young girl lit up with the display of the purest emotion. Swallowing the disappointment and fear she had felt mere moments ago, she set out, for the first time in her life, to please the desires of her new audience. She sang and danced with great effort the songs they requested.
As the songs passed and the requests kept coming, the fatigue and exasperation that Esmeralda felt accumulated inside her. However, she decided to persevere, as it was the first time someone had shown interest in hearing her sing. The exhaustion persisted until her body began to deform, gradually resembling the image reflected in those crystalline eyes that watched her attentively and expressionlessly. It was then that she realized what was happening to her and let out a scream, releasing all her fear into the world. In response to this situation, the crowd of fans reacted with boos and insults, as they considered her display of terror and screams had interrupted the spectacle of her singing and dancing.
Such was the desperation of the poor young girl upon seeing her body in that state of deformation that she collapsed on the ground, with tears falling down her face like waterfalls. Meanwhile, her ears were punished by the insults and boos of the crowd.
Realizing that this tactic did not make her continue the show as they wished, the hatred seemed to increase to the point where, from within those beings, a sea of liquid darkness began to pour out of their eyes and mouths, completely covering the ground around Esmeralda, who lay curled up, crying inconsolably. When the dark liquid completely covered the surface beneath her, forming a sort of hole, the helpless Esmeralda's body began to fall.
Seeing how the girl's red hair waved as she fell through the darkness, while she hugged her legs in complete denial of what was happening to her, I couldn't help but think of how small and defenseless she looked in the midst of that vastness of darkness. In that act of domination perpetrated by the shadows that devoured her existence, terrible thoughts began to arise in her disturbed mind, which she repeated out loud, in an act of complete submission.
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"I'm not enough... Why does nothing go right for me?... I should give up... I'm good for nothing... I'm just a waste of oxygen... I never grew beyond my childish dreams," she repeated to herself over and over again.
Trapped in that pessimistic trance, she continued to sink into the shadows until, from the dense darkness, a different thought manifested, wrapped in an amber crystal that, upon contact with her, transmitted a feeling of happiness. To Esmeralda's bewilderment, it was a happiness tied to having been heard, that at some point there was someone who enjoyed her singing.
"But why would I feel happiness from being heard by beings who treated me so badly?" she asked herself, with a certain tone of defeat.
However, the curiosity she felt at such a discovery led her to want to delve deeper into that idea, and it was at that moment that the amber crystal enveloped her with its warm light, pulling her out of the darkness and taking her to a world made up of a crimson stand surrounding a golden birdcage.
Finding herself inside this cage, Esmeralda could glimpse a strange white bird of immense size, with horse legs, a snake tail with blue scales, and a long neck that ended with the head of a pelican.
That strange creature flew in circles inside its golden prison, singing serene sonatas to please the individual whims of each member of the insatiable stand. However, when the bird tried to satisfy the wishes of one, other members of the audience left, and in those moments, a desolate screech from the bird seemed to permeate the atmosphere.
"Please, don't push yourself so hard! It doesn't matter what your audience thinks, taking a break is not bad! Your performance will still be just as good if we hear more melodies that come from your own interior!" exclaimed the girl, in an attempt to free herself from the sadness that so suffocated her heart.
But her efforts were in vain, as her voice was completely eclipsed by the exuberant cheers and constant demands of the audience, not to mention the incessant songs of the poor bird. Not knowing what else to do, Esmeralda merely watched helplessly as the bird's once jovial melody faded, its heart sinking in sadness as more and more people left.
The girl could notice how the movement of the wings of that celestial being became slower and clumsier. Although its voice still transmitted a somber melody, capable of evoking powerful emotions, this was not enough to persuade the few remaining audience members to stay, as they had grown bored of the monotony of the melody. And when the last spectators closed the door behind them, the winged creature, barely able to fly, crashed to the floor of the cage. Its flesh and feathers materially transformed into majestic marble, ceasing to be a bird and taking on another form, transforming into the statue of a bird.
