I’m sat in a strange bank of fog in the pose of the thinker statue. Like a misty part of the northern moors. Quite a departure from the alley I was previously stood in. I can’t seem to move, or talk, or do anything.

I must be dreaming again. The last thing I remember was… being poked by the scary young girl that fired railguns to overkill massive zombies and crushed Gavin’s head. I guess if I ever wanted overwhelming proof of my isekai I’d say that one was pretty conclusive.

“Fufufufu… I’ll have you know, he died from a curse. And I am two-hundred and two years old, boy.”

Oh shit. She’s here? Of course, she is. Heck, there she is, stood over there. An obscenely crazy beauty; if such petite doll-like women are your thing.

“Charmed, I’m sure.”

Right, so you’re doing me a favour, you said. And this is because I’m a Second Soul, as you called it?

“Correct. I do like boys who are quick on the uptake. No stupid questions like ‘where am I?’, ‘what did you do?’”

Then there is no point hiding anything, I guess. I’ve been in this world for barely three days. I nearly had a traffic accident at the time. Is that why I’m here?

“Mmm… A very amusing hypothesis, but no. Trucks do not have the ability to ferry others across worlds. Nor does going 88 miles an hour allow time travel.”

Oh man, I loved that film. What a shame.

“Strange stories define humanity, do they not? The gods pulled chariots containing the sun across the sky, so one says. We do enjoy them bringing brevity to our otherwise short and depressing lives.”

How sad, though very true.

“In any case, we do not have much time, so as much as I’d like to play a guessing game with you for longer, I will instead enlighten you. You passed a death convergence. A rare moment where both of your selves were in the same place at the same time, in a place where reality was uncertain, and where both had the chance to die.”

I suppose, it’s like hopping train tracks. And I died so I leapt across.

“Fufufu… Technically, you both died. Even with a death convergence, in most cases, it would be the end for you in both worlds, no matter what. But uniquely in your case, you died physically, to your large truck with inadequate braking power. And your other self’s soul died; due to the Fae meddling. He betrayed them. Though for what reason I can only guess. It is why you came to this battle in the first place, yes?”

Figures. A car crash got my parents and a truck got me. At least my soul got the last laugh. And that’s also why the memories of the other me are absent. Jeez; what an idiot the other me must have been! I mean who makes deals with the Fae, really?!?

“Hahahaha! Indeed! Keep that close to your heart and rejoice at your world for having such common sense! In any case, we are actually done here. I have eliminated all vestiges of the prior curse on you and anchored you firmly to this body. Treat your second chance at this life as a privilege, boy. You are truly lucky.”

I am. Thankyou Miss Arch-Mage. You are truly gracious. You are right, I will embrace this chance.

“Mmmm… Gracious? Miss!? Calling me a beauty… Fufufufu… I don’t think anyone has used such favourable terms talking of me to my face in many, many years. I have mind to make you my seventh husband, boy.”

I have to refuse, I’m afraid. I have a girl I seem to have fallen in love with, due to various stupid circumstances. Though if she suddenly divorces me, I’ll keep your offer in mind.

“What a cute boy, thinking that either your opinion, or your marriage to little Lapis would prevent me stealing you if I wanted.”

… … … please let me still be with her, and be gentle with me, if that’s the case.

“FUFUFUFUFU! Ah, that was fantastic! How brave of you! Truly like a Mage Knight of the olden days. In light of that, I suppose I will let you off.”

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Uh. Phew?

“Well, our time is up. You are honestly a good fit for that strange, courageous little girl. Do cherish my great-great-great-great-great-great grandniece, yes? Do tell her the truth about this.”

Oh? I see…

And then everything whites out.

. . .

. . .

I draw in a breath suddenly and cough. It is still somewhat dusty in the air. My head is on a surprisingly soft surface, and Lapis is looking straight down at me, with tears in her eyes.

“Jim! Are you alright?!?” She squeaks.

“I… yes. How long was I out?” I query.

“A few minutes?” She responds. “Her majesty tapped you on the head and you went straight out, and then she left! I was really worried!”

I grab her hand to comfort her.

“I’m good. Thanks for worrying.” I assure her.

It felt like I was talking to the arch-mage for hours, even if there wasn’t much said, I suppose. But all that happened in an instant? Weird. But it’s no weirder than the experience of general anaesthesia, I suppose.

It’s clear that I’m getting the lap pillow treatment for the first time in my life, which is a real privilege I certainly never had from any of my university girlfriends, but it can’t be comfortable for Lapis. She must be kneeling on tarmac. So, I reluctantly let go of her, pull myself up on my knees, and then stand. Lapis then stands up behind me as well.

I then see a tall, handsome man with shoulder length flaxen hair. He turns to me just as he puts his phone away. His eyes are almost purple, with rings of indigo inside, and they are staring at me with some degree of hostility. Uh…

“Right!” Lapis suddenly says, clapping her hands. “Jim, this is my big brother, Jasper.”

Yes, I can see some resemblance. They’re both blessed with wonderful faces, at least.

“Mister Corwin.” He says, his voice cold.

Uh oh. I hope he’s not going to kill me. I’ve not touched your sister too much.

Ahem. Not the time, Jim.

“Sir Myneris. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I bow slightly, showing some deference to my brother-in-law.

I think that was the right move, because he seems to relax slightly, and his frown becomes neutral.

“I wish the circumstances were better for such a meeting, than us standing in the aftermath of her majesty the Arch-Mage’s wrath.” He says.

“Quite so. She was… impressive.” I nod.

He snorts. Is he allowed to do that? Won’t she know?

I swear I almost hear a ‘fufufufu’ in my head again and I shiver.

“Hm, well, I will need to submit a report over the use of Auster Vocare to the Ten-Sided Octagon council. You and Lapis will need to come with me for now.” He says.

“Very well.” I reply.

As I look back at the destruction, I did kind of want to ask if we have to wait for the police to give a report, but I didn’t as that sort of question will really get my ignorance exposed.

“Don’t concern yourself with the aftermath. I’ve already reported it. A clean-up crew will be here shortly.”

“Come on, Jim. Let’s go.” She takes my hand again, and we follow Jasper to a black car.

This is quite a large one with back seats, alloy wheels, and blackout windows that practically screams ‘rich corporate CEO!’ as a further reminder that Lapis and her brother are from wealth.

Although part of me also thinks ‘mob boss’, and that I voluntarily allowing myself to be kidnapped, I will certainly keep that to myself.

. . .

Turns out that the Ten-Sided Octagon HQ was indeed basically the magical police, although they are rather militant and Lapis’ brother Jasper works for them.

So, I spent around an hour in a generic interview room with Lapis, answering questions from another officer who is probably Jasper’s superior. Eventually he leaves, replaced with an older lady to fill in paperwork repeating our testimony, which I complete without fuss.

“Hah… alright, you are free to go. Obviously, given it was magical assault, you acted in self-defence, and you have an affidavit from the Arch-Magister, the incident will be filed as a magical duel, and you are not to be charged with anything.”

‘We have more important things to do now that the Arch-Magister has put a bee in our bonnets.’ Is left unsaid but seems obvious given the testimony I heard from Lapis about the instructions given to Jasper whilst I was unconscious.

We leave the building. Unfortunately, the shopping was a casualty of the battle, but obviously the magic cops were not going to pay for it.

“So, back to the supermarket again, right?” Lapis chuckles. “Can you afford it?” She asks concerned.

I laugh.

“I’m not so poor as not buy as many ingredients for biscuits as my cute wife demands.”

She giggles.

“And when we get back; I’ll tell you everything.” I add, solemnly.