General chat:
Beastman: How long until we can place bets on the tourney?
Yolkb4me: No idea…
ThatDinosaurKid: People on the forums say next week.
Beastman: Sweet, going to put all my silver on the cheater!
Yolkb4me: I have 3 copper. I don’t think I have enough to place a bet.
Stargirl: Just do some quests and you will have enough.
ThatDinosaurKid: I’m not placing any bets until I know his class.
Beastman: Who cares what class he is… He’s level five, dude!
ThatDinosaurKid: What if he got that high from cooking or something?
Sammyggg: I think I know who it is…
Yolkb4me: Who?
Beastman: Yeah, Bullshit Sammy… everyone thinks they know who it is.
Ulberta: I think I read somewhere it was a cook.
Lionfury: LFG empty cave. I can’t seem to find my way out.
ThatDinosaurKid: Hey I just said that…
Sammyggg: He’s not a cook.
Beastman: Oh no. We got ourselves another tinfoil hat in chat!
Sammyggg: I saw him! He can open up portals!
Beastman: Yeah, yeah… I suppose Fanswald is flat as well?
As Desmond walked with a smile on his face, he found himself oblivious to the outside dramas of the world, completely fascinated by the remarkable colours of nature. He had spent his entire life on barren floating rocks devoid of life his entire existence and now found the even the simple act of taking a deep breath exhilarating.
He knew he needed to get stronger. That fact was undeniable, but getting to a point where he wouldn’t get immediately slaughtered in the area was at this stage only a pipe dream.
“Do quests, kill dudes, loot dude!” he repeated the mantra over and over.
As he moved further out through the leafy forest, a flicker of text faintly flashed before him.
REQUIREMENTS HAVE BEEN MET.
“Um, what? Requirements?” he asked.
“Ah, where am I?” asked a voice.
Desmond froze and scanned his surroundings. He was encircled by nature, the beautiful golden and bronze forest of the elves without another soul in sight.
“Hello?” he asked with a tinge of trepidation in his tone.
“Hello!” repeated the voice. It sounded like the voice came from behind him.
Desmond spun around, but yet again there was no one.
What’s going on? A trick? He wondered.
“What are you doing?” asked the voice.
“What am I doing?” It was Desmond’s turn to repeat the words. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing much. What are you doing?” asked the voice.
He wasn’t sure if he should get scared or angry. Desmond gulped as he glanced up. Still no one. He took a tentative step towards the quest destination and waited for a response. But none came.
Desmond sighed with relief and continued to walk cautiously, hopeful that distance would spare him from any unfortunate clash between himself and the invisible trickster.
Maybe it’s a rogue in stealth? The thought sent a shiver down his spine. There’s no one out here so he could easily kill me with no witnesses.
“Where are you going?” asked the voice.
Shit! Where are you!
Desmond could feel his heart pounding as he realised the voice's destination hadn’t changed. It had kept pace with him. So, he spun around and flailed his limbs, trying to capture the invisible player as fast as he could. But as he lunged, he only nabbed thin air.
“What the heck was that?” asked the voice.
Feeling foolish, Desmond said, “okay!” he huffed impatiently. “Who are you and where are you?”
“Who are you? And I don’t know!” replied the voice.
“I’m Des… I mean I’m Ph0en1x!”
“Des?” asked the voice.
Desmond froze. He didn’t mean to say his real name, but it just slipped out. “No, I’m Ph0en1x!”
“All good Des, well anyway where are you going?”
Desmond sighed. “To go save a farm from vermin.”
“Ooh exciting! Let’s go!”
“Go? Who are you?”
“Ah, well. I guess introductions are in order,” he said, clearing his voice. “Well met human! You have found yourself basking in the presence of none other than Nigel!”
“Nigel?” Desmond asked, as his mind reeled. What the fuck?
“Exactly!”
Desmond took a deep breath and focused on calming himself.
“Um, Nigel. I don’t want to be rude. But where are you exactly?”
“On your hip dumbass!”
Desmond glanced down. “No, It can’t be…”
He took his wand in his hand and quickly examined the weapon.
Soul Wand: Nigel.
Unknown.
A long time ago, Nuecus the Thaumaturgic trapped a soul within a wand.
Ever since, he was far too frightened to use it and left it in his laboratory.
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
Damage: Unknown/Unknown.
Bonus stats: Unknown.
Sell value: Unknown.
Quality: Unknown.
Durability: Unknown.
“You’re my wand?” Desmond asked confused.
“A wand? That bastard turned me into a wand! I was supposed to be a sword!”
