An unperceivable amount of time begins to pass…
Hours? Days? Weeks?
With my eyes shut wide, I start to lose my bearings within this false scope of time.
Suddenly, after what seemed to be an eternity…
A familiar sight springs forth from the visceral darkness, and begins to fill my vision.
This is…
----------------------------------------
I’m beginning to remember now.
The sight of a very rural, mundane village now seemingly conjured out of thin air fills the space all around me.
What… What is this?
Slowly, I can feel my memories slowly unravel.
This is the village I grew up in–
A simple, rural village by the name of “Commis Village” that sits comfortably near the eastern border of Saint-Grandis between here and Meraki near the mountains that separate the capital city.
Saint-Grandis stands as the capital and crown jewel of this land known as Aischala. Home to the royal family and main territory to which many humans, even demi-humans, call this territory home.
Alongside the strong scent of forest pine and mountain air cleansing my nostrils and lungs with each breath, I can smell the powerful aroma of fresh-baked bread.
Glancing around, I see familiar sights of the simple dirt trail that winds through the center of the entire village. To get around anywhere in the village, you’d have to walk along this pathway.
Right now, I’m standing in what you’d describe as “Town Central” or I suppose a “Town Square” in most non-rural cities.
Various villagers have different stalls here, each peddling their own wares.
Wares ranging from simple woven crafts like carpets, handbaskets, blankets among other things, even foodstuffs like various grains, wheat, barley and oat can be purchased here.
Amongst my favorite foodstuffs sold here, the fresh fruit and quality produce would be my personal recommendation.
Many people from outside of our village come here to both purchase and trade for both goods and services. Commis Village has always served the purpose of a “Trade Village” for quite some time, especially when war began to break out, traffic to and from our village became even busier than usual as a result of current events.
This all feels so surreal.
For some reason, I feel a pit of anxiety grow within me, among other more complex emotions.
Before I can question my feelings any further, I feel impulsively compelled to glance downward at myself for no real reason in particular.
“Wha…?!”
A startled gasp comes from my mouth.
Small hands.
Soft, fair colored skin.
A light blue dress, a peculiar blue-jeweled necklace, cute blue-ribboned shoes and long silky white socks adorn my small figure.
Shocked, I instinctively reach my hands upwards towards the top of my head–
I feel the comfortable sensation of a large silk ribbon rest on it.
…Also, my hair.
My hair feels extremely lengthy…
It’d be laughably difficult to have hair this long on an espionage mission–
Hence why I try to keep it as short as possible now.
I knew it.
There was an instinctive feeling that what I had suspected was happening all along.
Seems like I was right. For once, I wish that I wasn’t.
However, this is fine–
Luna wanted me to undergo whatever this is, so I’ll just trust in her and see what happens.
----------------------------------------
“Hmm…?”
Shrugging to myself while in thought, an inquisitive remark escapes my lips as my attention shortly thereafter becomes drawn towards a group of children of varying ages.
There, I count five children in total to be precise.
They seem to be playing around together, straight ahead in the middle of the village.
Standing there are three boys and two girls–
Two younger boys, one with red hair and spectacles, the other with shaggy brown hair, and an older boy who stands over the others, with short black hair.
The majority of them are seen wearing simple brown and green clothing that at a glance could be described as mere rags, at the very least, simple low-class clothes fitting of a village youth.
The two younger boys appear barely in their teens, with the taller boy being closer to a young adult or teenager himself.
To the left of the three boys, two younger girls can be seen as well.
Of the two girls, one with short brown pigtail-styled hair seems to be the youngest out of the group of children, she’s perhaps close to nine or ten years old.
She wears a cute and simple, tattered brown dress that matches her hair and light-brown, puppy-like eyes.
The girl standing next to her however, instantly begins to fill my stomach with an uncomfortable and unforgettable twinge of anxiety.
She looks to be close to twelve or thirteen in age, barely a teenager in appearance.
Her silky and extremely long red hair flows down evenly, as it extends far past her lower back, she can be seen wearing what appears to be a stylish black hat, similar to a beret or something that only people from high society would wear.
Her fair snow white skin is a pure contrast to the very visually gripping high-quality artisanal made black dress, decorated with purple adornments that match her sharp, purple eyes.
The way she wields her sense of fashion however, is nothing compared to how well she wears that devious smirk across her face
I’ve only known such people from Meraki– A neighboring territory to the east of here, to really care about such a strong sense of fashion.
My uncomfortable stare towards the red-haired girl is broken by the sight of the children at play once more.
One of the young boys calls out towards the other, beckoning him to toss a bright-red ball that they’ve been playing together with.
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
----------------------------------------
“Hahaha! Over here! Over here! Throw the ball over to me next!”
The young boy with shaggy brown hair waves his arms about.
The bespectacled red-haired boy tosses the ball in the direction of the shaggy, brown-haired child.
