My vision… feels as if it’s being obscured. For some reason, my eyelids feel oddly heavy.
I can only gaze internally towards the darkness laid before me, lacking the discernment to tell if this is just in my mind or not, I’m uncertain of what’s happening.
Additionally, my mind feels strangely clouded. Somehow, I can tell that my senses are dulled.
M-mmm…
Hmm…?
What…
What’s going on…?
Where am I right now…?
Don’t let emotion overcome your judgment.
I "say" this to myself to affirm my own words, however, I can’t seem to get a grasp on the situation fully yet, let alone utter a single word out loud.
…
Think.
Stay calm and think things through.
First of all…
I should assess my physical condition, starting off with trying to move my legs.
H-Hnng…
It feels somewhat uncomfortable initially, but it certainly seems as if my legs still have function to them.
Following my legs, I then try to move my arms about.
“A-Argh!”
An intense, sharp pain radiates from my left arm as I try to move it.
This smell…
Blood.
Before I realize it, the familiar, unmistakable scent of crimson liquid fills my nostrils.
It doesn’t take much to realize that I’m injured, that this scent of blood originates from me.
It’s not the first time I’ve wound up in a condition like this.
The extent of damage to which I’ve incurred I remain unsure, but at least I’m still alive.
Of course I’m still alive…
Aren’t I?
Why would such an obvious fact cross my mind?
At the same time, there's something else...
Almost like a passing sense of relief?
I’m most likely just overthinking things.
…
Judging by the current circumstance though, something must’ve happened to put me in this current situation.
Whatever that “something” is, has yet to become apparent to me, however that’s beside the point of the here and now.
At the very least I need to evaluate my surroundings first, then formulate some plan of action afterwards.
I slowly open my eyes.
“…”
“This is…”
As I speak out loud to myself, I feel some of my basic senses restored within me.
“…”
----------------------------------------
Carefully looking at my surroundings, my eyes dart around.
They naturally gravitate towards the immaculate, almost effervescent-like night sky.
The sight of never-ending cascades of sand as far as my eyes can see, in stark contrast to the beauty that fills the endless night sky up above, seems almost jarring in comparison.
The breathtaking star-scape only serves to betray my ever-looming sense of dread.
Instinctively, I make out some known constellations while gazing upwards single-mindedly towards the stars, without intending to do so.
Call it a “force of habit”, if you will. As a woman who’s always prided herself on “book smarts”, I admit to reading more than my fair share about what is nestled beyond the reach of our known world–books upon books about anything that would pique my interest as a child.
Stars in particular have always fascinated me to a degree.
“…”
I silently gaze in awe at how brilliant those same stars I’ve dedicated countless sleepless nights to appear towards me on this night.
“One could stare at the night sky and become lost within its innumerable mysteries and unsuspecting allure…”
This feels like an odd time to be so… poetic.
“But now isn’t an opportune time to waste just looking at stars…”
“…”
A part of me feels saddened at the parting of those words.
As if I’m missing something important.
I gather that’s how the me in the past would have felt at this moment.
It’s my first time seeing stars this close-up before, at least without worrying about the light pollution of any township or major cities though…
----------------------------------------
After losing myself in these sentiments for an unhealthy amount of time…
“…”
“That’s enough.”
“I won’t entertain this mundane farce any longer.”
“I need to find my way out of here before morning arrives.”
“There’s no telling how far or distanced from the nearest township this desert could be.”
“Or if there’s even any means of surviving before I find my way out of here…”
"..."
I notice a waterskin attached to my belt near my side.
After giving it a shake with my uninjured arm, it produces nothing but familiar granules of sand from within–my eyebrows raise by themselves in irritation.
“Will I…"
"..."
"Be okay...?"
Doubt begins to set in within the recesses of my mind.
“Argh! Focus! Focus!!”
Purging unnecessary thoughts from my mind… I rap my knuckles against my head in an attempt to convict myself to remain focused, determined to take matters into my own hands.
“All right, It’s now or never…”
Attempting to slowly lift myself from the coarse layer of sand beneath me–
There’s already an issue it seems, as I draw a sharp, laborious breath through my teeth.
“D-Damn it…!”
Without realizing at first what had just happened, I find myself flat on my face in mere seconds following my attempt at lifting myself.
“Mmfph...?!”
Feeling immense pain from my abdomen, I develop a foreboding sense of urgency. It gradually begins to fester within me like an invasive, viscous, pitch-black pit of tar that serves to drag me down further within its unknown depths.
“…”
Shortly after my episodic display of my face uncomfortably colliding with the sand dune beneath me, I roll over onto my backside spitting out sand all the while.
Clutching my stomach in agony, I feel a familiar visceral sensation near my abdomen.
Seems like I’ve suffered a deep, penetrating wound.
