“Grace, it’s time for dinner,” mom called to her out from the front door. She had been out playing for so long, she wasn’t sure what mom had fixed for them to eat.

“Come on Lady, let’s go eat, you too Petunia,” Grace ordered to her cute little friends.

While her dog and cat didn’t always get along, they usually had some unspoken truce when she played in the front yard. Her cat, Petunia Pouncer, would laze about on the rocking chair that her mom had on the porch. As for her dog, Lady, she would run and play for as long as Grace wanted to. Today they had played some catch with the ball until it got too gross from Lady’s spit, after that, she practiced throwing the frisbee that dad had bought for them.

Lady followed her through the front door while Petunia decided she wanted to stay outside. Sniffing the air, both Grace and Lady could tell that mom had cooked pork chops tonight. While not her favorite main dish, the mashed potatoes that usually accompanied the pork made up for it.

Lady took a position at mom’s feet, waiting for her to “accidentally drop” some food. Just like she always did, mom dropped a smaller pork chop down to the floor and Lady pounced on it, enjoying her morsel of human food.

“Hey monkey, what did you learn in school today?” Her dad asked. She had only had time to wave at him when he pulled in from work, chasing the dog around the yard couldn’t be delayed by an extended greeting.

“I learned how boring it is,” she replied. Grace wasn’t a huge fan of going to school and felt it was dull, boring, and kind of easy. That was the problem, it was easy and boring, so sometimes she would miss an assignment or two because she just didn’t want to bother with them.

“Come on kid, there had to be something?” Her dad insisted. He was right, there was the science experiment her class was working on.

“Well, we did have a science experiment about the nanobots. That was kind of cool. Mr. Wortmer even let us see some pictures of Upgrade monsters, not the really scary or bloody ones, but cool ones like a dragon and a dinosaur thingy,” she replied excitedly. She had never seen anything like that in person and didn’t get why her parents were all scared. They had police to catch the bad guys, so they would catch monsters too, wouldn’t they?

“I don’t know about them teaching the kids about monsters, it creeps me out,” her mom said.

“They’ll have to start learning some time and I want Grace to be able to recognize a threat if anything ever happens nearby,” her dad replied.

Sadly, nothing interesting ever happened here. Most of their neighbors were old and the only kids in her housing development were several years older than her and didn’t want to play with a third-grader. Sometimes, mom would let another kid in her class come over after school which made the boring week a bit more fun. On the weekends she would usually see her cousins that were the same age, which she always looked forward to.

“There haven’t been any problems around here Jacob, so I don’t see why we can’t just live our lives without worrying about monsters and crazy people,” her mom replied.

“Well, the only monster here tonight is my appetite, let’s eat,” her father said.

During dinner, Grace slipped a few bites of her pork chop to Lady. The dog was doing her normal thing of constantly wandering around the table during the whole meal, looking for handouts. After dinner, the family went out on the back deck to watch the sunset over the mountains. Lady seemed a bit agitated, barking at everything despite her dad trying to shush the dog.

“She must have seen a squirrel or something, she’s really not happy, is she?” her mom said.

Instead of looking out over the backyard where the squirrels and other critters like to roam, Grace noticed that Lady seemed focused on the neighbor’s house. The Sullivan’s were an older couple and not very social. They never seemed to go out on their deck and the only time she saw them was when they left in their car to go to the store each week. They weren’t mean or anything just liked to keep to themselves her dad had told her. Grace didn’t mind them one way or another, the only thing she didn’t like about the neighbors were their gnomes.

The had dozens of the things around their house, all in different poses and doing different things. Normally, they wouldn’t bother her at all some of them were kind of neat. She especially liked the one that was riding a dog. One day they left an angry note for dad, trying to say that Petunia had knocked over one of the gnomes, causing it to shatter on a paving stone.

Grace didn’t believe it one bit, sure, Petunia liked to knock things off shelves, but she wouldn’t bother some stupid lawn ornament in the neighbor’s yard. Her dad wasn’t happy that the Sullivan’s were making a big deal about it, but mom reminded him that we should be good neighbors. Grace guessed her dad must have paid them for the gnome or something since it was replaced a few days later.