“There we go! Make sure you don’t miss this time and let the ball break old man Glendrys’ window! The last time that happened, I thought his wife was gonna turn you into Stewed Meat! Hahaha!”
The shaggy-haired boy blushes out of embarrassment while giving his retort.
“S-Shut up! I-It wasn’t that bad…”
Silently, I look onward at their quarrel.
“…”
----------------------------------------
I remember this particular day.
It was a sunny day in the village, where the other orphaned children were playing.
They're currently living at the same Orphanage that I grew up in. Each of them are here for a different, but also similar reason.
Continuing to watch, they throw the same ball back and forth between each other.
All I could do was gaze at them, and observe in silence from a short distance away, unable to utter a single word.
But why?
Unable to move against my will, it’s as if I’m compelled to merely be a spectator to a children’s stage play or historical reenactment of some kind.
Something tells me that I’m just meant to play along for now.
How bothersome.
If this truly is the past, then choosing to act differently than what already happened might prove to have troublesome consequences–
But honestly, who really knows?
Right, I just have to play along.
----------------------------------------
Gazing forward at the children once more, I can feel a long since forgotten sense of both loneliness and longing.
I want to join them, but I already know that it’s better if I keep a distance.
Since something tells me that I already remember how this plays out for the most part…
The ball the children throw back and forth between each other suddenly sails over the brown-haired girl’s head, as one of the boys threw the ball seemingly too hard in her direction.
Spectacularly, she manages to gain extra height from jumping upwards, utilizing the hub of a nearby cart wheel and soars into the air, expertly catching the ball.
She touches back down on the ground with a disgruntled look on her face.
“Hey, you threw the ball too hard! You boys don’t know how to play with girls at all!”
Instead of giving her an impressed remark of any kind in response to her impressive feat, the two younger boys angrily outburst in frustration towards the young girl’s remark.
“Shut up! It’s not like we asked you to join us anyway!”
“Yeah! If you’re going to complain, at least make sure you catch the ball right!”
“Grrr…”
The brown-haired girl bares her teeth in sheer frustration at the boys. With the ball in hand, she begins to briskly walk towards them, with the clear intent to physically vent her aforementioned frustrations.
Before she can walk a mere foot, a familiar red-haired girl stands in front of her, barring her way forward. She glances back down at the shorter, younger girl behind her.
“Hey now, don’t let them get to you.”
“B-But!”
“Look, it’s okay to be upset, but we’re just going to make things worse by causing a scene.”
“…”
“Plus, we already know we’re smarter than those stupid boys anyway. We don’t exactly need them to have a fun time, do we?”
The red-haired girl scoffs at the two younger boys as she says this.
Apparently, her words have a profound effect, as the brown-haired girl giggles to herself, considerably calmer than before.
“Hehe!”
“Yeah, you’re right!”
Both the girls start to smile and laugh together in unison, which obviously causes the two young boys to show their disapproval.
One of them, the bespectacled boy, clenches his fists and walks towards the two girls.
“Ugh… girls are just so…”
However, a much taller and older boy stands in his way.
Easily dwarfing the two younger boys by at least 60 centimeters.
His face stern, he glares down at the bespectacled red-haired boy.
“...Knock it off.”
“U-Ugh…”
The young bespectacled boy, seemingly shrinking away, unclenches his fist all the while.
The older boy nods in approval, seemingly in thought.
“…We intended for the girls to join us from the start. It’s not a big deal.”
“...Isn’t that right, you two?”
Eyeing the two younger boys behind him, he waits for their answer.
“I…I guess so…”
“Yeah! I wanted them to join us this entire time actually!”
“No you didn’t! You were against the whole thing earlier, too! Stop pretending!”
“S-Shut up!”
Just watching this entire scene unfold between the two younger boys bickering really does reinforce one thing–
Boys sure are incredibly stupid at times.
Sure, girls can be unusually cruel... which is an understatement.
So at least there's a consistent semblance of balance there.
But at the very least, the tall black-haired boy seemingly has some sense to him.
----------------------------------------
Then, I notice the young brown-haired girl, as she smiles from ear to ear.
“Hehe! Well if you guys all wanted to play together why didn’t you just say so sooner?”
“…Gee, I wonder.” Says the red-haired girl, as she laughs derisively while rolling her eyes dramatically.
“Hehe…” The brown-haired girl giggles once more.
I can only stare at their childish quarrel in silence as I observe them.
At some point, I must’ve unconsciously lost self-awareness for some time while watching the children.
Then, the young brown-haired girl turns towards my direction and speaks.
“Hey, isn’t that…”
Standing frozen, I’m taken aback as I lock eyes with her.
“…”
“Do you want to play with us?”
“You were just watching, right?” She says this while smiling at me.
“Come on! It’ll be fun with more of us!”