“I suppose I’m in worse shape than I initially figured…”
This really isn’t anything new to me, but it doesn’t make things any less unpleasant when these situations do occur.
Where I’ve come from, what I’ve done… It’s almost par for the course.
Although… I’ve never dealt with this set of circumstances all at one given time.
“But… I just can’t give up yet!”
Not without giving it my all.
Determination fills my body up, like an elixir providing relief for a wounded body.
This time, I attempt to push myself up again with more vigor and force behind my endeavor.
The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.
An incredulous, baffling sensation shoots from my left arm wayward towards my stomach.
My very nerves feel like they’ve been set ablaze, as if kindled by an intense, chaotic wildfire.
Then an audible, distressing sound, coming from my left arm can be heard–a sound akin to the snapping of a tree branch, or a bundle of dry twigs.
“Mmfph...!!!!”
A shrill, subdued voice narrowly escaped from my lips, as I clench them tightly together in extreme discomfort.
Cold sweat begins to cover my forehead profusely. Sensations of pain trickle down my arm as they force me to catch my breath–pain so intense I couldn’t even scream in this moment if I truly wanted to.
Instantaneously rolling over to my rightmost side from the sudden shock, I find myself collapsed once more unto the sandy dune below.
“…”
Apprehensively I look towards my arm…
“M-My arm…”
In both shock and disbelief, I can see a protruding bone extending out unnaturally from my left arm as I stare fixedly at it.
I’m not the most efficient person when it comes to medical diagnoses, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure this one out.
“It’s… definitely broken.”
“So… now what…?”
Letting out a frustrated sigh, my mind begins to ponder these circumstances uncontrollably.
Doing my best to not panic, I try to halt the flow of unnecessary thoughts.
However, It’s to no avail.
“…What’s going to happen to me now?”
“Am I… Am I going to die here?”
“This certainly doesn’t look good.”
“Lost in some unknown desert without a single clue as to how I got here with a broken arm, and from what I can tell…”
“Most certainly losing blood rapidly as well…”
----------------------------------------
After what feels like hours, I could feel my skin begin to prickle, as the surrounding air invasively batters my injured body with a harsh, bitter chill.
As the strength I’ve managed to muster until now begins to fade from my body down to my very fingertips, my voice gradually shrinks away with it.
Intuition tells me that it’s not just because of the temperature.
The wound on my stomach…
It feels like it runs extremely deep as well.
Perhaps whatever caused this wound was laced in some sort of toxin or alchemical concoction of some kind…?
Judging from experience, I’d be willing to bet a thousand Grandium that my abdominal laceration was most likely administered with a sword or dagger–a masterfully crafted blade at that, given how clean the cut actually is.
This somehow pisses me off!
But… why…?
This feeling is somehow perplexing to me–
Maybe it’s just an overwhelming sense of helplessness?
After all, you can’t be equipped for every situation or scenario there is.
Or perhaps this is my pride?
If there’s any pride still left intact that is–
“ARGH! DAMN IT!”
“GET… UP!!!”
Frustrated, unable to filter my emotions any longer, I utilize my working arm to the last remainder of its ability.
However, this proves to be futile.
My feeble attempts to lift my body lead nowhere.
Mustering the last ounce of my strength, I angrily pound at the sand below.
This gesture too, is futile.
I already knew how desperate and pointless this action was.
“…”
It’s no use being rational.
After all, I can’t help but feel intensely frustrated.
----------------------------------------
No matter how hard I try to force myself to stand, I simply can’t accomplish it. The feeling of resignation slowly begins to seep into every pore of my mind. It’d probably be easier just to give up anyway.
But still–
“…”
Relinquishing myself to whatever may come, I allow my body to collapse fully onto the dune below.
As I lay out defeatedly on the coarse sand, my eyes instinctively gaze upwards at the stars once more.
“It’s… beautiful…”
If this is what true beauty is supposed to look like, I can say I’ve finally experienced it.
“H-Hahaha…”
I orchestrate my still working hand upwards at the star-filled sky, as if I’m controlling and organizing pieces on a celestial chessboard.
“How romantic…”
“…”
What a foolish and ultimately pointless notion.
I’m just thinking utter nonsense due to my injuries.
“Honestly… who cares anymore?”
“Hahaha…”
I’m exhausted.
Perhaps it’s fate that’s caught up to me.
Or maybe this is simply atonement for my sins.
For all the pain and death I’ve caused…
Every innocent life I’ve ever taken…
For every life that I couldn’t save…
Especially yours.
I probably deserve this.
----------------------------------------
The longer I remain here, the more my thoughts scream out to me.
Unceasingly they stream out, like a broken dam endlessly spewing without any sign of stoppage to its overwhelming deluge of self-deprecation and doubt.