Over the last week, her parents had made jokes about the new gnome arrivals. Where the Sullivan’s originally had somewhere between ten or twelve lawn gnomes around their house, now there was a couple of dozen. In the last few days, Grace could have sworn that they were more than that.

She hadn’t seen the Sullivan’s placing them in the yard. They must have done it when she was in school. The new gnomes weren’t anything like the old ones, these looked kind of dull and angry. There weren’t any bright colors or happy poses either, just sullen-looking gnomes staring blankly ahead, paint faded and chipped.

As the evening grew darker, Grace went out the front door to get Petunia to come in, the kitty liked to play outside until the last possible moment, and sometimes, Grace had to coax the cute little kitty in with a treat. Instead of hiding, her kitty shot into the house as soon as the door was opened.

Looking outside, Grace couldn’t see any dogs or anything that might have scared her, but it looked like the Sullivans were at it again. A whole swarm of gnomes had been placed on the property line between the two houses, and these were all the creepy new ones. It would be Halloween next month, so maybe the Sullivan’s were going to go with a creepy gnome theme for their house. That couldn’t be right, they never set out decorations, no matter what holiday it was.

“Grace, make sure to feed and water Petunia before you get ready for bed tonight,” her dad called.

She always giggled when he said feed and water, she got the image of pouring water onto the cat directly, which wouldn’t go over so well with her little friend. Petunia typically would spend the night in her room, so Grace fed the cat on a special shelf near her closet. That way, Petunia could eat, and Lady wouldn’t try and snag the cat food.

Despite whatever had spooked her earlier, Petunia came running when she heard the cat food container rattle. Her kitty began chowing down while Grace got ready for bed. She really liked having her cat sleep on the foot of her bed, it made her feel safe.

Grace used to have to kick the cat out before she went to bed each night, just in case the cat had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Her dad had come through for her and installed a pet flap in the door to her room, allowing both Petunia and Lady the option to come in and visit her at any time. Lady usually slept on mom and dad’s bed, but sometimes she would come in late at night and check on Petunia and Grace.

“Grace, I’m going to bring you to school tomorrow, your mom has a doctor’s appointment. Did you set your alarm?” Her dad asked. She had missed setting the alarm just once and now he asked every night.

“Yes dad, can we get donuts tomorrow?” She asked. Her dad didn’t take her to school that often, but when he did, he would often reward her with donuts if she was ready early. Grace wondered if it was truly a reward for her or if it was really for her dad since he seemed to like donuts as much, if not more than she did.

“If you’re up early enough, we’ll hit the Donut Palace on the way to school,” her dad replied. After tucking her in and giving Petunia a good night's pet, Dad turned off the light and closed her door, leaving her small nightlight on just in case she had to get up to use the bathroom or something.

It had been a busy day and Grace had worn herself out playing with Lady earlier, but she was having trouble falling to sleep. Mom and dad were still up, and she could hear them doing dinner dishes and talking. Grace couldn’t make out what they were saying, but she always found it easier to fall asleep when her parents were still up. She finally drifted off to sleep, listening to the comforting sound of her parents talking.

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Grace was jolted awake; some noise having startled her. The creaking of the pet door must have woke her, she could hear it still swinging to a stop. Lady was usually pretty quiet at night, but sometimes she liked to pester Petunia and the two would run through the house waking everyone up and slamming through the pet door. She felt soft pressure by her feet, figuring that Petunia had come back to bed and was doing that crazy walk in a circle thing that cats do before they try to sleep.

Wait, something didn’t feel right, it wasn’t Petunia’s paws traipsing up her leg, it was something else. She sat up in her bed, only to spot the terrifying sight of three of the Sullivans’ lawn gnomes standing at the foot of her bed, staring at her. The only thing was, these weren’t some ceramic ornaments at all.

The gnomes were real-life creatures. She let out a whimper, only to have one of the gnome’s mutter something and throw sparkly powder in her face that froze her in place. She tried to call out to mom and dad, tried to run, but nothing would move, and she couldn’t speak.