Desmond flicked the soul wand, emitting the familiar magical power at a nearby rock, sending it scooting across the floor.
“Ah!” Nigel exclaimed. “Do that again.”
Desmond looked confused as he flicked the wand at a different rock.
“Nice,” Nigel said in a daze. “Still, I wish I could be something other than a pointed stick that sent blobs of magical goo at things.”
“Why did you suddenly wake up?” he asked.
“Hmmm, I probably was under some sort of spell to keep myself asleep in the tower. Since I’m obviously not in that tower anymore, it's safe to say that if there was any spell cast on me, its effects have worn off.”
“Um, okay?”
“Well then! As us said let’s go save that farm!”
Desmond fought to contain his confusion as he took slow steps towards the farm with his now talking stick. He hoped that whoever this Nigel person was, that he would be of use and not a hindrance in his quest for power.
As he walked through the forest in silence, he could make out the faint sounds of chatter beyond the line of trees ahead. There he presumed was the farm and indeed the vermin he was tasked with eliminating. As he weaved through the trees, his eyes chanced on the wide scope of the quest.
“Well, fuck me…” Nigel said.
“Shhhh!” Desmond demanded in a hushed tone. “Don’t provoke them!”
On the quiet little farm, with a nice red barn and a field for ploughing, was a sea on tiny little critters. Desmond glanced above their heads but with the sheer number of them their text information overlapped, turning the readable text into a mash of letters.
“What are they?” Desmond whispered to his wand.
“No idea, wait that one’s talking.”
“Greeting one and all to the first meeting of the Superior World Annihilation Plan!” said a tiny voice. It came from a creature no bigger than Desmond's finger, with scaley green skin, large, pointed ears and a long, crooked nose. “It is time to plan out our plan to kill everything according to a plan.”
“There like tiny little goblins,” Desmond whispered. Some were green, while others were purple.
“Yeah, but they sound stupid,” Nigel added.
On the other side of the farm, a purple creature spoke up. “Welcome my brothers to the initial assembly of the Domination Republic Of Pixiegoblins. Her we will discuss our future endeavours to enslave the mortals of the land of Fanswald!”
“Yuck! What’s going on here?” Nigel asked.
“I think this is a… Political rally?” Desmond wondered.
“Yuck,” said Nigel. “No wonder I feel sick.”
The green creatures, who Desmond presumed were also Pixiegoblins seemed to move slowly towards the green speaker while the purple one moved towards their own colour. As the two colours parted, Desmond spotted the skeleton remains of what he presumed to be the old man’s cat.
“Poor thing,” commented Desmond. The poor creature had obviously been chained to the ground, then eaten alive.
“Today!” spoke the green leader. “Today, marks the first day of triumph, we will march through these lands and take control of the entire world! Just as we have conquered this city!”
“City?” Desmond whispered. “This is just a ratty old farm.”
“Ha!” spoke up the purple Pixiegoblin. “Conquer the city? Was it not the glorious warriors of the Domination Republic Of Pixiegoblins who took the keep!”
“How dare you!” shouted the green leader.
“How dare you!” shouted the purple one.
“Yep, these guys stupid,” Nigel said.
As Desmond watched, the sea of purple and green heads bobbed to their leaders like braindead zombies, listening unquestionably to their idiotic leaders. He couldn’t help but agree with his talking stick.
“We have the bravest Pixiegoblins!”
“No, we do. Yours are dumb cowards!”
“How dare you!”
“How dare you!”
“You know what, enough of this!” Desmond shouted as he made himself visible to the two giant congregations. “You little shits, get off this farm!”
Hundreds of tiny little heads turned in his direction, then spun towards their respective leaders for answers.
“How dare you!” the two leaders said as one, but this time the sentiment was directed towards Desmond. “Attack the human!”
Without hesitation, the tiny creatures charged forward with a fierce battle cry, unmistakably demanding bloodshed. Yet, for some strange reason, the tiny warriors wielded no weapons.
“Oops!” Nigel said as Desmond took a step back, trying to avoid the sea of green and purple.
"Shit!" Desmond found himself surrounded by thousands of tiny Pixiegoblins, all poised to attack his feet. In his frantic attempts to escape the politically charged creatures, he accidentally stepped on one of them. Instantly, the tiny attacker burst into a cloud of glitter that disappeared into thin air.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Gain exp.
A tiny voice cried out, "Noooo!" from below, causing Desmond to flinch. In his flinch, he accidentally trampled the poor, screaming creature with a single step.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Gain exp.