Soon, this desert… will become my tomb.
My… tomb, huh?
Again, my innermost thoughts assail me relentlessly–
How pathetic.
You’re going to die here.
You’ll be forgotten in this forsaken desert–
Without any recollection of your name…
Without any recalling of your past–
Nor any promise of a future.
An unceremonious end.
“…”
I feel convinced of these words… as if they were fact.
This is truly it.
This is how everything will end.
Who knew that this is how my life would end…?
“…”
Regret, remorse, even feelings of repentance surface in my mind.
Many more numerous feelings begin to spring forth and fill every corner of my thoughts.
Slowly, heavily… my eyes begin to close.
Yielding to my darkest thoughts, I allow the darkness to consume me, hoping that I may fade away along with it.
“…”
“Forgive me…”
“Mother… Father…”
“…”
“Luna…”
----------------------------------------
As I feel my consciousness fade, I sink back into the depths of the darkness that engulf my mind.
Slowly, my thoughts, my will, my desire to live–the desire to keep pushing onwards and persevere all begin to dissolve.
I lose myself beneath the darkness festering within me, as the grasp of time slips away from my very being.
Soon, my senses escape me.
Sensation no longer envelopes my being.
I feel as if I’ve been converted into an ethereal mass of nothingness.
Who knows just how long I’ve been trapped in this illusory figment of imagination and reality?
“…”
“Seriously…? You’re just going to give up?”
“I’m… a little disappointed in you, Mai.”
Huh…?
I hear someone’s voice…
No, that couldn’t be it.
It’s most likely just my conscious speaking to me.
Although that isn’t right to consider either, given that I doubt I have much of a morally intact conscious left either…
This voice though… seems familiar somehow.
It sounds so warm–
So nostalgic…
I focus my gaze within the welcoming veil of darkness deep within me.
It takes some time, but I notice a silhouette standing directly ahead.
The seemingly unknown figure pulls me in with its radiance.
Like a moth to a flame, I find myself drawn towards it, as it begins to call out to me.
“Hey!”
“Mai!”
“How much longer are you going to lay there feeling sorry for yourself, huh?” “This isn’t like you!”
“…?”
That’s right–
I’m… Mai.
At first, I’m a bit disoriented and confused about who this unknown figure is, or why they know my name.
Or, how is it that they’re speaking to me in the first place….?
It’s rather jarring to say the least, I’m not sure what to think anymore, really.
Maybe I should feel a bit annoyed at how familiar and rudely the disembodied voice is addressing me.
Wait.
I recognize who this voice belongs to now–
“L-Luna…?”
There’s no way.
“Hahaha…! Took you long enough!”
“So, what’s the matter?”
It couldn’t be.
“You kinda seem like you’re lost…”
You think?!
“That’s really unlike you! Ahaha!”
“…”
“…Mai?”
I’m utterly at a loss for words.
I can't really figure out why, though.
----------------------------------------
Gazing straight ahead at the woman, whose short flaxen blonde hair and beautiful emerald green eyes stare back at me, her cute and round facial features remind me of when we were maybe a few years younger, in our young adult years.
But none of that matters.
I feel overjoyed despite my confusion, however, at the same time, indescribable sorrow begins to take hold.
There’s a clear, burning sensation in my eyes.
Tears begin to well up uncontrollably.
Before I can control myself, I impulsively run through the darkness ahead of me and embrace Luna.
I physically come into contact with her, embracing her with every ounce of strength I can muster.
Seems I’m not going completely insane just yet.
“W-Wha…?! Mai…! This is embarrassing! Let go!”
Of course I don’t let go. I squeeze her even tighter.
“K-Kggh…!”
Not wanting to let go, I clutch onto her backside, letting the emotional flow of tears fall without a single regard or care.
“H-Hey…! What’s wrong? Why are you crying…?”
I don’t know how to respond.
“I honestly don’t know…”
“B-But… hearing your voice for some reason just…”
Being completely honest…I don’t know why I’m so desperately clinging on to her.
However, Luna responds in the exact sort of way I knew she would.
Smiling, she tenderly embraces me in return.
As I feel her embrace and warmth trace along my back, a sense of relief from her touch, slowly begins to soothe my thoughts.
Not wanting to show her how emotional I am any longer, I finally, albeit reluctantly, let go of her.
Taking a moment to myself, I began to process the significance of what’s happening.
----------------------------------------
With my mind processing the situation deeply, I do my best to wipe my tear soaked face.
While doing so, I notice I don’t feel any sort of physical pain from moments prior, oddly enough.
This entire circumstance keeps conjuring up more questions than answers.
How frustrating!
Still–
I need to keep myself together.
“…Hey, Luna… Can you…”
“Can you help explain to me what’s going on?”
“I don’t even have a clue what’s happening to me right now!”
