Sleep finally touched Danny. He plopped down heavily onto the unmade stained mattress after Detective Butler and Rain had finally left him alone. He hadn’t bothered to clean up the glass from the coffee table, nor had he bothered to dig the glass out of his skin. He tossed and turned his bruises throbbing dully ,but sleep overtook him.

Danny had dressed simply today. Pressed black slacks and a black button down collared shirt. Style points for the fake gold watch he wore. He was in the back seat of Mark's car.

But aren’t you dead? Danny remembered vaguely with a sickening unshakable feeling of Deja vu rattling him at the core.

In the passenger seat was Sal with his same faded leather jacket and ferret-like features.

The one he died in Danny thought as the hairs on his arms stood up.

Danny was just being paranoid, that was all. Mark had decided on jeans, tennis shoes and a polo shirt. He wore a fake Cuban chain and enough hair pomade to be a fire hazard anywhere near a fucking lighter but he still smoked like a chimney. His hand came up even now with a dart clutched in his hand.

Danny looked outside the window and saw the familiar streets close to Eisenhower which annoyed Danny.

“Wow, hey where you going?”, Danny objected suddenly.

“What? To school. Hey your dumbass could learn something”, Mark said pointing into the rear view mirror with the cigarette .

Danny huffed and leaned forward. “And tell me Einstein, why the fuck would I go to school when I could be making money”

Sal cackled in the passenger seat and said “You don’t got money, none of us do”

“That's why we gotta make money….unless you wanna audition for a grease remake ya fuck”, Danny said with a chuckle.

Sal wagged a finger at him and said “Hey wow, John Travolta dreams he looked this good”

“Yeah in his fuggin nightmares”, Mark shot at Sal with a laugh.

“Fuuck you and drive this thing. Eyes on the road I'm shittin bricks over here. Did you buy your fuckin license; because if you did tell me now and I’ll fucking drive us”, Sal said giving mark a playful punch to the arm.

“Aye I'm fuckin serious, what the fuck are we gonna do at school? Huh? Waste time. And time is fuckin money”, Danny said leaning forward between the seats.

Sal scoffed and said “Look man we can be tried as adults now, not that juvie shit the real deal”, Sal said putting a cigarette between his lips.

Danny scoffed and said “so? Guys like us run shit in there”

Mark gave a sarcastic laugh and shot at Danny “the guys we run errands for run shit, you ya Guinea fuck are gonna be wearing red m n ms’s for fuckin lip stick”, Mark said filling the car with his rumbling laughter.

Sal joined the laughter and said punched Danny playfully and said “hey wear a chastity belt and gloves… so yous don’t go dropping the soap and if you do they can’t get it open any ways”, Sal said Hee hawing like a goddamn donkey

“Fuck both of yous, ain't you tired of being fucking nothing? Fuck that I want it all”, Danny said poking his own chest for the dramatic effect.

Mark looked at the rearview and said “So what just go to Frank all ‘stop blue balling us we can do it’.. Yeah you already know what franks gonna say”

Sal interjected mimicking Franks accent “GET DA FUCK OUTTA HERE!”

Danny raised his hands with a grin “so we find our own work and show Frank we got the guts”

“Wow what the fuck you talking about “, Mark asked flicking his smoke out the window.

“Check it out, yous know Benny? Well he got to running his mouth to Aelia tryna impress her or something and mentions this game some of them got going”, Danny

“Fuuuuck Benny”, Sal said finally lighting his smoke and shaking his head

“Yeah Dan I trust Benny bout as far as I can throw the greasy cock sucker”, Mark said, parking the car in the student lot.

“Guys, I got a feeling ok? Besides If he’s wrong he’s wrong. But what if it ain't bullshit? “, Danny said clapping his friends on the shoulder as he leaned forward between them.

Sal and Mark looked at him but said nothing, he was selling them.

“What kind of money we talking here?”, Mark asked with a greedy glint in his eye.

“10 grand buy in, but Benny was saying the table is nothing but fucking greenbacks half the time”

Sal scoffed and said “yeah to a broad he’s trying to fuck”

“Hey motherfucker! She ain't just any broad you got that?” Danny said more aggressively than he had meant to.

