Beginning to dread what came next, an uncomfortable sweat dripped from my face.
I don’t want this–I don’t want to remember.
Please…
My feet began to move themselves as I left my bedroom behind.
Then almost immediately, I spotted a door that was covered in dark, black metal chains.
“…”
Gazing upon them, the chains then spontaneously undo itself from the door.
Abruptly, I’m forcefully ushered and pushed within the room.
Please… Don’t…
Darkness. Darker than dark.
Within moments, my vision adjusts.
A large, dimly lit bedroom.
Decorated with an excessive amount of purple–
Purple carpets, purple bed sheets, bed curtains, pillows. They were starting to blend together in an obnoxious way.
Then, a voice broke the silence…
It sounded different.
Somewhat sorrowful.
“One day, we discovered that a strange, unfathomable thing had happened.”
…I'm getting tired of listening to the sound of myself talking.
----------------------------------------
“…”
“Gernan suddenly came down with an unidentified condition as he was soon discovered one evening, collapsed and unconscious inside of the library with a book in his hand–”
“At first, we assumed that this may have been onset by some kind of skin condition, maybe something he had developed by his long career as a woodworker, having spent many decades in the grueling sun being such a prolific carpenter.”
“His tanned complexion had persisted even throughout his retirement. He had seemed healthy enough, so it was seemingly ridiculous to think that something involving the health of his skin would come into effect.”
“My arrogant and hasty assessment was proven wrong however, as the more I began to question things, the more that logical answers seemed to elude me."
"A skin condition wouldn't cause this."
"There has to be more to it."
"After Grunhilda had called for help from the fellow Villagers, and Gernan had been moved to a more comfortable and isolated place, I inquisitively took a closer look at the specifics of the book he had been reading before he had collapsed.
"There had to be a reason why this was last thing he had been reading before what just transpired."
"An untitled blue book with no name.”
"..."
"Let's see..."
"Upon opening the book, I immediately notice the blue hue of the cover..."
"It reminds me of something."
"I'm not sure of what, though."
"Not to mention, I can tell from how worn the initial pages are that this book has been read at least dozens of times over."
"This peaked my curiosity even more."
"Continuing on, I spotted a crease on one of the pages and turned to it."
"Inside, were detailed notes, many potential theories and herbal formulas were written down on certain pages pertaining to his conjecture in what Gernan thought his condition may have been.
"Reading onward, I then saw a particular page that discussed Eastern medicine and herbal remedies, particularly from a specific island whose name I couldn't pronounce."
"█████████..."
"How do you say this word?
"It's in a different language..."
"Wait..."
"Haven't I seen this language before?"
"If memory recalls, I've seen it once in a book on certain obscure languages and cultures."
"M████████."
"Remembering what little I can from that book, I can somehow read the first letter."
"It's written the same way the first letter in my name is written..."
"..."
"Taking a brief moment to think, I did try writing my own name in this language once..."
"So if I apply that to this..."
"Mi████ima."
"After spending a few dozen seconds re-reading the word, I gave up."
"Ugh! This is frustrating...!"
"Well, whatever."
"What else does it say...?"
"Among other things, it discussed something mysterious and strange altogether."
"Thankfully, the information on this one theory was translated quite well."
"However, the more I read, the more I felt unease fill my body."
"What... is this...?"
"█a█i█m ████i█ ██████m█"
"There were many personal notes scribbled down in the handiwork of Gernan."
"One of these notes seemingly included a translation for this phrase."
"██████ Necrosis Syndrome."
"However, the ink translating the first word seemed to be purposefully smudged out."
"Then, it had occurred to me."
“Soon, I learned what he had contracted.”
“According to what was described, It talked about a condition, one that would cause a necrosis or deterioration of the skin just by coming within direct contact of both sunlight and moonlight.”
“An illness that no one had seen yet before.”
"Something that was only documented from the previously aforementioned and very specific location."
"All of this information was contained within this unknown book."
"..."
"After reading everything that I needed to, I begrudgingly talked to Grunhilda about my discovery."
“Given our newfound circumstances and newly acquired information, she then had a room made for her husband which was far removed from any natural light source."
"It was completely isolated from the rest of the mansion.”
