How long had it been since then?

About a month and a week or so. Ever since i started dating the first person i truly became friends with.

Im not sure if i regret it or not. I never got the chance to truly fall in love with someone, or to get to define what it means to "like" someone.

But... Yuuko-senpai said she loved me. And that she'd treasure me. Surely that's enough of a reason to tell her yes, right?

I mean... im not sure. It just happened, i guess? We didn't have any deep conversations... and we don't know much about each other.

Sure, Yuuko-senpai is attractive. But i can't be judging someone just because of that?

The more that i think about it... the more that i realize i don't even know why im dating Yuuko-senpai.

We used to talk pretty frequently the first weeks, and i couldn't say that i wasnt happy while talking to her.

But now... i barely get to see her.

She doesn't text me very often, and she's always busy doing something.

Im being a good girlfriend by being understanding, and not making any trouble for her, right?

I feel frustrated because i wanted to learn to love her and i've been giving it my all to do so since we started dating.

But she already feels far away. I don't know anything about her. I don't know what she likes. All that i know is that she's my girlfriend.

Even so... are all of these things that frustrate me what i'd want about my lover?

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I thought back, to the conversation i had with the other girl that i've been recently thinking about.

"—Ever since we spoke on the beach. You're very sincere compared to me, and i don't know, it just dragged me in."

If i think about her the same way... her actions actually match her words. When i speak to her... she's always there. She's not like Yuuko-senpai. She's a lot more patient. She listens to me very patiently, the few times i have to speak to her from my heart

. And she can always guess pretty closely to how i feel about things.

We're pretty similar, if i think about it. But she's a really terrible liar. I hate liars more than anyone.

Yet... i can't say that Mizuno-senpai has ever lied to me like she lies to other people.

She's always fragile when she's with me. To the point where i can hardly believe this is the senpai everyone gossips about or admires.

She always looks like she's on the verge of breaking down. Every time that i scold her... her eyes narrow from the guilt. She also has a habit of deeply apologizing for a lot of stuff she shouldn't. And i always like to remind her that it's okay, and that she hasn't done things wrong.

I always have a lot to say about Mizuno-senpai. I know her really well, despite knowing her for slightly less time than Yuuko-senpai.

Is it like this, how i was supposed to talk to Yuuko-senpai this entire time?

I tried, and i tried but no matter what, Yuuko-senpai doesn't even bother. She doesn't even try to understand me, or to pay the same attention that Mizuno-senpai does to me.

Mizuno-senpai always feels really close to my heart, and she always knows what to say when i need it. I've never even been close to feeling that about Yuuko-senpai. No matter how many times we've walked holding hands... or how many times i've hugged her thinking i'll eventually feel something... my heart doesn't beat the same way it does when i talk to Mizuno-senpai.

And my words, they never feel as unfiltered as they do when i speak to Mizuno-senpai.

It just feels like my heart does the talking for me when its to her. And when Yuuko-senpai does it... i have to think really hard.

I don't know what im doing. I don't want to be with Yuuko-senpai anymore. She's never felt like a lover to me.

Im not sure what i really want... but i really want to reach Mizuno-senpai's slightly injured heart.

I dont mean to intrude... but i really want to be somebody she can rely on. If i don't start now... im gonna lose touch.

Because i know this pitiful act of a relationship is causing her pain... and im always too afraid im going to freeze up if i mention it.

I really wonder... can i try to be somebody you could love?