Have you ever wondered about what you want to be in life?

I have. And I had thought deeply about it for many years.

When I was in high school, my parents would always nag me about what would I take once I graduated Highschool.

I would always tell them that I haven't decided yet.

I would always be happy and smile despite me knowing that I haven't planned out my future.

But I knew that all it would take for me was to choose a path

Yet I can't. Was it because I cannot do so? Was it because I think too much?

No, I simply lacked the motivation to do so.

I never wanted to try hard. Why?

Because when I do, everything falls apart. I tried to become the best, yet everyone failed me.

But when I did nothing, everything would just seem to be alright.

That's why in the end, I didn't choose anything.

And before I knew it, I just became someone who couldn't try to do aim higher.

It was all because I was scared at my own failure.

But that was fine. My family still loved and supported me and my friends were always there.

But even with their support, I could not try to be higher.

And before I knew it, I became stuck like this for many years.

I was an office worker. My company wasn't that bad like other black companies but it wasn't a grandiose one either. It was simply average in today's standard

My performance was also average at best. In other words, I was just an ordinary office worker.

Did I aim to seek higher? Not really.

Too much work, Too much interactions, Too much time wasted.

That wasn't meant for a lazy person like me.

I go to work at 7 am and I leave at 6 pm. When I go home, I always stop at the grocery to buy ingredients and cook for myself and go to sleep.

It wasn't sad nor happy. Just satisfactory.

At break times, I'd always watch anime or read manga. In other words, I was an Otaku.

But it's not like people care either because I didn't even openly admit that I was one.

In my holidays, I would often see my friends and hang out. And a girlfriend is out of the question.

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For me, it was a good life. I didn't see that high nor stoop down so low. Just in the middle of those.

It didn't bother me that much nor did I think deeply into it.

But I have to admit that I'm a boring person. And that's something that I am even proud of.

I don't have annoying colleagues who acted like I'm a pushover, No women who tried to flirt with me (and I think that no one would ever do that)

No one will approach me unless they needed something from me. Which was rare for most of the times.

And that's also the reason why I died in the first place.

On a snowy night, we went drinking with my colleagues at a local bar and found myself very drunk. On these days when work was tough, I'd always treat myself with liquor to relieve my stress.

And today was one of the worst.

My colleagues were already dead drunk anyways so I left early because I wasn't feeling that well..

"Cold..."

I was rubbing my two hands together to warm myself because I left my jacket in the office when we went out.

The sudden snowing was partially to blame for all of this.

My mind was fuzzy at that time so I can't remember anything but I recalled walking to a certain direction.

Then when I realized it, I was already here at the bridge lying down on the side road.

"Why am I here exactly...?"

When I looked around, I saw no signs of people.

I must have passed out huh?

I felt my whole body shiver because of the cold that enveloped my body. How long was I even out?

I tried to get up and I almost tripped because the road was slippery. Thank goodness there was a railing there that I immediately grabbed on.

To be honest, I'm feeling really numb right now because of the cold and I was still dizzy because of earlier. I tried to re-assess myself and reached out for my phone first.

I noticed that it wasn't there and I frantically searched through my pockets but then I saw it lying on the ground.

When I tried to reach for my phone that was on the ground, My foot slipped.

I fell on the ledger and my back received the blow

I tried to regain balance again but I was too dizzy to realize what happened afterwards.

My back bent over the ledger and I found my whole body falling off the bridge.

I tried to hold on to the edge but it proved to be slippery.

Along with that futile attempt, my grip was slowly being released.

And before I even knew it, I was already falling down.

I couldn't comprehend what was happening in front of me.

I knew that I was going to die.

When they say that your life flashes between your eyes, you'll remember the most memorable moments you have.

I didn't have any. Was it because I was normal? No.

It was simply because I never tried.

With that thought in my mind, I felt a sharp pain in my head.

I fell down and hit my head. Although my head didn't twist, It happened very fast.

My head was now bleeding and I knew that there was a large crack on my skull.

It hurts very much that my tears tried to fall down.

Yet on the cold hard ground, I could feel my consciousness slowly fading away.

It was the end for me. No exaggerations, just the pitiful end.

No one would come looking for me.

But at that time even when I was dying, I was upset at myself.

That flashback that happened opened up my old wounds.

And for the first time in my adult life, I began regretting something deeply.

I regretted myself for being a coward.

If I had just tried myself then I wouldn't be someone who's afraid of failure.

At that point, I was looking blankly at the winter sky. I couldn't move my body.

But at that time, my mind was determined.

I don't believe in things like reincarnation but...

If it does exist, then I hope that I could live a life where I tried.

Because at the end of my stupid life, I have never tried to do anything. That's why I'm a failure.

Even if it seems like a last ditch attempt to correct what I did in the past

I want to try again and I'll swear that I'll never run away from my regrets and failures.

"As if that would happen..."

And those were the last words I have uttered before I disappeared in this world.