“Just a few minutes ago, I couldn’t even remember my own name!”
“I can’t even figure out why I woke up in this unknown desert!”
“Why do I no longer feel pain from these wounds, or this broken arm…?”
“This is all so…!”
At first, I felt compelled to call this situation weird–
But that would be a severe understatement.
So much for keeping it together, me.
As a compromise to myself, I decided to choose my words carefully and particularly, to ease a bit of the tension I’m feeling for both of our sakes.
“Weird… right?”
An apt choice of words, you idiot!
I suppose I’m too on edge to compose my words properly.
Continuing to wipe the remaining tears from my eyes, I stare intently at Luna standing in front of me.
“No, not at all! Look, you’ve been through so much…”
“So much more than you give yourself credit for!”
“But of course you’ve always been that way…”
“Always worrying about others and putting them before yourself…”
“Especially me…”
“…”
In her words, I instinctively already knew what she meant without her needing to say anything else.
“Luna…”
“You don’t have to say any more…”
Doing my best to shake off many uncomfortable memories, I focus on Luna as her words reach out to me from this strange darkness.
I can make out Luna’s silhouette as she quivers and shakes while speaking.
“S-Sorry! F-Forget about that! Ahem…”
She clears her throat shortly afterwards, as if to add some kind of dramatic emphasis to her words.
That or it’s an attempt to draw my attention away from her quivering so I wouldn’t notice.
Typical Luna… I suppose some things never change–
You always have to be so cool.
“Mai… I need you to do me a favor and focus.”
She says this while sniffling like a small child.
“Pfft…”
For some reason, I find myself unable to hold in a small chuckle.
“W-What’s so funny?! I’m trying to be serious here!”
Honestly, I don’t have an idea on what exactly is so funny either.
Definitely makes me seem like a hypocrite for laughing at her over something that I just did not too long ago.
It feels like it’s been literal years since I’ve been able to express myself in something as seemingly mundane as laughter.
Regardless… I’d much rather find humor and laughter in this situation than hopelessness and despair.
“Hahaha! Sorry, sorry! This situation is just so strange that I can’t help but laugh… that’s all.”
I’d attribute my fit of laughter to the pure sense of comfort and nostalgia I feel with Luna’s presence in this moment.
At least that’s the best I could justify or rationalize myself.
“Grrgh…!”
I have the urge to laugh again, but I do my best to stifle my laughter.
So as to not annoy Luna any more than I already have…
“If you’re finally done…”
“I need you to listen to me, okay?”
“This is serious.”
…
I can’t help but feel caught off guard and nod in agreement with how serious she’s being.
“R-Right…”
Luna’s sudden shift in tone allows me to compose my thoughts once more–She starts pacing back and forth within the dark void as she speaks.
“I need you to think back to a while ago…”
“Think back to when we were kids.”
“When we… were kids?”
What does she mean?
“Do you… Do you remember?”
“…”
My childhood… is something I’d rather not remember.
Thoughts begin to race uncontrollably within my mind.
Despite the outcome of what’s to come as a result of recalling unsavory memories.
I believe in Luna–I trust in her with every fiber of my being.
So if she wants me to remember… there must be a reason.
There’s a definitive reason for all of what’s been happening.
Calming my mind and steading my heart… I begin to concentrate on my innermost memories.
Soon, I feel myself enter a trance-like state of mind.
Then slowly, my consciousness begins to fade once more.
----------------------------------------
“…”
I can feel my heart beating quickly, as we stand here in this darkness together.
My face feels warm, my hands feel sweaty too.
Honestly, I’m still sort of embarrassed from when we hugged.
Even my cheeks flush red while I stand here, staring straight at the woman standing in front of me.
I gaze at her.
Her sharp, cool facial features, her piercing sapphire blue eyes, long-flowing black hair with a slight bit of midnight-blue that reminds me of the night sky we both saw together in happier times.
It reaches down and seems so flowing and full of life, even in the darkness we’re both standing in.
Right now, she isn’t moving a single inch.
She closes her eyes and looks just like a beautiful doll in some sort of trance.
I wish I had skin like hers.
Or her complexion…
Even now, I’m still kind of jealous.
Geez, why are my thoughts so stupid and flustered at a time like this?
This isn’t the time for anything silly right now, okay me?!
Still, I can’t deny my feelings.
There’s a place and time for that where we can worry about that stuff later.
For now, I’ll be here to watch over you while you… you handle some very difficult things.
Honestly, I wish you didn’t have to go through these things all over again.
But, I can tell–
You don’t remember what happened, do you?
Which… I think right now is better anyway–
Still, I’ll always be here for you!
You’re… going to go through so much.
Once you come back, I’ll be waiting for you…
“You can do it…”
“Mai!”
----------------------------------------