“Many village doctors, alchemical experts and medical experts from neighboring townships and from within the village were summoned per Grunhilda’s request to check upon her husband’s health.”
"Experts from Meraki, the leading territory when it came to anything technological, even they didn't have any answers regarding what my Father's condition could be."
"I did my best to show the mysterious book that I had found which described Gernan's condition, in the hopes that someone could possibly use it to study and develop a cure..."
“The conclusion would be the same every time.”
"Leave us, child, you're impeding our work. Let the adults handle these matters."
"..."
“This illness is unprecedented…”
“There simply isn’t a known cure at this time for whatever it is he has.”
“You should remain by his side for the remainder of time that he has left.”
"..."
"Upon being told these words, Grunhilda could do nothing but bawl endlessly."
"However in contrast to her, oddly enough..."
"I simply couldn't cry."
"Not even once."
Staring at my younger self, her cold expression as she looked at my bedridden Father, seemingly not knowing what to do.
I knew exactly why it was that I couldn't cry in this moment.
Simply put, It was up to me to be strong for my Mother's sake during these trying times.
Not to mention my determination at doing whatever I could to help my Papa get better wouldn't let me cry.
Deep down, I knew if I had shed a single tear, then it would be the same as giving up.
So... I carried onward.
----------------------------------------
“Despite being merely Ten years old during this time, I still heavily insisted on helping Grunhilda as much as physically possible."
"Even going far beyond my normal limits. It didn't matter to me, even if I lost sleep and skipped more than a few meals."
“Grunhilda would sit patiently by Gernan's bedside, lit only by a dim candle with a cloth ready in hand to wipe away the sweat of his brow.”
“Each day and night, we would take turns in our duties, doing our best to cook and prepare his meals carefully and to give him simple sponge baths while taking care of his other necessities.”
"We both had worked together to help Gernan throughout his newly contracted and unknown illness.”
This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.
“Gernan was given less than a year to live out his life–”
“SHUT UP!!!!”
Screaming at the top of my lungs, I feel immense rage filling every pore of my body.
"..."
Momentarily, the voice pauses.
Hearing the voice declare that about my Father so freely, especially when using the sound of my own voice...
To speak so lightly... So bluntly... So callously
It’s appalling.
I feel incredibly sick–
However, despite my grievances, the narration forcefully continues.
“One day, I noticed there was a change in Mother.”
“As time went on, Mother would persuade me to let her handle Father’s caretaking.”
“It’s okay, Mai…”
“Head back to your room and rest. You already did enough for now. I can’t have you collapsing on me as well…”
"But..."
"Please, Mai..."
"This is important to me."
"..."
“I was worried for our family, so I worked as hard as I could for the sake of my Father.”
"Admittedly... I was feeling obvious signs of fatigue."
"This kind of work wasn't healthy for a normal Ten year old."
“Knowing how she felt and against my better judgement, I reluctantly heeded her request."
"..."
"Yes, Mother..."
"She would mostly handle all of Father’s caretaking from then onward.”
----------------------------------------
"Circumstances involving Father would only become worse."
“This went on for many months until he eventually started showing very sudden and terminal signs of health.”
“I would constantly ask Mother if she needed any help from me. She’d always cry silently to herself in response and turn her head away from me, so I wouldn't see her tears.”
“She’d shake her head in disagreement. Determined to be the one to undertake everything by herself.
“Feeling utterly helpless… I simply did what I could to help.”
…
Unable to watch this any longer, my emotions come to a boil.
I try to scream, but nothing comes out. I feel incredulous sorrow, yet the tears simply don't fall.
Even when I attempt to speak in protest, words don't come out.
As if whatever sick and twisted force is showing me these things now simply wants me to watch, and nothing more.
Only to suffer in silence.
I bite my tongue–I bite down really hard. More than hard enough to draw blood.
I’m sure if I could actually feel pain or bleed right now, that I would be in excruciating pain.
But it still wouldn’t hurt as much as having to experience this again.
These memories that have long since left me...
----------------------------------------
“After Several more months had passed..."
"One evening, Mother asked me to sit by Father’s bedside to take over her duties for her.”
“She apologized profusely, but I wholeheartedly nodded and eagerly agreed to help.”