“The girls are outnumbered, so it’ll be easier to beat the boys with you here!”
Moving closer, she eagerly walks closer, and closer in my direction. Soon she’s less than a few feet away from where I’m standing.
As she gets close enough to me, she holds out her hand towards me, waiting patiently for me to take hold–
To reach out for her hand.
The extended warmth, and gesture of another’s kindness.
Huh?
What are these thoughts?
Also... this feeling.
Why do I feel such longing?
It's almost seemingly foreign to me.
“I…”
As I reach out for her hand, she smiles at me.
Before our hands can touch–
“I think we should leave her alone!”
A familiar red-haired girl comes between us, interrupting what would’ve otherwise been a heartfelt moment.
“H-Huh…?”
The brown-haired girl looks puzzledly at the red-haired girl, who stands once more in front of her– This time, barring her way towards me.
“I’m sure she’d rather be alone if I’m not mistaken…” Says the red-haired girl, as she glares at me.
She leans close enough to whisper into my ear.
“Yeah, you’d want to be left alone, right?”
“You freak.”
“…”
I choose to remain silent.
“Stay out of my way if you know what’s good for you.”
“But… You’re such a smart and loveable 'know-it-all' that can do no wrong.”
“I know you’ll do what’s best...”
"Right, Mai?"
“Heehee…”
“…”
Having overheard a portion of our exchange, I can see the look on the brown-haired girl's face, as she gazes towards ground, her eyes slightly downcast.
She remains silent.
I stand there silently as well, taking in every word I’m told.
Normally, any child would cry given the sheer cruelty on display.
But…
I’ve always known that I’m different from the other children.
After all, even now…
How could I forget?
----------------------------------------
“Hey!” Suddenly the red-haired girl shouts, as she turns around and walks back towards the group of children behind her, seemingly satisfied with the conclusion of our harsh exchange.
“How about we head over to the river?”
Inquisitively, the bespectacled red-haired boy questions her sudden proposal.
“Why? We’re having fun playing around here, aren’t we?”
Frowning, the red-haired girl glares at him, then begins to smirk knowingly.
“Hmph… Well I heard there’s a hidden cave near there.”
“There might even be some kind of hidden treasure there too from what I heard…”
Instantly, the two young boys gawk at each other in childlike excitement as eagerness can be seen in their eyes.
Catching on to this detail, the red-haired girl continues.
“Heehee…”
“Thought you’d be interested.”
“I’ll lead the way.”
Soon after, the red-haired girl walks past me, an air of arrogance with each step, as her glare meets my eyes for a mere moment. A devilish smirk crosses her face, as the two young boys follow closely behind her.
“…”
As the two young boys and red-haired girl depart out of view, a few dozen seconds pass before a familiar brown-haired girl slowly looks up at me, her eyes showing a sincere look of sadness and empathy towards me.
“S…”
"Sorry..."
Passing by, she says this with her head hung low.
"It's OK, Rebekah. Go on, now."
I say this in a low and concise tone to somewhat alleviate some of her apparent disappointment.
She looks rather tearful, like she could cry at any moment. However, she continues to walk past me, and soon she no longer appears in view as the young girl makes her way towards the edge of town, near the river.
I simply nod to myself in silence, a physical expression to signify my tolerance of what had transpired.
It’s not like I’m a young child anymore who’d be completely bothered by these mundane squabbles any more.
At least mentally for now.
But for some reason, deep down...
It still hurts.
“…”
As I stand silently in place, deeply contemplating to myself, I notice that one of the boys still hasn’t left.
The tall boy, with black hair stares at me, I can sense apprehension coming from him.
He glances repeatedly from the ground up towards me and stares at me for some time.
----------------------------------------
“…”
Then, he speaks.
“...You have beautiful eyes.”
“…”
“...And… Sorry.”
"...Don't let what she said bother you."
"...Also, I think you're really pretty."
“…”
“...See you later, Mai.”
Soon after, he departs down the village trail towards the riverside as well.
Which leaves me here, as the only child left, standing there in silence.
----------------------------------------
Suddenly, my face begins to feel hot.
For the first time in a long time, I feel my cheeks flush red.
Flustered, I hold my cheeks with the palms of my hands as my body crouches and leans towards the ground.
I had entirely forgotten about this ever happening!
Since when was Ambrose such a smooth talker...?
“…”
His remark fills me with a whirling of different emotions.
However… I soon regain my sensibility.
Absolutely nothing will come as a result of such innocent flattery.
As I ponder these thoughts, my memory of how I felt at the time resurfaces from the deepest reaches of my mind.
Just like a filthy parasite that can never be purged from my body, it serves as a constant reminder that will never leave me.
I’ll never fit in.
I’ll always…
Be different.
Following these thoughts, I silently stand in place, affixed to the ground without a single spoken word.
Within moments, my vision suddenly darkens.
----------------------------------------