October 21st, 2023

8:34 AM EST

Alastar

Gray.

The world was always gray in the morning.

Alastar couldn’t help but sigh as he stared at his radio clock, waiting for the red numbers to change. Sure he could get up, technically, but he didn’t want to. Sure he had a job to do, he should absolutely be up right now, but he felt complete ambivalence. There was serious depression, and there was depression as it was understood by the average teenager. Than there was this, the mélange that kept Alastar from caring as the minutes went by.

It was in these moments when he missed being a kid. Back when creativity was the norm and he would spend hours imagining dragons flying over the harbor, or staring into the darkness of a corner’s shadow without any idea of what would happen inside of it. It was benign, the thoughts of what life could be if only magic was real, but the adults had called it scary.

Maladaptive daydreams they said. It was a problem, an issue that was a consistent one throughout his life. The doctors and teachers said it wasn’t helpful, that he would ignore everything in favor of the world in his head. In a way they were right, of course, so they decided to drug him.

They put him on a few drugs that would focus him during school they said, keep him focused on one thing at a time. All it seemed to him was that it removed the color from the world. The interesting things that he found so perfect in everyday life, all gone. Just so he could go to school, get a job, become a ‘functioning member of society’.

At 8:45 the alarm finally went off with a loud beep and the playing of music from a classic rock station. Eye of the tiger, how he’d grown to hate that song after all this time. Quickly, Alastar’s heart began to race with adrenaline. After that moment his eyes began to fill with the color of the world as his mind went into overdrive. No longer was he early, now he was late for work.

After taping the snooze button on the clock Alastar jumped up and began to get dressed. Jeans, plain t-shirt, shoes. Sure it might not have looked the most professional, but it felt good to him and his boss didn’t particularly mind. With a grin he grabbed his things and turned his alarm off with another tap, with his leather bag over his shoulder and running down the stairs.

He was out of the apartment at 9:05. Sure that was technically late, but he had more than enough time to get to work. He couldn’t tell his brain that though, as the anxiety of being late was the only thing that kept him getting in on time. Sometimes he thought about how his odd psyche worked, but he couldn’t let himself do so at this moment. It wasn’t worth it.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

The building was one of his favorite parts of his day, even if it was annoying. He had to run down the old metal and marble staircase that steeply lead to the first floor. He was on the fifth, and he both thanked and loathed the staircase for the exercise he got. There wasn’t an elevator in the building, it was old enough that they were not common or safe when it was first being built. Legally, it was just short enough that the government wasn’t requiring it to retrofit one in. It was one of his favorite things about where he lived, knowing the facts about the old building.

A part of him considered staring at the mosaic on the floor as he passed them. They were worn and partially broken, telling a story of the century they had been standing there and slowly replaced over time. To him that was fascinating, everything he could learn just from the little papers he could get from the town offices. Still, he couldn’t stop, he was a man on a mission and he had to get to work quickly.

As he walked out of the building he put his headphones in, putting on an audiobook that kept a portion of his attention focused and allowed him to ignore the loud and annoying noises of the world. It was awful in his opinion, the noise of the world, and sometimes he wished it would all go away. But it didn’t, so the only thing he could do was drown it out with the stories of fantastic authors that he loved. Those who built words into worlds!

At the end of his block he was forced to take his headphones off for a minute, as he stepped up to a cart that contained his favorite person in the whole world. At least, his favorite person for the first 45 minutes of his day. “I’d like an everything bagel with scallion cream cheese, toasted please!” He said in a slightly singsong voice and a grin.

“Black coffee too, right?” The man behind the cart’s counter said, a smile on his face. He was an older man, swarthy and with a lot of hair on his arms, that had a bit of a Greek accent. Alastar was embarrassed that he’d never caught the man’s name, or where he was from, and it was far too late to do so without a crushing level of embarrassment.

“That’s right.” He said, grinning and trying not to think about asking the guy’s name like he did every morning.”

“Good boy.” The man said, not seeming to notice the light shiver that came over Alastar when he said those words. “So, you gonna be watching the Giants game tomorrow?”

“Nah, I’ve never really… Followed sports.” Alastar said with a light tinge of embarrassment.

“Well, I’ll tell ya about it if ya want.” The bagel man said, handing Alastar the coffee and paper bag that held his bagel.

Alastar tapped his phone to the payment dongle, and left embarrassed even further by just thinking about the guy as the ‘bagel man’ in his head.

With a smile Alastar put his headphones back on and closed his eye for a second, before opening them to walk. Back in his little world, as the cold breeze chilled him and he climbed down the stairs into the subway station. Just one more tap of his phone and he was sitting on an old and worn subway bench, thinking about the magic in the books he was listening to and eating his bagel.

Eating it was delicious, he tasted all the ingredients one by one and severed them. Onion, Garlic, poppy seed, and sesame seed. He knew there was more to it than that but he could never pick the rest out. Of course he had to eat it quickly, if he wanted to save it he couldn’t get it toasted. But it was so good that he was satisfied with every bite.

The cream cheese, especially this particular kind filled with scallions that were freshly sliced, was able to kick the bagel into the next level. It was just creamy enough to make it not taste dry, and just enough scallion to compliment the onion garlic flavor.

By the time the train entered the station, Alastar’s bagel was long gone.