“Hang on,” Desmond said calmly and stamped his feet many times.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Gain exp.
“Haha!” Nigel burst out laughing. “What is this madness?”
“Attack!” shouted the green leader.
“No! Kill!” shouted the purple leader.
The two leaders stared at each other and pointed their fingers at one another.
“How dare you try to take command!”
“How dare you!”
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
“Shut up! I give out the orders!” Shouted the purple leader.
“No, I do! Attack the Purple ones!”
The confused green Pixiegoblins ran from under Desmond's feet and charged towards their purple counterparts. Within a matter of seconds, the entire farm turned into a pitched battle of madness.
“Well, I wanted to farm EXP. And I guess a farm is where you do farming stuff,” Desmond said confused. “I wonder…” his voice trailed off as he searched his player history. “Only 0.25%?”
His finger drifted over the sea of green and purple, realising the sheer number of creatures would add up quickly. “Well, I guess I better get to work.”
“What are you going to do?” asked Nigel.
“Going to save the world from two armies at once.”
“I don’t think they would pose much of a threat.”
Desmond shrugged, thinking exp was exp, then ran forwards. With each step, he gained a few more points of experience, filling the air with momentary clouds of glitter as he danced. Within a minute, he heard a chime of sounds as the customary text flashed up.
Gained EXP.
BING!
“Ph0en1x has gained a level!”
“Woot level 6!” Desmond cheered as he eyed the battlefield. “But there’s so many more of them!”
“Keep stamping to save the world!” Nigel said, sounding clearly amused.
Desmond shrugged again, feeling a twinge of guilt for his relentless farming. However, the thought of the arena came to his mind, and his determination strengthened.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Defeated level 1 Pixiegoblin.
Gain exp.
Desmond continued stamping his feet repeatedly, sweat running down his forehead, and his feet stinging from the impacts. Amidst the sparkly clouds, he decided to speed up the process by running around in circles. While he tirelessly worked, the purple and green Pixiegoblins remained fixated on each other, completely ignoring the giant figure decimating their numbers with every passing second. They seemed too preoccupied in their own petty squabbles to notice the true threat among them.
BING!
“Ph0en1x has gained a level!”
“This is seriously overpowered.”
“This is seriously disturbing,” replied Nigel.
Desmond couldn't help but share the sentiment, but the image of the poor farmer's cat haunted him. What had the innocent fur baby done to deserve such a painful fate? This thought fuelled his determination, and he pressed on, even when only a few tiny creatures remained.
As soon as he stamped on the final two leaders a message popped up.
BING!
“Ph0en1x has gained a title!”
Title: Genocider.
Granted for Killing every single creature of a certain race. (Pixiegoblin)
Increases damage done to magical creatures by 15%
Magical creatures now fear you.
“Oh, now you’ve done it!” Nigel said, clearly berating him, yet sounding impressed.
Desmond sighed. He didn’t mean to be so forceful but what other choice did he have? He quickly checked his status and assigned his points to intelligence once again.
Character sheet: Ph0en1x [Title: Genocider]
Health points 53/53 Mana 80/80
(level seven) EXP 11.55%
Class: PortalSmith
Stamina: 8
Strength: 7
Agility: 9
Wisdom: 11
Luck: 2
Charm: 9
Dexterity: 9
Intelligence: 22
Equipped items: Elvish village garb
Soul Wand: Nigel
Olden Ring of Time
Location: Old Man’s Farm
As he stared at his stat sheet, the realization that he had reached eighty mana filled him with pride. Now, all he needed to do was figure out a proper attack strategy, and his plan for fighting in the arena would be complete.
General chat:
Beastman: Holy shit! you seen the rankings?
Yolkb4me: What you mean?
Beastman: The cheating guy's level seven! He jumped up two levels in ten minutes!
ThatDinosaurKid: NOW WAY!??
Stargirl: Yep betting on that guy
Yolkb4me: How?
Beastman: no idea
Sammyggg: I seriously think it’s the portal guy…
Beastman: Cmon man be realistic! There's no portal class.
Sammyggg: Gimmie a sec I’ll post his stream.
Beastman: …
Stargirl: …
Yolkb4me: …
Lionfury: Does anyone have any spare copper? I need one to buy a map.
Ulberta: ...
As Desmond looked around the empty farm, unaware of the forces at play beyond his reach, he felt something strange pulling at him. A notification appeared in his inventory, catching his attention. It floated over the orb of purity, which started glowing brightly, almost as if it held a big secret.