Having witnessed such an event, Esmeralda did not hesitate and, with tears falling from her reddened eyes, ran towards the statue. She placed her hand on it and let her incessant tears fall on the perfectly sculpted face of that majestic being of the skies. It was those tears, shed in recognition of the greatness that that winged being represented for her, that caused an amber glow to spread across the marble, forming a kind of golden veins all over the statue's surface.
Seeing this, the young woman was startled and stepped back, with a look marked by horror, as she watched the statue crumble due to the action of those strange amber veins. First, the horse legs disintegrated, leaving only the snake tail as a base for the body. Then, the neck disintegrated, leaving behind a small dark hole. On the sides of the torso, the veins congregated, forming two holes of amber light.
Witnessing such horrifying events occurring in front of her, Esmeralda was plunged into desperation. She fell to her knees on the ground and pleaded with the gods to stop this madness.
"This can't be happening," she said to herself. "Please, don't leave. I need you, I want to hear you once more, but this time I want to hear your own voice, not the one others impose on your being.
Upon uttering these last words, the weight of a soft object resting on her shoulder woke her from her trance. Turning around, she observed with astonishment the grayish-red tentacle emerging from one of the holes in the statue's torso. To Esmeralda's horror, another tentacle emerged from the first hole, while two more simultaneously emerged from the second amber hole.
Using these new appendages, that strange being tried to stand up, leaning on its scaly snake tail, which had regained its bright blue hue thanks to the golden veins that disintegrated the marble imprisoning it. However, the feathers of its wings did not have such luck. When the golden veins freed them from their prison, they burned its white feathers, revealing membranous, fleshy wings similar in shape to those of a bat. From the upper section of its torso, where its neck used to be, two optical tentacles of amber light emerged, observing the woman with unperturbed persistence, whose eyes were red from crying. Using its tentacles, the creature dried the maiden's tears, and from within its marble shell, it began to produce a beautiful melody and song, which my ears recognized as the fourth movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, the choral "Ode to Joy."
Upon hearing this majestic piece of music, the sadness vanished from her heart, replaced by a powerful sensation of happiness and excitement she had never experienced before. Driven by the music, Esmeralda grabbed one of the tentacles to stand up, and with all the joy she could gather, she joined the chorus with the desire to perform a duet with that majestic creature. In response to her longing, her lips began to move on their own, singing one of the subsequent sections of the symphony: "Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund! Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle Weinend sich aus diesem Bund!"
As time passed and they both lost themselves in the performance of such a glorious melody, they did not notice that gradually the audience members who had left were returning to their seats, filling the hall with vitality and applause.
The exuberant joy Esmeralda experienced at that moment, upon witnessing how the audience applauded their musical duet, was intensified by the fact that the crystalline eyes of the audience no longer reflected distorted figures, but showed an accurate image of reality, just as she perceived herself. It was at that precise moment that she finally remembered the desire she had kept hidden deep within her being for so long. But as she turned to express her gratitude to her companion, all she could see was the record store where she worked, with the record player playing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
When she stopped being absorbed in her confused thoughts, Esmeralda could hear faint applause coming from the entrance of the store. Turning her attention to that place, she saw a gloomy-looking young boy, who appeared no older than 12, dressed in ragged gray clothes, and who was applauding her.
With her face completely red with embarrassment, she asked the boy what he was doing there. To which the boy replied, "I am very sorry to bother you," he said in a timid tone, "but I often stop in front of this store whenever sadness fills my heart, to hear your beautiful voice singing, and today I finally gathered the courage to tell you how much I appreciate hearing your magnificent singing. Thank you very much for brightening my gray days, miss," he concluded his confession with a respectful bow.
Esmeralda, with a face as red as a tomato, was bewildered by this unexpected declaration. On one hand, she felt embarrassed that her singing could be loud enough to be heard from the street. However, the boy's sincere and profound conviction had touched her heart in a unique way. Not wanting to make him wait any longer, she decided to respond with a warm smile, expressing her gratitude for giving her what she most longed for in life.
"Thank you!" Esmeralda expressed to the boy, letting her sincere gratitude flow from the depths of her being. It was a genuine thankfulness for having granted her what she had so deeply desired in this life.