Sal raised his hands with a grin “wow wow, relax will ya? I’m sorry, shit”

“I'm in”, Mark said, putting another smoke in his mouth even though he had already burned three.

Danny looked at Sal and said “a lot of fucking dough split three ways is still a lot of money”

Sal stared at the two of them looking conflicted as he took a drag off of the stub of his smoke.

Mark started bawking like a chicken and that sold Sal.

“Alright alright. Fuck both of yous. I’m in”

“Four ways”, Mark said, lighting the tip of his smoke. “Frank. Remember?”

Danny nodded and looked at Mark and his breath caught in his throat.

Mark’s head was split open like a melon. He was fucking looking at the inside of the kids skull. The smoke dangled off a shattered jaw as blood dripped slowly onto the leather.

“Dan….”, He heard Sal whisper weakly.

Don’t you look at him

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“Look at the tower, Dan. I can’t see the top of it. It’s so beautiful. Look at all the pretty lights”, He said with a sob behind his voice.

Danny turned his head and saw Sal clutching his stomach and writhing. The front of him was a shirt of red as blood seeped weakly from all the gunshot wounds. Blood bubbled at his mouth, and then he stilled. Speaking no more. A strange little smile on his face.

Dany’s eye’s opened to the stained ceiling of the one bedroom apartment. He sat up drenched in sweat and ran his fingers through his thinning hair.

For once Danny was sober. The only time he was sober was when he woke up.

He sighed and covered his mouth with folded hands. He looked at the state of his life around him.

The room was in a state of chaos. Clothes littered the floor and so did garbage. He looked at his night stand and saw his companions from the night before. The jim was empty and a knotted white ball sat next to it.

He picked the 8 ball up and opened it with shaking hands and dumped the powder onto the night stand.

He didn’t bother to chop it and line it up. He went in with a bare nostril to take it all in.

Danny stopped short of the powder. He stared at the powder for an eternity. He wanted nothing more than that confidence. The endless energy, the happiness that came from being on top of the world.

But then he saw Abby walking out that front door. He saw the bloody knees and he thought about the clown. He saw Aelias beautiful face screwed up the way it was when she was worried about him.

It started slowly at first. A burning in his chest. The heat grew slowly until he was engulfed by the heat of his rage.

But he was angry at nobody but himself now.

Danny swiped the powder off of the nightstand sending a shower of snow throughout the room.

‘FUCK YOU’

Danny screamed as he shattered the empty bottle against the wall. He stood there with his hands curled into balls so tight his knuckles were white. He had done this. He had done all of this to himself. He had fucked his own life up. He had never been a good father, not the father Abigail deserved. He drove her away.

My fault

The thought hardened the resolve inside of him. Everything that was happening was a consequence of his own actions. And he only ever had himself to blame. Danny could say honestly he had never experienced a rage so blindingly white hot in his life.

But he didn’t want to hurt anything. He didn’t want to curl up and brood. He didn’t want to do this again. He wanted to change.

Danny looked at the chaos and moved like a maniac. He grabbed a trash bag and cleaned up the remnants of his old self.

He dumped liquor down the drain with a silent rage, He swept up the shattered coffee table.

Lastly he took a shower and put on clean clothes. The only thing that hung untouched in the closet. The only thing in the closet left still clean was the suit.

The suit he had worn to lay Aelia to rest. Black On black. Mourning colors. Danny did not give a fuck. He felt like there was a rocket behind him. Nothing would stop him. If death dared to interrupt him before he was through he would fight tooth and nail to the bitter end to finish this thing before departing the earth.

He wore the suit and looked into the mirror of the tiny bathroom dingy bathroom. The wild tangle of his beard poked out in every direction. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the scissors that were there and took it to the wild tangle of his beard. Strands of hair floated like snowflakes down to the sink, the floor to wherever they would lay.

Danny kept chopping away at the tangle until he had a close crop of hair on his face. Bloodshot eyes stared back at him as the nausea began to grow in the pit of his stomach.