“By the time I received her full consent on the matter, she had already departed to her bedroom for the night due to the sheer fatigue she’d accumulated both physically and emotionally until this point.”
“There, as I sat on a wooden stool near the brightly colored bed, I gazed down at my Father as he laid still.”
“I could only assume that his illness was somehow progressive."
"Despite how little sunlight he should have come in contact with over the past few years, the visual, physical presence of his Necrosis was much more severe now. It had spread up from his fingertips all the way to his elbows now.”
“As I stared blankly at Father, a candle on a nightstand near the bed dripped melted wax constantly."
"The seconds went by mockingly, as the feeling of guilt overcame me."
"Maybe... Maybe I could have done more...”
“Then, I suddenly felt an icy cold hand, gently grasping mine.”
“Father grasped my hand shakily, opening his eyes slightly.”
“Well now… it’s been forever… since I’ve seen you…”
“How have you been… my lil’ sap…?”
“Smiling, he looked up at me.”
"...!"
"When I was younger, I had fallen and scraped my knees multiple times."
"I've eaten mysterious hot peppers from Mother's garden, that made my lips swell and puff up, red with pain. They made me unable to taste anything properly for a whole week."
"Constantly throughout my early life growing up here in this village, I've been subject to bullying and ostracization from many of the children my age in the village."
"None of these made me shed a single tear."
"Some would say that made me an abnormal child."
"..."
"Pa...pa...?"
"My hands shook unceasingly. My body trembled and my vision became blurred."
"For the first time in my life..."
"Finally, I had cried."
"As if a caged bird were set free, it was finally being granted infinite choice, so too did the tears feel utterly infinite in their volume."
"It felt like I was finally given permission to let everything go. Everything that had been bottled within all of this time had been set free."
“Impulsively, I threw myself at Father without even considering his current condition."
"All that mattered to me was hugging the only man I’ve known to be my one and only Father.”
“He held me gently by my back, doing his best to comfort me.”
“I heard him tenderly and affectionately speaking to me while I lay on his chest, doing my best to hear him amidst my emotional outburst.”
Averting my eyes, I look away.
Strangely... I tried to cry earlier but nothing happened, no matter how much I tried to force it.
But now, tears of my own begin to fall as well.
Rubbing my eyes of tears, I'm honestly not sure what to think of this.
I... I can’t take this for much longer...
----------------------------------------
“Listen, Mai…”
“There’s a lot I wanted to tell you… but truth be told… I don’t have that much time left I’m afraid…”
“With what time I do have left… let me tell you somethin’…”
“You’re very special…I always knew you were…”
“I’m sure you already knew… you're a smart one after all…”
“So I just… want you to know…”
Father took some time to clear his throat before speaking his next words to me.
The most important words he’d ever say to me, words that I will treasure and never forget with all of my heart even if my memories betray me.
“I love you…” …!
P-Papa…!
“I wished that we’d have been closer… and… done more together…”
“It’s taken me… some time but now I know for sure… you were a true blessing…”
“Me and Grunhilda… your Mother…"
"We... We aren’t your real parents… seeing as… how I can’t have children of my own.”
“Pretty sure… you figured that out quickly though…”
“It was devastating news at first… after trying… to have children of our own… but…”
“This orphanage… is our other blessing… we did our best to take care… of the children out there who need someone in their lives to guide them… in the right direction…”
“To teach them… right from wrong… to bestow guidance on them... so they can shine a path for others..."
"Sniff... Hic..."
"P-Papa..."
“So... I’m truly happy…”
“I’m really sorry that me and your Mother… didn’t talk about it with you sooner…”
“But despite the fact that… you aren’t our daughter by blood…”
Father rose shakily from his laid down posture, kissing my younger self's forehead tenderly.
“You're still our daughter…”
“That’s who you are Mai.”
“And that's who you’ll always be…”
“So I want you to take care… of your Mother.”
“I know you’ll... make me proud….”
----------------------------------------
Hearing these slow, struggling words, they gradually overwhelm me.
Wailing and shaking uncontrollably, I kneel down seeking comfort within the arms of his illusionary image.
As with me, my younger self cries within in his arms.
This is just a memory.