On the high shelf by her food dish, Petunia stood, her fur spiked out and her back arched while shaking in fear. The glow of her nightlight, which had a pink filter on it, didn’t give her enough light to see too much detail and it made the gnomes even scarier. While she couldn’t see all that much, she could make out that each of the gnomes was armed with sharp little gnome-sized daggers and meat cleavers that were tucked in their belts.

“Grizzbiz bo kazzz,” the largest of the gnomes ordered, and a half dozen more entered through the pet door. She figured this one was the leader since it was the biggest and it had an oversized red hat on its head while all the other ones had green hats.

The three on the bed with her shoved hard against her body causing her to topple over the edge of the mattress. Instead of hitting the ground, she bounced softly and floated an inch above the carpet. Whatever magic they used to freeze her also made her hover, enabling the three little creeps to easily push her across the floor toward her bedroom door.

The new arrivals climbed on each other’s shoulder to reach the doorknob, pulling it open with some effort. With the doorway clear, they began to push Grace towards the stairs. Giving her a final shove, Grace was sent sliding toward the first floor, bouncing safely to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. Whatever magic they had used on her kept her safe, but even a third-grader could tell that the gnomes were going to hurt her once they got her out of the house.

An open window in the living room revealed how the little monsters had gotten in the house, daddy usually locked them each night, but he must have missed one. The gnomes were arguing quietly, some pointing toward the front door, and others pointing toward the back door leading to the deck. She realized that while they could climb in through the window, the little gnomes weren’t going to be able to lift her back out of it.

They finally came to a decision, pushing her toward the back deck. Grace watched her house pass by, helpless to do anything to stop the monsters from taking her. Was this the last time she would see her home?

What would her family think when they woke up to find her gone? She started to spin a bit as they pushed her forward. Even Grace was a giant compared to the gnomes, and pushing a floating giant wasn’t a precise task. She held out hope once when they bumped into an end table and the television remote dropped on the wood floor with a clacking sound.

The gnomes stopped and grew tense, their hands hovering over their small but sinister-looking weapons. When nobody responded, they continued to push toward the back door as another swarm of gnomes climbed in through the window to open it. As she spun slowly toward the door, Grace noticed a shape following behind the gnome, it was the painfully cute shape of Petunia Pouncer. Her kitty was coming to help, at least she hoped she was.

Keeping up an ongoing argument among themselves, the gnomes didn’t notice when the rearmost of their number dropped to the floor with a fluffy ball of fur, claws, and teeth on top of him. A short whimper from the gnome was heard as Petunia bit down hard on the monster’s throat. Grace was glad it was dark, she didn’t want to see any of the gnome blood that was surely pooling on the floor.

“Griz, Griz, Fazzlemore!” One of the gnomes whispered to the others. At his command, the others stopped pushing Grace and drew their tiny weapons while creeping slowly toward Petunia. Grace’s cat arched her back and spit out a howl toward the approaching gnomes, taking a final swipe with her claws at the dying gnome beneath her. Grace could only hope that the noise her kitty was waking up her parents.

As the gnomes approached, they began to circle her kitty. While Petunia was a little bigger than the gnomes, she was outnumbered by at least twenty to one. With another hiss, Petunia pounced at the closest gnome biting and clawing at it. The gnome made a gurgling cry before it stopped moving.

Sadly, the other gnomes took advantage of her kitty’s distraction, stabbing with their knives and chopping with their tiny meat cleavers. Poor Petunia yowled in pain, leaping over the crowd of gnomes and up onto the back of the couch after slashing one of her attackers across the face.

The lead gnome licked some kitty blood off his meat cleaver and waved his fellows on. They circled the couch, trying to cut off any path of escape. Once they had their prey surrounded, the gnomes began to climb up.

Petunia was putting up a good fight, swiping at the gnomes that were trying to climb, causing some horrible injuries to them and knocking one after the other off the couch. Grace could see that there were just too many gnomes and before she could slap them all off the couch, some were sticking her with the little knives.

The leader of the gnomes chuckled as he watched Petunia’s doomed defense of the couch. Grace wanted to break free, to help her kitty, but she still couldn’t move. The leader and three others surrounded her while the rest of the swarm tried to attack Petunia.