The withdrawals would only get worse he knew but he refused. If he died he died. Fuck the liquor, fuck the coke. Fuck it all. He white knuckled the sink before standing up and walking out of the bathroom.

The next few days were an endless cycle of suffering. He locked the front door and took it all.

The chills and fever made him shiver violently, He dry heaved for lack of stomach contents to vomit up. He didn’t eat because of the nausea and what little water found its way to his stomach came up immediately. He would sweat no matter the temperature, and be cold no matter how hot the room was.

At a few points he couldn’t tell whether or not he was dreaming or if he was alive or dead. His phone would ring and the sound would feel like a hammer to the head. He turned it off after that.

By the fourth day Someone was pounding on his front door. He recognized the voice.

Frank's huffing voice was on the other side.

“Danny open this damn door!”, Frank said, sounding more worried than angry.

Danny giggled manically. He was curled up shivering violently on the couch wrapped in a blanket. He didn’t budge. He didn’t have the strength.

In the end Frank kicked his fucking door in. He heard the crash of the wood and Frank stomped into the living room going off when he saw him.

“You know how many fucking times I calle- Jesus H. Christ we are going to the fucking hospital’, Frank said shocked at the state of him..

He was aware of Frank shaking him but he didn’t have the strength to look up right now.

Danny floated, giggled and shivered violently.

His eyes fluttered closed. He just needed some sleep.

Danny took the street side like the guys said men were supposed to do with the ladies. Aelia looked half a goddess in the evening light even though she was dressed casual in jeans and a sweater. Her golden hair let down for once which touched her slender shoulders and floated lightly with the breeze. They walked back from the theater.

She had insisted on going and seeing Broke Back Mountain. She had told Danny it was a cowboy movie.

Oh it had cowboys in it.

Aelia had cackled with laughter so hard she had to blot tears from her eyes when she saw the reaction Danny had when he realized what the movie actually was.

But at the end of the movie Aelia had actually cried and had started saying “ Ya know it is sad they can’t even get married. Love shouldn’t matter ya know?”

Danny wasn’t going to go admit to his friends that maybe the movie had opened his eyes a little. Hell, what business was it of his anyways who someone loved.

Aelia was still a little weepy from the ending as they walked back to the car.

A car he was fucking proud of.

Brand spanking new 2005 Buick LeSabre.

He opened the door for Aelie and she climbed into the passenger seat before Danny got behind the wheel.

Danny rubbed his hands together and blew into the trying to shake the chill from winter.

“You wanna go somewhere?”. Aelia said with her head back against the headrest turned to look at him.

“Like where?" Danny asked as he turned the ignition.

“Somewhere with a view like in the movie, those mountains were so pretty”, Aelia said with a small smile playing on her lips.

“It's the middle of winter”, Danny objected.

“Winter can be pretty too “, Aelia objected, drawing her knees into her chest as Danny waited for the car to heat up so he could turn on the heat.

“The rock is beautiful Dan, Lets go there”, Aelia said excitedly.

“Aelia, that's an hour and a half drive in good weather”, Danny groaned.

“You saying you don’t wanna be stuck in a warm car with me staring at the countryside?”, Aelia cooed

Danny was sold, he just grinned at her and put the car in drive. Who was he to tell her no?

The drive went by almost too fast. Aelia insisted on hugging his arm so he had to drive one handed. They pulled into a parking lot that sat overlooking the frozen lake. Course they could barely see it in the dark even when Danny flipped the bights on to the Buick.

“Some view”, Danny joked sarcastically as he stared out into the darkness.

Aelia slapped his arm playfully and whined “Nooo look at the stars. ain't they something?”

Danny hadn’t even noticed the thousands of stars, you never got to see stars in the city. The stars glinted prettily against the deep black of midnight. Danny turned the headlights off and looked at them as Aelia snuggled against his arm.

“Besides we’ll just have to wait until morning”, She said.

“How ever will we stay occupied?" Danny asked coyly.

Aelia giggled and crawled over and sat on his lap facing him “I have a few ideas”

Fuck the stars. This was all the view Danny would ever need.