So I know he can’t actually see me and I can’t physically touch him…
But… I need this.
Father then laughed weakly, yet heartily.
“There, there lil' sap… if there’s anyone I believe in… it’s you…”
“Some words of advice Mai… keep these close to your heart... and not just your head..."
"Always keep a sharp mind…”
“Never let emotion cloud your way… of thinking…”
“Take note of what’s around you... before jumping in and being hasty…”
“And… most of all…”
“Don’t… ever… stop being you, Mai.”
----------------------------------------
"Father continued to console me by rubbing my back."
"He smiled wearily at me, forcing himself so that in this moment, I wouldn’t cry for him any longer."
"Clearing his throat once more, he began to speak like how I’m accustomed to again."
"Considering how taxing it must have been to speak without shortening his words like he usually does, I don’t mind even in the slightest."
“You're looking better already… You're a pretty girl… tears don’t suit you one bit…”
He let out a small, weak chuckle.
“Ga…haha!”
“I feel content... knowing that my daughter could settle down… with any guy... she chooses…”
“I… couldn’t… feel happier…”
"Looking into my eyes, he mustered a serious demeanor in contrast to his previously weak constitution."
“Make sure… you bring whatever guy you fancy to me... when the time comes…”
“I’ll… be… sure to… judge them thoroughly!”
“No one’s good enough… for my… daughter… though...!"
“Gahaha!”
“Ha…aagh!!!!
"Father began to cough violently."
Papa...!!!!
Alarmed, I rushed over to his nightstand to retrieve his medicine.
Until I remembered that I couldn’t do a single thing.
After all, this is just a memory.
“Immediately, I began to panic and hurried to get him some medicine.”
“As I rummaged around, looking for the proper prescription to give him, Father, through his coughing fit, spoke more about a topic that always intrigued me as a young child.”
“I… huff… want to say… one more thing…”
“If you... ever decide… to go looking for your real parents one day…”
“Tell them… how thankful… I am to them…”
He let out a beaming smile following those words.
"Suddenly, Father began to cough even more violently than before which distressed me greatly. I made my way over to the medicine cabinet."
"Aagh!!!!"
The depiction of my childlike self knelt there, frantically rummaging around at medicinal bottles and vials.
"Once more, he called out again."
“Forget… about that…for now....”
“How bout… you make me some of that… wonderful soup… you learned… to make… from those books you’re always reading…?”
“Think… you can… do that for me…?”
"Despite how haggard his features look, his eyes relayed the sincerity of his request."
“Upon such a request, I smiled confidently.”
“I nodded, pacing towards the kitchen.”
A force then grips me.
Soon, my body is flung into the air as I'm forcefully dragged out of the room–
I grasp desperately, holding onto the handle of the door’s room.
“I’ll be right back!” my younger self said to him, determined to undertake his request.
Don't go!!!!
Desperately, all I can muster is a single scream.
“I couldn’t have known–” I take one last look at my Father…
“What exactly would happen–” I never realized it before now... But his face told me…
“In the short time while I was gone.” Everything... That I needed to know…
----------------------------------------
"Thirty minutes had passed since I began preparing Father’s soup."
"Concluding upon the finishing touches to the meal, I set some aside in a bowl and began making my way back to his bedside.
"I’ve definitely outdone my previous recipes before! I know he’ll love this one for certain!”
"Blissfully unaware of what had happened in the meantime–Until I heard a scream coming from his room."
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!"
An anguished, painful cry.
"My feet work laboriously as I frantically hurry back to my father’s room at full sprint."
"There, I saw my Mother holding my Father, as he lay lifeless in her arms."
"She lay on the ground, wailing and shaking violently while embracing his body."
"Time stood still. My physical self stood frozen there, staring at them."
"Father was no longer inside of his bed as he should have been."
"Firstly, I thought to myself–"
"H-He’s okay…"
"After all, it’s my Father…"
"There’s nothing that could happen to him…!"
"My childish naivety and wishful thinking didn’t last for very long."
"The more I stared at my Father’s figure in my Mother's arms, the more discolored he became."
"His skin became purple and white as life slowly left his body."
"Then…"
I saw his face–
His larger than life smiling face.
It was the same smile he’d shown while talking moments prior.