Having no other choice, Petunia leaped off the couch and charged up the stairs, retreating from the fight. The gnomes dropped off the couch and made to pursue the cat when the leader grumbled at them in their strange language, calling off the attack and waving them back toward Grace.

Watching the slowly approaching horde, Grace saw them stop in their tracks, raising their weapons toward her. The leader grumbled louder at them, but all they could do was point their weapons and jabber in Grace’s direction. Behind her, Grace heard a low and threatening growl for a moment before a golden furred dog charged in to grasp the lead gnome in its jaws.

Lady must have heard the commotion and left mom and dad’s room to help out. With a vicious shake of her head, the big gnome squealed once before Grace heard a crunching sound and the gnome went limp. Lady wasted no time, snatching up the next closest gnome and giving it the same treatment that it had given to the leader.

The other gnomes shrieked and scampered about, some moving to attack Lady, while three tried to make a break for the open window. It was then that Petunia rejoined the fight, jumping from the stairs onto the trio of gnomes trying to escape. Lady whimpered in pain as several of the gnomes stabbed into her, but she never stopped crunching them up with her jaws, one after the other.

“What is going on here! Get away from my daughter!” Her dad bellowed as the lights turned on in the living room, causing everyone and everything to cover their eyes from the sudden brightness. Squinting, Grace could see her dad standing there in his pajamas with a big pistol in his hands. A red light appeared on the chest of the gnome closest to her before a loud blast left her ears ringing. The gnome blew apart, it was gross, but Grace didn’t care, daddy was here, and she knew everything would be fine now.

Just as she thought that, another dozen gnomes appeared at the open back door, brandishing their tiny weapons as they charged daddy. Dad didn’t see them; he was busy blasting the gnomes around her with his super loud pistol while the creepy little guys closed in. An even louder blast was heard and the front ranks of the charging gnomes were swept away. A clacking sound was heard and another of the super loud blasts pulped three more gnomes, tearing up the wood floor.

“Get out of my house!” Mom roared as she racked another shell into the shotgun she was holding. This second attacker with a gun broke the gnome’s courage and the remaining ones ran for the back door and the window, trying to flee. Dad and mom kept firing at them, getting most, while Petunia and Lady crouched protectively next to Grace.

“Can you hear me Grace, blink if you understand,” Dad said, fumbling with a fresh magazine that snagged on the pocket of his pajamas where he must have stuffed them. Grace blinked rapidly in response, the only thing she could do. Mom shoved more shells into her shotgun before closing and locking the back door and the open window.

“Lucy, call the police and an ambulance,” her dad said to mommy as he picked her up. She was frozen in the seated up position she had been in when the gnomes did that magic freezy stuff to her, so dad propped her up on the couch, using the millions of pillows mom used as decorations to wedge her securely into place.

“You two, well done Lady and Petunia. Good kitty, good doggy, you helped save Grace,” her dad said giving both animals a flurry of pets. Of course, the animals helped her, they were her bestest friends in the world. She still couldn’t move but could feel the tingle of the magic starting to dissipate. Everything was going to be okay.

Grace and her parents were indeed fine after their brush with danger. Having had her pets save her from a horrible fate, Grace formed an even closer bond with them. As an adult, Grace became a veterinarian for an animal training group that specialized in protective pets. Should you need a dog, cat, monkey, or even a wallaby to help defend your family, look up Grace, she might even give you a discount if you mention my name.

The police arrived shortly after Grace’s parents made the 911 call, and once the SWAT team was on-site, they cleared the neighbor’s house of the remaining gnomes. This monster lair proved to be a small one, and the early discovery and intervention by law enforcement prevented a more horrible outcome. Sadly, the Sullivan’s didn’t survive their first brush with the Upgrade. Their bones were found in the basement where the gnomes had spawned.

While there is always a random element to a monster lair, factors in the immediate area can influence the creation of the lair. In this case, the lair spawned as a Rabid Gnome Burrow, influenced by the gnome collection the old couple kept. While this lair was a deadly threat, not all Upgrade spawned things are dangerous, some have even proven to be beneficial as we will see in the next story…