His smile never once left him, not even for a single moment.
I couldn’t accept this.
None of this was real to me.
"Slowly, I began to lose my composure as the reality of the situation crept upon me."
"Compulsively throwing down the bowl of soup I had made for him as I began to deliriously dart my eyes back and forth without a clear destination in mind."
"An uncomfortable cold sweat began to form on my skin."
"I unconsciously began to clutch at my chest."
“K-Khhhh…!”
"Before realizing what was happening to me, suddenly I couldn’t breathe."
"Everything surrounding me was suffocating and enveloping my very being."
"All I could feel was fear. Sheer terror at what was happening."
"Then, I felt a strange sense of peace."
"Thoughts began to fill my head–"
“Maybe if I die… I can go with him too…”
“I want to go with you…to where you are...”
“…Papa” Papa...
----------------------------------------
"Before completely losing consciousness, I felt the sensation of someone lifting me into their arms."
"It was strange, as if I were watching a scene play out from outside of my own body."
"Something akin to an out of body experience."
"Staring blankly onward, my gaze emptily honed in on my Mother. She wailed unceasingly, holding Father’s body while violently shaking.
"Before the mysterious sensation had carried me out of the room, she stared coldly at me."
"At first I could make out unfiltered sorrow and pain contained within her eyes which then gave way to rage–"
"She cursed me repeatedly."
“WE SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU OUT THERE!!!!"
"IF NOT FOR YOU WE WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE!!!!”
"YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!!!!"
"NOT HIM!!!"
"YOU!!!!"
"In response to this, my mind began to blur out many words and other sentiments she said about me that night."
"Perhaps it was a subconscious way of my mind protecting itself from shattering entirely at that moment."
That night... I don't remember anything past this moment.
But the me of right now, the words that my Mother spoke that night...
I can hear them now in their entirety.
…
Suddenly, an unknown sensation overcomes me...
My vision is filled with bright, white light.
For a moment, I'm filled with apparent confusion.
I had just been standing nearest the door while being a spectator to this twisted, macabre play.
However, now I find myself being carried, as if I'm floating on air.
My mind also feels hazy...
What... What's happening...?
…
----------------------------------------
Slowly, my body felt as if it were floating on a cloud as I ascended the stairs to the upper floor, the mysterious force, whisking me away to my room.
There, I was placed gently and considerately on top of my bed.
In my mental state, I clearly thought–
This is a dream.
None of this is real…
How could it be real…?
Then, I felt a warm and tender sensation on my forehead.
Deep in my heart, I somehow knew…
“P-Papa..?”
",,,!"
What I saw next, I could only assume was either a hallucination or some unexplained miracle.
A young man whom I had never seen before, but had such a familiar bearing and radiant smile stood before me.
“Take care, Mai.”
“Never forget that I’ll always love you my lil’ sap...!”
After saying this, he turns away as if to leave.
Then he stops, turning back towards me with a smile so precious and brilliant, no jewel in the entire world could compare.
He points towards my crafted wooden closet, the same closet he had made for me a decade prior.
"Happy Birthday, Mai...!"
With one last smile, the visage of the young man slowly dissipates, like cloud vapors in the wind.
"..."
Still in disbelief, I manage to carry myself from my bed to the closet.
Then, I open it...
What greets me inside is a beautifully made sky-blue dress, matching silk hair-ribbon and handcrafted blue shoes along with an artisanal-crafted wooden handbasket."
"Papa..."
"..."
"Hic..."
"WAAAAAAAAH!!!!"
Running over to my bed, I cover my head with my blanket in sheer confusion.
I wept and bawled for what felt like an eternity.
Then deep sleep overcame me.
----------------------------------------
By the next morning when I had finally awoken…
I knew that things would no longer be the same.
All of my senses were overtaken by the fact that now, my Father had left me and my Mother.
No matter what kind of regret, or wishful thinking I had, he wasn't coming back.
"...Papa..."
As helpless as ever, all I could do was continue to cry.
Hours passed...
When I had finally been fully aware of what happened the night before, and what just happened with that man… my tears had finally dried...
It later occurred to me as I laid in my bed, that today...
"Today is..."
"My... Eleventh birthday..."
----------------------------------------